The Mindset Mentor - How to Forgive Others to Heal Yourself

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

It doesn't sound sexy but this episode on forgiveness might be one of the most important episodes you can hear. If you want to make 2022 the best year of your life, join my IronMind30! My 30-Day Mindset Challenge that starts on January 1st here: https://www.theironmind30.com/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, and you want more people to find it and spread the love, please do me a favor. Go to Apple Podcasts and give us a rating and review. Anytime we get a great rating and review, it ends up actually boosting the organic following that people can see. And Apple Podcasts goes, hey, this must be good. We should show it to other people. So if you would do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. I love you. Thank you so much. Today, we're going to be talking about how to forgive people

at the deepest level, not just like, oh oh yeah, I forgive them for cheating on me. But like at the deepest level, and number one, why this is important when you actually look at the entire universe and God and the universe and all of those things. So it's going to make your life easier, but it's also going to make the person who might have hurt you become a better person as well. So we're going to talk about how to make your life easier and how to bring more peace by giving this forgiveness. And it is simple. And we're going to go very, very deep today. It's simple, but it's not necessarily the easiest thing. So we're going to talk about forgiveness. I'll tell you my own personal belief. And my personal belief is that the core of every single person is good. That's just my belief. I believe that every single person is good at their core. They might not be doing good things now,

but at their core, they are good and they want to be good. And at their core, there is innocence. And at some point in time, we were all broken away from our innocence. Something happened to us. some point in time, we were all broken away from our innocence. Something happened to us. Maybe it was trauma. Maybe it was society. Maybe it was a bully. Maybe it was a teacher that said something to you. Maybe it was your parents and the way that they raised you. Whatever it was, we had innocence. We were born with all of this innocence. And then something happens and there's a break from that innocence. And for you to deeply understand this will make it so much easier for the rest of what I'm going to talk about in this episode. Because we don't necessarily stay innocent. Things happen.

Life happens. Trauma happens. Society happens. The world just happens to us as people. And all that we're searching for in this world is peace. I had an episode on this a few weeks ago, and I was telling you that we're not looking for happiness. Most people think they're searching for happiness. They want to just be happy. Like the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness. We're all in this pursuit of being happy. We're not looking for happiness. And the reason why is because happiness is a fleeting emotion. It's just like a passing cloud. It could be here and then it could be gone. You could be in the best possible state and then you get a phone call and you have bad news and that happiness can be gone. So we're not searching for happiness. At the core, what we're actually

searching for and what we truly want is peace. Because peace is not a fleeting emotion. Peace is a state of being. And that's what we're all truly searching for. And so if we are holding resentment towards somebody, it is absolutely in the way of our peace. And so that's why we need to talk about how to forgive at a very deep level yourself, the people around you, people who have hurt you in the past, how to forgive them so that you can move on and get on with your life.

And you cannot have peace if you think of the world as guilty or you think of the world as bad. One of the things that the news is trying to do to people right now is pull people away from being one, like being one society, one humankind and saying, these people are doing this or these people are not doing this. And because of them doing it or not doing it, they are bad. And they're trying to demonize a set of people based off of what they are doing. No matter what you believe in, that's a fact. That is literally what the news is doing. It is literally dividing. It is divisive. It is dividing humans. When in reality, the best thing we can do is we can get together and stop being divided, to get together and to be together. So that's what the news does. And you cannot have peace in your life if you're

always thinking that there's bad. If you're thinking that there's bad people, if you're thinking that what someone else is doing is bad for you or bad to you or could possibly be bad to you as well. The key to unlocking peace in your life is to see the world as good and see every single person as good and wanting to do good and to forgive no matter what. As I said, this is simple. It is not easy. And so we're going to go really, really deep. Anybody who does bad. So think of someone who's done bad to you. Maybe they've screwed you over. Maybe they've taken money from you. Maybe it's a business partner that ran off with the money in the business. Maybe it's someone that you're in a relationship with that cheated on you. Maybe it's somebody that beat you up when you were a

kid. Maybe it's somebody, an adult who talked down to you as a child. There's something bad that happened to you, right? Like, let's just think of that bad. Anybody who does bad to somebody else is lost. And I'm going to explain to you what I mean by that. But every single person who does bad to another person is lost and they don't actually know what they're doing. They're lost and they don't know what they're doing. Anyone who has hurt you is also hurting themselves because nobody actually wants to hurt you. But if they do hurt you, they're hurting themselves in some sort of way as well. They are lost. And to hold resentment towards somebody who is lost or somebody who has hurt us, someone who has done bad to us, so if they've done bad to you,

they are lost, they've hurt you, to hold resentment towards them is not only making it worse for yourself, it's also reinforcing that person's bad in their own consciousness. So let's dive deep into this one. And there's a quote that Mark Twain has, and it's something along the lines of, anger and resentment is the acid that burns the vessel. So to hold anger or to hold resentment towards someone for something that they've done for you

is actually the acid that burns the vessel. It is actually burning you up inside to hold resentment towards them. So when people say, hey, you should forgive, you should forgive for yourself. You should also forgive for them. And some people are like, I don't want to forgive them because I don't want them to think they're off the hook. Whatever, dude, get over it. Be an adult. Just get past it already. But if you don't let go, if you don't forgive, you are actually hurting yourself as much as you are being hurt by what it is that they have done.

There's people, and I say this all the time, there's people who are still pissed off and hold anger and resentment towards something that somebody did to them 10 years ago. That person who did it to you 10 years ago, they forgot about it. They're not thinking about you. So you're literally just beating yourself up over something that happened to you that somebody did that was bad to you in

the past. So let me give you a couple of examples just to kind of take this and put it into some context, right? Let's say somebody breaks into somebody's house. Let's say they break into your house and they steal some stuff, right? I've had people break in. I had an office one time when I had an office in Fort Lauderdale. I had somebody break in. And in the room, they stole the TVs that were in the room. They stole the Nintendo Wii. They stole the sound system that was there. They stole it all. And they stole it. And then right after they stole it, when I opened up the door was when I was actually having a meeting with like 30 of my sales reps that were there. And they were like, aren't you mad? Aren't you pissed off? And for a little while, I felt like, if you've ever had something stolen from

you, you feel really violated. And I felt really violated. And then I said to them, if they stole it, they must need it more than I do. And I've always had that feeling of if somebody steals it from me, I'm not excited. I'm like, yay, they stole something from me. But it's like, hey, they must need it more than I do. I can buy another one someday. But let's just take someone breaking into your house and stealing stuff from you. I can tell you this, at the core of that person who stole from you, at the core of them, their true self, if we go back to what I said before, at their true self, which is good, at their true self, which is innocent, they know that that is bad and it's not something that they want to do.

The child who is inside of them didn't want to do that. But then you got to start to take a step back because people tend to look at people's actions and they don't look at what actually people, what's behind the actions as well. So, okay, at the core of it, the actions, somebody stole something from you, okay? But that means that there's some sort of loss of innocence. There's some sort of stealing them away from the good that's inside of them. And then so you start to ask yourself, what could have happened to them in their childhood to feel like they have to take something from someone else?

And then you start to think, oh, shit, I had a pretty decent childhood. They might have had a really bad childhood to have to go and take somebody else's things that they know is not right. Everybody knows it's not right to steal someone else's stuff. But what you're seeing is a child who is not loved correctly. What you're seeing is someone that is hurting you so that they feel like they can have more peace. They're like, I need to get this TV because I need to be able to pay my bills. That could be whatever it is, right? I need to steal this TV because I need to pay my bills. And they think that's going to put them at peace. But in reality, it actually puts them in a more turmoil because at their consciousness, at their core

self, they know that it is wrong. So don't see the person who did it. See the child that is hurt behind it. Make sense to you now? It makes it a lot easier to forgive people when you realize that there's a child that was hurt along the way, that their innocence was stolen from them and they went from a path of good onto a path of bad. You start to realize,

oh, I'm never dealing with an adult. I'm always dealing with some hurt child whenever I'm dealing with somebody. So don't see the person who did it. See the child that is hurt behind it. Hey, this holiday season, you want to give a gift to your loved ones that makes them feel special and unique, just like the relationship that you share. That's why you should check out StoryWorth for everyone that you love. StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones preserve precious memories and stories for years to come. It's a thoughtful and meaningful gift that connects you to those who matter the

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because you wanted to spend your time on HR compliance. That's for sure. So let Bambi help you with a free HR audit today. Go to bambi.com slash dial right now to schedule your free HR audit. That's bambi.com slash dial. Spell B-A-M-B-E-E dot com slash dial. If you have somebody who cheated on you, right? Lots of us have been cheated on. I've been cheated on before. It's not fucking fun. It's not great.

But when you look at that, you have to realize it has nothing to do with you. What it really is is that they have a lack of love for themselves, which came from a lack of love from probably their parents. And then they have to go search for it in someone else. So you can look at that and you can go, wow, that person is actually going out and doing this thing because they didn't get the love from their parents that they wanted.

There's a lack of self-worth. Is it really what it is? It is a search for love because they don't have the love for themselves. It's a search for love. It's a search for acceptance. And it's a search for self-worth because they don't have the self-worth inside of them. There is only, and I'm going to explain what this is in a second, there is only sanity and there is insanity. And I don't mean insane, like clinical insane, schizophrenic or any of those types of things or psychopath or any of that, when I say insanity,

I mean sane as in like you're in a sane state or there's insanity, which is you're not in that sane state, which would be good is the sane, bad is the insanity. So sanity is to be in a state where you do right for yourself and you do right for others. So anybody that is not doing right for themselves and others and all of the actions that they take is in some form of insanity. Insanity is to be in a state that hurts others. Nobody who is in that state wants to be in that state. And usually their actions are trying to get themselves free from that state. But part of the problem is that they're lost and they're taking actions that are actually making, that's digging the hole deeper

versus actually getting themselves out of it. Because when you hurt yourself, you hurt others. When you hurt others, you hurt yourself. That's just the law of the universe. When you do good for yourself, you do good for others. When you do good for others, you do good for yourself. So when somebody does bad to somebody else, they are actually carrying that wrongdoing with them.

So if you look at it from another standpoint, love is sanity. Fear or anything that is not in a state of love is insanity. Everyone, when you realize this at a deep, deep level and you really get it to your bones, it'll make your life so much easier. Everyone is doing the best with what they have. That's it. The person who screwed you over, the person that wronged you, at that moment, they were literally doing the best that they could with what they had. If they could do any better, they would have done it. Everyone's doing the best with what they have. If you were in their exact same shoes, and this is what will really kind of fuck you up when you think about it. If you were in their exact same shoes, and this is what will really kind of fuck you up when you think about it. If you were in their exact same shoes with their exact same life, every single second, every single moment of their life going through the exact same experiences that they went

through, you would have chosen the same choices that they chose. Whoa, holy shit. Let's think about that one for a second. Somebody who does something, let's say somebody who steals, right? Let's go back to the stealing. Somebody who steals from you. If you had their exact same life, every single moment, every single second, every single experience, you would have stolen from yourself too.

If you have been cheated on, if you would have gone back and lived every single second, every single moment, every single experience of their life, you would have cheated on yourself too. Now there's a part of you I know that's already resisting this. You're like, no, no, no, I wouldn't have chosen that. Well, that's because you're speaking from the consciousness that you have from the life that you have currently. Really? Think about this one for a second. You would have done the exact same thing that they did because in that moment, they were

doing the best they could with what they have. Because someone's actions is always a reflection of their consciousness. Every single person's actions is a reflection of the consciousness that they have. So let's talk about, I'll give you an example real quick, okay? The perfect example of this is Jesus, right? Whether you believe that Jesus was a real person or you believe it as a story, we can still look at it and we can still extract lessons from it, right? Because I know there's some people that are like, you know, you do fully believe that Jesus was a person. Some of you out there are like, have full resistance towards it because of the way that you were

raised. Here's what's crazy. If you guys had each other's lives, you would believe what each other believes. That's the crazy part about it. But let's just take the story as the story in the way that it is. Extract what you want to and what good comes from it, right? When Jesus was being murdered, the thing that Jesus was being murdered, the thing that he actually says is, forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do. They know not what they do. He could see past their actions

to the consciousness that they had. He could see past the actions of other people murdering him, knowing that if he had the exact same life that they had, he would probably have gone through the exact same situation. That's pretty crazy if you think about it. Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do. They know not what they do. They cannot take another action because their life has brought them to this exact moment. Their life, every single second, every single experience brought them to make that choice. And if I was in their exact same circumstances, I would actually make the exact same choice. So forgive them because they know now what they do.

So every person that has ever fucked you over, forgive them because they did not know what they were doing. Because they were doing the best with what they had. Because at our truest self, at our truest self, should see that a sick person needs healing. And maybe the person who hurt you was sick in some sort of way. So the ego sees an evil person that needs to be punished. Your ego side is like, no, they need to be punished for what they did, as if that's going to help, as if punishing

really helps a whole lot of people. No, healing is what helps people. So the ego sees that's an evil person that needs to be punished. The truest self sees that's a sick person that's in need of healing because everybody wants happiness and peace. Everyone is doing what they believe will bring them that happiness and peace. So if you judge somebody, and this is where it really starts to get deep, as if we weren't deep enough, if you judge somebody, so if somebody comes and they steal from you and you judge them for it, and if somebody were to be able to steal from you, as if we weren't deep enough, if you judge somebody, so if somebody comes and they steal from you and you judge them for it, and they were, if somebody were to be able to steal from you, and then you could have a conversation with them and yell at them and tell them about how much of a thief they are, that condemnation, you condemning them is actually strengthening their belief in

themselves as a thief, which is going to make them more likely to steal again in the future. Holy shit. So when we don't forgive somebody, we're actually strengthening that bad thing inside of them and not healing them in any sort of way. So to judge and condemn somebody strengthens their identification in whatever action that is. So to judge and condemn someone as a thief is actually strengthening their own identity as a thief. To judge and condemn somebody as a cheater is actually strengthening their actions as a cheater and their own identity as a cheater. Because at the core, we know that that person doesn't feel good about what they did. If they were to do some psychedelics or an ayahuasca journey, that shit would pop right up into their head and they'd have to work through it. Their truest self knows that it's wrong.

So to judge and label someone as a thief or as a cheater, as someone who, whatever they did that was wrong to you, strengthens their belief. And that's what, strengthens their own belief. And that's what they are. And so they are more likely to then do it again. So how do we heal that person? To heal that person and to love them is them being able to become free from this false identity that they have created, this false identity that has stolen them from good, that has stolen them from sanity, that has stolen them from their true consciousness of good, to be able to love and forgive them, gives them the opportunity to see past the veil of what they were thinking that they actually are, to see who they truly are. And when they can see who they truly are because they are loved and they are forgiven,

gives them an opportunity to go back to that innocence, to go back to that good, to go back to that sanity. So the best thing that we can do to help somebody and to help ourselves who has wronged us in the past is to forgive them and to love them because it will heal you and also heal them. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every this episode, please share on your instagram stories and tag me at robdialjr R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R And i'm gonna leave the same way leave you every single episode make it your mission make someone else's day better I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day