The Mindset Mentor - How to Move On And Let Go

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylann. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you love this podcast and you've gotten value from anything that I've ever said, please do me a real quick favor while you're listening to me. Go to Apple Podcasts or iTunes, give this podcast a rating and review. The more people that give us great reviews, the more that iTunes and Apple go, you know what, maybe we should actually show this to more people. And that's how this actually grows organically. So I would greatly appreciate it if you would take two minutes and give us a rating and review as I'm speaking. And today we're going to be

Starting point is 00:00:41 talking about how to leave the past in the past how to move on And let go and leave your past in the past So here's the first thing i'm going to say it's going to sound obvious as hell. You can do nothing about your past Isn't it crazy that we know? Consciously that we could do nothing about the past but for some reason we won't let that mf for go like we won't let it go Sometimes we're like, you know what i'm going to carry this weight around with me forever. I don't even want to, that person did that to me in the past or that thing happened to me in the past. And I'm still mad about it. You know, no matter how hard you try, there's literally nothing that you can do about it.

Starting point is 00:01:17 So why, why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so hard to let go? Because we wish now that things would have been differently then. I don't know about you. There's many times where I've been like, man, I wish I would have done something differently. Now that I'm smarter, now that I'm wiser, now that I'm older and I can look at it and be like, man, you know what? I should have done this. But here's the thing. You did the best that you could. Everybody else that was around you, everything that happened, everybody did the best they could with the tools that you could. Everybody else that was around you, everything that happened, everybody did the best they could with the tools that they had. Everybody's always doing the best.

Starting point is 00:01:49 So if you didn't do as good as you wanted to do, or you regret something that you didn't, you did the best that you could with what you had. In that moment, if you could have done better, you would have. Same thing for everybody else around you. If you're still mad at your parents for how your childhood was, they didn't do it because they wanted to. They did it because that's the best they could have done. Whatever it was that you're still mad about, whatever that person did to you in the past,

Starting point is 00:02:13 they did the best with the tools that they have, with the knowledge that they had at that moment. But we wish that it still would have been different. And you can't let go because you think that it didn't work out the way that it should have. You're shooting all over yourself. It should have been differently. It should have been different. It should have happened this way. It should have gone this way. I should have said this instead. And one of my favorite phrases that has to do with this is what happened happened and could not have happened any other way because it didn't. Because if it would have been able to happen

Starting point is 00:02:43 another way, it would have happened another way. What happened happened and couldn't have happened any other way because it didn't. And that's something that Peter Crone says, where it's just so simple. Yeah, it happened. There's nothing else that could have happened or else it would have happened that way. Life always works out exactly the way that it's supposed to. Think about all of the bad things that's happened to you in your past. Let's take a trip down shitty memory lane. Think about all the bad things that's happened to you in your past. Let's take a trip down shitty memory lane. Think about all the bad things that have happened to you in your past. Some of your hardest moments, right? When you're going through these moments, they're not fun.

Starting point is 00:03:13 If I think of my hardest moments, if I think of my father's death, that was not fun. If I think about the two months that I lived off of pasta from Walmart because of the fact that I was so broke after I ran my first business into the ground. That wasn't fun. And I didn't enjoy either one of those two events when I was going through them. But now when I look back on them from me, 2021, 35 years old, looking at them, I'm like, yeah, I wish that they would have been different, but I learned so much from them. I learned so much from what happened with, but I learned so much from them. I learned so much from what happened with my father. My life changed from that. I would not be doing this

Starting point is 00:03:49 podcast. I would not be doing what I do now had I not gone through all the things that I went through with him. Same thing. I don't think I'd have the drive that I have now if that hadn't happened. I also don't think I would have the drive that I have now if I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be extremely broken and five months behind on my car payment and living off of pasta. I didn't like them when I was going through them, but there is nothing that you could pay me to have it different. I think that everything works out exactly the way it's supposed to. It's hard when you go through them, but now you won't change them for the world. They made you who you are. They literally gave you,

Starting point is 00:04:25 wisdom doesn't come from reading books. Wisdom comes from going through life events like that. Think about the hard things that you've been through. They made you who you are. They're not fun, but they help you grow. It's like a muscle. You're like a muscle. You're like a giant, big old muscle. A muscle doesn't grow when it's just, you're just hanging out on the couch, right? That's how muscle atrophies. Muscle grows when it's put under strain, when it's put under pressure. You know, when muscles are sore, that's literally little teeny tiny cuts are in your, you're literally pulling your muscles apart. That's how much your muscles are straining. That's how your muscles grow is when they grow back together stronger after they're torn apart.

Starting point is 00:05:10 You grow the exact same way. I've never seen someone who hasn't been through some crazy life event and they have this perfect life and then somehow they become this super wise person. They become this amazing person. Usually the people that I know that have done the most amazing things in the world have been through some stuff. And I mean, they've been through some stuff. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. A rough sea is what makes a skilled sailor. It's like that phrase, something along the lines of, I asked God to make me stronger, so he gave me bigger challenges to overcome.

Starting point is 00:05:39 It's kind of the same thing where it's like, if you wanna get stronger and stronger, you've gotta get bigger and bigger challenges. You can't look at the challenge and be like, oh man, I wish you were different. No, you've got to look at the past and appreciate it. Oh yeah, you know what? I didn't want to be cheated on back then, but now I can see how being cheated on by that person changed the way that I interact with other people in the world, changed what I'm looking for in somebody else, changed my viewpoint of being able to see red flags sooner, changed the way that I act in the world with everybody else. You know, it's like you're carrying this stuff and you've got to let it go. It's like if you sign up for a marathon and I said,

Starting point is 00:06:18 hey, you're about to go on for this marathon and I gave you a 50-pound backpack and I said, hey, put this on. You'd be like, no, I'm about to run a marathon. It's the exact same thing where it's like life is a marathon and you're carrying so much shit with you that you just need to drop already. The guilt, the shame, the anger that you have about things that happened in your past, whether things that you did wrong and you wish you would have done better or things that other people did wrong and you still won't forgive them and you're still holding on to the anger. You're still holding on to the guilt, the shame from your past. You're carrying the past on your back. Another phrase that I think of is like the phrase, those mountains that you carry,

Starting point is 00:06:56 you were only meant to climb. Think about that one for a second. How many mountains did you climb in your past, but you're still carrying with you? The mountains that you carry, you were only meant to climb. What are you still holding onto that you need to let go of? Why can't you let go of it? Is it part of your identity? So often we have our identity built by the things that have happened to us in our past. And we say, yes, I'm the son of an alcoholic father. Yes, I've been very broke before. Yes, I had this thing happen. No, those are just things that happen to you, but it doesn't make you who you are. It's just like your job. If I ask you who you are and you tell me that you're an accountant, that's not who you are. It's just something that you do on a daily basis. You've got to realize that there's so much more to this world that you can see,

Starting point is 00:07:42 that you can do, and that you can experience when you finally just drop the stuff that you've been carrying for so long. Now, I've got a question for you. Would you allow a thief to break into your house and live there rent-free? Like if they're there and you see them asleep on the couch and you're like, oh, well, he made it in. I might as well just let him stay. Would you let a thief break into your house and live in there rent-free? No, of course you wouldn't. So why would you allow your joy to be stolen every single day by being stuck in the past? Why would you do that? You're choosing to allow yourself to be pissed off. You're choosing to allow yourself to feel that way. You're choosing to allow yourself to feel resentment,

Starting point is 00:08:21 to feel the anger, to feel the non-forgiveness towards something, towards someone else or towards yourself. You're choosing it. It's not just something that's randomly happening to you and you're like, well, look at me. I woke up and I'm resentful for a day today. No, it's like you're choosing to feel that way. It's a fucking choice. Don't act like it's not a choice. You're choosing it. You're playing the victim. Are you going to keep playing the victim or are you going to finally decide to be the champion in your life? Oh, this happened to me. Boom, boom, boom. Yeah, it happens. Things happen to people. Life happens to people. But you know what people respect? People respect the people that get up, dust themselves off, and just keep on going.

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Starting point is 00:09:34 counselors if you need to. It's also more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. And BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today. So visit betterhelp.com slash dial. That's better H-E-L-P to join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional and get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash dial. Hey, making content is an essential part of what I do to keep this show going, but it hasn't always been a seamless creative process. Ever since I found Canva Pro, I can design anything like a pro on any device. And myself and my social media team has been using Canva for years. Canva Pro is a design platform that

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Starting point is 00:10:50 creating, and posting social media content too. Pause scheduled posts and edit them anytime. So start designing like a pro with Canva Pro. Right now you can get a free 45-day extended trial when you use my promo code. Just go to canva.me slash dial to get your free 45-day extended trial when you use my promo code. Just go to canva.me slash dial to get your free 45 day extended trial. That's C-A-N-V-A dot M-E slash dial canva.me slash dial. You have to learn to let go. You have to learn to let go so that you stop allowing your joy, your happiness, your peace to be stolen every single

Starting point is 00:11:26 day because you're stuck in the freaking past of something that happened five years ago, six years ago. Really? Get over it. Like it's time. You have to learn to let go. Take a deep breath and let that shit go. Let go of that mistake. Let go of that person. Let go of that event. It happened exactly the way that it was supposed to. There's people that are, there's some people that it might be you. It might be someone that you know. There's people that are in a bad mood today over something that happened 10 years ago. What? There's people that are in a bad mood today over something that happened 10 years ago. Wow. Talk about a child sulking, right? Talk about a child sulking, 35-year-old, 40-year-old, 50-year-old child that's like, no, this happened to me 10 years ago. I don't mean

Starting point is 00:12:20 to make fun of people, but at the same time, I'm trying to show you how ridiculous it actually is. There's people in a bad mood today for something that happened 10 years ago. That's pretty crazy to think about. Here's the crazy part about it. It's actually not what happened to them that's making them feel this way. You realize that, right? It's not about what happened to them 10 years ago that's making them feel this way. It's how they feel about what happened to them. So let me give you an example. Let's say somebody was cheated on 10 years ago by their spouse, and they're still holding that anger. They're still holding that resentment. Oh, they shouldn't have cheated on me.

Starting point is 00:12:52 I was faithful for them for 20 years. And it's not about the event of being cheated on. It's how being cheated on made them feel. Let that one sit in for a second. It's not the event of being cheated on. It's the event of that person made me feel unwanted. I put so much time into that person and they made me feel unloved. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough.

Starting point is 00:13:14 That is what's actually being carried along with them. It's not about the event. It's about how they still feel about the event. And so they're mad at them. They shouldn't have made me feel that way. They shouldn't have done that to me. And they're mad. It's like Mark Twain says though, anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than anything which it is poured on. People are holding on, like to hold on to anger for so long is like carrying a hot

Starting point is 00:13:41 potato in your hand, wanting to throw it at somebody, and then you just never throw it. It doesn't do any good. It never will. You have to stop carrying it around. You have to look down at your hand and be like, why the fuck am I holding on this hot potato? Like, you know what I mean? I can just drop it at any time. That's the crazy part about it, is that you can drop it at any time. You can let go at any time, but you're like, no, this is my identity. I was cheated on. My father passed away. This thing happened and I'm going to hold on to this hot potato, even though it pisses me off, just because of the fact that this is who I am and I'm going to be resentful. And we play the victim card. Oh, I'm going to hold on to this thing as long as I possibly can. We're burning our freaking hands

Starting point is 00:14:17 off by holding onto this hot potato because you just won't let it go. You can literally let it go at any point in time and say, you know what? Not anymore. I'm going to let this go. I'm not going to feel this way. I'm going to forgive myself for what I did in the past. I'm going to forgive myself for not being smarter and not making a better decision. I'm going to forgive myself for not showing up for myself the way that I should have. I'm going to forgive myself for cheating on that person. I'm going to forgive myself for saying that thing to that person that I shouldn't have said in anger. I'm going to forgive myself for saying that thing to that person that I shouldn't have said in anger. I'm going to forgive that person for what they did to me.

Starting point is 00:14:48 I'm going to forgive that person for cheating on me. I'm going to forgive that person for doing what they said they were, you know, doing that thing they said they would never do. I'm going to forgive that person for breaking my trust, for making me feel like shit. I'm going to forgive that person. Feel the weight come off your shoulders when you do that. You've got to get over it. You've got to get over it. You've got to get over it. Stop cheating on your future, this amazing future that you could have with your past.

Starting point is 00:15:14 Stop cheating on your future with your past. Learn to have gratitude for it. Oh yeah, that person cheated on you. What can you have gratitude for in that moment? They showed their true colors. You didn't have to waste years of your life with them, more years of your life with them. That person cheated on you? Well, now you know what red flags look like. That person cheated on you? Well, now you know what you don't want in a relationship.

Starting point is 00:15:36 That person cheated on you? Well, now you have space to bring in somebody who loves you and appreciates you the way that you desire and the way that you truly deserve. Man, that's something to be grateful for, isn't it? Now you can go and actually find the true person who loves you and appreciates you the way that you desire and the way that you truly deserve. Man, that's something to be grateful for, isn't it? Now you can go and actually find the true person who's going to treat you the way that you want to be treated. Don't cheat on your future with the past. And also think about this. You only have so much mental energy throughout the day. And if part of that mental energy is being used towards something that happened in the past,

Starting point is 00:15:59 you don't have space to create new stuff in your future. So when I say don't cheat on your future with your past, I mean, if you're constantly thinking about the person who cheated on you four years ago and you're pissed off and you're pissed off and you're pissed off, that mental energy is not spent allowing the next person to come into your life, to treat you the way that you want, to be the way that you want to. And so you can look at those events and go, man, I'm not happy that it happened. It's not the way that I wanted it to happen, but I can at least have gratitude for the way that it happened. And I'm not going to wish for it to be any different. I'm done holding anger. I'm done holding resentment. My past can

Starting point is 00:16:37 no longer live with me in my present moment and into my future. And it comes down to full acceptance. I fully accept what happened to me in my past. I comes down to full acceptance. I fully accept what happened to me in my past. I fully accept what I did. I fully accept the mistakes that I made. I fully accept that everything that I did worked exactly the way it was supposed to. And I wish it would have been different, but you know what? It's not. It never will be. And so I'm going to find a way to live with myself for it. Okay. Let's have full acceptance for everything that's happened to you and everything that's quote unquote been done to you. Well, this just happened. Okay. That person that did that thing, I didn't want for them to do it. I wish that they wouldn't have done it, but you know what?

Starting point is 00:17:13 I learned a lot from it. I've learned how I want to be treated. I learned that I, I, I, I want more from someone I'm in a relationship with. I've learned what red flags are. And that person has given me space. They've given me space to find myself again. I lost who I was with them. I didn't know who I was whenever I was with that person. They allowed me to go out and find myself again. They've given me a gift. They've given me space. They're now out of my life where I can find someone who's going to treat me the way that I want to be treated. Think about how much gratitude that is. Oh, you think about your parents. Oh man, you could be so pissed off about the things that they did,

Starting point is 00:17:46 the things that they didn't do, all the things that you wish were different. Or you could look at it and say, you know what? My parents did the best that they could with what they had. If my parents could have done better, they would have done better. So I'm gonna look at them with love. I'm gonna look at them in whatever they did in my past

Starting point is 00:18:03 and I'm gonna accept it and realize that they didn't want to do what they did, whatever it was. They didn't want to be the way that they were, whatever that was. And everything happened exactly the way that it happened. And all the things that went through my past have made me who I am. So when I look back on my past, I can look back at it in full acceptance. I can forgive everybody because you don't forgive people for them. You forgive people for yourself. So you stop holding onto that. I'm going to let go of my past. I'm going to leave my past, my past. I'm going to look at my present moment. I'm going to find what's beautiful about this present moment. I'm going to look into my future and I'm going to decide what I want in my future. Now that I've gone through my past, now that I've

Starting point is 00:18:41 gone through everything that I've gone through, what will I no longer accept in my present moment? What will I no longer bring with me into my future and that's what i'm going to focus on It's bringing in the life that I want and what's acceptable to me and no longer will I allow anything that is unacceptable to me And it starts first with me looking at my past Moving on and letting go So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission

Starting point is 00:19:14 makes someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How to Move On And Let Go

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