The Mindset Mentor - How to Get Past Your Fears

Episode Date: October 28, 2021

Your fears will never go away, so in this lesson I will teach you how to work with them! Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylann. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you have not yet given us a rating review on iTunes, please take your phone out. Give us a rating review. It'll take you like two minutes at most to do it.

Just give us a rating review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes so that more people can find this. It spikes the algorithm. iTunes says, hey, this must be good if it's getting so many positive reviews. I would greatly, greatly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart so that we can continue to grow this podcast. Today, we're going to talk about how to get over the fear of failure. I want to be honest with you. I had a meditation probably about two and a half years ago. And I came to the realization that fear is the absolute worst thing in the world. There's nothing worse than fear in this world. And you've heard it said before. You've heard that there's only two things. There's either love or there's fear. And the older that I get, the more this

starts to become true and make sense in my head. And when I had this meditation and I realized that from fear, the worst things in the world come, but also it holds you back from the best things in your life. Fear stops us from chasing our dreams. Whatever that fear might be, the fear of other people's opinions, the fear of rejection,

the fear of not being good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or whatever it is, it stops people from having the life they truly want. It's stopping you from having the life that you truly deserve, not just the life that you want, the life that you deserve, because I believe that every single person

deserves to have an amazing life and fear of something is keeping you from getting it. So I'm here to ask you, what is your biggest fear? And I don't mean the fear of spiders And I don't mean the fear of spiders. I don't mean the fear of heights. I mean, what is the fear deep down to the core of you that is holding you back from following your dreams, from starting that business, from becoming a painter,

from becoming a public speaker? What is it from starting that podcast to coaching other people? What is the fear that's holding you back from doing that? Because fear is stopping you from everything that you want. It's stopping you from starting your business, from asking that person out, from pursuing that dream that you have a feeling deep down to your core is the reason why you're alive. Fear is holding you back from that. Do you see why fear is the worst thing in the world? Let me also tell you this. Fear is the root of hate because you fear what you don't know. And it's easier to hate than it is to understand and to love. And so fear is the root of hate.

If you don't understand another person, you don't understand their past. If you just see them for face value, sometimes people hate, they hate for no reason sometimes. But if you can truly understand somebody, if you can make that connection, you can see what they've gone through and why they are the way that they are. Even if they have a different, you know, political belief than you, even if they have a different, you know, religion than you, when you see somebody and who they have become, why they went through all of the things they went through and how they went through all the things they went through in their life, then you can never hate them. You can never hate somebody when you truly, truly understand them. Fear is the root

of war. I fear your country and I'm afraid that you're going to do something, so I'm going to act first and I'm going to bomb you so you don't bomb me. I'll go to war with you because I fear that you're going to attack me and I fear death, war with you because I fear that you're going to attack me and I fear death. So therefore I'm going to attack you and try to kill you before you kill me. Fear is the worst thing in the world. And so I want to talk about how to get past this feeling of fear. And here's the thing that I'll tell you as well, is that fear of failure has nothing to do with failure. Fear of rejection has nothing to do with rejection. None of those things are actually the fear of failure, the fear of rejection. It's a fear that my insecurities

will come to light. You know, like if I'm out there and I'm, if I have a fear of rejection, then what's really happening is I'm afraid that somebody will say no to me, whether that's a date, whether that's a business proposal. If I have a fear of rejection or someone saying no in my sales pitch, if I have a fear of rejection, really what it is, is that somebody saying no to me, I'm not afraid of them saying no. I'm afraid of them saying no. And then the spiral that my mind will go down to show me that I'm not good enough, that I'm not smart enough, that I'll never be successful, that I don't deserve success. I'm afraid not of the actual rejection because that's just words coming out of someone's mouth. I'm afraid of what my mind is going to do with the words coming out of someone's mouth. Fear of failure has nothing to do with failure. Fear of rejection has nothing to do with rejection.

At the center of everyone's fears is I'm not good enough. I'm not enough. And if I'm not enough, I won't be loved. It's that simple. It really is. And if I fail at something, I'm going to be shown that. There's going to be a spotlight put on, hey, Rob, you're not good enough. That's what I'm actually afraid of.

So I'd rather live a life of mediocrity so I don't have to see that I'm not good enough. That's the choice that a lot of people make. Unconsciously, they're making this choice, but I'd rather live a life of mediocrity and not living my dreams and not giving my family the life that they truly deserve simply because I'm afraid that I'm going to hear no and that no is going to make my insecurities boil back up and then I'm going to realize that I'm not enough. And that no is going to make my insecurities boil back up. And then I'm going to realize that I'm not enough. I have a fear of being judged.

So I won't start because I don't want to be judged. There's so many different ways that this can hide. And if I do fail, oh my God, I'm going to be judged even harder. And so we take the easy route to not be rejected, to not hear no, to not go through the failures and the rejections and the other people's opinions and not being accepted. So we'd rather live a life of absolute mediocrity without our dreams and passions coming to fruition and without being able to actually see what we could be. We'd rather live a life where our light is dimmed

simply because we're afraid of failing. And here's what I want you to realize is that when you screw up in something, that's not failing when you screw up, when you trip and fall in starting your business. That's not failing. Failure is not final. Failure is a function of success.

The only time that you fail at something is when you give up on it. And let me ask you a question. How many times have you given up on yourself? Because that's the only time that you fail. If you fall and you brush yourself off and you keep going, that's not a failure. You just fell. You just got back up. And you have to realize that when you see someone who's successful, you see someone who just didn't give up. This is a long road that we're on. The road to success, the road to happiness, to joy, to love, to bringing out your true purpose to the world, that road, it's a marathon. This isn't a sprint, guys. I don't expect you to bring out your true purpose to the world in three months or six months or a year.

When you're successful and you see someone that's successful, that's just somebody who didn't give up. It's not someone who's blessed. It's not someone who's smarter than you. Here's the crazy thing about success that I've come to find is that most people that are successful

are not good at like 99% of the things they do, but they've gone, you know what? I need to master one thing. I've met people who you would never expect to be successful, but they've gone, you know what? I need to master one thing. I've met people who you would never expect to be successful, but they have mastered one thing and they went hardcore into learning that thing. And their success came from that eventually down the road. But all too often, the average person, we fail at something and we go, oh yeah, this probably isn't for me. Let me do something different. No, we fail at this thing. Oh, this probably isn't for me

either. I'm going to do something different. Oh, we fail at this thing. I'm going to do something different. And we're constantly like jumping from one thing to another, to another, to another, to another versus going, this is what I want to do. And I'm going to stay on this path no matter what. Hey, today's podcast is brought to you by Athletic Greens, the health and wellness company that makes comprehensive daily nutrition very, very simple. AG1 by Athletic Greens, the category-leading superfood product, brings comprehensive and convenient daily nutrition to everybody. Keeping up with the research, knowing what to do, and taking a bunch of pills and capsules is hard on the stomach

and hard to keep up with. To help each of us be at our best, they simplify the path to better nutrition by giving you the one thing with all the best things. I literally take AG1 every single morning because it makes getting all of the vitamins and minerals so darn easy. One tasty scoop of AG1 contains 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food source ingredients, including a multivitamin, multimineral, probiotic, green superfood blend, and more in one convenient daily serving. So make your nutrition easy. Go to athleticgreens.com slash dial. Athletic Greens is going to give you an immune-supporting free year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase if you visit athleticgreens.com slash dial today. Simply visit athleticgreens.com slash dial to take control of your health and give

AG1 a try. Hey, in the competitive world of advertising, marketers are always looking for an edge to accelerate growth, reach new customers, and get measurable results. Today, they're turning Thank you. It builds audiences, sets up campaigns with A-B tests, approve creative and track results in real time. Think of it as your direct mail easy button. Posty integrates with your CRM, accesses data points, and builds lookalike models from over 250 million US customers. With Posty, you narrow in on your target audience

and reach customers that you don't find through other channels. So hurry and get your free Posty demo today by visiting posty.com slash mentor. That's posty.com slash mentor for a free Posty demo. That's P-O-S-T-I-E, Posty, direct mail reinvented for the digital world. and then just crush it every single day. I mess things up, I get better. I mess things up, I get better. I mess things up, I get better. You know, I didn't just wake up and this business was just crushing it. It took me messing up and realizing that didn't work

and then messing up and realizing that didn't work and then messing up and realizing that didn't work. You know, I succeed at a very low rate in my business, but when I succeed, it's a big success. And that's how most businesses are. They fail at some things, they try something different. They fail at some things, they try something different. Then they fail at some things, they try something different. They've had so many failures and they figured out what not to do. They eventually get on the path of figuring out where to go and what to do.

You have to realize that. Sometimes you're just throwing stuff at the wall. It's simple. It's not that hard. You just throw stuff at the wall and just see what works for you. You know, I remember when I first started my podcast, I didn't think the podcast was going to be what it is now. It's not that hard. You just throw stuff at the wall and just see what works for you. You know, I remember when I first started my podcast, I didn't think the podcast was going to be what it is now. It blows me away. It's like the most purposeful thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life is to see what it's become. But all I knew when I first started the podcast, I read an article that said the average podcaster does seven podcast episodes and then they quit. And I was like, well, I don't want to quit at this. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to record 14 episodes before I ever even

launch. And I just decided I was going to do more than the average person. I just wasn't going to give up. And I liked those 14 episodes. So I kept going. Now we're at, you know, over a thousand episodes now approaching a hundred million downloads. It's, it's mind boggling me. I never thought it would be that way, but it took time. It took about three and a half years before it really started getting traction. It took about four and a half years before it really started blowing up. All I did was I just didn't stop. I had bad reviews. I had so many crappy comments. I had emails saying that I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about, but I just kept going because there was something

inside of my heart that told me this is what I'm supposed to do. I did get like a hundred times more positivity than I did negativity, but our mind likes to focus on the negative, obviously. So I remember those ones really well, but you have to realize what is it that you just, you're going to pursue no matter what. You're going to mess up. You know, where could your life be if you stop listening to your fear of failure, your fear of rejection, your fear of success, your fear of other people's opinions, a fear of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, whatever it is. Where could you be if you stopped listening to that fear?

And when you failed, you just kept going and didn't stop. Where could you possibly be? Where could you be in three years from right now? If you just decided to keep going no matter what? No matter what. That means you get hit by a truck. You're still going to keep going. Where could you be in five years? You have to have something that I call failure amnesia. You don't think about the times that you failed. You only think about the times you've succeeded. Think about that for a second. Don't think about the times you failed think about the times you've succeeded

You have to completely forget about the times that you failed even if you just succeeded one time and one thing in your entire life That's the only thing you think about But the problem is what happens is most of us think about the times that we failed in the past Realizing that we're not the same person as we were in the past. For instance, my my first business You've probably heard me talk about it it if you've listened to me long enough. Actually, two businesses. I ran two businesses into the ground before I got into the business that I have now. And I learned from them. But when I started the new business, this business that we have now, the coaching business, I didn't think about the past ones. I thought about the opportunity of the future one. Because my first business failed when I was, let's see, 26 years old in 2010.

I was 24 years old in 2010. Super in debt. Five months behind on my car payment. Ate pasta for two months because that was the only thing that I could afford. I went to Walmart. I got a box of pasta for $1.88 or a box of pasta for 88 cents. And I got a can of pasta for $1.88. And I lived off of that for two months, right? Like I could think about that, but I'm not the same person. When I started my

business, I wasn't the same person as I was in 2010. I was a different person. You never walk through the same river twice because it's not the same river and you're not the same person. And here's the thing about fear that I want you to realize is that your fear never actually really goes away. You just learn to stop listening to it. You've heard me talk about successful people. They're not fearless. I hate when people are like, oh, and here, coming to that stage is our fearless leader, John. You're telling me John has no fear? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. John feels the fear. He does it anyways. You have to feel the fear and know that it's going to be there. And you have to do it anyways. You have to feel the fear and know that it's going to be there and you have to do it anyways. You have to do the same. You know, I have fears,

but my biggest fear that I've changed my fears to, instead of the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, whatever my fears could have been, fear of people and what they think of me, instead of all those, my biggest fear, which is stronger than all of the other ones combined, is my fear is getting to my deathbed and realizing I didn't realize my true potential. Way more than the fear of failure. So I'm terrified of getting to end my life and being like, I could have done more for the world. That's what my fear is. And that fear drives me instead of holds me back. Can you have a fear that propels you to the life that you want versus holding you back from it? I expect failure. I do. I expect to fail

over and over and over again, and I'm okay with it. In fact, I want to get my failures out of the way as quick as possible so I can get to success as quick as possible. So you're going to feel the fear no matter what it is that you do. You're going to feel the fear if you decide to go ask that person out. You're going to feel the fear if you decide to go ask that person out. You're going to feel the fear if you decide to start that business. You're going to feel the fear if you decide to make that cold call. You're going to feel fear, but you have to feel the fear and do it anyways. It's not that the fear disappears. It's that the fear is there, but you dance with it. It's like you do a little tango with the fear. Hey, here's my buddy fear. I knew that you were going to show up. No big deal.

And instead of the fear paralyzing you, you use it to propel you. Here's the issue though. You've trained yourself that when you feel fear to stop, you've trained yourself. And it's classical conditioning. Classical conditioning, if you go back to Pavlov's dogs, Pavlov was a psychologist and he would click a button

and ring a bell and then the dogs would get a treat. And you ring a bell and and he would click a button and ring a bell and then the dogs would get a treat. And you ring a bell and the dogs would get a treat. And ring a bell and the dogs would get a treat. And then you ring the bell and the dogs would start salivating because their brain expected, I'm about to get a treat whenever they heard that noise. It's classical conditioning. You've classically conditioned yourself to when you feel fear, you stop. When you feel fear, you stop. When you feel fear, you stop. The beautiful thing about that is you can retrain your brain. Then whenever you feel the fear, it's like, hey, hey, you know what's beautiful about fear? I'm feeling fear. This fear is showing me the edge

of my comfort zone. Because you don't have fear inside of your comfort zone. You have fear on the edge and outside of your comfort zone. And so I can feel the fear and that fear is a physical manifestation of me getting to the edge of my comfort zone. And so instead of like most of the time when we feel fear backing down and backing off, we can feel the fear and become very conscious of it and become very self-aware and you go, okay, huh, let me go ahead and let me ask myself, what am I feeling right now? I'm feeling fear. Why is that? Oh, well, i'm feeling fear because i've never done this before And I don't know if I can do it and I don't know if i'm good enough and I

Have a little bit of the imposter syndrome. Okay No big deal It's showing me the edge of my comfort zone. We all should feel fear at the edge of our comfort zone We all should feel a little bit like an imposter because we're going to do something that we've never done before. So naturally our brain wants to protect us. But you can also use the thinking part of your brain to go, well, I know that if I go and I make this cold call, I'm not going to die.

I know if I go and start this business, I'm not going to die. I know that the worst that could happen probably will never happen. So I'm going to do it anyways. And you can start to retrain yourself because we've just trained ourselves. Oh, I feel fear. There must be something wrong. Oh, I feel fear. There must be something wrong.

Sometimes the fear is an amazing thing. And you can use your fear in amazing ways to show you the edge of your comfort zone, to push past it, to say, you know what? This is showing me my capacity. And I know just like a muscle, in order for me to make my muscle stronger, to be able to have a higher capacity to lift heavier weights, I'm going to have to start pushing them and straining them. I'm going to have to start pushing and straining myself in order to expand my capacity. When you see someone who's really successful, what you're really seeing is someone who does feel fear, but they do it anyways. But you're also seeing someone who has expanded their capacity past what they once were in the past. That's the same thing for you. What is it that you need to expand yourself past? Well, the fear is a compass. The fear is an indicator. Follow your fear. Have

you ever heard that one before? Nobody talks about this thing. Follow your fear. That's one of the best things that you can do because it's showing you where you're not growing. It shows you where you need to grow. Expect the fear. Do it anyways. Dance with that fear. See it as a friend, not an enemy. And remember this, the beautiful thing about life is you don't have to succeed a million

times. You only have to succeed once. You can fail as many times as you want. The creator of Honda said that success is 99% failure. It's 99% failure. You just have to succeed one time. That's pretty damn amazing, isn't it? I'm sure. And you can look through the guy who started Honda. He failed at many things before he came up with Honda. Guess what? He just needed Honda to succeed. And he set up his life, and I'm sure his grandchildren's great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren's as well, from one success.

Not a million successes, one success. You can fail and fail and fail and fail and fail. Eventually, if you continue on the path, you'll figure out what works. It'll click. You'll knock a home run. After striking out 10 times in a row, you'll knock a home run. And your life, your family's life, everyone that she knows life will be completely different because you decided to dance

with your fear versus listening to it and backing off. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a big favor right now. Go ahead and share this on your Instagram story and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you want some extra content, motivation, I post two to three times a day on Instagram to try to help you with your motivation as well. So you can follow me on there, RobDialJr. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.