The Mindset Mentor - How To Bring Out The Best in People

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, please do me a favor, give us a rating and review, however you listen to us. When you do that, it allows more people to be able to find this podcast because those platforms end up showing this podcast to people who have never listened to it before. So if you would do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about how to bring out the best in everyone around you. This is important for, I believe, every single person, not just leaders, but for every single person because

Starting point is 00:00:42 each one of us interact with people on a daily basis. And so if you're a leader, this is great for you. If you have a significant other, if you are in a family, or if you're a parent, these will all be five different tips to help you bring out the best in everybody else that's around you. And I saved the best one for last in what I think is the most important one. And so let's go ahead and dive into these five different topics so that you can bring out the best in people who are around you. The first one is this. To bring out the best in people around you, find reasons to recognize them, not reasons

Starting point is 00:01:16 to reprimand them. The average child is reprimanded eight times more than their praise growing up. Take that in for a second. Eight times more than their praise, the average child thinks, I'm not doing it right, or I'm not good enough. And so if we can start to build confidence into the people around us, instead of finding what's wrong and start finding what's right, it allows them to build confidence in themselves. And so the one thing that I've found among a lot of leaders, new leaders, myself included, I was terrible at this when I was a new leader. And I started trying to help

Starting point is 00:01:51 people grow as I would always tell them what they were doing wrong, thinking that I was helping them out. But in turn, I was lowering their confidence by telling them all the things that they were doing wrong. And so what you do instead of telling somebody what they're doing wrong, is praise them when they do something right. There's one thing that I know about humans is I don't know one person who doesn't love positive reinforcement. And so let's say, for instance,

Starting point is 00:02:16 your husband doesn't do the dishes. A lot of times, if your husband doesn't do the dishes, you're like, Tim, what the fuck? Why didn't you do the dishes? I told you to do the dishes, right? Well, that in turn makes Tim feel bad, makes him feel like he's not worthy, makes him feel like he's not good enough. So instead of yelling at him, and this could be for your children, this could be for anyone around, instead of yelling at someone when they do something quote unquote wrong, what you do is you find reasons to actually praise

Starting point is 00:02:42 people. So instead of yelling at him when he doesn't do the dishes, when he was supposed to do the dishes, if Tim puts one fork away, praise Tim. Oh my God, honey, thank you so much for putting that fork away. It might seem super stupid. And the key is also, don't do this condescendingly. Don't be like, oh my God, Tim, thank you so much for putting that fork away. But it's like, hey, thank you so much for putting your plate away when you got done or whatever it is. We want to be recognized. People want to be recognized. We want to be seen. We want to be heard. And we want to be, this is very important. We want to be validated. We want to feel like we're worthy. We want to feel like we're doing good in this world. We want to feel like we're doing good around the house.

Starting point is 00:03:20 Positive reinforcement always does better than negative reinforcement. And it makes sense because what happens is when he gets that positive reinforcement, if we're going back to Tim, right? Your made-up husband that we're making up. Tim, your made-up husband. When he gets praised for doing something, he gets a little bit of dopamine. He gets a little bit of oxytocin, a love chemical, and feels like, you know what? It felt good when my wife said that to me. It felt good when this happened. And then the next time he has the opportunity, he's probably going to put it away. And the next time he sees the dishes, and this isn't like a switch that's going to just flip overnight. This also isn't a way to use reinforcement to get what you want. I'm going to say that. But what happens is we start to actually crave the positive

Starting point is 00:04:06 reinforcement. And when we know we did something and got positive reinforcement again, subconsciously, we're actually going to start to do those things. And this could be for doing the dishes. This could be if you're a leader and you have someone on your team that screwed up a whole bunch of things. What you do, and I found this from a lot of really great leaders, is you find reasons to positively reinforce whatever it is they do. So find reasons to recognize versus reasons to reprimand. So that's the first thing. The second thing is this. Offer public recognition when you can as well.

Starting point is 00:04:39 And so, you know, let's say that you're, and this is also don't do this condescendingly as well. Let's say that instead of talking about Tim, we're talking about your child and we're wanting your children to start putting their dishes away. Let's say they take out the trash. Let's use a different example. Your son, you've been wanting him to take out the trash. When he takes out the trash, I don't want you to offer public recognition and the fact

Starting point is 00:04:59 of like standing on top of the kitchen counter and being like, Sammy took out the trash. Everybody, let's give him a round of applause. That could actually work against you and make somebody feel like you're being condescending to them. What I mean by that is do it naturally. When you positively reinforce, you could do it in private, which is completely fine as well, but you can also sometimes do it in public. Let's say you've got three kids and you've got a husband and Sammy does take out the trash. Sammy, hey, thank you so much, buddy, for taking out the trash. I really appreciate it. I love you. And he hears it and he feels good

Starting point is 00:05:35 because he was given positive reinforcement in front of others. But at the same time, everybody else in the family sees, oh, he did a good job. He did this. You know what? Mom or dad gave him recognition when he acted this way. You know what? I want recognition for mom and dad. You know what I should do? I should also try to take the trash out or try to help around the house.

Starting point is 00:05:56 And we're talking about chores right now. I've just kind of gone on the, I don't know why I started on dishes and taking out the trash. But this is also for leaders as well. You know, you could have a sales well. You could have a sales team and you could have a salesperson that's got lower than average results, but they're making more phone calls than everybody else. So instead of going, hey, John, I'm looking at your sales percentage and your sales percentage is crap. Instead of saying something like that and thinking

Starting point is 00:06:21 that that's going to help them, if they made more phone calls than everybody else, why don't you recognize them for that in a public setting? Hey, you know, this person had so many sales last week. Let's give them a round of applause. This person had the highest closing percentage. Let's give them a round of applause. And the person who made the most phone calls, the hardest working person that we saw last week was this person. That person then feels better about themselves than feeling down on themselves for possibly shitty results. And what you're doing is you're reinforcing positively what you want to see in them, but also the rest of the team can see it as well. Oh man, like he outworked me. He did double the amount of calls that I did. I want to do that.

Starting point is 00:07:02 I want to be recognized in front of everybody next week. I'm going to make some more phone calls. And so what it's about is finding people, finding reasons to reinforce and to recognize people versus reprimand them as tip number one says, but then also what you do is you can do it in a public setting, which makes people feel like, you know what? I am doing a good job here. I am doing, you know, I'm getting better. I'm working harder than everybody else. And what you're doing is you're reinforcing the ways that you want people to work in your company. And what happens is more people want to be recognized. So more people actually step out. And what happens is that starts to bring out the best in them. That starts to bring out, instead of the fears and the limiting beliefs, it starts to bring out the idea of like,

Starting point is 00:07:43 hey, I can do this. I can work hard. My closing percentage might not be as high as I want it to be, but damn it, I can at least make more phone calls. And through that repetition of doing more and more and more, they will get better at their phone calls. They will get better at their closing percentage. And so it's like, how can you publicly recognize people as well? Privately, publicly, all of that. How can you just find more good in people? Okay. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, you ever wish that your life, your mind came with a user manual? Unfortunately, it doesn't. Life doesn't come with a user manual. So when it's not working for you, it can feel normal to be stuck. Navigating life's challenges

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Starting point is 00:09:01 there's no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash dial. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash dial. The third thing, which is very important as a leader, which I definitely don't see enough, is model the way that you want people to be. You have to be the lighthouse. And so if you want someone to work hard, you've got to actually show, like if I'm running a team, a company, I want people to see like, I work hard.

Starting point is 00:09:34 Nobody in the company will outwork me. And it makes them realize like, hey, he's not gonna come and just tell me to work hard and then go chill. Like he's gonna tell me to work hard because that's the culture of the team. That's the culture of what we do here. And so you have to actually model the way you want people to be. And so there's the phrase that Gandhi says, which is be the change that you want to see in the world. Well, be the change that you want to see in that person. Don't give them tips on how

Starting point is 00:10:00 they should do better. And then you're not doing that exact thing because that's going to go in one ear and out the other. They're going to say, yeah, great tip, but they're not doing that. And so be the changes you want to see in the world, but be the change you want to see in that person. Be the change that you want to see in your family. Be the change that you want to see in your relationship with your husband or wife or your significant other. Be the changes you want to see in a relationship with your parents. And when you start to be that change, I mean, you are the one listening to this podcast episode. They're not listening to this podcast episode. There are times, many times in our life where if we're growing and we're trying to become better, we need to actually be

Starting point is 00:10:34 that change that we want to see in the relationship because most people don't try to change a relationship that's been around for a while. There usually needs to be one person that steps up and says like, hey, I'm going to lead this. And you don't say this to a person directly, but you say this in your own head of like, I'm going to lead this. I see the direction that I want my relationship with my girlfriend, with my fiance, with my wife, with my brother, sister. This is the relationship that we've had. And I think that that relationship has another level. It's more expansive. And this is what we probably need to do to step into that. I'm going to be the first one to do this in order for us to step into that. And so if you're not the person that's going to be doing what you ask them to do,

Starting point is 00:11:18 your advice is just going to go in one ear and out the other. And so you need to be the example of the advice that you're giving to others. And so that's number three. The fourth one, which is very important as far as how to bring out the best in people. This is for your family. This is for your relationships. And this is definitely very, very clear when you're in a company is to give people more autonomy, like let them lead themselves a little bit more. So many people, and I did this when I was a new manager, I micromanaged way too much, way too much. And in turn, when you micromanage people, you actually make their confidence go down. You make them feel worse about themselves. You have to give them

Starting point is 00:11:57 power. Let them find the power within themselves. Let them discover their own power because micromanaging does one of two things. We think that it's doing well and it's going to be helping our company, it's going to be helping our family, whatever it is. But micromanaging does two things. Number one, it lowers people's confidence a lot of times. And number two, it always enables them to need you. We don't want to enable somebody to need you. We want people to be able to build their own confidence in themselves and what they're doing. And so what we need to do is we need to get better at trusting somebody, knowing they're going to fuck up at some point in time.

Starting point is 00:12:37 Like just trust that's going to happen. Trust them to do what's right and be 100% open to the fact that they will mess things up. But the way to learn and improve is not to be told what to do a lot of times. It's to mess things up ourselves, see what we did wrong and to make adjustments. And the way that I like to help people when instead of micromanaging is something I was taught when I was younger and a very new manager is instead of saying like, Hey, this is the thing I want you to improve on is you give what I like to call a feedback sandwich. A feedback sandwich is you tell them the good thing, you tell them the bad thing, and then you tell them another good thing. And so it feels good. So it feels good because

Starting point is 00:13:18 you say something good. Then you, you know, soften the blow by giving them something bad right after that. And then you tell them something good as well so that the conversation starts and ends on a positive note. And so what they do is you, what you do is you recognize, hey, I'll give you a great example. If we're going back to the sales team example, recognize that they did really well. Hey, John, dude, I love your energy on your phone calls. I love the energy every time I'm walking by your cubicle, every time I'm walking by your office. I love the way that you connect with every single person. The one thing that I think that you probably need some improvement in is your closing percentage. And I think if you tried this thing and this

Starting point is 00:14:00 thing, it would help you with your closing percentage. But the last thing I'll tell you about it is this, dude, I love your hard work. Like you are outworking every single person on Salesforce. Your skills are getting better every single month, every single week, every single day. And I know if you do, number one, keep that energy high and connect with your prospects and make more phone calls than anybody else, your closing percentage is going to fix itself. So those are the things I really want you to focus on. How does that sound? And instead of just going, hey, John, your closing percentage sucked last week. I have messed that up. I have been that guy and driven a lot of people away from businesses,

Starting point is 00:14:37 in my business in the past. So it's the feedback sandwich. Tell them something you like, something that's going well. It could be the tiniest thing too, like the energy on the phone call. It could be like, hey man, I love that you come in here and you seem to be like the brightest person in here as far as like the energy that you bring, the light that you bring. People love being around, whatever it is. It could be a tiny thing. It doesn't have to be something massive. So something that's going well, the thing that they need improvement on, and then what you really love about them. So it's a good, bad, good feedback sandwich. And you could do that with your children. You could do that with company. You could do it with everything. So that's the feedback sandwich. So that's number four. And number five, the one

Starting point is 00:15:13 that I feel is the most important that I think most people just really miss is don't try to change them. Try to love them for who they are. So people in their own minds already talk down to themselves enough. Like your children talk down to themselves enough. Your sales reps talk down themselves enough. Your husband and wife probably talk down to themselves enough. Too many people want to, we want to change people into who we want them to be versus loving them to give them a safe space for them to step up and expand into who they can actually be and who they want to be. So people already talked to themselves enough. If you really want to bring out the best in someone, love them for

Starting point is 00:15:56 who they are. Because all too often people want someone that they're in a relationship with or someone that they manage. We want them to be who we want them to be versus who they are brought on this earth to actually be, who they're supposed to be, what they're supposed to be here to do. So don't try to fix them. I've heard this many times and I can think of a very specific example one time at a seminar that I was running, an event that I was running. There was a lady that stood up and she was like, my son, he doesn't listen to me. He's 16 years old. He does this, this, this, this, this. And I wish he was not lazy so much. I wish that he would do this. I wish that he would do this. I wish that he would do this. And I was like, hey, you know, after hearing her talk for a little while, I was like, I think

Starting point is 00:16:36 the problem is that you're not just loving him for who he is. And he's probably coming to you. It'd be my assumption that he's coming to you and he's coming to you to vent. He's coming to you to tell him what's going on, to have him tell you what's going on in his life and to probably just feel seen and heard by his mother. And you're trying to fix it. You're trying to change him. And she like immediately clicked, started bawling. And she's like, oh my God, he tells me that I'm not listening to him all the time. And I was like, yes, you're hearing him, but he's not feeling seen and he's not feeling understood. And that's what we need to do is create a safe space for you not to be like, hey, you're lazy. You're not working as hard as you're not doing this. You're

Starting point is 00:17:22 not doing this. You're not doing this. And if he comes to you with any problems going on in his life, instead of trying to fix all of those problems, just listen. Sometimes people just need to vent, just need to get it out there and love him for who he is instead of trying to fix him and mold him into who you want him to be. That is the biggest key for helping people become the best that they could possibly be and to really become who they can be and should be as well. And so those are the six tips. Number one, find reasons to recognize versus reasons to reprimand. Number two, offer public recognition when you can and make it authentic. Number three, model and become the persons you want, like model the traits that

Starting point is 00:17:59 you want to see in them. Number four, trust them, give them more autonomy. And number five, don't try to change them. Just freaking love the person for who they are. And they will then in turn feel like it's a safe space for them to become the better version of themselves. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. If you want to follow this podcast on Instagram, we've been blowing up on Instagram for the podcast. It is The Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, The Mindset Mentor Podcast on Instagram. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it

Starting point is 00:18:33 your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How To Bring Out The Best in People

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