The Mindset Mentor - How to Not Care About Others' Opinions

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive motivational text messages from me directly to your cell phone and you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 1-512-580-9305. Once again, 1-512-580-9305. Today, we're going to be talking about other people's opinions and how to take advice from other people depending on who they are. And so, the question is not to take advice or not to take advice. The question is really more than anything else, whose opinions actually matter to you

and whose opinions actually don't. If you're in a situation right now where you have been basing your entire life off of everybody's opinion of you, you're probably not in the position that you want to be in life. And so it's really important to think about the people that give you advice

and then look at where their life is and see if there's somebody that you want to take advice from. And so that's what we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about how to not care about other people's opinions and how to take advice from people who actually matter. And let's take a step back before we talk about that. Let's talk about why we care as humans so much about fitting in, why we care about other people's opinions so much, and how if we allow ourselves to be held back by those opinions,

we're never going to have the life that we want to. So why do we care about other people's opinions in the first place? Well, the thing that you have to realize is we are tribal beings. If you go back 100,000 years, it was impossible for us to survive without the tribe. We had to have the tribe around us. It was necessary for us to survive, for us to hunt, for us to take care of the children,

for us to gather food and have shelter, all of that stuff. It was necessary. We had to fit in in order to survive. Now, 100,000 years ago, if you did not fit in with your tribe and you were pushed out of the tribe, you would die. And so there's a part of us deep down inside where we're like, I have to fit in with people

or I will die because that part of your brain still exists. The difference now though, is if you don't fit in with anybody, death is not attached to that. You can still pay your bills. You can still feed yourself. You can still have food, water, shelter, clothing, all of that if you don't fit in with society.

And that's the beautiful thing is you can now be your own sovereign being that does whatever the hell that you want to as long as you're not hurting other people. You know, it doesn't matter as I always say, you guys all know her, Nancy in accounting. It doesn't matter what she thinks about you. Who gives a shit about Nancy's opinion?

It doesn't matter of anything. If you're like, you know what? I want to start a podcast, but I'm so worried about what Nancy in accounting is going to think of me. I don't give a shit about Nancy's opinion? It doesn't matter of anything. If you're like, you know what? I want to start a podcast, but I'm so worried about what Nancy and accounting is going to think of me. I don't give a shit. Who cares about what Nancy and accounting thinks of you? Is she someone that you want to take advice from?

But there's still that part of our brain that's like, oh, but I want to fit in, but I want to fit in. And so there is nature of how we actually are. And we've got to be aware of that. And then there's reality in 2021, 2022, 2023, and so on and so forth of what actually matters. And this is the reason why people care about social media. This is why people care about how many likes they get. This is the reason why people care about how many followers they have, how many comments

they have, where if somebody posts a picture and it doesn't get the response that they want to right away, they're like, oh my God, I got to delete it because clearly I'm not being accepted for what I post. This is why social media can be such a addicting, but also traumatic thing for some people is because we literally have that part of our brain that is just looking for other people's exceptions. People want to look, like we want to be liked. Like, let look, like, we want to be liked.

Like, let's be real. We want to be liked. We want to fit in in some sort of way. And the problem with that, and there's a really great phrase that Jim Carrey says, is he says, your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. And if you fit in, you're going to be invisible.

Think about every great person that you look up to. It could be LeBron James. It could be Oprah. It could be The Rock, Will Smith, Elon Musk. It could be any of those people. It could be many different people. It could be some of the spiritual leaders. You might look up to Jesus. You might look up to Buddha. You might look up to all of these different spiritual leaders. None of these people actually fit in. And so there's a part of us that wants to fit in, but then we look at these great leaders and the people that we look up to and we're like, well, shit, they're not like anybody else. Do I want to fit in or do I want to be like my idols and not fit in with the world?

Every great person in society that you look up to is an outlier in some sort of way. And so the last thing that you should want to do is fit in with everybody else. So let's start off by understanding that. The last thing that you should want to do is fit in with everybody else. Because if you fit in with everybody else, we can agree. And there's nothing wrong with the way other people live their lives because it's their choice

and how they want to live their life is completely fine. And they're living their life from their own consciousness that they have. But if you look around at all of society and you're like, yeah, I don't want that. And if you're listening to this podcast, you probably don't want that. Well, then we should actually know nature wants me to fit in, but I don't want to fit in. So I'm going to have to fight against a little bit of nature on my side to be able to create the life that I want to.

The thing that's really interesting about it as well is that we want to be accepted, but if we don't do anything amazing in this world, we're not ever going to stand out. But if we want to do something amazing in this world, you will get haters. And this is one thing that really holds people back from creating the business that they want, the social media that they want, the following that they want, going and speaking on stage, whatever, starting a podcast, a YouTube station, creating the jewelry company that they want, is that if you stand out, if you are an outlier, you will naturally start to get haters. And one of the things that I know that's down in

Australia, some of the phrases that they say is tall poppy syndrome. If you look at a field of poppies and one of them is standing up higher than all the other ones, it's got to be cut down. It's tall poppy syndrome. And so society sometimes will look at that person that is standing out, that is doing something amazing and naturally talk shit about that person. If you're doing something amazing, you're going to have a lot of people that love you just so you know. It's like 99% of people love you, but that 1% will hate you in some sort of way. If you try to do anything out of the ordinary, you will have haters in some sort of way. And sadly, you just have to accept that that's just the way that the world is.

But you can't let that 1% or below 1% of people hold you back from stepping into what it is that you want. And the thing that you have to realize about haters is that haters don't hate you ever. They don't hate you. They hate themselves because you are a reflection of them. So if they see you doing something amazing, and then they look at their lives and they're like, I'm not doing anything amazing. What they do is they try to cut you down to try to bring you down. Because if they bring you down, then they naturally feel above you.

And so it gives them this momentary sense of self-worth. And so that's just something that you have to realize is number one, you don't want to fit in. And number two, when you don't fit in, you are going to naturally get some people who just hate you. They want to bring you down because it'll give them a momentary sense of self-worth because their self-worth is so low that the only way that they can make themselves feel better is to try to bring you down.

But it's not about being loved by everyone. It's about knowing whose opinions matter and whose opinions don't matter. And that's what we're going to really dive into today, is whose opinions matter and whose opinions don't. And so it'll be really good if you're not driving your car, if you have a pen and paper, is pause me if you need to and make a list of people in your life that you're really close to whose opinions actually matter to you. Hey, is there something that's interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals? Maybe it's anxiety or stress or worry.

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entire suite of features so So you can grow your business with Shopify today. Go to shopify.com slash dial right now. Once again, that is shopify.com slash dial. Make a list. And what would you take their advice for? So say, for instance, your mom is on the list because you really love her advice. But your mom's never grown a business. You're not going to take business advice from your mom, right? Maybe your parents have a great relationship. Maybe you take relationship advice from your mom and dad. But if they work a job and they hate their job, and then you want to go start a business and like, no, no, no, don't start a business because there's too much going on. Well, it's too scary. And they tell you that it's not a good business idea. Why the hell would

you take business advice from them? And so it's about knowing who you will take advice from and making that short list. It shouldn't be a big list. My list is literally only three people in this world whose advice I take, three. And then realizing what you would take their advice for. So you have to think about that. And if you need to pause me in order to do it, pause me, write those people down, make the list that you need to. But the three people who are on my list, I know would never steer me in the wrong directions. They are not jealous of me in any sort of way. They want me to win. They want the best for me. Whenever I have something that's amazing that happens in my life, I call them up and they celebrate with me. And they're as truly, truly as excited about my success as I am. That's how excited that they are. So who are those people in your life? Who are the

people that want you to win? Who are the people that you know, no matter what, they want the best for you? That's the list of people that we want to find out. We want to write them down. And then next to their name, write down what you really love about them and what you would take advice from them on. So once again, your parents, maybe they've never started a business before, but they have a great relationship. Well, yeah, you could take relationship advice. Maybe they've been great parents. You can take parental advice from them. But as far as business advice, not so much. If you have a friend that's your friend that really wants you to succeed and they're in business, but they're severely overweight, maybe you're not

going to take fitness advice or health advice from them. And so you just got to kind of think of who do you go to and then what do you go to them for so that you can start to realize, okay, the most important people in my life, they do have certain things that I'm going to take advice from them on and they do have other things that that I'm going to take advice from them on. And they do have other things that I'm not going to take advice from them on. And if somebody says something negative to me, if somebody is trying to bring me down, if somebody is trying to poke holes in my successes, they're just not on my list. I don't even give it time. If they say something to me, if I'm like, hey, I've got this idea and I just happen to say it in passing. And they tell me why it's a bad idea.

Like for instance, if I have a friend who has never started a business before and I have this business idea and they're like, no, that would never work. I'm not going to listen to them just because of the fact that the two of those things don't coincide. They don't go together. Someone who doesn't run a successful business giving me business advice doesn't make any sense. So let's talk about other people's advice because the thing that's interesting about is people love to give advice. They love to give unsolicited advice too. So people love to just pop up out of nowhere and be like, hey, this is what you should do. Hey, this is what you shouldn't do. They love to give their two cents. Do you know why it's called two cents? Because that's all it's worth. It's not worth anything else besides two cents. And you have to pay attention to who these people are.

So I'll give you an example of what I mean. The first example that I gave was your mother, right? You have certain things that you'll go to her for, but if you have a business idea, you're not going to go to your mom for business advice. If you have a friend who is your brokest friend, and they always talk about how they don't have money, and they always talk about how poor they are,

and they try to give you financial advice, you're probably not going to listen to them. If they are trying to tell you about the stock market, or they're trying to tell you about crypto, but if you were to go into their bank account and it's got $97 in it, they're probably not the best person to listen to. If you have one friend, though,

that's made $500,000 this year off of crypto, do you think you should ask that person for crypto advice or some financial advice? Yeah, maybe. Maybe they'd be smart to ask because that person clearly has something that's working. If you have a friend, as I said, who's really overweight and they try to tell you what foods to eat or they try to tell you how to work out, they're probably not the best person to go to for that advice. But if you have a friend who is in really great shape and you're not even talking about ripped or anything, but they just glow, they're healthy, their skin looks good, everything looks good about them, they have so much energy, and they try to give you some health advice, that'd probably be somebody who would be good to listen to. If you have a friend who's ruined every relationship that they've been in and blame it on how it's

always the guy or it's always the girl and it's never their own fault, it's probably not the best person to listen to for relationship advice. If you have a friend who's a CEO of a $10 million company, they'd probably be a really good person to ask business advice. Hey, I've got this business idea. Can I run it by you? And you can run that business idea by him. But let's say he's got a business that's doing $10 million a year. He's a great person to go to for business. But if his relationship with his wife is in shambles and his kids freaking hate him, he's probably not the best person to ask

for relationship advice. Or if he gives you unsolicited relationship advice, he's probably not the best person to listen to. And if his kids hate him and he's trying to tell you about how to raise kids, probably not the best person to listen to. And so you've got to start looking at these people. And if you could find somebody who's got multiple of these pillars, like their fitness is on point, their business is on point like their fitness is on point, their business is on point, their relationship is on point, their parenting is on point. They're a really good person to get to help you with all of the different pillars in your life. And so what you want to find out is who are these people? What are you going to go to them for?

And then you start to take an assessment of your entire life. And you want to say, okay, if I'm looking into the next year, these are the pillars of my life that I want to improve on most. I want to improve in my health. I want to improve my finances. I want to take my business to the next level. I want to deepen my relationship with my significant other. And I want to become a better parent. Okay, if those are your pillars that you want to work off of, who can you go to for each of those things? And so people always ask like, how can I find mentors? There's so many mentors that are around you. If you have somebody that they don't have to have a hundred million dollar your business, but they have a great relationship and they're great parents, that is somebody that

can be an amazing mentor for you with what they're good at, which is how to be a great parent and how to develop a great marriage or relationship. And so what you do is you start to find the pillars of your life that matter to you the most in the next year, two years, five years. And then you go, who already exists in my life that could be mentors for me in this situation? And then if you find some holes, maybe say, okay, well, I don't really have anybody in my life who is really killing it on the fitness side. They're not really killing it on the health side. Okay, well, then can you make it your mission to go and find those people who can become your mentors, whether it's a free mentor or whether it's a paid mentor? I think free mentors are great. I think paid mentors are great. I even think they're

even better in most cases. And so it's about finding the pillars of your life, figuring out who can be your mentors in those pillars, finding the people who already exist in your life, whose advice you truly actually want to take, and then finding out exactly what advice you want to take from them on. And the easiest way to do this is to look at somebody and then ask yourself, with this advice that they're giving me, would I want to trade places with them? So if somebody is giving me financial advice, do I want to trade places with them financially? Someone's giving me health advice. Do I want to trade places with them with health? If someone's giving me parenting advice,

do I want to trade places with them as far as being a parent? If someone's giving me business advice, do I want to trade places with them with our businesses? And if somebody's answer is yes, then that's the person that you want to take advice from. But if the answer to that is no, then I don't want to take their advice to heart in any sort of way. So once again, if somebody's giving me fitness advice and health advice, but I'm looking at them and I'm like, I don't want their body, well, then I'm not going to listen to what they tell me to do. If someone's giving me financial advice and I look at them, I'm like, I don't want their bank account, well, then I'm not going to take advice from them.

I appreciate it. I appreciate them wanting to help me because that's all people want to do is they actually do want to help. But you have to realize who do you want to take advice from in all of these different categories. And there's nothing wrong with someone giving you advice, but you have to be very, very smart about whose advice you take and whose advice you don't. Because there's people in your life who want you to succeed. And there's people in life that don't want you to succeed. The only ones

that matter are the ones that want you to succeed and what they are good at. And then filling the holes of your pillars of your life and finding the best mentors that you possibly can. Anybody who gives you advice outside of that circle of influence does not matter to you in taking advice. Move on. Say, hey, thanks so much for that piece of advice on finances. Thank you. And then just whatever they told you, throw it inside the trash and don't pay attention to it. Because all that really matters is that you're taking advice from people who you want to trade places with in this position that you are getting advice from. And so the important thing is to realize opinions don't matter at all. 99% of the opinions that come into you, you can just throw them out. But there's 1% of opinions who actually truly matter. Find those people, stay as close to them as you possibly can.

Go to them when you need help. Be okay with asking for help. And when they give you advice on the thing that you want to learn from them, take it, implement it into your life as fast as possible. And you will see all of the important pillars of your life start to change massively. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.

If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories right now and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you're out there on the Instagram land and you want some extra motivation and inspiration, we have over 350,000 people who follow me on Instagram. Go ahead and follow me. I'll fill your news feed with Instagram goodness, the motivation, the inspiration as well. Once again, it's RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.