The Mindset Mentor - How to Not Die with Regret

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

You only have one life, let's make sure you do everything that you can to make it the best life possible! Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Thank you. not given us a rating and review on either Spotify or Apple Podcasts, please do me a favor. Take out your phone. It takes 10 seconds. Just give us a star rating and give us a review. The more people that do this, the more that this gets found organically. So if you would do this for me, if you've ever gotten any value from anything I've ever said, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about dying with regret and why 90% of people end up dying with some form of regret. We're going to talk about what other people regret so that you don't have to die with regret and you can work through the things that you need to work through to create the life that you want. And so there's a great book. It's called The Five Regrets of the Dying. And I'm not going to go into all of the

regrets. I'm going to go into the most popular one, the one that was heard the most. And so if you don't know about this book, there's a book that was written by a lady who was in hospice care. She was a nurse in hospice. And hospice here in America is when somebody is basically terminal. They know that they're going to be dying. They usually go into hospice care and they are taken care of by nurses to make sure that it's comfortable and that the whole transition is the best possible experience that it can be for that person. And so she would sit down and she would have conversations with these people. And these people would tell her their biggest regrets,

the things they wish they would have done, how their life was, their mistakes, their successes, their failures, everything. And she said the number one most common regret, the one that she heard more than anything else, number one regret of people dying is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. Let me say that one more time. One more time. The number one regret of people who are on their

deathbed is I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. And so when you look at this and you realize this is the most common one, you then got to ask yourself, okay, how can we go in and break this down and see what different parts might exist in here? Okay, and there's two parts that I want to cover with you guys in the regret of the dying of I wish to live the life that was true to myself. Number one is the need for other people's acceptance. And number two, people not even knowing what they truly want in the first place. And so we're going to dive into people's need for acceptance, okay? And first off, it's important to realize,

you've probably heard me say this many times before, if you've been listening for a long time, we are tribal beings. If you go back 200,000 years, it was impossible for a human 200,000 years ago to survive without being part of the tribe. So it is built into our brain, into our system that we need to fit in. And so we look for other people's acceptance. Now, in this day and age, it's not necessary for every single person to like you. But back then, if you were kicked out of the tribe, you were going to die, most likely.

It was going to be really hard to live a long life. Either you'd be by starvation, you wouldn't have the water that you want, or a big old group of bears, big old group of wolves might come and get you. You never know. And so it's built into our system. It doesn't mean that we need to follow it. It means that we need to become aware of it. And so from a young age, we develop what's called a personality. A personality is short, comes from the root word persona, which was in Greek times, was the mask that people would wear on stage. So ourselves, we play a character of who we think other people want us to be. We play a character of who we think other people want us to be. So if you look at, for instance,

our parents, right? How did they tell us to act? How did they want us to act? And what did we see from them? So there's two parts of it. Number one, what they said directly to us, and we're learning how from them, how we're supposed to be. And then also we see the way that they act, and we learn from them based off of what we see in them. And so a lot of people don't realize that they have literally taken on and built a personality based off of how their parents told them they're supposed to be and how they actually saw their parents acting. But a lot of times don't even ask themselves, is this who I want to be? Now that I'm an adult and I'm not a child anymore, is this who I want to be? Or are there certain aspects of myself of who I don't want to be?

And there's a lot of people that if you look at this, where they can't change themselves into who they want to be, they start to disassociate from who they truly are. And they start to act certain ways. They start to disassociate. They start to revolt against the world. There's a lot of different symptoms that can come from somebody not being the

person they want to be. And so we look at our parents, we look at the way that they act when we're young. We look at the way that the other kids that we hang out with act. I still remember specifically in middle school on the way back from school calling a girl Tracy something on the bus because I thought the other kids would think it was funny, but it wasn't who I am. I still feel bad about it at 36 years old for something that I said when I was in like sixth or seventh grade on the bus because I thought that that's what I needed to say to be accepted by others, but it wasn't who I truly was, right? Some people never wake up from that. Some people become bullies. Some people become victims, you know, and we literally start to build ourselves into who we think everyone else around us wants us to be. You know, sometimes we

go to college and it's not even the college that we want to go to. Maybe we don't even want to go to college in the first place, but we go to college and we go to the college sometimes that our parents want us to go to because it's closer versus the one that we actually wanted to go to. Or, you know, we go and we get a degree. Not necessarily because there's a degree that we want, but it could be the degree that we thought that we were supposed to get. I remember my very first year when I was in school, I went to school at FAU, Florida Atlantic University. And I remember going to, before we actually got to school and everything,

we could pick our degree and all that. I wanted to be an ocean engineer. So my first year I went to ocean engineering because I saw how much, I was like, that sounds kind of cool. And then I saw how much money they made. I was like, oh my God, yes, that's how much money I want to make.

So I kind of followed how much money I would be making more than anything else. So some people go and become doctors simply because they want to make money. Some people become lawyers because they want to make money. And then they spend the majority of their waking hours doing something they don't actually want to do. And so we actually start to build ourselves. We go to the college that we're told to go to. We get the degree that we feel like we're supposed to. And then what happens? Then we go and we get a job that we feel like we're supposed to. And then what happens? Then we go and we get a job that we feel like we're supposed to. And then sometimes people wake up at some point in time. I literally just had a podcast episode around this and they realize that they're too far down the road to turn back now. Or at least that's what they think.

They're too far down the road to turn back now. They have too much time invested. You know, okay, to turn back now. They have too much time invested. You know, okay, I'm a doctor now. I went through so many years of school and so many, you know, coffees and sleepless nights and hard work and studying and tests. And they wake up and they're like, I just realized I don't want to be a doctor. But I went through so much schooling. I see this all of the time with nurses nowadays. Tons of nurses come to me for some reason. And they're just like, yeah, I just realized that I don't want to be a nurse anymore. I don't like this, and I don't like this, and I don't like this, but I don't know if I can leave

because I make good money, and I put so many hours and hours and hours into school and to try to perfect this craft, and I realize that it's too late for me now. I've invested too much time, right? I'm going to talk about that in just a little while, but people think to themselves, like, I've regret, actually, you know,

just think about this for a second. I've invested too much time. So sometimes somebody will reach out to me at 30 years old, 40 years old. I've been a nurse for 20 years. I've been a nurse for 18 years. And I don't want to be a nurse anymore, but I feel like I'm too far down the line. And I'm like, okay, so you're going to tell me that at 40 years old, you're too far down the line. Now, the average person lives to about 72 years old, which means if 40 years old, you're too far down the line. Now, the average person lives to about 72 years old, which means if you're 40, you're 32 years, 32 more years, you're going to be alive. You're going to waste the next 32 years of your life doing something that you don't want to do because you've simply just invested too much time. That's to say if you don't live longer,

right? Like my grandfather and grandmother lived to 96 and 94 years old. So if you're 40 and you're not doing whatever it is that you want to do, you're telling me that if you live to 96, the next 56 years of your life, you're going to possibly be doing something that you don't want to do or until you decide to retire. So you're going to waste your life doing something that you don't want to do simply because you're, quote unquote, too far down the line, because you've invested too much time. That to me sounds ridiculous.

You are not a tree. You can change at any time. My favorite quote around changing who you are, what is it you do, what you want to be is by Alan Watson. He says something along the lines of, you are under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago. You can change your personality anytime that you want to. Okay? So the first part of it is our need to feel accepted from other people. And your need for acceptance, as Jim Carrey said in one of his speeches that he gave, your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. So are you going to wake up and realize that you don't have to be accepted by anybody except for yourself? You need to do what you want to do. The CFOs that get it, get it. And the CFOs that don't, don't. Let's talk about the CFO, the chief financial officer. Today's CFO is critical to the strategy and the success of

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Many are available within the next 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash dial, ZocDoc.com slash dial. Which then brings us to number two, the second part of this, is most people don't know what they truly want. They don't know who they truly are, and they don't know what they truly want. Rarely do we stop and ask ourselves in the go, go, go, learn, learn, learn, get a schooling, get an education, get a job, do we stop and be like, hey, what do I actually truly want? If I fast forward five years, if I fast forward 10 years, what do I want in my life? And when we do ask ourselves that question, if you have, a lot of times people still don't go for it. So they're not really sure exactly what

it is that they want. And we live a life based off of what we think don't go for it. So they're not really sure exactly what it is that they want. And we live a life based off of what we think other people want from us. And one of the scariest moments of my life personally was when I was, you know, I got a job at 26, where I was making, you know, it was $113,000 a year, base salary plus commission on top of it. So I was making, for a 26-year-old, 27-year-old, 28-year-old, crazy amounts of money at that point in time compared to all of my other friends. And I wasn't working very hard and I was making, for a 26-year-old, 27-year-old, 28-year-old, crazy amounts of money at that point in time compared to all of my other friends. And I wasn't working very hard and I was working from

home. So it was awesome. And then at one time, I realized I was about 29 years old and I realized I was just not fulfilled. And I had this moment of, I can continue on this path and I can continue to make this money and show up and do these things that I don't want to do simply for digits in my bank account. And I can live a life that's okay, and it will be fine, and there'll be nothing wrong with it. Or I can decide to make a change right now. Because if I fast forward five years, if I fast forward 10 years, even though I would get a promotion, another promotion, they know maybe we'd be running a sales team though I would get a promotion, another promotion, maybe running a sales team, and I'd get some accolades and people would look up to me, that wouldn't be what I want. That is not what would be fulfilling. So at 29, I was like, I got to go. I got to leave this place.

It wasn't what I want to do. And it was scary as hell. But there was a piece of me that said, this is what you're supposed to be doing. And it didn't make sense for me to start a podcast in 2015. Made no sense. Nobody listened to podcasts in 2015. But I had to leave because I could feel my soul slowly dying. Like, I could feel myself slipping into like a mini depression, slipping into habits that I didn't want, becoming the person that I didn't want to become. And there was nothing that was wrong in the external world. In fact, to everybody, it looked like I had so much and it looked like everything was perfect and life was going amazing. There was a part of me that was like, this is not what I want to be doing with my life. And luckily, I somehow, and I still don't know how it is, forced myself to get out of it. But that's only because I asked myself what I want. I started to discover it, and I

started to actually follow it. So if I ask you, what do you want? Do you know the answer to that question? You know, if money were no object, if money didn't exist, and there was nothing that you had to do, and there's nothing that you had to buy, then you were just taken care of. You know, let's not even say that you were just ridiculously rich. Let's just say that everything was taken care of forever. You don't have to worry about your car payment, your house, your children. Everything's good. Everything's taken care of. What would you do with your life? Would you be doing what you're doing right now if money were no object? If, you know, this was like you had a year left to go. Would you still be working at the same desk job that you're working at? Would you be doing something different? Would you be doing

something that makes you feel more alive? What is it that makes you feel alive, right? Like, what is it that like it makes your soul happy? Do you know? If you do, follow it. If you don't, search for it. Find it. It's enough that you've been letting it go and go and go and go, and you haven't been searching for that thing. I say it all the time. It is okay today, in this very moment, listening to my voice, if you don't know what your true purpose is in life, but it is not okay to not wake up every single morning and be in constant search for that thing. Asking yourself every single morning, what do I want? What do I want my life to be? What do I want? What do I want my life to be? Eventually, I want? What do I want my life to be? Eventually it will start to become clearer, but it will not become

clearer unless you're searching for it. You will not find your purpose unless you're searching for your fucking purpose. And you might be 40 years old now and you might be like, oh, I'm too far down the line. I'm too far. I don't know what I can do. But like I said, if people are living to 80, 85, 90 years old, which people are very often now, you're not even halfway through your life. And you're going to tell me that you're going to continue doing something that you don't want to do simply because you've been doing it for too long? That's kind of crazy.

And so once again, it comes down to number one, our need to be accepted. Can you step out of the box and realize that you don't need to be accepted by anybody? What you need more than anything else is to be accepted by yourself. A lot of people are searching for acceptance from themselves and they really don't realize it. And number two, do you know what you truly want and do you have the mental fortitude to follow what that thing is? If you do know what it is, you need to figure out a way to follow it. If you need to set up a transition plan to leave your current job within the next two years and make a plan and a budget and a way that you're going to do it,

figure it out. It's possible. Anything is possible. Someone has been in your exact same position and done the exact same thing that you're going to do. Number two, if you don't know what it is, can you figure out a way to be in constant search for what that is? Can you do new things and hang out with new people and go to new places until you find something that literally makes you happy, that makes you passionate, that makes you feel purpose-filled,

that makes you feel amazing? And then can you spend the majority of your waking hours going for that thing? A lot of times people make more money when they do, you know, years and years down the road when they follow their passion. But even if you made less money, wouldn't it be great to work a job or do something with your life where you made less money, but you at least look forward to every single day and you feel like

what you're doing is something that actually makes you feel alive versus doing something that feels like it's sucking your soul simply for a dollar. And so when I say 90% of people die with regret, the number one is that most people are living a life that they wish, they're living a life that was true to someone else and not the life that was true to someone else. I'm sorry, they lived a life that was true to someone else and not the life that was true to themselves.

They were not living the life that they wanted to. They were living a life that other people expected of them. Knowing that, can you look into the future and say, how can I make sure that when I get to the end of my life, that is not the way that I feel? Number one regret of the dying, once again, is I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me.

Now you know you can't act like you didn't. So you've got to figure out a way to figure out what it is that you want and start to follow it. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows

is from you guys sharing it. So I would greatly, greatly appreciate if you would go ahead and share it on your Instagram stories. Once again, it's RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better.

I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.