The Mindset Mentor - Goals… You're Doing Them Wrong

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast, the number one mindset podcast in the entire world. Thanks to you guys out there that are listening and always sharing this. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want to grow even more, I just created a video training on how to get better at journaling. If you want that absolutely free, go to mindsetmentorjournal.com.

Starting point is 00:00:35 And with that, you'll also get 15 days of daily emails sent to you with journaling questions to help you learn and improve and get better at journaling. So once again, it is mindsetmentorjournal.com. Today, we're gonna be talking about your goals and we're going to be talking about how, you know, goals are great, but they're very, very flawed. And mind you, I've been coaching people now about 18 years. And what I just realized a few years ago was the problem with them. So for me, for 15 years, I was doing it wrong.

Starting point is 00:01:08 And I'm going to tell you what I did wrong and how you can not do them wrong because they're completely flawed more than anything else. And what I used to do is I say, hey, you know what I'm going to do? And I would work with somebody and I'd be like, hey, let's write down your 10 year goal. And people get excited about a 10 year goal. But the problem with that is that it seems so far away that for some people, especially a process-driven mind, it can actually be very demotivating because they don't think about just today. They think about all 3,650 days in the process of exactly what needs to be done in order to get themselves to their goal in 10 years as if they have to do all of it today, right? For some of you process-driven people, you know what I'm talking about.

Starting point is 00:01:45 It's paralysis by analysis. And so what we're gonna talk about today is we're gonna talk about the difference between process of your goals versus outcome of your goals. We want the outcome of our goals. We want to, you know, if we're like, hey, I want to have a multimillion dollar business, that's the outcome that we want.

Starting point is 00:02:04 We want the outcome, but what we need to have a multi-million dollar business. That's the outcome that we want. We want the outcome, but what we need to focus on is the process. And we need to create goals around the process as well. And so what we really need to do is we need to create goals with the focus of what it is that we need to do every single day to get us to that outcome. And I wrote about this in my

Starting point is 00:02:25 book. And if you buy my book now, I get paid nothing for it. So I just think you should buy it because I think it's really good because I put three years and 16 rounds of edits into it. But I talk about this in my book. My book is called Level Up if you want to buy it. It's wherever books are available, you can buy it. I talk about the difference between action-based goals versus results-based goals. Action-based goals versus results-based goals. Results-based goals are when I lose 10 pounds, I'll be where I want to be. That is a results-based goal. When I make a million dollars in my business, then I'll be where I want to be. Those are both results-based goals. The result, losing 10 pounds, the result,

Starting point is 00:03:06 making a million dollars. And those are fine. Those are great. And I did it for years. That's what I focus on. But what we need to focus on and we need to create around those are action-based goals. What action do I need to do today in order to get me closer to losing those 10 pounds? to do today in order to get me closer to losing those 10 pounds? What action do I need to do today in order to get me closer to making that million dollars in my business? What actions do I need to take that are in alignment with where I want to go? And I need to act in alignment with the type of person that I need to be. You know, you want your actions to reflect the type of person that you want to become. And the reason why I have an entire chapter in this in my book, it is actually chapter 12, is because we need to, when we figure out what our goals are, our outcome-based goals,

Starting point is 00:03:56 our results-based goals, then we can create action-based goals around them. And then we tap into something in our brain that's called the dopamine reward system. And so what is dopamine? Most people think that dopamine is a feel-good chemical in the brain. Dopamine usually is categorized with serotonin as the feel-good chemicals in your brain. But dopamine is actually the chemical of motivation. It is a very external-based chemical, which is, I got dopamine. I want to do whatever it is that I need to do in order to get more dopamine. Serotonin is a chemical of here and now. Grateful for what you have. Dopamine is a chemical of more. If you look at the most addictive drugs in the world, they're all dopamine, I think the way you pronounce it is dopaminergic based drugs. And And so which means like if you look at like cocaine, for instance,

Starting point is 00:04:47 when someone does cocaine, their dopamine goes up by about 250%. And when it drops, guess what? They want more dopamine. And so we all are in some sort of way addicted to dopamine. When you check your phone, you get hit with dopamine. When you, you know, your team wins the game or scores a touchdown, you get hit with dopamine. When your team wins the game or scores a touchdown, you get hit with dopamine. When you celebrate yourself, you get hit with dopamine. It is the chemical that's released when we get excited about something,

Starting point is 00:05:13 when we celebrate something in some sort of way. And that's really one common trait that we all have. And when you look at common traits, for instance, I always think back, whenever I see someone who is an incredible achiever, I'm always like, what's common? What are they doing? What makes them different than other people? One of the common traits that I see among the greatest achievers in our lifetimes, people like Kobe Bryant, people like Michael Jordan, people like the greatest CEOs that are out there. They work really hard. They're dedicated. They're obsessed. All of those are definitely true. But more than anything else, I think they fell in love with the

Starting point is 00:05:56 process. And they fell in love with how the process of going to create something made them feel. the process of going to create something made them feel. And I know people are always like, I know someone who's worth about $4 billion and he works harder than almost anybody else that I know. And people are always like, why don't you stop working? And the thing is, he never did it for money. He loves the process of waking up, creating something and building something every single day. That's what gives him dopamine. And so it was never about the money. The money was just a byproduct of the, of the fun that he was having by building. Right. And so the most successful people that we look at the greatest achievers are usually people that just love the process. They like doing what they're

Starting point is 00:06:39 doing. People who don't understand are like, well, if you're so rich, why don't you just retire? Because it was never about that in the first place. They get joy a lot of times from actually going and creating something and achieving something. And so most of us don't know, but when you look at someone like Kobe Bryant, who I read about inside of my book, he developed a dopamine reward system that was attached to the process. And so I'll talk more about that. But what is a dopamine reward system that was attached to the process. And so I'll talk more about that. But what is a dopamine reward system?

Starting point is 00:07:08 It is a way to get your brain to release some dopamine after you accomplish a task that is part of your process. So instead of focusing on an outcome, you know, a results-based goal, if we focus on a process-driven goal, a process-driven goal means that we could get dopamine, which our brain loves and our brain wants to get more of, multiple times today versus when I lose 10 pounds in four months. And so in the context of a dopamine reward system, dopamine is released in response to a rewarding or pleasurable stimuli. The good thing about rewarding or pleasurable stimuli

Starting point is 00:07:46 is that those both are completely subjective. They're completely up to you. And when your brain releases dopamine, it signals to the brain that the behavior that led to the reward should be repeated in the future. So let me say that again. When your brain releases dopamine and the dopamine signals to the brain that the behavior that just happened, that whatever caused that reward should be repeated in the future. And so it's really important to understand this because when you look at dopamine, dopamine reinforces the neural connections that were involved in the behavior of whatever it is that you just did, making it more likely that the behavior is going to be repeated in the future. And so this is the problem with results-based goals versus process

Starting point is 00:08:36 based goals, right? So the problem with the results-based goal is I don't release dopamine until I achieve my goal. If my goal is months down the road or years down the road, my brain's not releasing dopamine, which means that I'm not following in the process, which means that I'm not going to, it's going to make it harder for me to show up the next day. And it's, you know, that could be years down the road until I achieve that goal. I know I've, I have felt this way in building my business. I will not be happy until we get to this. I will not celebrate myself until. And so it's not motivating you because it's not releasing dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical of motivation, the chemical of wanting more. So this is why action

Starting point is 00:09:16 based goals are more important than results based goals. Sure. You know, you could say, I want to lose 10 pounds. That's great. But if you wait until you lose 10 pounds until you release dopamine, you'll probably give up before you lose those 10 pounds. But if you create an action-based goal around it, which is every day, I just need to do some form of movement. That could be yoga. That could be running. That could be going for a walk.

Starting point is 00:09:41 That could be going to the gym. That could be lifting heavy. And then every single time that I do it, then I will celebrate myself. I will be excited about myself. I will say, congratulations, you're doing such a great job. I'm so proud of you. Just that little bit of celebration, no joke, this is literally found by scientists and psychologists, that just that little bit of celebrating yourself releases dopamine, which makes you want to do it again because the action that happened before the brain released dopamine is actually starting to get hardwired because the brain wants to get more and more dopamine. And so this is why

Starting point is 00:10:14 action-based goals are way more important, to celebrate immediately while you're doing it because the dopamine and releasing dopamine means you're more likely to do it again. And so it's not about achieving the goals. What is more than anything else, it's about falling in love with the journey. And so we're trying to trick our brain into falling in love with the journey. And if you fall in love with the journey, guess what happens? You'll eventually achieve the goal that you want to. There's many people that I know that were overweight.

Starting point is 00:10:42 I have one friend specifically who is 100 pounds overweight, and she loves working out now. She was way overweight, and now she loves working out. The act of working out, because she showed up for herself, she showed up for herself, she released dopamine, she celebrated herself, she liked the way that she looked in the mirror, she was getting a little bit better, and she started to become a little bit addicted to the process. And now she wakes up at four o'clock in the morning

Starting point is 00:11:05 and wakes up before her kids wake up and works out every single morning. She lost a hundred pounds. And so she fell in love with the process and in falling in love with the process, the results ended up coming. So instead of saying, I'll only be happy when I hit the goal, it's like, I'm going to celebrate myself. I know I'm going to consciously celebrate myself so that my brain will release dopamine and I will want to fall in love with the process and do it more often. And you make the goal, okay, I'm gonna lose 10 pounds. And then you just focus on the actions that you need to take. The results don't really matter. What matters is the actions that you need to take, right? Because we have problems, and this is why it's really important for you to understand,

Starting point is 00:11:44 we have problems as humans with delayed gratification. We want everything now, but that's not how the world works. Everything great takes time, but we can hijack the system and give us instant gratification now for things that won't happen for a while. And so if you're saying, well, I only want, I just want to, you know, I'd rather eat a pizza right now versus working out. Well, pizza is going to release some dopamine. You're going to start loving that pizza, right? But you could also say to yourself, I'm going to work out. I'm going to celebrate myself. And it's also been found that if you have a tiny piece, like just one square of chocolate after a workout, it also releases dopamine,

Starting point is 00:12:21 right? Like don't eat an entire candy bar, but we can hijack the system and give ourself instant gratification from the dopamine by celebrating ourself. And we're celebrating ourself after doing the thing that we needed to do, the action that will get us closer to our goals. And so, you know, if you look at that, you can say, oh my gosh, like humans are not good with instant, we're not good with delayed gratification. We prefer instant gratification. Okay.

Starting point is 00:12:48 Can I give myself instant gratification right now? I can. When you look at something like delayed gratification, you go to the gym. Now you see results months down the road, go to college for four years. Then you get a degree. That's four years down the road. And then you save for retirement and you retire in 20, 30 years. Those are both delayed gratification. Instant gratification, you know, you really just think about it and you're like, okay,

Starting point is 00:13:15 I'm getting rewarded right now for what it is that I want. A lot of times the problem is that we are wanting a reward immediately that doesn't line up with our long-term goals. Can we reward ourself immediately by taking an action right before that reward that lines up with our long-term goals? You know, with delayed gratification, the reward comes way later on down the road. And it makes it easy to give up

Starting point is 00:13:40 because it's like, well, you know, I got to work so hard to lose these 10 pounds. It's so far down the road to lose these 10 pounds. An immediate reward isn't going to happen just from going to the gym. You're not going to wake up and you're immediately going to have abs. But the immediate reward is you celebrating yourself. It's looking yourself in the mirror and saying, I'm so proud of you for doing this. This is amazing. And hey, I got you a little tiny piece of chocolate. Go ahead and eat this piece of chocolate. And then your brain releases dopamine and you go, hey, you know what? I kind of like that. I'd like to do that again tomorrow.

Starting point is 00:14:14 Habits become easier when you can find pleasure in doing them. They become really hard if you have to force your way to do it. I've forced my way to habits many, many years and it's really hard to do. But when you can enjoy your way there, it makes it so much easier to create habits. And it can be as simple as just being proud of yourself for showing up and taking a step in the right direction. And a lot of times doing things that you really didn't want to do. And so it sounds insane. I get it. It sounds like, oh my gosh, I can just celebrate myself. And I start falling in love with the process. It sounds like something woo woo and way out there, but it's actually based in science. There's multiple books that are written about this. B.J. Fogg, who is a professor at Stanford, wrote a book called Tiny Habits.

Starting point is 00:14:54 And so it just shows that the process of actually figuring out how to create habits, how to develop a dopamine reward system, how to celebrate yourself. And with that dopamine reward system, it will make you more likely to show up tomorrow. And so the problem with our goals is that we focus too much on the future. And that future could be, like I said, in the very beginning of this podcast episode, let's sit down and write your 10 year goal. But 10 years is 10 years from today. It seems way too far away is what I found.

Starting point is 00:15:24 So it's like, how can we celebrate today? How can we celebrate today? How can we celebrate multiple times, 20 times a day? Instead of celebrating yourself after you get done with the gym and you get done with your workout, celebrate yourself after every single set that you do. And then you get dopamine 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 times during a workout. After the workout, it makes you more likely to show up the next day. And so what it comes down to is, yes, you definitely want long-term goals. You definitely want to create new year's resolutions. You definitely want to have a five-year goal, a 10-year goal, all of that. But what you really

Starting point is 00:15:57 need to do after developing the results-based goal is to find an action-based goals. And then you figure out what are those goals that you need to have for today that need to be done today, multiple times today that I can have an opportunity to celebrate myself. Because if I can have an opportunity to celebrate myself, I can actually have an opportunity to get myself addicted to the process. Yes, this is possible to become addicted to the process of what I need to do that will eventually get me two years down the road achieving my goals. So that is a new way to create goals. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So I greatly, greatly appreciate every single time

Starting point is 00:16:41 that you share it and allow more people who have never heard of it before to actually find it again. So if you'd share it, I would greatly appreciate it. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Goals… You're Doing Them Wrong

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