The Mindset Mentor - How to Ask for Help

Episode Date: April 29, 2021

Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do for many people. In this episode, Rob and Dean talk about how to ask for help and why some of the most successful people in the world ask for help in everything they do. Register for our Zoom conversation with business owners here: http://zoomconvo.com/ Please only register for this free conversation if your business is currently doing over $100k in revenue per year. Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And today is Thursday, which means that it is the business edition of the Mindset Mentor, which means I'm also joined by my best friend and co-host, Dean DeVries. Dean, what's going on, buddy? It is going amazing. We're here in the studio here in LA. Got some studio vibes today. We're doing good. Ready for today. Yes. And today we're going to be talking about the number one thing that I noticed and learned from a mastermind event that I was at this past week. And so Dean's also part of a mastermind as well. And the mastermind that I'm in, everybody

has a business that's doing anywhere between $2 million up to over a billion dollars in sales per year. And just to be fully transparent, in order to join this, it's over six figures to join this mastermind. Don't say that to brag in any sort of way. Dean's part of a mastermind that costs $60,000 to join for the year. And one of the things that I noticed about people who are extremely successful is what we're going to dive into today. And side note, if you're not part of a mastermind and you own a business, you should be part of some mastermind, whatever it is. And the reason why is because there's a lot that happens in the world in having a business. And it's great to have support. It's great to have accountability. It's great to have people who have ideas that help you. And more than anything

else, it's just good to be around people who are doing really well. If your business is at $500,000 in sales, but you're friends with somebody, you know, three or four people who are doing over a million, you naturally just feel like your business needs to grow and being around those people will help you grow. Yeah. And the other thing too is that most entrepreneurs are lonely just inherently because most people aren't entrepreneurs. And so by being a business owner, an entrepreneur, it can feel like you're on an island. And it gets lonely because there's nobody really to talk about

about the challenges of being a business owner. There's nobody to talk about about the successes as well, because, you know, there's, there's major challenges, but there's also major successes when you really hit it right. And sometimes to people that don't own businesses, I can come off, you know, a little egotistic or braggadocious or whatever, but, you know, from one business owner to another totally relatable. And so I think that's the reason why, you know, one reason why a another totally relatable yeah and so i think that's the reason why you know one reason why a lot of people don't ask for help which is really like you know um and the masterminds that we're a part of that really is the foundation of it all and uh i also like my entire family's you know a family of entrepreneurs and i was talking to my brother

one day and i was like dude why don't you like join a master of entrepreneurs. And I was talking to my brother one day and I was like, dude, why don't you join a mastermind or something? And he was like, I didn't even know that that existed. We got on Google and we started just searching around like, all right, you should follow this guy because his business is in the top 1% of all moving and storage companies. And he also has a mastermind. He has a group that he was advertising. So I'm like, reach out to this guy. He's like, wow, that's a great idea. So I guess we're also bringing

awareness to it and talking about why we don't and why we should. Yeah. And side note, a little bit later, we'll talk about a free chat that we're going to invite people to who are just business owners, but we'll dive into that a little bit later on. But let's dive into what we both noticed from people who are super successful. What I noticed over this past weekend, what did I notice from the people that are most successful is that they have no problem. Let me reverse that. I don't want to say no problem. They ask for help, right? And it's really interesting because I find that some of the most successful people are ridiculous sponges. Like they want to learn and they put themselves into a student mindset as much as they possibly can.

And which is interesting. I was at a table with a guy who literally sold his business a few years ago for over a billion dollars cash. Him and his wife were the only two people that were owners of the business. They sold for over a billion dollars cash. And he was at a table taking notes as if he had never run a business in his entire life. And he's at a table taking notes as if he had never run a business in entire life. Right. And he's a, what you would call it, at least in business, he's a successful person. But then there's also people I noticed that are unsuccessful people that act like they know it all. They're afraid to ask questions. And so before we dive into it and kind of give you the tips around this, the question that I'm really curious of everybody listening is, do you ask for help?

You know, like, are you okay asking for help? And this isn't just in business. This is in everything. This is in your relationships, in your marriage, friends that are married that have great relationships, in parenting, in your finances, in, you know, working out your body, all of that stuff. Do you ask for help? And one of the things that pops up, it's very interesting. I've, we, you and I have both done quite a few psychedelic journeys is one thing that comes up very common for people is that they have trouble asking for help. And that comes up in a psychedelic journey of like, I need to just ask for help more often. So, um, I don't know. Have you noticed that with, with successful business owners as well? Yeah. It's the concept of almost like the surrender of like, I surrender. I don't know everything, you know, and it takes courage to get to the point where,

you know, we put the ego aside and say, Hey, I really need some help here. But the other thing too, that's that I found to be the common denominator for, you know, masterminds and people that are really actively growing themselves is that they don't wait to be in trouble to ask for help right they're they're asking for advice and guidance and really just being curious like the the beginner's mindset what you said earlier I think is the perfect way to describe the way that they're showing up to conversations like that, where the beginner's mindset is really open to all possibilities. Like, I don't know what I don't know. So I'm going to explore here, have some fun here and, and just see what's, what's here for me

that could help me go to the next level. And by doing that, it's, i guess the opposite of that would be like the expert mind which is like i already know that when and i would say those are probably the most dangerous words that any entrepreneur and really if you're in a mastermind those words are almost like forbidden right it's like that's super taboo to to you know say oh i i know everything here right and so someone who joins a mastermind isn't going to be that person anyways. They're joining because they want to learn. They want to be around other people who are,

say, business owners, for instance, so they can learn and grow from them. Right. Yeah, and the words, I already know that, shuts off all possibilities to growth, right? And part of it is also, most people that go in with that type of perspective oftentimes are so self-conscious or so insecure in their own belief of the fact that they really could do this,

maybe they're just not secure in that belief where they try to put on that shelf, like, I've got this, I know everything. And we all know those types of people. And so I think putting that aside and surrendering to the idea of, hey, maybe I don't already know that. Maybe even though I might've heard this before, maybe there's a new way of looking at this or a new way. And that's the true beginner's mindset that I think is the gift. And when we're a sponge and really open to all possibilities, we can get there. ingredients at an affordable price. Everything from coffee to toilet paper to shampoo to pet food, Public Goods is your new everything store, thoughtfully designed for the conscious consumer. So rather than buying from a bunch of single product brands, Public Goods members can buy all of their premium essentials at one place with one beautiful streamlined aesthetic. And

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flavor of 2021, watermelon salt. And they sent me some early access earlier this week, and it's delicious. Watermelon is my favorite flavor. And it will definitely be a staple in my house for the summer. And for a limited time, you guys will be able to claim a free element sample pack. All you have to do is cover the cost of shipping, which is $5 for US customers and get yours at drinklmnt.com slash mindset. Once again, that is drinklmnt.com slash mindset for your free sample pack. Yeah. So let's talk about the sexy thing of asking for help. So first off, why don't people ask for help? Well, because I found that a lot of people have trouble with vulnerability, I guess you could say. It's vulnerable to say, I don't know

everything. It's to put your ego aside and say, hey, I need help. This could be, you know, we're talking about business, but if we were just to say in a relationship, hey, like my marriage isn't exactly what I want it to be, you know, going and asking for help to someone who you know has a great marriage or you feel like they have a great marriage or, you know, you're struggling in certain aspects, being a parent, walking up to somebody who you know has, you've exemplified perfect parents or very great parent in front, in your eyes. And you say, hey, listen, like I'm really struggling with X, Y, Z. It's vulnerable. And I think it comes from the feeling where almost everybody, their core biggest fear is I'm not enough. And to be able to walk up to

somebody and say, Hey, I have got a question around my business or my finances or my relationship or parenting really hits home and puts a spotlight on that feeling of I'm not enough. Yeah. Yeah. The, um, you know, to, to be vulnerable takes courage, right. But it's also like the, and this is like something that I've seen a lot in masterminds is this idea of, Hey, the more vulnerable you are, the more trustworthy you are, which actually makes you even more valuable to the mastermind. Right. And so, you know, there's, there's kind of this new, and this is like 10 years ago, I didn't even think that this was really a thing, but like the, the vulnerability of like, Hey, these are my, my weaknesses, but these are also my strengths. This is what I'm good at.

This is what I'm not good at. Uh, so these areas that I'm not good at, uh, you know, I'm asking for help. And these are the areas of my strengths where I could provide help, but also I could, I could find ways to, to get better. So, um So whenever there's somebody that you could just tell is not open to their own vulnerabilities and their own weaknesses and opportunities to grow, that person worries me. I would invite that. And the other thing too is the hard part

is taking a look in the mirror and say, am I that person? You know, are there areas of my life where I don't want to ask for help because I don't want to surrender to the fact that I don't know everything, which is like a hit to the ego. But the moment that you surrender to that and the moment that you recognize that, hey, there is another level available. So what could that look like?

You know, what, what could I work on to get there? That's, that's the journey that we're talking about. A hundred percent. Yeah. And I think everybody knows they don't have it all figured out. Everyone knows they don't know everything. So when someone says they know everything and they come from that standpoint, it's from an egotistical standpoint, like you're saying. So, but when you look at it, somebody who doesn't, I know there's a coach that I follow and he's really big coach, charges a lot of money to work with him one-on-one and stuff. And one of the things he said is that one of the most powerful

phrases that he tells his clients is, I don't know. And it's not like as a coach, you're supposed to know everything. But for someone to sit in front of you and say, listen, I don't really know the answer to that, but let's go ahead and figure out what the answer to that is together. Right. That's, that's a powerful place to be. And that's, it's also why asking for help is so strong. Like it's not vulnerable. It's not weakness. It is strength, right? It is strength. And it's the epitome of a leader. You know, when we were yesterday, we had a, an episode is going to be coming out later where Rich Devaney is a Navy SEAL. He was a, He's a commander in the Navy SEALs. And he talks about how a leader is not somebody who just sits there and commands people and tells them what to do. It's somebody who literally relies

on every single person around them and says, listen, as the commander, I don't know what the snipers know. I don't know what anybody else knows. They don't know what I know. But as a team, we work together. And I think for what I know, but as a team, we work together. And I think for everyone that's out there as business owners and in a marriage and family, you realize all of that as a team. And to step up and say, listen, I don't know, but I'm okay telling you guys that,

shows strength more than it shows weakness. Right, because it's like in the face of, I don't know, this is how I'm responding. It's not like, hey, I don't know, let's give up. The leader is like, hey, I don't know. And this is what we're going to do about it. This is what we're going to do in order to get to a place of knowingness, to figure it all out. So yeah, it is the epitome of leadership. And this is, to your point, it's applicable everywhere, but you know, for the sake of business, this is also really important. And this is where it sometimes is tough to say, I don't know, is like to, to your team that maybe if you're a leader of that team to be able to say like,

Hey, I don't know the answer. That's, I think like the old paradigm might challenge that and say, that's not a good thing. You have to appear like you've got your shit together or you know everything. And I've heard many people talk about this too. And the new paradigm that's emerging is like, well, we all know that not everybody knows everything. There's always going to be something that we don't know. And so when you hear somebody that's, that says, Hey, I've got it all figured out or even worse, you kind of know that they don't know. And they're just trying to fake it till they make it. Like that's the easiest way to lose trust with your team. And so not only is just saying, Hey, I don't know, is that a better option? It's probably the best option when you truly don't know, because you're being authentic, you're being real, you're being vulnerable, but you're also really showing them how to show up to a situation where don't know is it's a common thing. People are going to get into situations where they don't know the answer. They don't know the right thing to do, but how you show up to that is where the leadership comes

in. For sure. And so whether it's somebody on your team, like we're talking about, maybe it's somebody outside of your business, there is benefit to, like you're saying with your brother, there's benefit as a business owner to being around other people who are in the exact same industry as you so that you can learn from them.

Like as somebody who owns a coaching business, I have friends that have coaching businesses, some of them much more successful than mine in different categories, all of that. And that's how you know you're in the right room. And that's correct. I never want to be the smartest or the richest person in any room. If you are, then you're in the wrong room. But there's also benefit in being around people who have businesses completely opposite of yours

as well. And realizing that they know something that you don't, you might be able to take a piece of their business and put it into yours, which would make your business way different than anyone else's. And so it could be a friend who's a business owner that you know is a pretty good business owner. It could be a mentor. It could be a free mentor. It could be a paid mentor. Because like we're saying, running a business can be super lonely, right? Like one of the things that I find of people who have businesses that tend to run them in the ground is that they are lonely and they actually start to resent their business because of their loneliness and the fact they feel like there's no one else around. And I've

seen many people run businesses in the ground simply because of the fact that they're too lonely. Yeah. Yeah. And the other, another element too, that I think really shows up is the fact that they don't have a reflection, right? So to be like, that's why you and I, like, I really just, we talk about it all the time, but you know, our relationship has been so good, not just for our personal relationship, but for our businesses, even when we were in, we weren't in the same businesses, which we are now, but you know, there were times where we weren't, but we still challenged each other. We reflected to each other, you know, Hey, this is what's what I've, you know, what I'm experiencing, what are you experiencing? And let me reflect back

what I would do or maybe what I see that you can't see. Really just exposing those blind spots, which also takes some courage to be able to receive that feedback and say, hey, I'm really open to whatever you have to say. Like, Give me some honest feedback in the ways that maybe I could show up better. So I think that's another aspect. So let's finish up here with how to actually ask for help. What are the action steps that somebody can take right now, right after they're done listening to this episode on, hey, you know what? I recognize that there is another know what? I recognize that there is another level available. I recognize that I don't know everything. And there might actually be another level that I can't even conceive right now because of my understanding

that I don't know everything. There's stuff out there that I don't know. So what are some action steps? So we got five action steps for action steps for, for asking for help and for going out there and putting yourself on a limb. First thing is identify somebody who has what you want, right? So if I'm a, if we go for business, we'll also go for other ways, right? If I'm a business owner, I want to find somebody who has a business that resembles what I want, right? And I want to get around them. If I am a parent and I find somebody who has, maybe I'm a brand new parent going through the toddler years where it's really hard,

but I see somebody who's got some incredible teenagers, I want to be around them and think, man, they must've done something right. I want to figure out what it is that they did that was right. It could be finances, where I see somebody who did pretty well financially and I want to learn about what they're doing and what they've done. It could be happiness. It could be relationships, friendships. It could on this in a while, but, uh, that's what I did when I first got into real estate. There was like so much that I didn't know just about the industry. And, uh, I knew I was a hard worker and that was about it,

but like, I wanted to know, okay, I know I can work hard, but what do I work hard at? You know? And that's, um, that's really what I did. I, so what i did is i looked at who's the top one percent in my industry and you know the the second and third thing that we put down is you got to put your ego aside and recognize like hey you're at the top one percent i acknowledge the shit out of you right like that is amazing and not like hey you know i'm gonna be there one day even though you know that's the intention, but that's not the way to show up to that conversation. Instead, it's more of like, hey, I really recognize that you have done some amazing things with your business,

putting the ego aside, and then just asking the question, hey, would you be open to having a conversation where I could either pick your brain or we can mastermind about the business. I would love to receive some leadership from you or receive some nuggets from you if you're open to that. Yeah. And so that's number two, which is literally just put your ego aside. Number three is just to ask, which is the hardest part for everybody is to be able to just walk up to somebody and say that. And what you said was perfect, but you could also add in there like, I'm willing to pay, right? I'm always willing to pay somebody for their knowledge. I would not. And I've listened, I've, I've been through many stages of ego.

I'm not at the point in my life where I want to try to figure things out anymore. I'd rather pay somebody to do it. And so the example I always give is like, if I walk into a grocery store and I want to go get peanut butter, they give the simplest form. If I want to go get peanut butter, I can walk up down every single aisle, look left, look right, look left, look right. And eventually I'll probably find the peanut butter. Or I can walk up to somebody who's already been there, right? Somebody who works there and say, hey, where's the peanut butter? Can you take me to it? And then they take me to the peanut butter. I'm in and I'm out and I've got exactly what I need. So many people can't put their ego aside and they can't ask what it is that they need, but they spend an extra year, two years, three years, five years, or they never figure it out because they don't get around people

who are there that have already been where they want to be. So I think it's super important to be able to put your ego aside and just ask them. And it's simple. You could just say, hey, listen, I really respect what it is that you've done in your business. I really respect what you've done in your relationship. I've identified that I want my relationship to be something like yours. Like it seems like you and your wife

have an amazing relationship. I was just curious, is there a chance I could pick your brain? Could I take you out to go get coffee or dinner? And hell, I'm even willing to just pay to learn some of the stuff that you guys have done. And when you put your ego aside like that, people are usually like, wow, nobody's ever asked me that.

People want to help people who want knowledge and they want help. People wanna help people who want help. That's what's interesting. But people think that they're a burden when they ask for help. Right, well, the pro tip is pay them if they're willing to accept it, right?

Because when you pay them, it's not for them, right? It's for you. You as the one that's paying them because you show up better, which is actually the next part, which is show up at the highest level. And when you've got skin in the game where it's like, hey, I'm paying X number of dollars to talk to this person every week or every month or whatever it is. I'm going to show up. I'm going to get my money's worth, right? And that's why having a coach is just, it's so fruitful, not necessarily because of, you know, hey, these are things I've never heard before. Most of the time, it's just being held accountable, but you've got skin in the game.

For sure. And the same thing about it too too is if you can pay somebody i always and i did an episode on this not too long ago about the difference between having a paid mentor and a free mentor both of them are great there's there's not one that's better than well like that's a lie i think paid mentors are better than free mentors and here's the reason why it's because not only do you show up better and wanting to learn more but also they actually feel obligated for your success. So they feel obligated. Yeah. They're going to show up better and they're going to want to make sure that you get your money's worth. That's one thing that I find with people who coach people and mentors is that they want to make sure that they are a hundred percent worth it

for that person. So if you do pay someone and they do happen to take that money and they're okay with it, I would a hundred percent go that route and say're okay with it, I would 100% go that route and say, you know what? I do think that I like to pay you. And even if they're saying no, I'm like, no, no, I would like to pay you. Or I'll just take you out. I literally will pay every time that we go out somewhere, whatever it is, because then they feel at least a little bit of obligation to making sure that you succeed and they want your relationship to be better. They want your finance. They want your business to be better. And then so that's step number four is to show up at the highest level you possibly can. And usually paying with skin in the game does that. And step number five is to help them. And a lot of people feel like,

oh, you know, I only make $50,000 a year. What am I going to give somebody or what value do I have to give somebody who's making a million dollars a year? But in reality, they don't realize that they have lots of value in ways that that person does not. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big point. So, you know, let's put our money where our mouth is and let's, so this is something that we literally just decided to do for this, for this episode is open up a conversation where, and there's nothing really that we're going to, that we plan on teaching per se. The intention is really just to get people together and have a conversation, business owners. So you want to talk a little bit about that? Yeah. So we have literally nothing to sell. We were just having a conversation. We

were thinking, you know, there's a lot that's happening. Yeah. I'm trying to have fun. Well, there's a lot that's happening right now in the world. And there's a lot of business owners that were around who have had massive success over 2020. Like it didn't go down for them. It went up three, four, five, six, seven times. And so we thought to ourselves, how can we help people who are business owners that are listening to the podcast? And so if this resonates with you and you want to grow and you want to get better, we thought, how can we bring a bunch of business owners together in one place, absolutely free, charge nothing, and see if we can add value to them. There's not a whole lot to teach, but what we're going to do is we're going to invite a conversation between us,

you guys, answer any questions that we can with what we've seen to help people who are business owners out there, but also at the same time to be able to get you guys to break out and meet other business owners. Because like we said, it can be lonely. We've been solo entrepreneurs, the two of us together with our own businesses. And so we thought to ourselves, like, there's a lot going on. There's restrictions, there's COVID stuff happening. There's things you can do. There's things that you can't do. And we wanted to get business owners together just to have a simple conversation. So we thought to ourselves, what if we were to just take a couple hours, do a Zoom, and then just get everybody together and try to help as many

people as you possibly can. Absolutely free. The only thing that we wanted to make sure is, you know, and I can't promise that everybody can join it is you have to have a business that's doing at least over a hundred thousand dollars a year. The reason why, what's that? In revenue. In revenue. No, in pork rinds. In revenue, of course. And so we want to make sure that we have a certain level of people, not that there's anything wrong with people whose businesses are under 100,000, because we've both been there before at some point in time, but we want to have a higher level conversation. And so we just say, if your business is doing over 100,000, we want to invite you. So it's going to be Wednesday, May 5th at seven o'clock. So seven to 9pm Eastern. If you want to join us, just go to zoomconvo.com. So zoomconvo.com. We'll have our conversation. We got nothing to pitch you,

nothing to sell you. None of those things. We just thought, how can we get business owners together? And we want to figure out as running the business mindset mentor, like the business edition, how can we continue to help business owners at a deeper level, knowing that there's a lot of people who listen to us, whose business literally puts food on the table and how important that is to make sure that we impact them at the highest level that we can. So it's May 5th, 7 to 9 PM Eastern and. Eastern. And go to zoomconvo.com right now so you can register for that. And you'll get a Zoom link. And we're just going to go on the honor system.

So we're going to assume that you show up to this. You're being an integrity, that your business is doing at least $100,000 a year. Or you're on pace to do $100,000 this year. And you're a business owner that really wants to grow. And what I also love about this is that it's on Cinco de Mayo at 7 to 9 p.m. Eastern. There's a lot of things that many people could be doing. But I know what you and I are going to be doing. We're going to be having some really impactful conversations

about business. And there's going to be a tribe of people that also view that as the most important thing that they could do. So I'm really looking forward to having that conversation with some great people. For sure. So if you want to join us, once again, it's just a simple chat, zoomconvo.com. And that is May 5th, 7 to 9 p.m. Eastern, which is a Wednesday. But that's what we got for you guys for today's episode. So if you do want to get better at Ask for Help, five-step process. Number one, identify somebody who's at we got for you guys for today's episode. So if you do want to get better at asking for help,

five-step process. Number one, identify someone who's at the point that you want to be at. Number two, put your ego aside. Number three, just freaking ask somebody. Number four, show up at the highest level for them and then for yourself and for them. And then number five, figure out a way that you can add value back to their life as well.

So that's what we got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share something that you know and love. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.