The Mindset Mentor - How to Have More Self Love and Change Your Self Talk

Episode Date: April 16, 2021

We can only love others to the capacity that we can love ourselves. In this episode, I am going to teach you how to stop talking trash to yourself and love yourself at a deeper level. Join my FREE 3 Day Epic Live Virtual Event April 19-21st! Register here: http://epiclife2021.com/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you want to follow along with these podcasts through video, you can follow me on YouTube. All of them go up on YouTube and as well as the mini documentaries we're starting to put up. So just go to YouTube, type my name in, Rob Dial, and I will pop up right there and you can follow me in my journey on YouTube. Today, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be talking about how to have more self-love, how to have more self-love, how to have more confidence, and how to change the way that you

speak to yourself. And I hear this way too often. One of the most requested things that I get from people who send me messages on Instagram, and I look through all of my Instagram messages that I get from people, hundreds of them a day usually, and I get to see what people say about themselves and about what they think about themselves and what questions they have about the world. And then when I see something that happens a lot, what I do is I take that and then I go, okay, I should do an episode on this. So if you do want to send me an Instagram message, let me know what you want me to do episodes on. You can message me, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

But let's talk about self-love because that's one of the messages I get the most. And first off, let's talk about why self-love is so important because self-love either hurts your confidence or it helps your confidence. And that in turn, depending on how confident you are as a person, changes the actions that you take or the actions that you do not take. So I'll give you an example. Let's say that someone's a very confident person and they want to go and start a new business. If they're confident in themselves, they're going to be confident in their business. And they're going to take some actions that somebody who isn't confident probably wouldn't take. They're going to believe in themselves more. When things

get hard, they're not going to give up. When things get hard, they're going to keep going. They're going to, they're going to, when things get harder, when they fail or something messes up, or they do have a bad month in their business, they're going to sit there and they're going to speak to themselves in a way to build themselves up versus tear themselves down. And so the confidence comes from the way that you speak to yourself. The way that you speak to yourself builds confidence or tears it down. And that in turn affects all of the actions that you do or do not take. So it also just affects the way that you feel and the way that you carry yourself, doesn't it? At every moment, the way that you feel and the way that you carry yourself is changed by how confident you are and how you speak to yourself. It affects the way that

you interact with everyone in the world around you, which then in turn affects, for instance, whether you do or do not get a significant other. It also affects who the significant other is that you attract, right? Because you attract someone who is like you. So if you want a really awesome guy who's super confident, guess what you need to be. If you want a really awesome girl who's really confident, guess what you need to be. You need to be confident as well.

And that comes from the way that you speak to yourself. You won't be an unconfident person and somehow attract someone who's super confident. That energy just won't match. And men, I know you can relate. I can relate. To attract a badass, confident woman, you have to be on a whole other level of confidence. Because I know that most women aren't attracted to someone who's very confident in themselves. And a badass woman is not going to be attracted to someone who is weaker or who doesn't believe in themselves. And all of that comes back down to that one thing that we're talking about today, which

is self-love. So in today's episode, I'm going to be teaching you some tips on how to have more self-love, how to speak to yourself, and how to build yourself up more than anything else. And I want to, I want you to kind of imagine this with me, right? I'm going to take you on a journey and I want you to just think about the energy behind this journey. Okay. Imagine with me for a minute, a child who has talked down to their entire lives, right? Let's say that their parents are terrible parents and this child hears everything. They get told that they're stupid. You're so stupid. Why do you do that? They hear it all day long. You're

stupid. They hear they're worthless all day long. They hear they're unlovable. They hear that they're fat. They hear that they'll never amount to anything. Day in, day out, most of the day, the things that they hear from their parents are how worthless, how fat, how stupid, how ugly they are, right? That's terrible, isn't it? But it happens. Do you know how wounded that child will be if they keep hearing these things over and over and over and over again? They're going to be wounded. How do you think that will affect them? How do you think it will affect what they believe in themselves when they grow up? Do you think that a child that's told that all day long by somebody is going to grow up and be super confident and take

the actions towards the life that they want? Or do you think that they're probably going to have a lot of trauma and things to work through all of the time? They're probably going to have a lot to work through, right? How do you think it's going to affect them? What do you think that they're probably going to have a lot of trauma and things to work through all of the time? They're probably going to have a lot to work through, right? How do you think it's going to affect them? What do you think that they're going to believe? You can see this, right? You can see how somebody speaking to a child is going to change the way that they feel. Think about themselves. You understand it, right? What the fuck is the difference between that child and you? What the fuck is the difference between that child and you? There is no difference.

If you talk negatively to yourself, you might think, oh, well, that child though, they're young, they're impressionable. Guess what? You're extremely impressionable. And guess what? You are probably, just so you know, if you want to know statistically, the average person says anywhere between,

thinks anywhere between 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. And 90% of those are negative. This is statistical averages, 60 to 80,000 thoughts every single day. And 90% of them are negative. That's more than the child's being talked down to. So don't think that there's a difference just because you're older. There is no difference, right? Don't think that because of the fact that you're older, because you're older. There is no difference, right? Don't think that because of

the fact that you're older, because you've had more life experience, that you're going to be able to get through it easier. There is very little difference between that child and their abuser. The only difference is that you are your abuser. Let me say that again for everyone in the back. You are your abuser. If you talk down to yourself, you're your abuser. You are the abuser. The empowering thing about the child is a child can at least walk away. You can't walk away from the thoughts in your head. So guess what you're going to have to start to work on? That's right. The thoughts in your head. If you talk down to yourself, if you talk negatively to yourself,

you are your own abuser. There's a really great video. Maybe you've heard me talk about it before, but my friend Jay Shetty put it up and he sat down with these women that were in their 20s and 30s and he gave them a pen and paper and he said, hey, I want you to write down all of the negative things that you say to yourself, whether it's out loud or whether it's in your head. Has them write all these things down, all of the negative stuff. They write it down, they write it down. Just make a list. Anything that you say about what you think about yourself, the way that you look, the way that you look in your clothes, the way that you fit in your clothes, the stuff that you say when you don't work out. Just write all the things you could possibly think of that you typically say to yourself on a weekly basis. So they write all of this stuff down and he says, okay, go ahead and

come with me real quick. And he takes them into another room and they don't realize it. But in that other room is their little sister. So these women that are 20, 30 years old have these little sisters that are like 10, 11, 12, 13, really impressionable age, right? And he sits him down and he says, okay, I want you to look at your sister and I want you to say to her what you just wrote down. And the look on these women's faces are like petrified. They're terrified. There's no way they would never, ever say something to their little sisters that they have on that piece of paper. They wouldn't say those things. So if they wouldn't say it to them, why are they saying it to themselves? Now, I know there's people out there listening and there's light bulbs going off. You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself sometimes. So why do you do it? You know,

let's say one of your friends sends you a text message and she's like, Hey, just had a really bad first date. Do you have time for a call? And you're like, yeah, absolutely. She calls you. Okay. And she's like, Oh, I just feel really down on myself because the fact that I was at this first date and I really started to like this guy. And then at the end of the date, I wanted to go further. And he's like, listen, I'm just not really interested. I think you're nice, but I'm not really interested. And, uh, and I don't really think that we should go on a second date. Would you then say to your friend? Well, yeah, of course he said that because you're ugly. Of course he said that because you're stupid. Of course he said that because you probably don't fit in that dress very well. Of course you said that. Do you want to know why?

Because you got that pimple that's on your nose. Of course he said that because everybody tends to walk away from you. Of course he said that because you're unlovable. Of course he said that? Do you want to know why? Because you got that pimple that's on your nose. Of course, he said that because everybody tends to walk away from you. Of course, he said that because you're unlovable. Of course, he said that because this and this and this and this. Would you ever say that to one of your best friends after they're going through something like somebody not being interested in the first date? Would you? You wouldn't? So why would you say it to yourself? Think about that. Put yourself in those situations maybe you haven't had that exact same situation happen to you but maybe you've had some sort of situation where someone that you're not interested someone that you're interested in is not interested in you and so what do you do instead of building yourself up you break yourself down of course

he's not interested in you of course he's not interested in you because you're too fat because you're unlovable because you're stupid because, because this and this and this and this and this. And you just list off all of the reasons why somebody would not be interested in you. Why? How in the hell does that help you in any sort of way? Wouldn't it be great if there was a pocket-sized guide that would help you with sleep and focus to act and be better? Well, there is. And if you have 10 minutes, Headspace can change your life. So whatever the situation, Headspace really can help you feel better. You feel overwhelmed? Headspace has a three-minute SOS meditation for you. Need some help falling asleep? Headspace has a wind-down session that their members swear by. And for

parents, Headspace even has morning meditations that you can do with your kids. And Headspace's approach to mindfulness can reduce stress, improve sleep, boost focus, and increase your overall sense of well-being. And I absolutely love it because it's just so easy to use. It's in my pocket at all times, and I can always pull it out whenever I need it. And Headspace is backed by 25 published studies on its benefits, over 600,000 five-star reviews, and over 60 million downloads. So you deserve to feel happier.

And Headspace is a meditation app made simple. Go to headspace.com slash dial. That's headspace.com slash dial for free one month trial with access to Headspace's full library of meditations for every situation. This is the best deal offered right now. Go to headspace.com slash dial. Right. One of the things that, that I do whenever I get up, I've done this many times speaking on stage is I'll stand in front of a group of people and I'll say, everybody gets your pen and paper out real quick. I'm a couple hundred people in the crowd and I say, okay, here's what I want you to do. I want you to, I'm going to give you 60 seconds. I want you to write down everything that you don't like about yourself. Everything negative, everything that's bad in your life, everything that you don't like about yourself.

Just write it all down. It could be in your head. It could be something physically. It could be something that you've done in the past. I want you to just write down every possible thing that you can think that you don't like about yourself, every negative thought that comes into your head, everything that you typically say. Just think all of that stuff, put it down on a piece of paper, write it all down. Let's see who can get the most ready, set, go. And it's insane to see this because I do, I've done this so many times and I let them go for 60 seconds and people are writing, like they're basically scribbling, like they're writing so fast because they have so many things that they can write down. They're writing and writing and writing and writing. It looks like they're trying to literally tear through the paper. There's sometimes, sometimes there's so

many things. And I'm like, how many did you get? You know, raise your hand if you got more than 20, everyone's hand goes up. Raise your hand if you got more than 30, everyone's hand stays up. Raise your, keep your hands raised if you did more than 40, 50, 60, 70, 80. And then usually we'll get to around 60, 70 things is the person who got the most, right? And I say, okay, let's try something else. I'm going to give you 60 seconds. I want you to write down every single thing that you love about yourself. Ready, set, go.

And the blank stare that I get on people's faces is eye-opening because people are looking at me like, I don't know a whole lot of things. And then they write down a couple of things, a couple of things. And then you can literally see the average person has like four things on their paper that they come up with that they love about themselves. Five things they come up with. Six things.

The most will get like 17 that they love about themselves. When the other way around, the most they had was like 80 of the things they hate about themselves right just think about that for a second how crazy is that that people and the reason why is because people are not usually focusing on what it is they love about themselves usually focusing on the things that they hate about themselves the things that they don't enjoy what's that gonna do for you right we're always focusing on what's what going to do for you? Right? We're always focusing on what's, what we don't have,

what we're not good at. It's crazy to see it because you can literally see in someone's face as they're writing. Oh my gosh, I don't know any. I put up a picture the other day and it was a quote on my Instagram. And it said, if I told you, if, if I, the quote said, if I told you to write down all of the things that you love, how long would it take until you named yourself? And so many people responded, I wouldn't even have popped into my head, right? So we get caught up in who we are, who we're not. We compare ourselves to everybody else, right? Comparison is the thief of all joy.

You don't love your body because you're looking at somebody on Instagram. You tell yourself you have a fat ass because you're comparing yourself to some Photoshop model on Instagram. You don't have the same butt that she does, right? You talk trash to yourself because you procrastinate and you just happen to see a picture of one of your friends from high school who just bought a massive house. So then you start comparing yourself and how you're not good enough and you procrastinate earlier today. And I bet he didn't procrastinate or she didn't procrastinate when they have to be able to buy that house. But look at me.

There I am again, just procrastinating, right? You're pissed off because you're driving a 20-year-old Kia. And you're thinking about the 18-year-old millionaire that just became a millionaire off of Bitcoin, putting up pictures on Instagram of his new Lamborghini, right? So you're looking at what you have and don't have, and you're comparing it with what other people have or don't have, which might not even be a true reality, which is the craziest part about it, right? But I want you to realize this, where you are right now is where you are. It is a fact. You

are nowhere else. You are where you are. All of the things that you've done in the past, all the things you've thought, all the action you take have gotten you to exactly where you are right now. There's nothing that you can do to change that. The only thing that you can change is from right now moving forward. And here's the thing.

I do know one thing. It's a lot harder to get motivated to go to the thing. It's a lot harder to get motivated to go to the gym. It's a lot harder to get motivated to stop procrastinating. It's a lot harder to do the things that you need to do in order to create the life that you want when you feel like crap. It is like, if I don't feel good, it's hard to get myself motivated to go to the gym. It's hard to get myself to not procrastinate. I don't feel good. When you don't feel good, you don't take action. And guess what talking trash to yourself does? It makes you feel like shit. Nobody's ever been like, man, I'm so glad that I spent about 35

minutes talking shit to myself today because it really motivated me to go to the gym. Very rarely does anybody get stoked about life. Oh yeah, I felt really good when I started comparing myself to that 18 year old Bitcoin millionaire. Whatever it is that's going on, right? So you have to realize, think about it this way. How do you feel when someone is telling you how great you are? How much better your body looks than it did last month, right? How proud of you they are? How much they love you? When someone tells you those types of things, how does that make you feel? Not what do you think about it? How does it make you feel internally, physically, in your body? How does it make you feel when someone is saying amazing things about you?

Imagine if you had someone in your ear all day, every day, telling you about how amazing you are, about who you are, about what you could be, about what you could create. Wouldn't that be a lot better than having someone talk trash in your ear all day long, tell you about how you're not good enough, how you're worthless, how you're not smart enough, pretty enough, got a, you know, chunky legs, whatever it is that you tell yourself, right? You've got to be your biggest fan because here's the thing. No one else is going to be your biggest fan if you're not. You're either your biggest fan or your biggest critic. So I's the thing. No one else is going to be your biggest fan if you're not. You're either your biggest fan or your biggest critic. So I want to ask you, which one are you?

Are you biggest fan or are you your biggest critic? Because if you're your biggest critic, it's going to be really hard to be motivated to create the life that you want. Do you know why? Because when you're your biggest critic and you're talking trash to yourself, you feel like shit. And when you feel like shit, you don't get motivated to go do things. When you don't feel good, you don't take action. So you get what you focus on. What are you focusing on? Are you focusing on the improvements that you've made since last year? Or are you focusing on you're still not where you want to be? You're focusing on the fact that you've lost 10 pounds? Or are you focusing on the fact that you still need to lose 20? Think about that. And it's something that we've all done. We've all

done this. This is something that every human deals with in some sort of way. Let me give you a tip on something that would help you that I've done before. And this is a little ceremony that you could do for yourself, for your fears, your limiting beliefs, for all the trash that you think to yourself. I want you to take a pen and paper. I want you to write down everything that you say to yourself, all of the trash, all the things that you want to get rid of, all the things you want to release, all the things that you say to yourself that you no longer want to say to yourself, everything that holds you back, all of those things. I want you to write down all of the things that hold you back in some sort of way.

Okay. All the ways you talk to yourself. Then I want you to make a massive list of all of your fears, all the things that you're worried about, other people's opinions, rejection, failure, write it all down as much as you could possibly think of. Then I want you to write down your limiting beliefs. All of the things that you think are truly holding you back, but in reality, they don't even exist most of the time. Write it all down. I want you to write down every single thing that you could possibly think of. And I know the majority of you listening are not going to do this. I'm realistic. I understand that. But what I do want you to do for the 5% of you that do do this is actually do this and take time because I promise you it'll help you out a lot. Then what I want you to do is I want you to look at the list of all those things and I want you to thank all

of them. Thank those shitty things that you've said to yourself. Thank those fears. Thank those limiting beliefs. Have a moment of they got you to where you are, but they're no longer going to serve you and you're going to live the rest of your life without them. You're going to live the rest of your life without those thoughts. You're going to live the rest of your life without those fears. You're going to live the rest of your life without those limiting beliefs. What I want you to do, actually, I'm not going to recommend this because I don't want anybody burning their house down. But what I would do, I'll just say it that way, what I have done in this situation is to look at all of those things and to then take it, light it on fire, and then throw it inside of a trash can, you know,

like a metal trash can. I've done it that way. And I've also done inside of a sink before because sinks are usually metal, right? And literally watch those things burn away and realize that's how much they actually physically exist in this world. They don't need to be with you any longer in the future and let go of them because you're either your biggest fan or your biggest critic. The more that you build yourself up, the more confidence that you have, the more confidence that you have, the more that you will step confidently into the future that you want to create. So you would never talk to yourself the way that someone that you, you never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself.

So from this moment on, start to be more aware of the thoughts that you have, the things that you say about yourself. And if you see something pop up that you don't like, change it in that moment, switch to the thought that you would prefer to have about yourself. And that is the way that you build yourself up and also the way that you're going to have more self-confidence, the way that you're going to talk to yourself, the way that you're going to love yourself at a deeper level. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know, someone that you love. And also, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

The only way that we grow is by you guys sharing it. And that's why we're consistently one of the top 150 in the entire world out of 1.75 million podcasts. So I appreciate you for always keeping us in the top 50, 150. But in order for us to go in the top 100, we got to keep getting more shares. So I'd appreciate if you would, but I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.