The Mindset Mentor - How to Find Happiness

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you love us and you want more people to be able to find us and spread the love, do me a favor, give us a rating and review however you listen to us. Whenever we get positive ratings and reviews, it allows this podcast to then be able to find us and spread the love. Do me a favor, give us a rating and review however you listen to us. Whenever we get positive ratings and reviews, it allows this podcast to then be shown to people who have never listened to it before. Those platforms tend to promote us and

then the podcast grows and more people's lives are impacted. So if you want to help us impact more lives, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And the way that you do that is just by giving us a rating review. Today, we're going to be talking about your happiness. We're going to be talking about how to find your happiness. And we're going to be talking about the root of happiness and more than anything else, how we can make sure that you bring more into your life. Because I want you to think about this for a second off or, oh man, I got to get up and I have another long day or I've got to go up and go to work. I've got to get the kids dressed in those feelings of, I don't know if you have them, I have them, you know, sometimes.

Sometimes it's often, sometimes it's not. It's in and out. It's kind of like a wave. Sometimes I have them, sometimes I don't where it's just like, holy shit, I got so much to do today.

Like I have those feelings sometimes. Imagine if instead of those feelings, it was just pure happiness and you were just excited about the world and it wasn't like you're like, holy shit, this is incredible and you're so excited and motivated and all that stuff. That would be cool too. But it were just excited about the world. And it wasn't like you're like, holy shit, this is incredible. And you're so excited and motivated and all that stuff. That would be cool too. But it's just like happiness. Like it's just this feeling of just happiness and fulfillment that's inside of you. What would it be like to have that every single day? If you

woke up and you felt that every single day when you woke up and then you, it just carried on for the rest of the day and it never went away. It'd be pretty amazing, wouldn't it? I think it'd be pretty, it'd be like heaven on earth is the way that I think that it would be. And I'm gonna tell you, first off, I'm gonna tell you what I think happiness comes from. And I'm also gonna tell you

what gets in the way of our happiness and how we can actually start removing some of those things from your life so that you can have more happiness, getting rid of the things that are life so that you can have more happiness, getting rid of the things that are kind of blocking the happiness from you. And Will Smith says, happiness is not pleasure. Happiness is peace. And I fully agree with that because one thing that I have, I find when I see a lot of people and I've caught this in myself before as well, is I think I will be happier when I have more things, when I do more things,

when I acquire more things, when I buy more shit, all of that stuff. And so what we do, and I think this happens for a lot of us. I think it's part of the maturing process. I think it's part of growing up in a society that we grow up in and just the world the way that it is, is we search for pleasure, thinking that pleasure will bring us happiness as if happiness is a byproduct of pleasure. And so we search for pleasure and we search for the things that are going to give us pleasure. So one thing that people think are going to give them pleasure is money. And so a lot of people search and want to go and make money. And for me, I did that. I spent majority of my thirties on a mission to make more money, make more money, make more money, thinking that I would be able to buy things and that would give me pleasure and

that would make me happy. But the thing about money, and I thought money was going to solve all my problems. It didn't. It didn't solve any of them. Money only solves money problems. One of my favorite quotes, and I can't tell you anything that's more true than that. The only problems that money solves is money problems. And so if you think like, oh, I'm going to go make money and then I'm going to be able to buy whatever I want and then I'm going to be happy forever. No, there's many people that I know that are extremely rich and they just keep buying more and more shit thinking it's going to make them happy and none of it makes them happy, right? So we think we're going to go get pleasure and that's going to give us happiness. It's not going to do it for us. We think, hey, maybe other people's approval. If other people like me,

right? This is why a lot of people want to become famous or want to become Instagram stars or influencers or movie stars and all this stuff is they think, you know, what's going to make me happy? You know, what's going to make me fulfilled? You know, what's going to make me feel better about myself, about my existence in the world if I become famous or if I get other people's approval. So it's like on the highest state, it could be like, you know, becoming massively famous. Or it could just be, I want my mom's approval. I want my dad's approval. I want my wife's approval. Whatever it is, we could think if I get other people's approval, that's going to make me happy. Or you know what? I want to get the new BMW. Because when I get the

new BMW, people are going to see me pull up in that BMW and they'll be like, oh my gosh, he must be successful. And then people will look at me a different way and that's going to make me happy. And then you buy, the best part is then you buy the car and nobody notices the damn car. And you're like, what the fuck? I thought buying this car was going to change my life. I thought people were going to mention the car to me. No, it never happens. Rarely does anybody notice, right? And then we think that by buying that car,

we'll get other people's affection and attention. And that will bring us happiness. It'll make us feel better about ourselves, right? And so what do we do? Then there's other ways of trying to get pleasure. Then there's going out and jumping out of airplanes. And that's going to give us pleasure and happiness and all that stuff. And it might give you a really heightened state for a couple of minutes, but then 20, 30, 40 minutes, an hour, two hours, whatever it is

down the road, you feel exactly what you felt before. So what do people do? So then people drink and they think that drinking is going to make them happy. They think that, you know, they do drugs and drugs will make you happy. Having sex and sex will make you happy. And we start to go through life and we go and try to get money. We try to get other people's approval. We try to buy the things. We try to do the drugs. We try to have the sex.

We try to drink the alcohol, right? Like, I get it. I've done all of those things. Thinking those things would give me happiness. And I'm like, shit, it doesn't bring me any happiness at all. It's fun for a little while. It might give you a heightened state for 30 minutes or an hour or whatever it is that you're doing that or drinking or doing the drugs or maybe a couple hours.

And then you realize that none of those things actually truly deep down inside of you make you feel happy. They don't give you happiness. Money doesn't buy happiness. All of those things. None of it does. So what will make us happier then? Like, what is it? And what I think it is, goes back to the quote that I shared with you a minute ago, is peace. Actual peace. People are not going to make you happier. Peace is going to make you happier. Whatever is disturbing your peace or getting in the way, is getting in the way disturbing your peace or is getting in the way of your happiness, whatever's in the way of your peace in your life

is in the way of your happiness. And so we must figure out, and you must ask yourself, ask yourself right now and see what comes up through your intuition. What is in the way of my peace? Ask yourself, what's in the way of your peace? And there can be many things

that get in the way of our peace. What is stealing my peace from me? And that's something that I really want you to think about and then become really laser focused on how to either avoid those things that are stealing your peace or get rid of those things that are stealing your peace. And there's many things that we can go through. And so that's what we're going to go through. And I want you to, my goal is by the end of this episode, you at least have a few things that you know that you need to purge from your life or, you know, spend less time on or avoid or whatever it is that it might be. Right. So let's talk about a few of those things. Hey, today's program is brought to you by Athletic

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Cost per application pricing not available for everyone. Need to hire? You need Indeed. What could be stealing your peace? Well, the first thing I want to bring up is people. Are there people in your life right now that are stealing your peace? If the answer is yes, who are those people? And so one of the things that's always a big misconception when I talk about other people

in your life is you don't have to get rid of anybody in your life. And I don't think that that has to happen. Some people you have, some people that listen to podcasts have extremely, extremely toxic people that might be around them. Maybe you do want to get rid of those people. That's up to you. That's fully your decision. But it can also be just, hey, spend less time with those people. Can you spend 50% less time with them? Can you spend 75% less time with them? So that you're having more time for your peace, for working on the life that you want to create. So are there people in your life that you feel are stealing your peace in some sort of way? I don't know. If there are,

what are you going to do about it? Can you come up with a plan for what feels right for you? One of the things that's very obvious and became very obvious with my fiance when we first got together years ago, is that someone who steals my peace, I don't spend any time with. And it's not like I hate people. There's none of that. But it's just like my peace and my happiness and my overall feeling of life and everything that makes me motivated. It's just so important to me that I don't spend it doing something I don't want to do, being around people who are stealing it from me, any of that type of stuff. And so maybe for you, you want to adopt the same feeling of like, hey, from this moment on, I'm not going to be with anybody who holds me back. I'm not going to be with anybody who talks down to me. I'm not going to be with anybody who makes me feel

worse about myself, who pokes holes in my success, whatever it might be. If there's people out there that you feel are stealing your peace, what's the best action for you? Spend less time with them, avoid them, spend no time with them. That's for you to decide. What's another thing that steals our peace? Well, the reason why you listen to this podcast, it's called the Mindset Mentor, is because what we think in our head is massively stealing our peace from us. I know for me, that's exactly what it was for a long time.

That's what took me on this journey of working on myself was that I noticed that all of my happiness, my peace, my happiness, but also all of my sadness, anger, worry, frustration, all of those things came from inside of me. There was nothing external. I would blame things externally. And then I would realize that it wasn't the things externally outside of me that were the issues. It was my perception and the story I was telling myself around those things that were actually doing it. Right. I had, we had, like, I've said this so many times in the podcast,

but if you can prioritize your mindset over everything else, everything in your life will be better. And everybody who comes in contact with these lives will be better as well. And so we start to think about that. What, what things are going on in your mind that happened to be stealing your peace? What about worry? You know, 85% of what you worry about will never happen. And on top of that 85%, there's about 13% of it, 17% of it. I'm sorry. There's 12% of it, which add up to 97%. So the 12% of it won't happen anywhere near as bad as you think that it will be.

That means that 3% of what we worry about actually happens the way that we think it's going to happen. That's pretty crazy, isn't it? How much time do we spend worrying? How much time do you spend worrying about things? What about stress? It's a big one for me. Stress is the one thing that I'm trying to purge out of my life as much as possible. And so anything that causes me stress is definitely 100% getting in the way of my peace. And so for me, a lot of the times it's the stress. It's the way that I think about certain things. Oh my gosh, I wake up and I, you know, I have a lot of employees in my company, so I have a lot of stuff that's asked of me. And so with that, that can cause a lot of stress if it's thought about the wrong way. But it can also just be completely reframed and then I can go through it and not feel stressed out about it. And so literally one of the things I've been saying a lot in my head recently is, how can I bring as much joy into today? How can I, no matter what it is that I'm doing,

whether it's a Zoom call, recording a podcast, creating an Instagram reel, how can I bring as much joy into my day as I possibly can today? So maybe it's stress that's really holding back your peace. What about guilt or shame? Are the things that you're still guilting yourself for and shaming yourself for something that happened in the past? You're bringing this past with you. Something that happened seven years ago and you won't let it go. Like you got to get rid of it. It's like that phrase, these mountains that you're carrying with you,

you were only meant to climb. Like these things that you went through, stop carrying them with you. You got to let them go. Maybe you're guilting yourself and shaming yourself for that. Maybe you're guilting and shaming yourself for quote unquote, I hear this all the time, not being where you should be. How many of you guys are out there and your piece is being stolen by the thought of I'm not where I should be. No, you are exactly where you should be because everything happens the exact way that it should or else it wouldn't happen in this world.

You are exactly where you should be. So a lot of people, I know I'm preaching the choir and myself included sometimes, our peace can be stolen by our perception of where we think that we should be. And if we could just release that and just be here now and be in the moment and work through the things we have, we would have so much more joy and peace in our life. So we guilt and shame ourself for the past. We also guilt and shame ourself for the present where we think we should be right now. The way that we speak to ourselves, you know, the way that we speak to ourselves is huge as well. What you say to yourself, a lot of people, your peace is being stolen simply because you just beat yourself up all day long mentally inside of your own head.

And that's where your peace is gone. And you just talk negatively to yourself. And you would never talk to someone that you love the same way that you talk to yourself. And so why do you do that? Because ultimately you should love yourself more than you love anybody else because the more love that you have for yourself, the more love that you can then transfer to other people. It's not a cup that ever runs out. You never run out of that stuff, right? So maybe it's the way that you speak to yourself in your own head. You know, there's all kinds of other things. Like maybe the place that you live, you're just not happy with it. Maybe it's, you know, neighbors, maybe it's the city.

Is it possible for you to move cities? Is it possible for you to move places? And there's many things where you're just like, can I pick apart every aspect of my life and ask myself, like, where, where am I not happy with this? Where is it stealing my peace? Maybe there's something in there for you. I got something for you, especially with all the stuff that's happening nowadays. What about the news? That's stealing many people's peace.

Many people are so ridiculously brainwashed by the news and what's going on. If you listen to, first off, please just turn off the news completely. But if you don't have, if you have the news playing, like sometimes I walk into people's houses and they have the news on all day long. And I'm like, no wonder why you're so stressed out. Because it literally looks like doom and gloom every single day. If you just get rid of the news for just 30 days, try it on. See how it feels.

Your stress level will go way down. Your happiness will go way up. Your peace will go way down. Your happiness will go way up. Your peace will go way up. And so the news tells us about all of the things that are wrong and wrong and wrong and wrong. And democracy is getting destroyed and countries get destroyed. And this has happened. This has happened. This has happened. I'm not saying don't be informed. I'm just saying, notice how what is supposed to be quote unquote informing you is actually starting to get you to conform in what it's actually trying to do. There's like a quote that I saw not too long ago and it was it was a picture of a you know a drawing of a guy that was sitting by a waterfall smiling

and the quote said some poor phoneless fool is probably sitting next to a waterfall somewhere totally unaware of how angry and scared he's supposed to be because ignorance is bliss. Right. And so it's like they have the news will come in and tell you all the things that are wrong, wrong, which you're supposed to be so afraid of. And if you just remove yourself from it, you're like, life is pretty amazing. Like in this moment, like in this very second, not tomorrow, not two weeks from now, in this very second, life is pretty awesome. Walk outside and the sun's shining. It feels good on your skin. Beautiful. It's an amazing thing. I have another thing that might be stealing your peace and your

happiness from you. What about social media? What about Instagram? What about Facebook? Your unfollow button on your Instagram and your Facebook and your TikTok and Twitter and all the things that you happen to be on, the unfollow button is your best friend. Instagram over the past few months, I do it every, every few months. I just unfollow a couple of hundred people, right? When I was on Facebook, I think it was last year I did this. I unfriended, I had a long train ride that I was on in Italy and I connected to the wifi. I unfriended over 3000 people because I was like, this is, there's just, I want to be very intentional about what information is going into my mind. And so what I started doing was

unfriending people on Facebook. And then on Instagram, I started unfollowing people. And I started only following accounts that I felt added to my peace and happiness. Accounts that are funny accounts are motivating all of that type of stuff. And I, I want my news feed news feed what's going into my mind to feed me into my mind, whatever of that type of stuff. And I want my news feed, news feed, what's going into my mind to feed me into my mind, whatever it is that I want. So you must have a really low tolerance for things that steal your peace. And it's not easy, you know, at first, but it becomes easier and easier. You start to become more aware and more like triggered by those things of like, oh, this has got to go. This has got to go too.

Oh, this thing has to go. And so one thing I want you guys to do is anything, make a list of all the things in your life that are stealing your peace. Every single person, every single thing, every single thought, every single mindset, everything that's stealing your peace, write it all down and make a plan to purge each one of those things, to unfollow the people who are, you know, I have people that I am friends with in real life that I watched their stories and I realized I was like, I would wake up in the mornings and I would go through life and I would do this and 11 o'clock would hit and I'd be like, man, I kind of feel like shit today. Why do I feel so bad? And I look back and I'm like, oh,

I watched this guy's stories about the doom and gloom of the world and all of these things he thinks are going on and what these forums are telling him is actually happening. And then it made me feel bad about the outlook. So what I was trying to avoid the news for, I was getting from my friends that I really actually know in real life. And I was like, sorry, man, I'm going to unfollow you. And I just unfollowed him. He doesn't know that I unfollowed him, but I just unfollowed him. Guess what happened? Notice my peace start to go up. Notice my equanimity start to go up. And so it's not easy at first,

but you start to become more and more aware of the things that are stealing your peace from you and taking your happiness away. But over time, you start to notice and you start to cultivate this peace. You start to notice that you're more happy because of it. So if you're trying to really truly become happy, work on your peace. You start to notice that you're more happy because of it. So if you're trying to really, truly become happy, work on your peace. Remove the things that are stealing that from you. And then as you do that, you'll start to notice over time when you're in charge of what comes

into your mind and you're in charge of what happens in your mind and you're in charge of your external circumstances, peace and happiness becomes much more of a normalcy than it used to be. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And also, if you want to follow this podcast on Instagram,

it is The Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, The Mindset Mentor Podcast. Follow us on there. And we put up clips. One of the clips we put up the other day was actually from an event that I did about six months ago. And so it has nothing to do with this podcast, but it was a secret clip that we put up. So if you want to get some extra stuff, go ahead and do that. Once again, the Mindset Mentor Podcast. And I'm going to leave

the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.