The Mindset Mentor - How To Change Your Self Talk

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

In this episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast, we'll be talking about something super important: how to treat ourselves with more kindness and love. I've noticed that so many of you struggle with negative self-talk, and trust me, I've been there too.So, why is self-love so crucial? Well, it's the key to building confidence and living the life you truly desire. Imagine confidence as a stack of building blocks. Every time you speak kindly to yourself and take positive actions, you're adding another block. But every time you put yourself down, it's like removing one.The thing is that the way you talk to yourself affects everything – from your actions to how others perceive you. And let's not forget about comparison, especially on social media. It's like a joy thief!But here's the good news: you have the power to change your self-talk and mindset. It starts with awareness. Grab a pen and paper, jot down those negative thoughts, and then counter them with your achievements and things you love about yourself.My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast, the number one mindset podcast in the entire world. Thanks to all of you out there listening. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button. If you're the type of person who wants to learn and grow and improve themselves by understanding yourself, understanding your neurology, biology, psychology, all of that. I put out episodes four times a week, so if you don't want to miss another one, hit that subscribe button. Today, we're going to be talking about

how to change your internal self-talk so that you can learn to accept yourself a little bit more, and then as you start to accept yourself a little bit more, love yourself a little bit more. And then as you start to accept yourself a little bit more, love yourself a little bit more. Ladies and gentlemen, let's just talk about how to have a little bit more self-love. Because I hear it so often. I hear so many people, I get so many messages. I read and talk to a lot of you guys on Instagram as you guys send me messages. And there's just so many of you, if I'm being honest, they're just kind of assholes to yourself. just so many of you, if I'm being honest, they're just kind of assholes to yourself, right? Like, just beat yourself up for things that you do, things that you don't do, the way that you did something, the way that you didn't do something, for the things that you're thinking, for the things that you're... It's just like life is hard enough. You don't have to be such an asshole to

yourself. Like, why is self-love so important? Because it really helps you and starts to help you build confidence. Or if you don't have it, if you are negative to yourself, it hurts you and it hurts your confidence. And so the way I always say is like, I like to think of confidence of like jingo blocks, right? When you start to speak positively to yourself, when you start to do things that are heading in the right direction in alignment with the life you're trying to create, it's like taking another little jingle block and you're just putting them out there and you're stacking these confidence blocks. But as you start talking shit to yourself, it's like pulling one of them away. And so a lot of

people are like, how do I have more confidence? And almost always when I ask somebody who asked me that question, how do I have more confidence? Usually their self-talk is something that's really that needs to be fixed. It's not in a good place. And so when you talk to yourself in a really good way or in a bad way, it in turn affects the actions that you do or do not take. It also affects the way that you carry yourself in every moment. When you see a confident person walk in the room, you can usually tell because of the way that they hold themselves, right? I'm not talking about a cocky person. I'm talking about a confident person. You can just tell in the way that they carry themselves. But you can also tell when a unconfident person walks

in the room, someone who's not confident in themselves, someone who talks trash to themselves, you can see in their body language. It affects the way that you interact with other people. It affects the way that other people perceive you. And so it's not something that you're born with. It has to do with the actions that you take, the things that you do, but also the way that you talk to yourself. And it will also, if you're a single person right now, it will affect if you do or do not find the significant other that you really want to, or the significant other that you want to attract, because you attract someone that is like you. You attract someone that is equal to you on their growth scale. Most of the time, you know, this is a vast generalization, but usually an extremely confident

person is not going to be attracted to someone who is not confident, right? Usually they want somebody whose energy matches them in some sort of way where they can walk through the world and be confident. Like men out there, I know you can relate. In order for you to attract a badass, confident woman, you are going to have to be on another level of confidence and badass as well, right? So like attracts like. And so I want you guys to all understand that it all comes back though to self-love. And so in today's episode, I'm going to talk about self-love. I'm going to talk about how to get better at self-love and self-acceptance, and then also how to speak to yourself better as well. And I'm going to give you some tips on all it, right? So I want you to go on a journey with me,

and I want you to just imagine for a moment a child, right? We're just going to build a fake child in front of us, and I want you to imagine that that child is talked down to their entire lives. Their parents talk down to them, their teachers talk down to them. They talk down to themselves. They're told that they're stupid. They're told that they're worthless. They're told that they're unlovable. They're told that they'll never amount to anything. Day in, day out, most of the day, right? It's terrible, but what's crazy is it happens. How wounded do you think that child would be? Like very wounded, right? And if they're so wounded, how do you think that that will affect them and what they believe in

themselves as they grow up? They're probably not going to believe in themselves much. They're probably not going to have much confidence. They're probably not going to carry themselves very well. They probably won't take risks because they don't think that they can follow through. And they probably, probably won't live the life that they ultimately want. You can see it, right? You understand it? Well, what the fuck is the difference between you and that child? Think about that.

Don't just think because you're older that something is different. Oh, I'm older so I can take a criticism better. When someone tells me that I look stupid or that I'm unlovable or that they talk down to me and I talk down to myself, just because you're older, don't think that something's different, right? There's very little difference between you and that child. The little bit of difference between you and that child is that they can walk away from their abuser. But you are your abuser if you talk negatively to yourself. The child can walk away from their abuser. You cannot. And so you've got to start to think about that. a lot of people. And I've said this before, and it really kinds of hits with people. I want, I say like, imagine when you were a kid and there's that bully, right? Like there was just

like the biggest asshole to you. Like for me, I remember specifically the biggest asshole bullied to me in high school is a kid named Anthony, right? I won't say his last name just because, you know, I'm not going to do that, but Anthony was an asshole, right? And I remember him. And if I think like, who was the biggest bully to me when I was a kid? He's the first one that pops up into my head. Who's the first one that pops up into your head? Maybe it was middle school. Maybe it was elementary school. Maybe it was high school. Maybe it was your parents. Who was the biggest bully to you when you were a child? The teacher? Who was it? I want you to understand that you are way more of a bully to yourself than that person ever has been. That person isn't a bully. They're gone. They're

not constantly abusing you inside of your head like a lot of people listening to this podcast are. If you talk down to yourself, if you talk negatively to yourself, you are your biggest abuser. You are your biggest bully. Most people listening to this are a bigger bully than anyone has ever been to them in their entire life. And I want you to think about that. I don't want you to guilt yourself and shame yourself because now you're having awareness of it, but I want you to just become aware and just let it sink into your

bones of like, wow, yeah, I have been really mean to myself and I don't deserve that. I don't. I deserve better. I deserve speaking to myself better. So don't then guilt and shame yourself and beat yourself up and abuse yourself even more by saying, oh, you're an asshole. You shouldn't talk to yourself that way. Just become aware and say, I'm going to change it. You know, I've given this example many times before, but years ago, Jay Shetty put up a video and he had these ladies come in. I've talked about this many times in the podcast because I think it's the most potent example physically of how this works. And he had these women come in, they're probably in their thirties. And he gave them a pen and paper and said, I want you to write down everything that

you say to yourself, all of the negative things that you say to yourself inside of your head. They write them all down and they write them down and they says, okay, come over with me to another room. And he has him go to another room. And in that other room, these girls that are, you know, 25, 30 years old, these ladies, their younger sisters are in the room and they're like 11, 12, 13 years old. And he says, okay, I want you to read what you put on that piece of paper. And I want you to talk to them and tell them everything. Don't, don't say this is what I wrote.

I want you to talk to them the way that you talk to yourself and everything you have on that piece of paper. And these women were just like appalled. Oh my God, I would never do something like that. Right? What's the difference between you doing it to yourself? You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself. So why do you talk to yourself that way? You know, like if a friend, just imagine that if a friend calls you up and says, Hey, I'm going through a really tough time right now. And they, they just explain what they're going through. What would you, how would you be there for them? How would you support them?

Probably way different than the way that you support yourself, right? When you're going through a hard time, when you do something wrong. Oh, I just, your friend calls you up. Hey, I just went on a date and it didn't do really well. I thought he was really cute. I thought he was great, but you know, he told me he didn't want to see me again. You wouldn't be like, yeah, well that's also because of the fact like, you know, you're, you're getting a little bit fat. You've gained about 10 pounds in the past couple of years. You're not taking care of yourself as well. You're also starting to break out a little bit on your face also. And like, you wouldn't talk to them that way. But if something happens like that to you, you then go look in the mirror and you start talking trash to yourself, right? So how would you talk to somebody the way that, how would you talk to someone that you love that's going

through something as if they come to you? That's the way that you should support yourself, but so few people support themselves that way. So what do you say when you look in the mirror? When you look in the mirror after getting a shower, you're like, oh my gosh, you look bad here, you look fat here, you're stupid, you're unlovable, you're getting a little fupa over here, you know, whatever it might be, what do you say to yourself? Or do you sit there and you look at yourself and you're like, Hey, you're doing a good job. I know we're still improving. We're not where we want to be yet, but I believe in you. We're getting better. You know, you're still, even if you're, your body's still changing, it's like, Oh yeah, you might still be overweight, but it's like, you've also

lost a pound in the past two weeks. I'm proud of you for losing a pound, right? How can you support yourself the same way that you would support a friend that called you and needed support? Because you need a lot of support. We all need a lot of support. All too often, we get caught up in comparison and we compare ourselves to other people. And this is what social media really sucks at, right? We compare ourselves naturally to other people.

It's just a natural thing to do. And comparison is the thief of joy. You know, you don't love your body because you're looking on Instagram. You tell yourself that you have, you know, a fat ass because you're comparing yourself to a Photoshopped model that you saw on Instagram. Or damn, even right now, AI, like AI models are taking off on Instagram. They're not even real people. And there's people that are following AI models that don't know that they're AI. They're never been a real person.

And they're comparing themselves, their human body, to a artificial intelligence built person who has the perfect body with the perfect dimensions and all of that. Of course, you're going to be comparing yourself and talking trash, right? But it's like, maybe you should get off of social media for a little while. You know, you talk trash to yourself because you procrastinated. You went online and now you're comparing yourself to the one friend that you have from high school that just, you know, bought a massive house. Or you're comparing yourself to the one friend in high school who's now traveling all over the place and you're stuck at your desk job. Or you're pissed off that you're driving your 12-year-old Kia and you're thinking about how that 20-year-old

Bitcoin millionaire just put up pictures on his Instagram of the Lambo that he just bought. And you're comparing yourself constantly to these other people. If you find yourself comparing and it's stealing your joy from life, maybe you should delete Instagram for a little while. Try it out. See how it works for you. You have to understand and you have to get better at just accepting. Where you are is where you are. That's a fact. Like in this moment, nothing can change because you are where you are. But the only thing that can change is from what we do right now, from this moment forward. And I do know that one absolute fact is it is harder to get motivated and go to the gym and build a business and be a better person and learn and to stop gym, and build a business, and be a better person, and learn, and to stop

procrastinating, and to work harder. It is harder to do all of those things when you feel like shit. And guess what? When you talk trash to yourself, it makes you feel like shit. Doesn't make you feel good, does it? So if we want to, if we are comparing ourselves, and then we're saying, well, I want to build a business just like, you know, my friend from high school built a business. And then you start talking trash to yourself. It's going to make it really hard to start building that business and take the right action. But how do you feel when someone's telling you how great you're doing?

We all love words of affirmation. How much better do you feel when your friend comes over and they're like, oh my God, your body's looking good. You're looking great. Have you lost a few pounds? How proud they are of you that you're taking action? How much they love you? How does that make you feel?

Oh, like there's not a human in the world that's like, I hate that, right? It makes you feel good. Imagine if you had that every day. Imagine if you had that one friend who's just positive affirmations in your ear all day long, how much easier it'd be to take action. Right. And it could be, but it could be you instead of that person. And so you've got to start to understand and become very aware of the way that you talk to yourself. A lot of people, what I found have become their patterns of talking to themselves negatively have become so normal

that they just don't even notice it anymore. It's just because it's like when you hear about the story of the old fish swimming by the two younger fish and he says, hey, water's great today, isn't it? The two younger fish look at each other and it's like, what's water? Because they're just young. They don't know that they're in, they're just in it. It's literally who they are.

It's a part of their life. They're just in water all the time. Some people have such negativity surrounding them and also surrounding them inside of their own head that they don't even notice it anymore. But they just notice they don't feel good. So you're either your biggest fan or your biggest critic. You know, like you have to start thinking about this is like if i said to you here's a pen and paper i want you to write down all of the bad things that you say to yourself all of the ways that you're hard on yourself all of the ways that you talk trash to yourself understand that if that's the majority of what's going on in your head you will get what you focus on the most

and if you focus on the shit you will will get more shit. I promise you that. And so if you're looking at that list and you're looking at that list and seeing all the bad things you say to yourself, and then you're starting to see that all of these things are still around, all of these things are starting to get stronger, they're going to keep popping up because that's what your brain is focusing on all day long. And so what I would recommend is taking that list of all of the bad things that you say to yourself, you write it down and just force yourself to write all of it down. So you can physically see it on paper because it makes a difference when it goes from in your head to on a physical piece of paper where you can see it and you're like, dang, no, this is not good.

I don't want to do this anymore. Take that piece of paper after you do it, rip it out and burn it. And then what I want you to do is I want you to write down all of the ways that you want to speak to yourself. You know, all of the things that you're proud of yourself for. Every, I used to have my clients do this years ago when I would work with one-on-one clients and I would have them write down, I called it, I called it their awesome list. I said, you need to come up with 100 things that you like about yourself, that you've accomplished, that you've done well. I don't care if you got third place in a spelling bee

in fourth grade, write it down. Every accomplishment, everything that you like about yourself, everything that you do well. And I want you to start focusing on those things because what you focus on, you will get more of. And if you're focusing on all of the shit, you'll get more of. And if you're focusing on all of the shit, you'll get more shit. And you'll have more things to judge yourself on. You'll be more things to be mad about. But if you start focusing on your accomplishments and what you like about yourself,

you will start finding more things that you like about yourself. And naturally, you'll start speaking to yourself a little bit better. And so ultimately, you have to realize the way that you speak to yourself might be one of the most important things of either helping you create the life that you want or holding you back from creating the life that you want. And if you can just become more aware, like those two little fish were, of they're swimming in water. If you become more aware of there's a conversation that's happening in my head all day long, you become aware of that and you start to shift it, you will absolutely shift the course of your life. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this

episode, please do me a massive favor. Share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way that this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. And we appreciate it every single time someone shares it out there because that allows us to impact more people's lives, which is ultimately what I really want to do. And so if you would do that for me, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.