The Mindset Mentor - How to Change Someone Else

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

Episode 659 - One of the most common questions I get always has something to do with changing someone else. So in this episode, I am going to tech you how to change the people around you for the better.Click here to join my Habit Mastery 30 Challenge: http://bit.ly/2map8bY Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And last but not least, I want to tell you real quick about the importance of having somebody to hold you accountable before we dive into today's episode. So there was a recent study that was done by the American Society of Training and Development around the probability of you completing a goal. So if you have an idea of a goal, then you have about a 10% chance of accomplishing your goal. If you consciously decide that you will do it, then you have about a 25% chance of accomplishing that goal. If you decide when you will do it by, then you have a 40% chance of accomplishing your goal. If you plan how you will do it, then you have a 50% chance of accomplishing your goal. And if you commit to someone that you will do it, then you have a 65% chance of accomplishing your goal. But check this out. If you have a specific accountability appointment or schedule with the person that you've committed to, then you have a 95% chance,

95% chance of accomplishing your goal. What does that all mean? It means that when you have accountability from somebody or from a group or from some specific people that your chance of completion of that goal goes up to 95%. It makes it 95% higher that you're going to hit that goal. So that's the importance of community and why you want to have a community that will hold you accountable to your goal or one person at least that will hold you accountable to whatever goal that you're trying to hit for yourself. So that's the reason why I have this habit mastery challenge coming up and why it's an entire group of people. There's already over 250 people that are in this group that are challenging themselves to go straight for 30 days, every single day to hit a goal. And if they mess

up, they have to, they have to go back at day one and they're going 30 days to break their habits and to create the habits that they want. And I're going 30 days to break their habits and to create the habits that they want. And I'm going to be coaching them every single day to hold them accountable and to make them better. So if you're interested in joining us, join us. Go to habits30.com, habits with an S at the end, 30.com. Check it out. There's a 15 or 20 minute video that's up there that explains every aspect of it. You can see if it's right for you. Go to habits30.com and check it out. Okay. So today what we're going to be talking about is helping or changing the people around you. You know, one of the questions that I get the most from people is Rob, I'm on this, this path of self-development, but my wife doesn't want to

do it with me or my friends still do this, or my mom should be doing this because she's always such a negative thinker. And they're always trying to change everyone else around them. And I remember that for me, the hardest part of being a manager, you know, by the time I was 24, I trained over 2000 sales reps in the company that I was with. I owned a, you know, a corporation, I owned a franchise in a corporation. I trained over 2000 people by the age of 24. And the thing that drove me the craziest was this. There would be so many people that were so qualified. They had the right background. They seemed like they had the right attitude. They seemed like they were perfect for

the job. They would go through training and then they wouldn't do as well as I thought they would They would go through training and then they wouldn't do as well as I thought they would because they just didn't seem to care enough. They didn't make the phone calls. They didn't go to the appointments. They didn't take the action that they needed to, the action that they were trained to take in training. They just didn't do it. And it used to drive me crazy.

And then I had a conversation with my mentor and he said this phrase to me, and I still think about it to this day when I'm trying to help somebody change. And that is this, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. And what does that mean? It means that you can teach everybody what they need to be taught. You can take somebody to the seminars. You can give your spouse the book and hope they read it, but it's their choice whether they decide to go to the seminar with you or read the book that you've given them

or take the action that you've told them that they should take. You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You can give them everything that they need, but if they decide to actually take action, that's up to them. And some people just aren't at the point of their lives and they may never be at the point of their lives where they want to take the action. Here's the worst part about it. If you force their head underwater to try to make them drink, they'll say you're drowning them. And that makes it even worse. So you can bring them to the lake for them to take

a drink. And usually we're like, hey, take a drink. Hey, take a drink. Hey, take a drink. Hey, take a drink. And they're not taking a drink. We're like, well, I'm going to push your damn head in the water. And you push their head in the water. And then they actually resist the water because of how much force you're using.

So what I want to tell you is this. If you're thinking about changing the people around you, if you so badly want to change the people around you, there's only one way to do it. And that's by changing yourself. The only way to make everyone else's life around you better is to change yourself first. That's the only way. That's it. It's the exact phrase that Gandhi says of be the change that you want to see in the world. If you want to see your spouse make strides in their personal development, you first need to make strides in your personal development and they need to see the change in you. If you want your best friend

to start reading more so that they can become more successful, start reading more and then just casually have conversations. Don't force it on them, but casually have conversations. Oh yeah, I was reading this one book and it just changed my life. Not push it on them because when you push and you force, push their head underwater, they're going to say that you're, that you're drowning them and they're going to, they're going to actually resist the one thing that you want them to do. The only thing worse than not doing what you want them to do and not going through personal growth is resisting it because of how much you're pushing it on them. And if you've ever heard me talk about the difference between the lighthouse and the towboat, you need to be the lighthouse. The difference between lighthouse and the towboat is this. The towboat, what does it do? It goes out

and gets boats that are broken down and it pulls them into the harbor and uses all of its energy and its force and everything that it could possibly do to get that other boat into the harbor. And it does it, but it does it through tons and tons of force. What does the lighthouse do? The lighthouse stays in one place. It has one job and that one job is to shine its light as bright as it can. And if it shines its light as bright as it can. And if it shines its light as bright as it can, it safely gets the boats in the harbor so that they don't hit the rocks. So both the lighthouse and the towboat do the exact same thing, but they do it in way different ways. What do I mean by that? Most of us usually live our lives like the towboat. We go and they, we force people,

try to, you should read this book. You should go to this conference. You should do this with me. You should do this. This is changing my life. You should do this. You should do this. You should do this. And then sometimes they listen, but most of the time they don't. And usually when they don't, they actually resist it because we're drowning them. The only real way is to be the lighthouse, to read the books, to have the change in your life, to lose the weight, to go to the seminars, to pay for the mentors, to join the challenge groups, to join the different meetups around you, to do everything that you can to improve yourself. And when they start to see the changes in you, they start to see the changes in how happy you are, how much more money you're

making, how much weight you've lost. Then what happens? They come up to you and they go, Hey, what have you been doing? And you're like, Oh, just the things I've been telling you for the past few months. I've been reading more. I hired a mentor. I've been going to conferences. I've been waking up and journaling. I've been meditating. And then they see it and they go, Oh, that change that I see in her or him is the change that I want in my life. And if I want to be more like them, all I need to do is just follow in their footsteps. Maybe I should read this book. Maybe I should wake up and go to the gym with them. And that's how you start to change them. But sometimes you have to realize some people are just going to resist change and that's their journey. You have to let everybody live their journey and stop trying to force people to do the journey that

you want them to do. So you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. And if you try to push its head in the water to force it to drink, it will resist you and tell you that you're drowning it. So remember that when you're trying to change the people's lives that are around you. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you like this, please share with someone that you know and love. And please do me a favor. As I say at the end of every episode,

make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I wanna start sharing how you guys are making everybody else's day better. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to go out and do something, anything, even if it's a tiny little act, good deed for somebody else. And then I want you to do. I want you to go out and do something, anything, even if it's a tiny little act, good deed for somebody else. And then I want you to send me a quick email.

And if you wanted it to be anonymous, that's completely fine. You can say, hey, please don't say my name or please make this anonymous. And at the end of each episode or every few episodes, I wanna share what you guys are doing to make everybody else's day better to then inspire other listeners

for them to make everybody else's life better as well. So send me an email, rd, like Rob Dial, rd at robdial.com. Once again, rd at robdial.com. Send me an email and let me know what you're doing to make others' lives better so that I can share it at the end of the podcast and I can end our podcast with an email from you guys. So rd at robdial.com. Send me the email. And once again, if you're interested in joining our community and getting 30 days of lessons for me, go to habits30.com. Join our habit mastery challenge over the course of 30 days. I'm going to give you daily coaching lessons to help you become better, to teach you how to break your habits. And we're going to be taking habits that you want to break, habits that you want to create. We're going to be tracking them every single day so that you can become a new person by the end of 30 days. So

if you're interested in that, go to habits30.com and I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.