The Mindset Mentor - How to Let Go

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

What are you holding onto that's holding you back? I'll dive into the heavy burdens of anger, resentment, and past pain that weigh us down and keep us from living fully in the present. I’ll challenge your perspective on forgiveness, help you let go of the venom that only hurts you, and show you how to reclaim control of your life.  Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episodes. I put out episodes four times a week for you to learn and grow and improve your life. And also, if you want to download my free ebook on how to set, plan, and dominate your goals for this year, go ahead and go to goalswithans2025.com. Once again, goals2025.com. Today, we're going to be talking about how to let go, how to let go of all of the anger that you're holding on to, how to let go of the resentment that you're holding on to, and how to let go of this past that you continue to

keep bringing into this present moment and ruining this present moment with. And I'm going to try to shift your perspective on your life and all of the things that have happened to you in the past, all of the people who have hurt you in the past and all of that. And why would I want to do this? Well, because honestly, it's just so damn stressful to just hold on to all of that. And why would I want to do this? Well, because honestly, it's just so damn stressful to just hold on to all of it, to continue to keep holding on to what happened to you 20 years ago, or seven years ago, or nine years ago. It's just so heavy and stressful to continue to hold on to those things. I talk with so many people, some people that are 40, 50, 60, 70 years old, and they're still complaining about something that their mother did in 1993, or how when they

were younger, their brother was an asshole to them and beat them up 30 years ago, 30 years ago. And they're still holding on to how their brother treated them when they were children and immature 30 years ago. So yeah, so your brother beat you up one time 30 years ago, and you've been beating yourself up every single day by resenting him every single day since it happened. So who's the real bully in this situation? For a lot of people listening, and I hear this over and over and over again, but for so many people listening, you are way worse to yourself than anybody has ever been to you in your entire life. And if you're listening to this episode, I want you to understand it's time to let it go. Because think about this. To say something

like, I am this way because of the way my dad treated me as a kid, for instance. In that situation, we're playing the role of the victim. And if you're listening to this episode and you're listening to this podcast, I don't think that you want to be the victim in your life anymore. But if you're saying, I am this way because of what my dad did to me when I was a kid, or because the way that my brother treated me when I was younger, because my mom did this to me 20 years ago, we're playing the role of the victim in that situation. I am this way because of my dad. He did this to me. That means playing the role of the victim. And if you're playing the role of the victim in your life, in anywhere in your life, then you're never fully in control of your life.

It's like giving somebody else the drivers, the wheel and putting them in the driver's seat of your own life. And maybe that's why for some people listening, it's been so hard to step up and make real and lasting change in your life is because you've never really put yourself in the driver's seat. And you cannot be in control of your life if you're blaming other people for the way that your life is. You cannot be in control of your life, fully 100% in control, if you continue to blame other people for why life is the way that it is. It makes you the victim in your life and not the creator in your life. And so I want to give you a little bit of an analogy here. And the way I like to think

about it, and I've heard one of my favorite people that talks about this is Wayne Dyer. Wayne Dyer speaks of anger and resentment like a snake bite, right? And one of the things that I love that he says, and it's really hard for people to wrap their minds around, but I really just hope that this sinks in with you, is that there are no justified resentments in this world. If you can have your mindset be, there are no justified resentments. There is no way for me to justify resenting this other person. If you can get your mind to fully grasp it and to fully accept it, your life is going to be completely different. What if your anger towards somebody else was not justified? If you carry resentment about anything

or anyone, even the worst person in the world to you. And I understand, I understand. I've heard the worst of the worst in this world. I've heard the person cheated on you. I've heard of bullies. I've heard of people that have had the worst type of abuse that could possibly happen to them. I've had people whose stepdad murdered their mother, like the worst things that I've heard in this world. But what if you just could just wrap your mind around it for a second and just say, man, what if I don't have any right to be resentful for something? Because if I'm being resentful, if I'm angry about something that happened, anger is the acid that burns the vessel. Anger only hurts me. So if

something happened to me, and I understand there's a lot of people listening to me that have been through really, really bad things in life. And it's not that I don't have compassion for you or empathy towards you. It's that it happened in the past and you're only hurting yourself by holding on to this anger and resentment. Anger is the acid that burns the vessel. It only burns you. It doesn't burn anybody else. It's like holding onto a hot potato and saying, I hope that I burn this person by holding onto it tighter. It doesn't happen that way. And so the example is this. Nobody dies from a snake bite. You might be like, well, that doesn't make any sense. If a viper comes up and bites me,

then I'm going to, and I don't, I could die from it. But nobody dies from a snake bite. Once you are bitten, you're bitten. You cannot change that. But it's not the bite that kills you. It's the venom that's coursing through your veins that will kill you, not the bite. And so you don't have to sit around. you're bit by a rattlesnake, bites you right now. You don't sit around and be mad at the rattlesnake. You don't blame the rattlesnake after it happens to you, do you? No. You don't try to be unbitten, do you? No. You don't try to clean up the bite right after it happens, do you? No, your main objective after you are bitten by a rattlesnake, your main objective is how do I get this venom out of my body as soon as possible? How do I get rid of this venom? Because this venom is the thing that's

going to kill me. The snake is the person that quote unquote did you wrong. It happened. It cannot unhappen. The venom is the anger and resentment that you choose to hold on to. And I'm using my words very particularly here. You are choosing to hold on to that. It is your choice whether you realize it or not. I know it can be hard to hear, but it's the thing that's making you sick. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And so that is the venom that's inside of you. So for you, it should be, how do I get this venom out of my system as soon as possible? That thing is the thing that's holding you back from stepping into your life the way that you want it to be.

I'll give you an example, right? In my life, I'll give you the perfect example. My dad and everything that happened to me. If this is your very first time ever listening to my podcast, I'll give you a real quick explanation. My father was an alcoholic when I was a kid. My parents got divorced when I was 10 because of his alcoholism. I went through a whole bunch of things and a whole bunch of circumstances and places where I didn't feel safe I was put in danger's way All of that I could sit here and I could hate him and say well, you know, he wasn't around for me He didn't teach me the things that he should have been he should have been there for me

Should have been there for the family. I don't hate him for any of those things I've gone on my own journey throughout my life of forgiving him Not for him, but forgiving him so that I can let go of it. I had this resentment in me, this venom in me that I needed to get rid of. And so I developed this routine of like, I'm going to meditate every day on how grateful I am that my life has gone exactly as it has gone. Everything, I don't believe whatever it is, whether it's life or the universe or God or whatever it is that you want to move, I don't believe that there's any mistakes. I don't have to know why it happened and I'm not smart enough to understand why it happened.

But if it happened, it's exactly as it was supposed to have gone. That's my belief. And so I meditate on how grateful I am every single day that every single thing that happened to me has happened. And there's a lot of times that I sit down, I meditate on being grateful for, you know, for the weather. I'm grateful for my wife. I'm grateful for my son. I'm grateful for my family. And a lot of times, one of the things that I go back to almost every single morning is I'm grateful for all of the hardships in my life. I'm grateful for all of the challenges that have happened in my life because they have made me who I am. And so you can use your pain to help you grow. To be able to find the worst things that have happened to you and be able to figure out some sort of way that you can get great from them or find some sort of good in them is one of the best things

you could do. It'll be one of the greatest blessings in your life to see the challenges, the worst things have happened to you and be like, you know what? I'm not mad about that anymore. I don't resent that person more. I'm actually grateful that this thing happened because it made me who I am and it was something that made me stronger. I still could be sitting around blaming my dad. I could still be pissed off. He never taught me how to be a man. He wasn't there for me. He chose alcohol over me. I could have that perspective and a lot of people do, but what does that do for me? Does it hurt him if I resent my dad? No, he died 23 years ago. So holding on to that resentment, holding on to that venom doesn't hurt him. It only hurts me. It only hurts me. And if you're holding on to resentment

towards somebody else, it only hurts you. So it's the same thing for you. Whatever it is, it only hurts you. You. You. Don't you get that? You get it, right? Anger, the anger that you hold on to is the acid that burns the vessel. It is burning you. You need to figure out a way to get the venom out of your system as fast as possible. And so if you think about forgiveness, I have an entire episode. You can go back and, you know, search the episode on forgiveness and listen to it. But forgiveness is not something that you do for someone else. It's something that you do for yourself. I was having a conversation with one of my friends' moms not too long ago. I've known her for over a decade. We were talking about someone who hurt her in her past. It was actually, I'll

just be specific with it. It was her father that hurt her in her past. And I was like, you know what? You just need to forgive him. And she's like, I will never forgive him for what he's done for me. I was like, you don't need to tell him to his face that you forgive him. You need to forgive him for yourself. And she was just so like, no, I will never do that because he did X, Y, and Z. And you know, it's not my place to share what X, Y, and Z was. I know what it is, but she can't let go of it. And because of that, she has all of these things, these, you know, these byproducts of being so wound up and so mad and so, so angry and so resentful. How does she heal herself? Let's go of it. Not for him, but for her. So the question is, can you let go of it? Can you let go of the

burden that you've been carrying for so long? And think about that. That's really what it is. The burden that you have been carrying for so long. It's like that phrase, the mountains that you're carrying, you are only meant to climb. It's like you carried that, you've been carrying that mountain for 10 years. You're only supposed to climb that mountain. You don't need to go up to the person, look them in the eyes and say, I forgive you and let them in your heart. You can just close your eyes. You can say, you know what? I forgive this person and I'm going to continue to work at forgiving them. You can write them a letter and put all of your thoughts down on a piece of paper and then you can burn it if you want to, but you need to learn to let go. And like I said, I believe that everything has happened is perfect in the way it's supposed to be. I don't need to, I you need to learn to let go. And like I said, I believe that everything has happened

is perfect in its way. It's supposed to be. I don't need to, I'm not the creative universe. There's some stuff that's happened where I'm like, that's crazy. That's wild. Why is this happening in the world? I don't know why it happens. I don't know why it happened. I don't know why things have happened to you. I don't know why things have happened to me, but I can trust that everything that's happening is happening because it's supposed to be. And so like, it's the, if you go back to the poem, I shared it a little bit ago, there was a poem that said, imagine that you're sitting down and you're able to talk with the creator of the universe before your birth, and you can pick the person that you get to become. And you say to the creator of the universe, I want to be the most courageous. And so the creator

replies, then I will give you monsters to terrify you so that you can conquer them. And then you say, I want to be patient. And the creator replies, then I will make you work harder and longer so that you can learn to wait. And then you say, I want to be wise. And the creator replies, then I'm going to give you failures that will crush your spirit so that you can learn the value of judgment. And then you say, well, that sounds like a rough life. Can you give me a good life? And the creator replies, just like we measure the quality of a blacksmith by the strength of his steel, I measure you by what you are at the end, not the fire and the hammer it took to make you.

A good life isn't an easy life. A good life makes you into a good person. And that, my child, is a hard life. And so maybe, just maybe, we were giving these demons of our past, these things in our past, so that it would make us into who we need to be. So maybe instead of, hmm, what if this was possible? Maybe instead of hating that person that did this thing to us, what if we can not only just forgive them, but what if we can actually be grateful for them? We don't need to go up to their face and say, I'm grateful for you. But what if we can look at that search situation, that circumstance and say, I'm grateful that happened to me. It's not what I wish would have happened. It's not what I wanted to happen. I don't want to go back to that moment, but I'm grateful for the fact that it happened because

it made me who I am today. I would not be who I am today if that thing didn't happen to me. And I've had people ask me before in the past and they've said, well, you know, if you could change your past, if you could have your father not be an alcoholic, if you could have your father still be around in your life, would you do it? And it's a hard question because it's like, would I like for my dad to be around now in my life? Yeah, that'd be great. That would be awesome.

Do I want to give up all of the lessons that I've learned, everything that my life has become since then in order to have him here? I don't. I don't want to lose those lessons. I don't want to lose the strength. I don't want to lose the wisdom. I don't want to lose the strength. I don't want to lose the wisdom. I don't want to lose the knowledge that I have gained from that. And so I want you to think about forgiving those other people. Do you know who else that you should forgive as well?

Yeah, yourself. Think about that for a second. Who else should you forgive? You should probably forgive yourself. There's a lot of things that you've done. There's a lot of ways that you've screwed up in the past. You know, there's, there's relationships I've screwed up in the past. Led me to my wife. There's businesses that I've screwed up in the past. Led me to the business I have now. There's relationships and friendships and all of these things that I've screwed up in my past that's given me the wisdom to have the life that I have now. It's the same thing for you. to have the life that I have now. It's the same thing for you. In the long run, if you look back and you look really through a certain perspective, you can always find perfection in the journey if you're looking from the right perspective. So when you look back at your past, can you learn to

forgive the person that did that thing to you? Can you learn to forgive yourself if you're the one that did that to you? And can you look back into the past and start to have gratitude for the things that have happened? If you can do that, then you're really stepping into being the person who is in charge of creating the life that you want. And now you're at the driver's seat and nobody else. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys actually sharing it. So if you would share it on your social media, maybe someone else in this world would be able to find it. Maybe it can hit them as well. And maybe we can change their life

in some sort of way. So if you do that, I'd really appreciate it. And once again, if you want to download my free ebook on how to dominate your goals, go to goals2025.com. Once again, goals with an S, 2025.com. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.