The Mindset Mentor - How to Destroy Negative Self Talk

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

To create a positive life, you have to speak positively to yourself. In this episode, I am going to teach you how to destroy the negative thinking that goes on in your head. Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylan. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, please do me a favor. Give us a rating review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes. It helps more people find us by spiking the algorithm. So the more people that give us positive reviews and say, hey, I love this show, the more people that will be able to find it because iTunes and Apple goes, hey, this must be popular. We should show it to more people organically. So if you love this and you want more people to listen to it, do me a favor, give us a rating and review. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Today, we're going to be talking about how to destroy your negative self-talk.

from the bottom of my heart. Today, we're going to be talking about how to destroy your negative self-talk. And this is one thing that I think is super important for people, is that so many people want a beautiful life. They want to have a life that's amazing, and they want to have their dreams come true, and they want to be able to go and build the business and make the money and have the family and have the freedom and have everything that they truly actually desire, and in my opinion, deserve. I think that everybody deserves to have an amazing life, but they won't stop talking shit to themselves in their head. And that doesn't make any sense to me. How could you ever think that you could be amazingly negative in your head and somehow have this beautiful life? It doesn't make any sense.

And the example you've heard me give a million times you listen to this podcast is from a book called As a Man Thinketh. It's like a hundred year old book. And he says, it's impossible to plant strawberry seeds and think that tomatoes are going to grow the same way that it's impossible to plant negative seeds inside of your head and expect that somehow you're just going to have a positive life. And so if you talk negatively to yourself, or if you talk trash to yourself, or if you bring yourself down, this episode is for you because we need to change that

if you want to create the life that you want. It's crazy to me how many people hold themselves back because they won't stop talking shit to themselves. And here's the crazy part about it. The shit that they're talking to themselves most of the time isn't even true. And it's definitely not necessary. And so if you talk trash to yourself, this episode is for you. I have helped many people that I've coached go through this. I've also helped some people that are very, very close to me that have

extremely negative self-talk and very low self-love overcome this over the past few years. And so I feel like I can definitely talk to this. And I've coached and helped so many people that are just horrible in their own heads. And I want to help you that if you're out there and you talk negatively to yourself, I want to help you get past that. I want to also talk and help you get, give you some tips to kind of work through it as well. And so the first thing that I want you to do, if you're driving, you probably can't do this, but you know, you can always do it later. What I want you to do is I want you to get out a pen and paper, and I want you to write down some of the stuff that you commonly say to yourself. Write it all down. Because one of the things that I always say is that when stuff is going on in your head, it's very abstract.

But when you put it on paper and you can see it, it makes it real. It makes it legit in this world. And one of the things that you haven't been able to do most likely is literally write down the things that you say to yourself. Write them all down. That you're fat, that you're ugly, that you're stupid, that you'll never amount to anything, that you're worthless, that you're unlovable, that you have to anything, that you're worthless, that you're unlovable, that you have love handles, that you have stretch marks, no wonder why you're single, that you'll be alone forever. Whatever it is that you say to yourself, write every single thing down and it might be painful. Fuck, it's probably going to be painful, but we need to make it painful so

that you can look at it and be like, I don't ever want to do this anymore. You have to write them down. Please do me a favor. Pause me if you need to. Pen and paper, write down all of the stuff that you commonly say in your head. And what I want you to do is I want you to write it down and write it all down and just think about it for a second. And now what I want you to do is I want you to write down the absolute worst thing that you've said to yourself. Don't worry, guys. I'm not just going to drag you through glass. We're going to pull this back around, okay? But write it down. What's the absolute worst thing that you've said to yourself? Write it down. Put yourself back into that moment. Write down all of those things, everything that was going on, everything that you were thinking to yourself. Think about that for a second. And what I want you to do now is after you finish it, so hopefully you've paused me, you've finished it. For those of you that are

driving, hopefully you haven't finished it. You can do it later. I want you to take that piece of paper. I want you to find your youngest child. I want you to find your sibling. I want you to find your cousin. And I want you to say that thing to them exactly the way that you said it to yourself in your own head. Do it. Go for it. Pause yourself. I want you to find your youngest child, your sibling, your cousin, any child, a friend's child, and say to them what you just wrote down on a piece of paper. Don't worry, I'll wait. Oh, you don't want to? Why not? Oh, because it's really shitty to say to a child? Actually, it's really shitty to say to any human. So why are you saying something that you would never say to a child, that you would never say to someone that you love the way that you say something to yourself?

I saw a really powerful video on this. My buddy, Jay Shetty, made a video where he had these women come in and they were in their mid-20s, maybe 30s. And he said, hey, I want you to write down all the terrible things that you say to yourself and write it down. They're all writing it down. They write it down. And he said, I want you to go ahead and I'm going to want you to come in this room with me. And he walks them into a room. He says, bring your notebook and paper. They go into this room. And these women who are 25, 30 years old have younger sisters, like 11, 12, 13 years old. And he doesn't, they don't know this, but he had also gotten their sisters there. And he brought them out and said, now I want you to go ahead and I want you to say this to your sister. And the faces that all of these women had were just terrified, mortified. No, I would never

do something like that. Okay, then why do you do it to yourself? One thing I always say is you would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself. Why do you do it? What good has come from that? One of the things that's really crazy, I was talking about this with my buddy Aubrey Marcus. I was on his podcast. and what we were talking about is how the worst judge that you could possibly imagine, the worst tyrant in your own head, you're worse than that. There's no person that's been worse to you in your entire life than yourself in your own head sometimes. Just think about that for a second. There's nobody that's been worse to you than you are in your head. Now, maybe there was someone that said something really bad one time or two times, but the fact that we continue

to beat ourselves up day after day after day, hour after hour sometimes, it's ridiculous. You know, think of if a friend called you, you know, your best friend called you, guy or girl, whatever it is. Let's say it's a girl. She goes on a date and she goes on a date with a guy and she's like, hey, you know, I feel really bad. Like this guy, I went on a date and he was really great. It was our first date. And then I thought things were going well and he's cute and I'm enjoying my time with him and I want to go get another drink with him.

In the middle of the day, he's like, hey, listen, just be honest with you. I'm not really interested. I don't think this is going to go any further. So, you know. And this is not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. And there's a broad range of expertise available depending on what it is that you need. And the service is available to clients worldwide as well. And you can log into your account anytime and send a message to your counselor. And BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches, so they make it easy and free to change your counselors if you need to. It's also more affordable than traditional offline counseling, and financial aid is available. And BetterHelp wants to help you start living a happier life today. So visit betterhelp.com

slash dial, that's better H-E-L-P, and join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help from an experienced professional and get 10% off your first month when you go to betterhelp.com slash dial. Hey, as this year winds to a close, a new work-life normal is emerging. How we work, where and when we work, and what we're willing to do have all changed. Here to help you break it all down is LinkedIn's Jessie Hempel on her podcast, Hello Monday. Hello Monday is for listeners who are looking to grow their professional lives and take ownership over their careers. Through each episode, listeners will learn that

they have more agency than ever before when it comes to changing their circumstances. Join Jessie as she talks about luminaries, legends, and listeners about their career journeys and takeaways that you can apply to your own career. If you want more from your professional life, whether it's a career pivot, a promotion, or even your first job, Hello Monday is here to help show you how. Listen and subscribe to Hello Monday with Jesse Hempel on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. And she calls and tells you that. And you're like, well, yeah, I mean, it makes sense. I mean, you have put on an extra 15 pounds. You do look, you know, I saw the picture that you posted earlier on your Instagram story. You kind of look chubby. And to be honest with you, your hair looks like

shit. You probably need to get your hair done. Your nails, you haven't gotten your nails done in a few weeks. And that's probably why you're looking kind of ratchet, you know, and you just go off and you just berate her with just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Would you ever do that to a friend that is in need, that is going through stuff? Would you ever be that type of person to one of your friends who calls you, your best friend that calls you and needs support from you, would you ever be like that for her or him? Oh, you wouldn't be that way? Why would you do that to yourself? How many times have you been on a date

or somebody's broken up with you or something's happened and a big shift has happened in your life? And then the very first thing that you do is you just start bashing yourself and telling yourself how it's your fault, how you should have fixed it. You should have been better. You know, you'll never be loved. There's so many things that you could say. And after coaching thousands of people, I'm just, I've talked negatively to myself in the past, but I've heard things that people say to

themselves. And I'm like, why would you possibly like, why would you say that? You know, you have to realize that is you would never talk to your friend that's going through something like that the way that you talk to yourself. So why would you talk to yourself like that? Okay. Now here's what we're going to do. I want you to look at that piece of paper. Hopefully you wrote down or at least thought of some things of what you typically say to yourself that you need to stop saying to yourself, right? I want you to now take that piece of paper and I want you to write down the question, what is false about all of this? So if you said you're fat or ugly or unlovable or worthless or that you will always be single or you'll forever be alone, I want you to go through every single one of those,

and I want you to take your pen and paper and write down why it is false. Because here's the thing. If you go to a garden and there's weeds growing out of a garden, the way to get rid of those, if you're the only person that can get to this garden, is to go and pull these weeds out. You have weeds growing in your mind

of the trash that you talk to yourself. And the way to get rid of it is to go through and pull every single weed individually. I have weeds growing out of my house and it's ridiculous. I'm like, where the hell are these things coming from? And I have to go out and pull each one of them up individually, the same way that we need to go through and do this as well. And so I want you to go through every single thing that you say to yourself that's negative, that's crappy, that you don't want to say to yourself anymore. The worst thing that you say, I want you to go through every single thing that you say to yourself that's negative, that's crappy, that you don't want to say to yourself anymore, the worst things that you say. I want you to go through every single one of them. And I want you to ask yourself, why is this false? Go ahead, pause me. I'll be here. I got nothing else to do. I will literally be here forever.

You can unpause me anytime that you want to. Go ahead and do it. What we're trying to do is we're trying to prove to your brain. See, your brain is a very smart thing. Even if we think, oh my God, my brain's so dumb sometimes. It's very smart. It doesn't want to hold on to anything that it doesn't need to hold on to. It doesn't want to use energy that is unnecessary to use. And so if we can go through and start to prove to ourselves, anytime that we say something to ourselves that doesn't need to be there, and we can start proving to ourselves that it's unnecessary, we need to get rid of it, your brain will start to release these things. Now, it's not to say that you'll never go back to talking trash to yourself.

I don't think that's ever going to happen, but you're going to get less and less and less and less and less and less. And now what I want you to do is I want you to look at that list and I want you to ask yourself a question. How do I want to talk to myself? You see why it's important? I told you you get a pen and paper. You see why it's important now I say get a pen and paper? How do you want to talk to yourself? How do you want to build yourself up? How do you want to be your best friend? How would you speak to your best friend? I want you to make a list of everything you can think of.

What do you want to say to yourself? What do you need to hear? Deep down inside, what do you need to hear? Make a list. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're funny. You're successful.

You're a hard worker. You're a freaking great friend. You're really damn supportive of everybody who you love. Go ahead and make a list of everything that you want to start saying to yourself more often. Now, are you going to go back and sometimes talk trash about yourself? Yes. But what I want you to do is I want you to take a picture of the list that you just made. The beautiful, you're smart, you're funny, you're successful, you're a hard worker, you're a great friend, you're supportive. I want you to take a picture of that. And anytime you notice yourself in a bad state, you get that awareness of, oh, I don't feel good. I don't feel good. I might be talking. Okay. Yeah. I have been talking trash to myself. What am I going to do? What did Rob tell me to do? What did the mindset mentor guy tell me to do? Oh yeah. He told me to

take a picture of all of the things I want to say to myself. Let me go ahead and look at that picture. And you look at the picture and you pause for a second and you read these out loud to yourself. So when you feel like crap, you're talking down to yourself, you're in that negative state, you pause yourself, you look back at this list, you have a picture on your phone so you can look back at this list, You can favorite it, so you can find it very quickly. And you sit there and you go, you're smart. You're beautiful.

You're funny. You're successful. You're a hard worker. You're really supportive with the people that you love. You know what? You're a freaking great friend. Put it on your mirror if you need to. And then every single time that you brush your teeth, every single time you brush teeth in the

morning, every single time you brush teeth at night, you read those aloud to yourself. And you start changing the narrative inside of your head. Because the problem is you're just telling yourself the wrong story. The funny part about it is it's fiction. You're telling yourself a fiction and you're believing it. It's like if I came up to you and you're like, yeah, Moby Dick is a true story. You're really believing this false narrative. And it's just a story that you've told yourself over and over and over again. There's a person that said, if you tell a lie big enough, strong enough, and long enough, eventually people will start to believe it. Do you know who said that? Hitler. And you've been lying to yourself big enough, strong enough, and long enough.

For a long enough time, you're starting to believe all the things that you've been saying to yourself. Put reminders everywhere. How do you want to talk to yourself? What do you want to say? Put it on your mirror. Put sticky notes. Make it as your phone background. Is there anything more important than this than making sure that you create a positive state of mind in your own head? I don't know. I don't know if there's anything more important because if you can fix this, you're gonna make everybody else around you's life better as well. I had a friend who we talked about this and he ended up, I remember when I was younger, someone came in and gave a talk at our company. He said, hey, just stand in front of the mirror after you take a shower and say, I love you. Put on a timer for five minutes. Look at yourself in the eye, naked. Just say, I love you. I love you. I love you. And it sounds kind

of weird. It sounds kind of funny. Like, why would we do that type of thing? People get really awkward doing this. I'm like, why? In your most vulnerable state, you can't even tell yourself that you love yourself. That's not a funny thing. That's a problem. And so I was talking to a friend about this who had a whole lot of self-love issues. He thought he didn't have self-love issues. And he literally said, he said to me, he said, if you would have asked me years ago, do you love yourself? I'd have been like, yeah, I love myself. And he realized that he, you know, threw a lot of work on himself, psychedelic journeys, all this stuff. He's like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to try

that thing out. And he started literally, he's like over a year, over 365 days in a row, goes to his mirror after taking a shower, puts on his timer for five minutes, looks himself dead in the eye. And he says, I love you. I love you. I love you. And just see what comes up. He said, sometimes it gets so hard to just say, I love you to myself. And then I have to ask myself, what is that? What's back there? Why don't I love myself? You have to love yourself. We're taught that you're narcissistic if you love yourself.

No, you need to be obsessed with yourself. You need to be your biggest fan. You need to be obsessed with yourself. You need to be like, I'm fucking awesome. Do you want to know how you go create something amazing? It's to think that way in your head, to remind yourself of how amazing you are. People will be like, oh, well, you're full of yourself. I had a really good mentor of mine. He said this one time he was at a talk and someone's like, oh, you sound like you're really full of yourself. He looks him dead in the eye and he goes, who else should I fucking be full of but myself?

And it's like, wow, that's actually really true, isn't it? What's wrong with being full of myself? Not narcissistic in the fact of like hurting other people because I love myself so much, but if I'm going to create an amazing world for myself, for my children, for my family, for the people around me, and I don't love myself, like love myself, truly deep down love myself,

it's going to be really hard to go out and do that. And so who else should you be full of? You should be full of yourself. Because here's the thing. If you're not full of yourself, if you don't love yourself truly deep down, I don't know if you can love anybody else truly deep down. There's going to be a part of you that's going to resist because you can't pour from an empty cup. So maybe it's been too long you've been trying to pour from an empty cup. Maybe instead of trying to search for all of the things that you need externally, you need to start searching for the things that you need internally. How do you want to talk to yourself? How do you want to be? How do you want to show up for yourself? How do you want to support yourself? How do you want to support yourself? Have you ever asked yourself that question? How do I want to support myself in my own growth? How do I want to show up for myself?

How do I want to talk to myself? And be very intentional on waking up and actually making sure that what you're doing is you're being intentional on the way that you talk to yourself. Think about that. What else is more important than this? Because if you operate from a place of internal love, it makes it way easier to operate from a place of love externally or everyone else around you or the people that you love to be there for them. So I really want you to take this serious. I really want you to think about this. How do you want to talk to yourself in your head?

And anytime you notice the negativity come up, you just simply pause. And you don't judge yourself. You don't shame yourself. You don't start getting emotional of it. You just look at it and say, you know what, that's not what I wanted to say to myself. How would I prefer to talk to myself in this moment? If one of my friends was going through this exact same thing, how would I support them? How do I want to support myself? How do I want to love myself? This is the key to destroying negative self-talk is you have to notice it when it comes up and you have to replace it with what it is that you want. I'm here for you.

I believe in you. I don't know you, but I believe in you and I love you. Can you do the same for yourself? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Once again, I'm also traveling all throughout Italy for the next five weeks. So if you want to come and join along in the journey, we are in Rome right now. We just

left Florence. I put a bunch of photos of the place that we were at last night with a whole bunch of beautiful views and all of that stuff. So if you want to come along the journey, follow me on Instagram, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.