The Mindset Mentor - How To Be Happy: Tips For Finding Happiness In Everyday Life

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you'll probably love my book that just came out or is in the process of coming out. You can pre-order it right now. All you have to do is go to robdial.com book. It is called Level Up, How to Get Focused, Stop Procrastinating, and Upgrade Your Life. So if you love this podcast, I guarantee you, you're going to love that because that was three years of work and 16 rounds of edits. So once again, if you go to robdial.com book, you can go ahead and pre-order it there and I'll see you at the website. You can go ahead and pre-order it there, and I'll see you at the website.

Starting point is 00:00:47 Today, I'm going to be talking about how to be happy. Because essentially, all we really want is to be happy, don't we? But then when you actually start to think about it, what is happiness? Like if I were to say, what is happiness to you? What you say might be different than what I say. What somebody else says might be different than both what we say. But when you really start to think about happiness, what I've come to find is happiness is a state of mind that exists when desires are absent. That's kind of what I have come up with.

Starting point is 00:01:17 And I'm going to talk to you today about how to be more happy. And this is actually inspired by a lot of stuff I've been reading by a guy named Naval Ravikant. And there's a few things that he actually says in quotes that I'm going to say throughout this. One of them that I really love that he says is that peace is happiness at rest and happiness is peace in motion. And so let me say that again. Peace is happiness at rest and happiness is peace in motion. And another thing that he says is when we're calm, we're happy. And when we're happy, we're at peace. And so when I say happiness and I say peace throughout this episode, just know that both of them are quite interchangeable as I start talking to you.

Starting point is 00:01:55 When we talk about happiness though, what does happiness mean? I think that everyone knows what happiness feels like. And we might have trouble actually grasping what it is and putting it into words. And I would say that our main barrier to happiness is desire. And I'm going to talk a lot about desire today, what it is, how it holds you back, the problem with it, all of that stuff. But the thing that I've learned is that growing up, I had a lot of desires, desires for traveling, desires for success, desires for money, all these desires. And the funny thing is, the older that I get and the more that I get of all these things, the more I realize that they actually don't do shit for my happiness or my fulfillment. They're all great and they're fine, but none of them actually change my internal state.

Starting point is 00:02:45 eight and they're fine, but none of them actually change my internal state. And so if you think to yourself, oh, I'll stop being anxious when I get a million dollars or I'll be happier when I get a million dollars, it won't be true. You'll just be a millionaire who's anxious and unhappy, which, you know, I guess is better than being broke and being anxious and unhappy. But the internal state will not be changed by the external environment. That's what you have to realize. And your main barrier to being happy is your desire. And sure, you can want all of those things. You can want to become a millionaire and you can become a millionaire. But wouldn't you rather just be happier in the process of becoming a millionaire? Of course, because you could be unhappy going in having that desire or you could be happy

Starting point is 00:03:23 doing it, right? So with desire, desire is the feeling happy doing it, right? So with desire, desire is the feeling inside of you internally that something is missing. And it's the idea that you need something to make you happy, to make you joyful, to make you calm, to make you peaceful. You need something. And until you get that thing, you will not be right. Another thing that Naval says is desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want, right? And so you think to yourself like, oh, there's this thing that I want and I am unhappy until I get that thing. When you want

Starting point is 00:03:56 something, you're basically making a deal with yourself that you're going to be unhappy until you get it. And so we have to understand our desires. And it's okay to desire things. Like we live in this 3D human realm and desire is a big piece of what we have. But instead of just desiring every single thing at every single moment, why don't we actually choose what we desire?

Starting point is 00:04:18 Because each thing that we want, if we have a lot of different wants, oh, I want money and I want a successful business and I want my children to be better and I want my wife to do this and I want my employees to do this and I want my boss to stop being an asshole and I want this and I want this and this, each want is just a choice to be unhappy. And I think the biggest mistake that we make is thinking that we'll be happy when we get certain things.

Starting point is 00:04:43 And so what happens is we think, okay, I'm not happy yet, but getting this thing is going to make me happy. And I'm going to talk about it today, but nothing externally can make you happy. Externally is just external, but happiness is internal. And so the only way to become happy is to actually internally make yourself happy, to decide to make yourself happy. Because what we've learned somehow, I don't know how it happens, through society, through our parents, through teachers, through friends, through mentors, we get hooked on things. We get hooked on the wanting things. And we're hooked on the idea that something outside of us will make

Starting point is 00:05:26 us happy. And I'm here to tell you that that's an absolute lie. There's nothing that you could get. You could get the biggest house. You could get a brand new Ferrari. You could travel the world. None of that shit is going to make you happy, right? Not having that thing is not the reason why you're unhappy. Getting that thing will not make you happy. And so think about this for a second, because it's really a conundrum you get stuck in, right? Not having that thing is not the problem. Not being happy is not the problem. The desire for something that you don't have is the problem. And the crazy part about that is you're creating the desire. So let me take you through a real quick journey, right? Desire is the problem. Desire is the thing that's holding you back from being happy. I, and we take another

Starting point is 00:06:19 step back. I'm not happy because I don't have this thing. And when I get this thing, I will be happy. That's how most people think. So the desire is the actual problem because getting that thing is not going to make you happy. And the crazy part is that you're creating the desire. So the craziest part is that the only problems in your life are the problems that you're creating, which means if we could master our minds, there would be no problems and there would only be peace and happiness. And it took me like 30 something years to learn this, is that the only problems in my life are the things that I'm perceiving as problems. I want this thing

Starting point is 00:06:56 and the fact that I don't have it as a problem. I want this to be this way and the fact that it's not this way is a problem. I want her to act this way and the fact that she's not acting this way. And the fact that it's not this way is a problem. I want her to act this way. And the fact that she's not acting this way is a problem. The craziest part about this whole thing is that the only problems that exist are the problems that we're creating in our minds. Now you'd be like, well, I'm trying to figure out how I can pay my bills. Okay, we'll fucking figure it out. That's not a problem. The problem is that you want the money right now to be able to pay those bills. And the desire for wanting that money is the thing that's actually creating the problem. Okay, you don't have it? Well, that's just a circumstance.

Starting point is 00:07:29 That's not a problem that you don't have the money. The problem is that you think that the getting of the money is going to make you happier, or that it's going to solve all of your problems. No, no, no, no, no. You're just, that's just a circumstance. You don't have the money to pay your bills. Okay, well, figure out a way to go make yourself more valuable in the marketplace, or to go out and actually drive Uber, or to do something to make money to be money to pay your bills. Okay. Well, figure out a way to go make yourself more valuable in the marketplace or to go out and actually drive Uber or to do something to make money to be able to pay your bills. Right? And so it's really kind of crazy when you actually

Starting point is 00:07:54 fully grasp this is that the only problems that exist in your life are the problems that you're creating in your mind. Like let it set in. Think of all of your problems and then realize that they're just circumstances that exist and your perception of them is the thing that's making them a quote unquote problem. And so let's go back to happiness, right? How do we get happy? Well, you feel happy when you don't feel like something is missing in your life. happy? Well, you feel happy when you don't feel like something is missing in your life. You feel happy when you don't feel like something is missing in your life. You feel at peace. You feel content. Because we often think, I need this. I need that. I need this thing. I need that. And it could be, you know, it could be wanting a new car or a house or a vacation, or it can be wanting

Starting point is 00:08:42 someone in your life to be different than they are or to act differently or to do something differently. And we could think to ourselves, like, well, I would be happier if they stopped doing these things to me. I would be happier if she stopped acting this way. I would be happier if my boss wasn't such an asshole, right? They are not the problem. Not having that thing or not having the situation be what you want it to be is not the problem. You and your thoughts are the problem. Hey, are you a coach, consultant, or expert in your field, but you struggle with how to market and sell your services effectively? Well, you may not know this, but along with this podcast,

Starting point is 00:09:21 I also own a company called The School for Online Coaches. And since 2019, myself and my team have trained and supported over 1400 coaches in starting and growing their coaching businesses online. This is where I teach everything that you need to know to start and grow your own coaching business to $10,000 a month in as little as 30 to 60 days. So if you're dying to see what it's like to be your own boss, work remotely and create a business that helps people change their lives and feels fulfilling to you, head over to schoolforonlinecoaches.com right now. That's where you can learn more information about how to grow your business. Once again, it is schoolforonlinecoaches.com. And so what happens is we get stuck in these cycles of wanting things.

Starting point is 00:10:05 And the more things that you want, the more problems that you are then creating. Because when you want them, the desire is distancing you from that thing. And you're saying, I will not be happy until I get this thing. If we go back to that quote, which is, desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get that thing. But when we feel like we have everything that we need, we can stop worrying and we can stop thinking about the past, the future. And that's when we allow ourself the space to be happy. Think about that for a moment. Not wanting things

Starting point is 00:10:37 creates more peace internally. Listen, I'm not saying that you don't, you should, you should just lose all of your motivation. You should just sit on the couch and play video games all day because that's just, you know, the ultimate state of happiness and peace and not wanting. We do have to live this human life. I do get it. And in this human life, there is some cool shit that we could do and there's stuff that we could buy and there's experiences that we could have. But the more wants that we create, the more that we're deciding that we want to be unhappy.

Starting point is 00:11:09 And so what I like to say is instead of having all of these wants, which most of them aren't even really that important, decide which wants you want. Like which ones you want to keep, which ones you want to get rid of. And when you reach the point of letting go of as many things as possible, when you can reach the point of hopefully sitting there, enjoying your cup of coffee and realizing there's nothing that you need to do. There's nothing that you need to be. There's nothing that you need to accomplish. And you can reach that point.

Starting point is 00:11:31 You feel really quite calm inside. And to me, happiness isn't about having good thoughts or bad thoughts or being positive and not being negative. It's not about people not dying in your life or things not changing. It's not about all of those external circumstances. It's about just deciding not to want so many things and to think that getting those things are going to make you happy, especially not wanting the things outside of yourself. You know, it's about finding the gratitude that you have right now, no matter what situation you're in. It's like that phrase that

Starting point is 00:12:05 the rabbi said, and I can't pronounce his name or else I would, but he says, happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. Like when you really understand that, that happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. The less that I want, like the less things that I want to go out and do and feel and buy and accomplish and all that stuff, the more I can accept things just as they actually are. And the key of that is the acceptance of life as it is. The more that I accept and I'm just like, oh, that's how that person is that's how the circumstance is that's how the bank account is that's how this thing is the more that you can accept these things

Starting point is 00:12:54 the less my mind races so the more that i can the more that i can accept the the less my mind races the more that you can accept the more that your mind will be able to calm. And I don't think happiness is, is, is, I don't think happiness is really that hard to achieve. I think that we make it way harder than it needs to be. And I think happiness comes from not suffering and suffering comes from desire, you know? And so there's a difference between pain and suffering. Pain in your life will just happen. Suffering is you choosing to go through that pain over and over and over again and not wanting things and not worrying too much about what has been or what will be or what's coming up or what you've done in the past and all of that. When you can just remove yourself from the external world that we've been taught

Starting point is 00:13:46 to, it's really kind of hard because it's so the opposite of what we're taught since childhood is not wanting things, not being attached to things, not putting, investing so much of our energy and so much of our worth into the external world, but looking inside of ourselves because looking outside of ourselves for anything is a mistake because happiness doesn't come from the outside things. Happiness is a feeling. It is a state of mind and feelings and state of minds are internal. And so we keep thinking, we'll be happy when I get this thing or I get that thing. And that's a mistake that we keep making. So believing that something out there that you'll finally get that thing and it'll make you happy forever is a lie. Like a lot of people like, they're like, well, I just need to get a bigger

Starting point is 00:14:32 house. And once I get my dream house, then I'll be happy. And it's like, no, you won't. When you get your dream house, you're going to feel exactly the same, but it's just going to be more space. And then eventually a couple of years down the road, you're going to be looking at another house, right? Happiness is just an internal job. When you want something, you're basically agreeing to be unhappy until you get it. Why don't you just say, I don't want any more things. I don't need any more things. I'm happy just the way that I am.

Starting point is 00:14:53 And what's kind of crazy about it is that it seems so counterintuitive, but as you want less things, more things start working out for you the way that you actually wanted them to in the first place before you decided to release yourself from wanting all these things. It's like synchronicities just kind of start lining up for you. And we want things all day and we wonder why we're not happy. And it's like, well, you're not happy because you keep wanting more. Happiness comes from inside, not outside. And so when you realize this, you realize, like I said earlier in this podcast episode, I told you I'll talk about this, is that happiness is a choice. And it's actually a skill set that you can develop. Developing a skill set takes time and it takes attention though. It's not just like you're immediately going to be happy because we've

Starting point is 00:15:33 been spending the past 25, 30, 40 years of our lives wanting things. And so our brain is kind of wired to want things. And so it takes, you know, if you're going to develop this skill set of being happy, and that's a different way to look at life is that happiness is a skill set. It's going to take time and it's going to take attention. And now I can already hear people getting pissed off when I say happiness is a choice because they're like, well, you, yeah, but that might be nice in your life, but you don't know what my life looks like. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what's happening around me. You don't know about the people that I have around me. Cool. Okay. Watch this real quick. Let's just try to make this as stupid simple as we possibly can. Like, let's just take life, right? We're

Starting point is 00:16:15 going to take life right here. Let's make it stupid simple. You're born, right? You're born. We're all born into this world. And then throughout birth and death, we have all kinds of experiences. We see things, we hear things, we feel things, we touch things, all of this. We have all of these sensory experiences from birth until death. And then one day we die. Is that correct? Like if we're looking at this from like a hundred thousand foot view, that's what it is. We're born. We have all kinds of experiences. We see things, hear things, feel things, all of that.

Starting point is 00:16:49 And then we die, right? Those are all just sensory inputs. That's correct, right? So how we choose to interpret those experiences in our life is up to us. And how we interpret them will dictate whether we're happy or whether we're pissed off or whether we're sad or whether we're mad or whether we're a victim, all of that. So what it comes down to is we all have birth. We all have death.

Starting point is 00:17:11 We all have sensory experiences. How we choose to interpret those experiences is fully up to us. That's the best part. We get to choose. And so it shows you it's not about what happens to you, but it's about how you choose to interpret them. You can choose to be happy. There is somebody, if you're pissed off and you're like, no, my life is shit, all that stuff, there is somebody else in this world whose life is worse than you that is happier than you. Guarantee it. I'm just going to say this one more

Starting point is 00:17:42 time, right? If you think to yourself, my life sucks, I don't have what I want, then the reason why I'm not happy is because I don't have these things because my life sucks. There is somebody in this world that has less than you, that is happier than you, which proves to you that it's not about what you have or don't have, it's what you choose to think about your life and how you choose to interpret your experiences. choose to think about your life and how you choose to interpret your experiences. So you can decide, like literally right now from this moment on, nothing outside of me is going to control my emotions. It's just my life is going to be the way that it is. And as things happen, things will happen. And don't expect life to be a certain way for you. Life is just life. And when you understand that, there is no reason to be happy or sad or to be is just life. And when you understand that, there is no

Starting point is 00:18:25 reason to be happy or sad or to be any of that. And when you stop feeling like there's something missing, you're left with happiness. It's this really wild thing. Like when you stop wanting things, you just sit there and you're like, oh, nice. Well, that's pretty awesome. So don't worry about how things should be or shouldn't be and all that stuff. Just focus on your own experiences and start changing how you interpret them so that you can make yourself happier. Now, let's talk about peace for just a minute, okay? Real happiness comes from being at peace. Like, I think that when you are happy is when you internally are more at peace. Now, you'll never be here 100% of the time. I promise you that. You're going to be happy and peaceful,

Starting point is 00:19:04 and then someone's going to say something, and then you're going to, you know never be here 100% of the time. I promise you that. You're going to be happy and peaceful, and then someone's going to say something, and then someone's going to cut you off, and you're going to flick them off and honk your horn, and you're going to be like, oh my God, what am I doing? You're going to lose yourself many times over your lifetime. But most of the time, happiness comes from just accepting things as the way they are and not wanting to change what's around us. And it's about really being present and allowing ourselves to be comfortable in the present moment.

Starting point is 00:19:22 Because when you're comfortable being present, it's like the door opens up and peace walks in because you're just like, I'm here. And in being here and not wanting things, I can be present. And it's like the reason why a lot of people struggle with meditation. I've been there many times. You know, this morning I did a 30 minute meditation. The first 15 minutes was me thinking about all the shit I had to do today. And then I realized I spent 15 minutes thinking about all the stuff I had to do today. And instead of getting myself

Starting point is 00:19:47 mad and pissed and, oh, what did I do? I just wasted 15 minutes. I just brought myself back to my body, to my breath, feeling into my body and just feeling my heart rate. And really what it came down to is I was wanting to be out of that meditation, out of that moment, so I could get things done, right? We all find ourselves there. And it really comes down to how can we just allow ourselves to be more present? Because we all want moments that make us feel alive and to feel present, don't we? Like we want to travel, we want amazing experiences, you want to watch your team win the Super Bowl. But here's what's crazy. Wanting those moments can actually pull us out

Starting point is 00:20:25 of the present moment. And it's really crazy when you actually think about it. We want things that make us feel present. We want things to make us feel present. Winning the Super Bowl, our team winning the Super Bowl, that would make you feel really present, really excited in the moment. You wouldn't be thinking about anything else except for how excited you are in that moment. When you're in Greece and you're having a glass of wine and there's a beautiful sunset, you're very present. You're watching the sunset. You're tasting the wine.

Starting point is 00:20:50 You're looking at it and you're like, holy shit, this is amazing. We want things that make us feel present. But the wanting of those things steals our presence right now in this moment. And so we're always chasing after the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. And this conscious chase makes us start to feel anxious. And so what I've been trying to do lately, you can try this if you want, completely up to you. I've been trying to make myself really bored lately. Like yesterday I meditated and then I made coffee and I sat on the couch and I looked out my back window for 45 minutes doing nothing, literally nothing. There wasn't any music that was playing. I wasn't reading. I was sitting on the couch. I was looking out my back porch. My dog was sitting next to me and I was just sitting

Starting point is 00:21:28 there doing nothing. Have you ever tried doing that before? Not doing anything, not reading, not listening to music. It's hard, isn't it? And the reason why is because we're always anxious about having to do something, having something that needs to come up next. And this anxiety makes us really unhappy as well. And it's just all of these new thoughts just running through our heads, running through our heads, running through our heads. And so we often feel really troubled because we can't just sit quietly alone. You know, there's a quote, I can't remember who it's from, but it says, all of the problems in the world come from man's inability to sit alone in a room by himself. And so really what it comes down to is if you want to be happy, you have to be

Starting point is 00:22:05 more comfortable with boredom, with nothing, with not needing to do something, without needing to be something, without having to achieve something, in realizing that desire, want, all of those things are stealing your happiness. And by wanting and desiring something, you're creating the problem, which means that all of your problems that exist are the problems you're creating the problem, which means that all of your problems that exist are the problems you're creating in your own mind. And so really what it comes down to, if you want to be happier, you just have to realize that it's already here. Right now, in this moment, you just have to decide to be happy. It's easier said than done. I get it. But it's a skill set and it's a choice. And if it's a skill set, it means it takes time,

Starting point is 00:22:45 it takes attention, it takes practice. And if it's a choice. And if it's a skill set, it means it takes time, it takes attention, it takes practice. And if it's a choice, it means that you're in control. So that's all I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. We only grow because you guys continue to share this podcast every single time

Starting point is 00:23:02 I put out an episode and share it with new people and share it on Instagram, all that stuff. So I greatly appreciate it every single time that you do that. Then with that, I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you.

Starting point is 00:23:13 And I hope that you have an amazing day. All right, I gotta do this camera. Okay. Hey, if you're loving this episode, please do me a quick favor. Give me a like down below and then comment down below any topics that you would like me to cover for future episodes. All right. He is a very good boy.

The Mindset Mentor - How To Be Happy: Tips For Finding Happiness In Everyday Life

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