The Mindset Mentor - How To Be You

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

You are a completely unique being, stop trying to be like everyone else. In this episode, I am going to teach you how.   Do you want to learn how to make $100k+ a year as a coach or consultant? If so, join my FREE 4-day workshop called The 6 Figure Coaching System on August 24-27th here: https://www.6figurecoachingsystem.com/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you love this podcast, please do me a favor, give us a rating and review however you listen to us. Just pull your phone out, go to Apple Podcasts or go to Spotify and give us a rating and review. The reason why is because when we get more and more positive ratings and reviews on those platforms, they show this to people who have never listened to it before and that way this message gets spread. So if you love this, there's probably someone else out there that would love it, but they've never found it before. And by giving us a rating view,

it actually might help them find it. So if you would do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about how to truly, authentically be yourself. I'm going to talk about how to not give your power away to other people. And I want to tell you a little bit of a story. You know, if you've been listening to me for a while, you have a pretty good idea that this podcast is short. It's to the point. It's no BS. I am not the type of person like sugarcoating. And I happen to cuss in this podcast. I love cussing. I think that it's great. I think that adds so much flavor to a sentence, you know, to say, oh man, what I went through was really hard. Or you can say what I went through was really fucking hard. Like there's just so much more flavor that it brings.

Now with that, I want you to understand this. My first, I'm over 1300 episodes of this podcast now. My first 650 podcast episodes, I almost cussed, I probably cussed five times in 650 episodes. And what I felt like was that I was not truly authentically being myself. And if you come around me, if you come around my house, around my friends, if you're around my family, and I'm around them, I cuss. I don't hold back. I am truly who I am in front of myself, in front of other people. But then when I got onto the podcast, I realized that I wasn't being

true to myself or authentic. What's really crazy though, is that once I started cussing me and truly authentically myself, the podcast started exploding. And it's not like I'm trying to be somebody else. Not like I'm like, oh, you know what? Gary Vaynerchuk cusses, so I'm going to cuss. Oh, Tony Robbins cusses, so I'm going to cuss. No, I'm just trying to fully be myself. And do I, you could literally look right now. Do I get reviews? I had one last week that was, that gave me four out of five stars. I love his content, but I hate that he cusses. It's just who I am.

And so people will send me messages. I get them all the time on Instagram. Hey, can you stop cussing? Hey, stop cussing. I love your message, but would you stop cussing? The answer is no, because that's just who I am. And so we have to realize at some point in time in our lives, we have to decide who we are ourselves truly authentically, and that people

either love it and accept it, or they won't. And the people who love and accept you are the people that you want to be surrounded by. The people who don't are the people that you don't want to be surrounded by. And so do I wish that everybody would listen to my podcast, whether I cuss or not? Sure, of course I do. But why would I give away a piece of myself, of who I truly am, in order to get that to happen, right? And so I want you to understand, and people are always like, why do you cuss? I cuss because I think that it's great. I cuss because partially another reason why I cuss is because a cuss word is a word. It is a sound coming out of somebody's face. And for you to give up your power in the way that you feel based off of a word that somebody says, a sound that comes out of somebody's face is you giving up your own power to allow someone else to make you feel a certain

way. And so I want you to understand that if you're the type of person where you like to cuss, you're the type of person where you like to do weird things, you're the type of person who likes to laugh or be authentic, or if you're the type of person who likes to love, you love wearing bright clothing, you need to be that person as much as you can be that person. There's so many people in this world who you are a certain person when you go to work, and then you're a certain person when you're at in this world who you are a certain person when you go to work, and then you're a certain person when you're at home, and then you're a certain person when you're around your grandmother, and you're a certain person around your grandfather, and you're a

certain person around your mother, and you're a certain person around your friends. That's really hard to keep up with because that's not who you truly are. In all of that, there is an authentic version of yourself. Why can you not be the same person all of the time? Why not? Why can't you be the exact same person at your house as you are at the doctor's office, as you are at work, as you are at everything that you do? Because when you have to mold and shift yourself, it becomes really, really tiring to have to mold and shift yourself for someone else like you. Think about that for a second. You're not supposed, it is not your job to make somebody love you. It is not your job to change yourself so that you will fit into other people's ideas and standards of what people should do or

what people should say or what words they should or shouldn't use. It's not your job to change yourself. It is your job to be who you are, whoever that is, and whoever will love you will love you no matter what version of yourself comes out. And that's the important thing. Too many people have to be a certain way at work and a certain way at home and a certain way around their kids and a certain way around their friends and a certain way around their mother and father, a certain way around their grandparents, certain way around, and they're different people. They're trying to be a chameleon in all these different situations. And the way that I like, it's so tiring. And the way they like to think about it is for every single person that you have to be different in front of is like pulling a new tab

up on your computer for your internet, right? If you use Chrome and you're just, oh, I have to be a certain way at work, pull up another tab. I have to be a certain way in front of my spouse, pull up another tab. I have to be a certain way in front of my mother, pull up another tab. I have to be a certain way in front of my friends, pull up another tab. If I have to be a certain way in front of my father, pull up another tab, another tab, another tab, another tab, another tab, another tab, another tab, another tab. What eventually happens when you have too many tabs open on your computer? It can't handle it anymore. And that's why a lot of people I think go into a identity crisis sometimes and a midlife crisis as they get older because they're like, who the hell am I?

Like I'm a different person for everybody else. But when was the last time you actually sat down and you're like, who am I at my core? Who do I want to be? Have you ever sat down with a pen and paper and asked yourself, what are the habits, traits, and qualities that I want in myself, that I want to be, whoever that is, and figure out who you feel like you authentically are. Like if you were to be able to go to your funeral and see what people are saying about you at your eulogy, What would you hope they say about you? That's what you want to try to become. That's what you want to figure out. But you want to make sure that you're authentically the person that you are with all of those qualities

and traits and everything that you have. And so when you go back to everything, are you starting to see, first off, that you are sometimes a different person in front of different people? And you have to start to think about that if you're changing yourself into being somebody else to appease other people, nobody in this world is benefiting from that. You know, if I change myself and I decide to go, you know what, I want to stop cussing because that will allow my following to grow, allow people to love me more. No, that's not going to work. I have to allow myself to be who I want to be. You know, and if

somebody feels bad about a sound that comes out of someone else's face, that's not that person whose sounds came out of their face's problem. It's the person's problem who's not free because when they were taught as a child that something is, a word is bad and a word is good, that's something, that is a construct that they are stuck in. That is a story that they are allowing to dictate their life. It's like Eleanor Roosevelt says, you've been listening to this podcast for a long time, you know some of my favorite quotes. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So if you don't like a word that somebody says, you're giving up your control of the way that you feel internally inside of yourself based off of just a sound that somebody makes. You're allowing your internal environment to be shifted simply by a sound that's coming out of somebody's face. And if that's happening, you're not free. You're not free.

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sales. Gain insights as you grow with detailed reporting and conversion rates, profit margins, and beyond. More than just a store, Shopify grows with you. This is possibility powered by Shopify. So go to shopify.com slash dial, all lowercase, for a free 14-day trial and get access to Shopify's entire suite of features. Grow your business with Shopify today. Go to shopify.com slash dial right now, shopify.com slash dial. You know, Viktor Frankl, who wrote Man's Search for Meaning, he was in Auschwitz in the Nazi prison camps. He was a prisoner there. He was a psychologist before he was a prisoner. He wrote a book called Man's Search for Meaning. It's amazing. It's hard to read. It's sad, but it's also amazing to read. One of the things that he says is the last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude

in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. There will always be choices to make. And so you have to choose who is it that you want to be? Have you been able to learn who you truly are? Now, I know some people listening to this podcast are like, Rob, I don't know who the fuck I am. That's okay. That's a good place to start because now you at least know that you don't know who you are. So then you can start to journal about it. You can start to write down, start with the habits, traits, and qualities that you want people to say about you at your funeral. Look at that and say, is that authentically who I am? Think about who you were when you were a child and think about the way that you were as a child. And are you the same type of person? Were you really sweet as a child, but now you're really hard and you're

brash? Are you a different person from this person, this person, this person? You should be the same person in front of your friends, in front of your person, this person, this person. You should be the same person in front of your friends, in front of your parents, on stage, whatever it might be, you should be the exact same person. And that's one thing that I really strive for and I wish more people would strive for is you could talk to me, you could see me at my house in front of all my friends when they come over, and you can see me in front of my mom and my sister, and I'm the exact same person. You can listen to me and see me on the podcast episode. I'm the exact same person. You could see me when I'm doing coaching sessions on my Zoom calls for a hundred people and you can see that's the exact

same person. We have to realize that you can either fit into a box that society tells you to fit in or have the courage to step out and be yourself. Now, if you step out and be yourself, will you eventually get some haters? Yes. People will not like it. They will not enjoy it, but that is not your problem. What other people think of you is not your problem. If you're not going about trying to, as long as you're not trying to hurt people and do something bad, it's not your problem because if you're truly authentically being who you are, that's the most important thing. them. Because if you're truly authentically being who you are, that's the most important thing. That's the most important thing. And so, you know, one of the things that when you look at the five regrets of the dying, there was a book that was published by a lady who was actually helping

people as they were at the end of their lives. And the number one regret of the dying is I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expect to me. The number one regret of people who are dying on their deathbeds is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expect of me. The number one regret of people who are dying on their deathbeds is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. So are you living truly authentically as the person that you are? Because if someone doesn't like your true authentic self, that's their problem. That's not your problem. I knew when I first started cussing my podcast, people wouldn't like it because they were

programmed not to. They were taught not to. I knew I would get messages. I knew I would get bad reviews, which is why if you love the show, you need to give me a good review. But it's like, that's just the way that it is. If you want someone to come hold your hand and brush your hair back and say, oh, sweetie, it's okay. I'm not that podcast because I'm just not that person. I am the

person who is like, my team calls it pissed off passion. When I get super passionate, it seems like I'm pissed off. I'm not in any sort of way. I just get so fired up of trying to help people get to where they want to go. And so if I ran a podcast that was slow and I talked like this and I was like, hey, you can do it. I fully believe in you. I know that you're going to make your life what you want it to be. There's some people that need that person and they want that person. That's completely fine.

But I'm not that person for them. I'm the type of person who attracts the people that are like, screw it, let's get down to it. Tell me the brutal, honest truth. It's kind of like a punch in the face, but I know it's going to hurt, but it's probably good for me to get to where I want to be. I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. You're not going to be everybody's cup of tea, but you've got to learn to be okay with that. And is it built inside of us for us to want everyone to love us? Yeah, we're tribal beings. 100,000 years ago, if we were kicked out of the tribe, we were going to die. There was no way to survive 100,000 years

ago without the rest of the tribe. So did our ancestors have to be a little bit of a chameleon and maybe kill off some of their authentic self, whatever that meant back then for cavemen and cavewomen? I don't know if cavemen and cavewomen made jokes or cussed or anything like that, but I don't know. But they had to at least mold themselves to fit the tribe. That was how they stayed alive. And for us, we don't have to do that anymore. What's important is that we know we want to fit in. That is programmed into us. It's programmed into the hardware of our brain. But how will you stand out and create an amazing life if you're always just fitting in? You know, there's a great quote that Jim Carrey has that says, your need to be accepted will make you invisible in this world. And so you've got to ask yourself,

am I trying to just be accepted by everybody? Am I trying to be everybody's cup of tea? Am I giving away my true authentic self so that people will accept me? It's something that you really need to think about. And if you do feel like you are doing that for certain people, if you change and become the person that you truly authentically are, will that upset some people who maybe you've been close for a while? It might. But someone who truly loves you will accept you in any state, however you are. And if they're like, hey, you're kind of changing, this is kind of weird, have an honest conversation with them. Hey, is it okay if I'm vulnerable with you? What I've noticed is that the person I've been

for the past 25 years of my life, the past 35 years of my life is not fully authentically who I am. And I feel vulnerable stepping out into this new version of myself and trying to be authentically who I am, is it okay if I ask for your support around this, right? Think about what they might say that. Is it okay if I ask for your support? If they say no, that's probably not somebody who truly loved you in the first place. But if someone who truly loves you be like, yes, absolutely. I love that you're on this journey of self-discovery. I love that you're on this journey of trying to be who you truly are. Tell me what I can do to help you step more fully into that authentic version of yourself. So think about that. Where are you not truly authentically being who you are? Where are you being somebody different than what you truly authentically feel like you should be? Because if people don't accept it, that's not

your problem. That is a problem that they have to deal with. The most important thing is how you feel about yourself. So many people, and this is going to hit home for a lot of people, so many people struggle, so many people struggle with self-love. And the reason why is because they don't love the person that they've built themselves into because they subconsciously know the person they built themselves into is not their true authentic self. And so it is your job to discover who your true authentic self is and to step into that fully. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

And I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.