The Mindset Mentor - How to Change the People Around You

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, please do me a favor, give us a rating and review. However you listen to us, the more positive rating and reviews that we get on Spotify and on Apple Podcasts, the more that those platforms show this podcast and present it to people who have never heard of it before, which then allows the message to grow and allows this podcast to grow as well. So if you would do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about how to change the people

Starting point is 00:00:42 around you. And there's a quote that I want to give you before we dive in. And the quote is this, you can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. You might be listening and you're like, what the hell does that mean? He just said, I couldn't change them and now I can change them. Let me use the exact same phrase, but let me go ahead and put a different emphasis on a couple of words. You can't change the people around you,

Starting point is 00:01:05 but you can change the people around you, which means the people who are around you, you can't necessarily change. But the people that you surround yourself with, you can always change those people to somebody else who is on this path of growth with you. And so I want you to understand that as you go on this journey of growing yourself, I've been into personal development now for, what are we at? 16 years I've been into it. And you start to notice once you get into it, especially when you're in the newer side of it, you start to notice a lot of positive things, positive effects that it has on you. You start to notice your happiness starting to go up. Things that used to piss you off don't really piss you off anymore.

Starting point is 00:01:50 You start to notice your mind start to change. Maybe you're more motivated. Maybe you find yourself going to the gym more often. You notice a lot of changes in your body. You notice that growing yourself, that personal growth, before you get into it, sounds like this corny thing that you do. And then as you get into it, you're like, hey, I actually see how this personal growth is helping me in all aspects of my life. And so naturally, what do you want to do?

Starting point is 00:02:12 You want to tell everybody. You want to hop on top of Instagram Live and say, hey, everybody, you need to make sure that you do this. You want to go out to the nearest square and scream to everybody, you guys should read this book. You want to let everybody know that they should be on this journey as well, right? You want to tell your friends about it. You want to tell your significant other about it. You want to tell your parents about it. You want to tell the world about it. You want to make sure that the positive

Starting point is 00:02:37 benefits that you've been getting can be spread to the entire world, right? What a beautiful thing. So nice of you to want to make sure that everybody else in the world starts to grow themselves. But there's a phrase that I remember whenever I think of something like this, and the phrase is, the most righteous are the newly converted. And we have to realize that when we see positive benefits, of course, we want other people to have these positive benefits. But if we try to force our beliefs or our positive benefits or our path that we're on onto somebody else, force is usually resisted stronger than if somebody just is talking in a conversation. If I'm trying to force somebody to do something, they're going to resist me equally to how much force I'm putting onto them.

Starting point is 00:03:23 And when I say the most righteous are the newly converted, we see it all over the place, right? It happens in religion. It happens in, you know, plant medicine journeys. It happens with personal growth. Like if you look at religion, somebody gets into religion and they want to tell everybody about it. They've gotten positive benefits. Maybe they got off of alcohol. Maybe they got off of drugs. And it's a beautiful thing that they are able to find something that helps them. But then in turn, what they do is they try to push everybody into it. And this isn't every single person that finds religion, obviously. But this is just me speaking in generalities. We've seen people many times where they decide

Starting point is 00:03:56 to go and join a religion and they get a lot of benefits from it. And so what do they want to do? They want to profess to everybody that the right thing is to do is to follow the path that they've been on. I see the exact same thing with people who take plant medicine, people who go and do mushrooms for the very first time, people who do ayahuasca for the very first time. When I first did ayahuasca, I was like, oh my God, everybody needs to do this because it was so amazing and I got so much from it. And then I realized I just looked like a crazy person, right? And so now I don't force anybody to do it. Obviously, I don't profess that much anymore. If somebody wants to get into a conversation with me about it, I'll talk about it, but I'm not trying to get everyone to do it. And, you know, it's one of those things where it's like the first time you do a psychedelic,

Starting point is 00:04:35 you're like, oh my God, the entire world needs this. Everybody needs to do it. I agree. Everybody does need to do it. It would be great, but I don't think everybody can handle it. And I don't think it's the right thing for every single person. So, you know, we see that the most righteous are the newly converted with that as well. And the exact same thing happens in personal growth, right? You start buying books and you read a book and you read Think and Grow Rich and you're like, oh my God, this is groundbreaking. So what do you do? You buy it for everyone that you know. And then the next time you see them, you're like, have you read that book yet? Next time you see them, have you read the book yet? Next time you see them, have you read the book yet? Next time you see them, have you read the book yet? And you do it over and you're just like badgering these people to try

Starting point is 00:05:14 to grow. You can't force someone to step into their own transformation, right? And so the way that you change people around you, the way that you actually change them is to embody the thing that you want them to have so that they can see the results in you. I'll give you a good example. Let's say that you decide to start working out and you try to force a friend to work out with you and force them and force them and force them and they're just not into it. And you're like, all right, fine. I'll go on this weight loss journey by myself. You go on this weight loss journey by yourself and you lose 40 pounds in the next eight months.

Starting point is 00:05:49 And the next time you see your friend, your friend's gonna be like, holy shit, what did you do? You're gonna be like, I went on this weight loss journey. And they're like, well, tell me about it. Tell me, what does your workout look like? What does your routine look like? What do you eat? Is there a way that you can start to teach me these things?

Starting point is 00:06:03 And what happens is by you embodying the change, the weight loss, the health that they wanted and that you wanted as well, makes them go, hey, what did you do? Right? What did you do? And how can I get that? It's kind of how they're thinking in their head, you know? So instead of actually going to people and trying to convert people for whatever it is that you believe, you have to embody the thing that you want other people to see. As Gandhi said, you have to be the change that you want to see in the world. And so whatever change you want to see in the people around you, you need to be that change first before anybody becomes attracted to the route to get there and become that. to the route to get there and become that. If I think about going back to the most righteous of the new converted, we talk about religion, right? The most embodied Christian that I've

Starting point is 00:06:50 ever met was my grandfather, right? More than any priest, more than any preacher, everything that Christianity preaches, he personified. And I never saw him try to convert one person ever. But knowing him and seeing him and getting to see how he treats people, his happiness, everything would make anybody want to go, man, what does this guy do? Like, this is the kindest, sweetest, most amazing person. What does this guy do? He embodied all of the things that it teaches. And in turn, many people would ask him, hey, like, what do you do? And he would talk to him about it, right? And so there's literally with this guy, there's nothing that you could have done to make him not love you. There's nothing that you could

Starting point is 00:07:32 have done to make him stop loving you. Look, we all want to turn back the clock. For some, it's vanity. Others, it's to relive those glory days. And for me, I love to wake up in the morning with zero brain fog, with a clear mind, and as energized as I used to be when I was younger. But thanks to First Person, I could take a more active role in my brain's overall health. After witnessing the deteriorating effects of Alzheimer's on their father and grandfathers' cognitive health, brothers Chris and Joe were determined to take their brain health into their own hands. 25 years of research and experimentation later, they created First Person, an innovative, precision-targeted cognitive supplement system which uses brain-boosting medicinal benefits of mushrooms to activate the full potential of human cognition and brain health. First Person supplements are made with functional mushrooms that aim to

Starting point is 00:08:14 stimulate the body's natural production of specific neurotransmitters that trigger activities like energy, mood, and sleep. And First Person is 100% grain-free organic mushrooms, as well as highly curated blend of nutraceuticals sourced from best in-class vendors. And if you're looking for motivation and focus, one of their best things to try out is Sunbeam. So start improving your brain health and cognition with First Person. Get 15% off your first order by going to getfirsterson.com and use the code DIAL. That's G-E-T-F-I-R-S-T-P-E-R-S-O-N.com slash DIAL for 15% off of your first order. GetFirstPerson.com code DIAL. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. You know, there was a crazy, crazy story one time

Starting point is 00:09:03 where, you know, when my grandfather was older, my grandmother's older as well. They're both in the 90s. They get one of those scam calls that we get a lot of scam calls, especially nowadays in America. and he's like, Rob's in jail? And he's like, yes. And he's like, what happened? He's like, oh, he was in a car with some of his friends. They were going to a concert and his friends had cocaine in the car and you need to wire $20,000 to get him out of jail. There's like no questions asked.

Starting point is 00:09:32 I didn't, and this was completely a scam. I was in Orlando, Florida at the time. My mom calls me up. She's like, where are you? And I was like, Orlando. And she's like, are you sure you're in Orlando? I'm like, yeah, I'm sure I'm in Orlando. She's like, your grandpa's about to wire $20,000

Starting point is 00:09:43 to some Canadian prison to get you out because he heard that you were in there for cocaine. I was like, what? I'm not in any Canadian prison for cocaine. I'm doing work right now in Orlando. But it was just a story of like, there was no question of if he was going to help, right? He would do anything for somebody else. He'd do anything, give his short off his back. He personified all of the things that most people preach. That is the way that we can start to change people around us is to personify what everybody else preaches. So instead of preaching the change that somebody is going to see from getting into personal growth, why don't you just personify that and see if people start coming up to you when they notice how much happier that you

Starting point is 00:10:21 are, when they notice how much your life has changed, when they notice how your relationships have changed, when they notice how your body has changed, your mindset has changed, your joy has changed, your bank account has changed, your career has changed, all of that, your business has changed. When they notice all of those things changing in you, the same way that if you were to lose 40 pounds in the next eight months, someone's going to say, what did you do? When someone can see the change in you based off of all of the growth and personal growth and the podcast you've been listening to and the things that you've been doing, naturally, what are they going to do? They're going to be like, hey, you look so happy. You look so much better than the last time I saw you. You seem lighter. What have you been doing?

Starting point is 00:10:58 Now you can start to talk to them about it. So instead of preaching about it, you actually personify what that thing is. And, you know, the example that I always give that my grandfather was, but then many other people that personify these types of things are, is the difference between the lighthouse and the towboat, right? The lighthouse and the towboat, both of them, their job is to make sure that ships get into the harbor safely. That's it. But the way that they do it is two completely different ways. A towboat, what does it do? It goes out to the harbor. It gets the boats and it uses all of its energy and its force and it pulls and pulls and pulls and pulls and pulls a boat into the harbor. It still gets the harbor, still gets it into the harbor safely. It does that, but it has

Starting point is 00:11:39 to use force, brute force to try to move a boat into the harbor safely. What does a lighthouse do? force, brute force to try to move a boat into the harbor safely. What does a lighthouse do? A lighthouse is firm in its place. It knows exactly what it's supposed to do. It does exactly what it's supposed to do. It shines its light. And by shining its light, it helps boats get into the harbor safely as well. What we want to do if we're really trying to change the people around us and to help them become better is we need to stop being the towboat and start being the lighthouse. I can't tell you how many emails I've gotten, how many Instagram messages I've gotten from people that are just like, hey, I just got into personal growth. I love your podcast. I started reading books and I'm growing, but my husband's not. How do I get my husband to start reading all of these books? And

Starting point is 00:12:17 I'm like, you don't. You don't, right? You just can't force somebody to decide that they want to transform. You can't force transformation onto somebody else. I'm buying him all the books. I'm trying to get him to meditate with me. I'm trying to get him to take a cold shower. And your husband's like, what the fuck is going on? Right? And then it's like force, force, force, force, force.

Starting point is 00:12:35 And then like, I don't know why he's not doing it. He's actually resisting me even more. Because you're forcing. That's why. Force always is met with resistance. I always tell people when Lauren and I first met, you know, we've been together for eight years now, but when we first met the first five years or so, she wasn't in a personal development at all. It was kind of wild for me because I'm so into

Starting point is 00:12:53 personal development and it was years and years and years. And all I did was, you know, did I buy her books? Yes. Did I try to get her to come to seminars with me? Yes. And then eventually I was just like, okay, this isn't her path. Maybe one day she'll decide that she wants to start working on herself. And if she does, I'll be here and I can help. And I was like, okay, cool. I'll just do it. I mean, I had this podcast. I was running this podcast and had hundreds of episodes before she finally decided, you know what? I want to start growing myself. And there was some force in the beginning. I was like buying her books or trying to get her to come to seminars with me, all this stuff. And then one day I was just like, you know what? I need to be the lighthouse. I need to just work on myself because that is my only duty here is to work on myself to make

Starting point is 00:13:28 myself better. And if she wants to join along this path, she can join on this path. If she doesn't, she doesn't. But whatever it is, she's going to choose whatever journey is best for her. But over years and years and years and years and years, she saw me working on myself. She saw me reading countless books, watching YouTube videos, listening to podcast episodes, trying to learn from people that I wanted to learn from. And she saw the benefit. She saw the changes in me. And eventually she got to the point where she's just like, maybe I should check this out. And now she's on her own journey. There's times I'll come home and she's in her office and she's reading a book that is not a book that I

Starting point is 00:14:04 bought for her. That is a book that she bought for herself. And she's going through different courses and doing stuff on her own. And it's just like, I had to embody, I had to stop being the toe bone and I had to start being the lighthouse. And so for those of you guys that are out there and you're trying to change the people around you and you're trying to force your family, your children, your spouse, everybody around you to change. It ain't going to work. And in fact, it's going to actually have repercussions against you where it's going to be the exact opposite of what you want. You're going to have people force, like rejecting the force that you're putting onto them. And they're going to hate the books that you give them. They're

Starting point is 00:14:38 going to hate personal growth. They're going to hate all of that stuff. So the best thing that you could do is just personify the change that you want to see in everybody. Now, will everyone come around? I don't know, but that's not your job. Your job is not to force everybody. Your job is to work on yourself. That's it. Your job is to work on yourself. But now that brings us to our next topic when we talk about everybody around us changing. If we go back to the first phrase that I said at the beginning, you can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. So the people around you, are they right for being into your future? Is this the right person to help you and support you and help you grow into your future? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:15:19 That's something for you to find out. That's something for you to be aware of. But you have to be aware of people that are supporting you and not supporting you on your journey. Are they, are they, the people around you, are they helping you grow? Are they motivating you? When you come in and you have worked on yourself and they see that you're happier, do they talk about how proud of you they are? You seem so much happier. You've lost weight. You look better. All of this stuff. Or are they trying to shoot holes in every single success that you have, right? If you look at a flower, if a flower doesn't grow, do you blame the flower? No. What do you blame? You blame the environment. You see, is this getting enough sun? Is this

Starting point is 00:15:59 getting enough water? Is it getting the right type of air? Is the air too toxic around it? You have to start asking yourself, if I'm working on myself and trying to grow myself and i'm finding it so hard to grow myself you have to look around you at one point in time and be like maybe some of the people around me are not the type of people around me that i should have going into my future they're not supporting me because when a flower doesn't grow you don't blame the flower you blame the environment and you change the environment you change the environment. You change the environment, not the flower. Some of you listening to this podcast might need to take a real, real look around you and see if those are right. Those are around you are the right environment for the life that you're trying to build in your future. They might be, they might

Starting point is 00:16:40 not be. That's not my decision. That is your decision and something for you to figure out. You know, it's hard enough to change yourself. You know that it is. Going through change and trying to work through childhood traumas and trying to work through your triggers and trying to work through all the things that you've, you know, all the times that you get angry and your short fuses and your sadness, your emotions, all of those things are hard enough. It's way harder when you're surrounded by people who don't support you. Let me put it another way. It's way harder when you're surrounded by people who suck, right? And so sometimes you need to look around you and be like, is this the right environment to support my growth? Or should I take a really hard look at my environment and see if there's certain changes that need to be

Starting point is 00:17:19 made? Because this is the thing that I know. You can't change the people around you. You can't force them to change, but you can change can't change the people around you. You can't force them to change. But you can change the environment of the people around you. Your job is not to change anybody and make them try to step into their own transformation. Your job is to transform yourself. And in turn, hopefully you inspire other people around you to do that as well. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories

Starting point is 00:17:45 and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And also if you are already on Instagram, clearly you enjoy it. You can go ahead and follow this podcast on your Instagram. It is The Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, The Mindset Mentor Podcast. Go ahead and follow us on there. We have 20 something thousand people

Starting point is 00:18:03 that already follow us on there. And I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How to Change the People Around You

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.