The Mindset Mentor - How to Lead and Empower Others

Episode Date: October 14, 2022

No matter who you are or what you do, you are a leader in some way. In today's episode, I will teach you some simple keys to being a better leader.   Want to master your mindset? Every Monday I send out an email with mindset tips for the week, click here to receive that email: http://mondayemail.com/ Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

On holiday, there's nothing like doing nothing. As an Expedia member, you can save up to 30% when you add a hotel to your flight, so you can go out there with great ambition to do absolutely nothing for less. Expedia, made to travel. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to be talking about how to be a powerful leader, but more importantly, how to empower the people that are around you to become powerful leaders or to at least become the best version of themselves.

So this is, you know, listen, there's lots of different types of people that are listening in some sort of way. You're a leader. Whether you have your own business, you're a leader in that position. Whether you work for a company and you have people that are under you, maybe you're a manager, or maybe you have people that are around you that you work with, that you are a leader in some sort of way. There's that aspect of leaders. There's also aspect of leaders who listen to this and you have a family in some sort of way,

whether that's a family with a spouse and children, or maybe that's somebody who is, that you're in a personal relationship with, a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend. There's also family in ways of mother, father, brother, sister. There's tons of different ways that you are a leader in your family. Also, a lot of you listening right now have children. And so as having children, you're definitely a leader to those children that are around you as well. And then everybody here hopefully has friends. And if you have at least one friend, you're a leader in some sort of way. So we all need to develop our leadership qualities. And what I want to talk to you today about being a leader is how to empower those around

you. You know, one of the things that I do is I teach a lot of coaches how to grow coaching businesses. And besides that, I also have a group of people that are in my advanced life coaching accelerator program that are leaders as well. And one of the biggest things that holds people back from being a leader or even from being a coach in general, if you know, if I'm using the example of just coaches, a lot of people don't start a coaching business because they feel like they're not ready because they're worried about not having all of the

answers. And nothing can be further from the truth. If you have all of the answers, you're not empowering anybody. Now, what exactly does that mean? Being a leader is not about having all of the answers which most people usually feel like oh I can't step up into a leadership position. I can't start a business. I can't run a coaching program. I can't do any of these things because I don't feel like I have all of the answers to all of life's questions at this point. And the beautiful thing is that you never have to have all of the answers because the best leaders don't know all of the answers. The best leaders are really great at asking questions to empower those around them to be great leaders, to step

into their best version of themselves. So being a great leader is not about having the answers. It's empowering those around you to step into their own leadership. Leaders create leaders. The best leaders in the world, like the best way to gauge if somebody is a really great leader is if they are able to create great leaders around them. It's not about producing a massive business. It's does this leader empower other people around them to step into their leadership and to bring the best out of them as well? Leaders create leaders. So how do you get other people to step into their own leadership, empower them to bring the best out of themselves? How do you do that? You don't give them the answers. You give them the questions.

Ah, does that make anybody feel better right now already? Do you already feel better listening to that? You don't have to have any answers. You have to be really good at asking questions and empowering those around you to actually bring up the answers. Now, let me explain to you why asking questions is way better than giving answers.

Because if you ask me a question, hey, Rob, I'm really struggling with this thing in my relationship. And I'm like, well, here's exactly what you need to do. And I tell you what to do. You might remember it. You probably remember some of it. But if I know the answer of what you should do or what I feel like you should do, and I ask you questions so that I'm empowering you to come up with the answer to it, there's a couple things that happen. Because you have to come up with the answer yourself, your brain is actually making new neurological pathways inside of your brain, which means that you are 10 times more

likely to remember the answer that you came up with than the answer that I gave you. And so if you really want to hardwire something into someone's brain, don't give them the answer that I gave you. And so if you really want to hardwire something into someone's brain, don't give them the answer. Give them questions so that they can find the answer themselves. And the other reason why this is super important is because besides the fact that you're going to come up with the answer and you're more likely to remember it, is because of the fact that you came up with the answer, you feel like it was your idea, which makes you more likely to go ahead and follow through on it. So people are more likely to go ahead and follow through on it. So people are more likely to remember it and they're more likely to follow through when they come up with the answer themselves. Because here's the thing, nobody likes to be told what to do.

And so if you feel like I just told you to go do this thing, you're less likely to do it. But if you feel like you found out this answer, like you came up with this thing, even though I might have asked you a question that led you directly to this, you're like, this was my idea. And because of the fact that it is your idea, you're now more likely to do it. So if you want to empower people, you want people to remember. And if you want people to really follow through, ask them questions. Don't give them answers. Because I have the belief of there's your conscious self. Like, so there's me and you talking. There's me talking. There's you listening right now. That's your conscious self. And then I have the belief that we all have what you could call

your higher self. And we don't have to get weird and woo-woo. We can if we want. But the higher self is just the smartest version of you. It's like the version of you that's in there under all of the busyness that we have every single day. I have a belief that there's something inside of you that has all of the answers to the questions that you have. And it's smarter than me and it's smarter than you. And let's just go ahead and call it your higher self just for right now. As a leader, I want to help you bring that out of you. How can I bring out your higher self, your smartest version of yourself? And the thing that you have to realize is I don't empower you by telling you what to do.

I empower you by asking you questions so that you find the answer and come up and actually empower you to do that on your own. I allow you to find the answer. And because you found the answer and don't feel like I told you the answer, you. And because you found the answer and don't feel like I told you the answer, you feel smarter because it was your answer. It wasn't my answer. And what does that do? It builds self-confidence of, look at this. I just came up with this answer. Yeah, this is a damn good answer. I'm excited about this. What else does it do? It builds your self-awareness because you have to actually take a second, take some time and go, well, what do I want? What am I working at? And start to build your confidence in your own self-awareness. And eventually, you are empowered

to take action without me. Make sense? So you're empowering. If you take these exact same steps that I'm telling you, and you do this with people that are around you, what you're doing is you're empowering the people around you to take action, to build their own confidence, and to build their own self-awareness. So how do you empower people? You empower people through questions by bringing out their highest self that allows them to take action. You know, where's another place where this pops up? Besides just work, just think about children, right? We all have some sort of a child around us, whether it is your own children or whether it's your nieces, nephews, your friends have children, right? How do you empower your

children to be badasses? Well, when they ask you a question, if it's possible, ask them a question back that empowers them to find the answer. Why? That builds self-reliance. There's a lot of self-teaching schools that are starting to pop up and I love the idea. And if you don't know the idea of a self-teaching school, there's a lot of them that are here in Austin. And I have friends that have kids that go to them and they talk about how incredible they are and how much they build their confidence and how they're starting a business every single year. And they're building entrepreneurs and their kids are super confident and they're making money in their own businesses and they're in like elementary school and middle school. It's pretty nuts. But the whole thing with the self-teaching schools is they don't call the

teachers teachers. What they do is they call them guides and the guides never give answers to questions. They respond back to that child with a question so that they can find it. So if they say, hey, I'm curious about this, this, this, what's the answer? The guide is going to respond back to them. Well, if you were to be able to find the answer, where would you find it? And it's not that they're not helping them. It's that they are empowering the child to find the answer themselves, which then, what does it do? It makes them empowered and also makes them feel smarter, which if you feel smarter, you are going to be smarter. And so that's the way that you empower children to be badasses.

Of course, if your children really need help, I'm not saying like, if they're bleeding and like, oh my God, my arm's falling off, to be like, well, what do you think that you should do about your arm? I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is instead of being like, okay, I'm the parent. I'm the smart one. This is a child. This is the one that's not as smart as I am. What if you were to flip that and just say, hey, what do you think the answer is? And empower them. And it builds the self-reliance

upon themselves. Another thing they do in the self-teaching schools is they teach them how to build businesses. In some of my friends' schools, some of my friends' children's schools, there's kids that are in 10th and 11th grade, still full-time in school, in high school that are running businesses that are profiting $100,000 to $200,000 a year. 10th and 11th graders are doing this. Why? Because they've been going to these self-reliance schools, these self-teaching schools where the children don't feel like they're not smart enough to go out and start a business. They're empowered and they go out there and they freaking crush it. Why? Because they don't have limiting beliefs because they haven't

been built into them by the schooling system. So that's another place where this pops up, where you can empower people to bring the best out of themselves, your children, of course. If a tree falls in the forest, does it make any sound? Well, probably. If 27,000 trees fall in the forest, would you rethink what you're using for your toilet paper? I hope so. Because every day, 27,000 trees are cut down just to make conventional toilet paper. That's almost 10 million trees per year just to make something that's used once and then flushed down the toilet. That's where real paper comes in. Real Paper makes sustainable toilet paper that contains no trees and instead uses 100% bamboo.

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Can you be a leader in other parts of your family and empower those in your family to bring out the best in themselves? Not just your children, but everyone's doing the best that they can with what they have at all times. How can you empower them to be better though? When you look at your parents, how can you empower your parents to be better?

How can you empower your parents to be better at everything that they do? What about your brothers and your sisters, every family member that you have, your spouse? How can you empower them to be better in every single way? What does everyone need from you in order to bring out the best in them? Wouldn did it make you feel better if you just went around empowering everybody that you came in contact with? If everybody, once they got done hanging out with you, was like, oh my God, I feel incredible. I feel like I can take on the world, right? You have to think about that. And speaking about bringing out the best in people, besides just asking questions, let's talk about believing in others, right? Do people, if you have a business

or if you're a manager, if you have people that are on your team, do people in your business or people that you work with know that you believe in them and are they empowered by you or are you just a micromanager, right? We've all had micromanagers. Nobody likes a micromanager. If anything, a micromanager makes you feel like less than you are, right? So listen, I know there's some people listening out here that are micromanagers and you have to check in on every single thing that your employees do or that the people that are subordinates under you, whatever they do. If you micromanage, what you're doing is you're actually lowering the confidence of the people around you because it makes them feel like they're incapable.

You being a micromanager and checking in every single moment and making sure and looking over their shoulder, it makes them feel incapable. It makes them feel stupid. And you're disempowering people versus empowering people. Have you ever thought about that one before? It makes them feel incapable. So are you trying to grow your business? Are you trying to grow the people around you?

Do you want people who are empowered, who are leaders around you? Or do you want a bunch of people that feel stupid and incapable? Because if you're a micromanager, you're making people feel stupid. You know out there if you have a micromanager that they make you feel stupid sometimes, don't they? They don't empower you. So if you have people that are in your business or people that are under you in some sort of way, or even just team members that are equal to you, do you make them feel incapable by over-managing and micromanaging and being in their business and looking over their shoulders at all times? Or are you going, you know what, John, you got this, man. I believe in you. I know that you can do this. Sometimes people just need someone to say they believe in them, right?

So many people don't feel like they believe in themselves because nobody else believes in them. Sometimes if you just instill that belief and people can see it in your eyes and they can hear it in your voice, they're going to show up better. Wouldn't you want that to happen? It's going to make your job a lot easier. What about your children?

If I were to go and get your children, how much would they say that you believe in them? You know, do you empower them to make decisions on their own and take actions on their own? Or are you constantly second guessing and correcting them? I can't tell you how many people I've coached over the years whose parents were the ones that second guessed them, the ones that were constantly correcting them over the years and years and years. And if you have a parent, which is like, you them, the ones that were constantly correcting them over the years and years and years. And if you have a parent, which is like, you know, the highest of high in a child's eyes, that's constantly correcting them, they're going to feel completely incapable. They're not going to feel like they know how to make a decision. There's so many people I've coached over the years that feel like they're incapable of making a correct decision and they struggle with it.

And they're indecisive because their parents didn't get off their ass when they were doing even the smallest of things. You know, if you're constantly correcting your children, do you know what type of person that turns into? It turns into someone who's not very confident with themselves when they get older. Is that what you want your children to be? Do you want them to constantly be like, oh man, I don't know if I'm smart enough. I don't know if I'm good enough and not have any confidence in themselves. Or do you want your children to be like, I got this. What are you trying to bring out in your children? I've had so many clients.

I have one client, you know, I won't say his name at all, but years ago I had a one-on-one client, an amazing person. And his dad was, you know, an army guy. And his dad was military in some sort of way, right? And his dad wanted perfection. I see this so many, and not always out of military parents, but I see this a lot out of some military parents where they want perfection out of their children. And they do it from a place of love where they're like, I want my children to be the best that they could possibly be. But if you have a parent that's constantly correcting you and constantly correcting and

constantly correcting you, it makes you feel like, I don't know what the hell I'm doing in this world. I'm a freaking idiot. To the point where he said that he would go and get the milk carton and he'd pour some milk for cereal and he'd put the milk carton away. And because of the fact that his dad was a perfectionist, his dad would go in, open up the refrigerator and fix the milk carton so it was perfect, exactly the way that his dad wanted, because he had to have it perfect. And so if you think about it, if you just put yourself in a child's perspective of something like that, and there's many parents that do many different things exactly like this, it's making you feel like, oh my God, I can't even put the freaking milk away.

I must be an idiot. If I can't put the milk away, I definitely can't do big things. You know, how many people listening to my voice right now can relate in some sort of way? Is that what you want to make your children feel like? Is that what you want to make your employees feel like? The people that work with you, the people that work under you in some sort of way? Or do you want to empower them? Because if you're constantly correcting them, it makes them feel like you don't believe in them. So think about that with your children. Think about people that work with you. What about other people in your family? Are you believing in every single person? Do they know how much you believe in them? Do you empower people to do what they need to do and to bring the best out of them? What does your

mom need from you? Your dad need from you? Your brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousins? What do they need from you? The people that are closest to you? What do your friends need from you to show up in the most powerful possible way as a leader? And they know this person believes in me. If there's no one else in the world, this person believes in me. There's so many people. It's so sad how many people don't have any confidence because their parents and the people they grew up around didn't know that they weren't instilling confidence. And not that they weren't instilling confidence, but more so they were actually pulling confidence away from them by the way that they raised them. Right? And once again, like I said a little while ago, everyone's always doing the best they have, the best they can with

what they have. So nobody's perfect. You don't have to have a psychology degree in order to have a child. So a lot of people don't realize what they are doing to their children. But now if you're listening to this, you're awake. You're listening to it. You can't go back from this. You should take a pen and paper and think, how can I empower the people around me? How can I empower the people in my business? How can I empower the children more? How can I make sure that everyone that's around me knows that I believe in them? If nobody else in the world believes in them, I believe in them, and I'm going to empower them to make the right decision. I don't have to give them the answers. I have to empower them to find the answers on their own. All I have to do as a leader, as a coach, as a mentor, whatever it is that you are, is to ask them the questions and find the answers.

That is what a really great coach does. It's about bringing out the best in people and inspiring them to grow, not controlling every single move that they have. So what type of person have you been? Have you been the type of person that's inspiring people in every single thing that you do? Or have you been the type of person that's trying to micromanage and trying to control everything? Because if you do that, I understand you want things done a very specific way, but you are disempowering your people. You're not making them feel good. You're controlling them. You're making them feel like they're less than. You're making them feel stupid. And that is not going to be bringing up a great leader. A great leader creates other leaders. As I said, it's about

bringing out the best in people, inspiring them to grow. People are smarter than you give them credit for. People are smarter than we all give them credit for, but they have to have an environment that fosters their growth, that fosters them into becoming the best version of themselves. You have to give them credit that people are a lot smarter, a lot more capable, and a lot more confident than we think that they are. And if we can pull that out of somebody and realize that there's very few people that are inspiring people, they're telling them how much they believe in them. Hey, I don't have to give you the answer. You've got the answer inside of you. You're smart enough. I know you can do it. You'll figure it out. If we can do that over and over and over again, what happens is people start, it starts to click and they go, you know what? I am smart. I can do

this. I am capable. And when someone takes action and it was their own idea and it ends up being a win and you celebrate it with them, boom, you've just created a ton of confidence in that person. And guess what? Their next action, they're going to go into with more confidence. And then they go do it again and they can have more confidence and more confidence and more confidence. Confidence is not something that someone's born with. Confidence is something that somebody goes out and gets from the results that they have. How can you help people get better results around you? Whether that's people in your business, whether that's people that you work with, whether that's your family, whether that is your closest friends, how can you inspire people to be the best that they can possibly be? Because people

are smarter than you give them credit for. And the more credit that you give somebody, the smarter and the more capable and the more confident that they become. And that is how you truly, truly empower people to be amazing. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share with someone that you know and love. Go ahead and tag me.

Put it up on your Instagram. Tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way that we grow is from you guys actually putting it out there. So I greatly, greatly, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate you all for always sharing this. I always see a couple hundred people share these every single time they go live. So I appreciate you for it. And I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I

appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.