The Mindset Mentor - How to Overcome Anxiety

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there in the United States or Canada and you want to receive motivational text messages from me directly to your cell phone, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again,

Starting point is 00:00:27 512-580-9305. Today, we're going to be talking about how to overcome anxiety. Because it seems like with all of the stuff that's happening in the world right now, there's a whole lot of worry. There's a whole lot of anxiety. And there's, I mean, let's be real, there is a lot of stuff that's happening in the world right now. And with all of the things that are happening in the world right now, it's very easy if you get caught up in all of it, it's very easy for the entire world to feel very heavy right now. Over the past couple of years, it's felt pretty damn heavy, hasn't it? We can all agree on that. No matter what side of the road you're on, it's felt pretty heavy. Okay. You can feel lost if you're

Starting point is 00:01:06 not working on yourself and not paying attention. And you might just be ready for being honest for this shit just to be over. You might just be like, I just want this to be over already. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of being this way. I'm tired of everyone acting this way. I'm tired of this happening. I just want this to be over. Cool. That's okay. You can want that. But I'm here to tell you, whatever happens, it's all going to be all right. It's going to be fine. It's going to be all right, all right, all right. There's no big deal. I mean, there's things that are happening and there's always things that are happening. And it reminds me, what's interesting is like, you can look at all the stuff that's happening in the world right now and it can seem

Starting point is 00:01:43 like freaking chaos. But then I go back and I listen to like Bob Dylan, right? And in his moment, in his life, in the early like 60s, it felt like it was chaos. And it sounds in his music like it was chaos. And so as humans, I don't know if there's ever a moment where we don't have some shit happening. And so I'm going to help you just try to make all of it a little bit better. And that's what I'm going to do today. And this whole idea came back because I was talking

Starting point is 00:02:11 with a friend of mine and she was talking about all of the stuff that's happening with COVID, right? And for the holidays, she was going back to be home with her parents. And she was worried because she had all these things that were happening and doesn't know. She doesn't want to get her parents sick. She doesn't know what's going on. And on top of all of that, she was worried because she had all these things that were happening and doesn't know. She doesn't want to get her parents sick. She doesn't know what's going on. And on top of all of that, she was waiting for her dog's test results to come back. There were some test results, issues with her dog's liver. She's waiting for her test results to come back.

Starting point is 00:02:38 And on top of that, she was also thinking about the economy. And so we have this conversation. She's like, I'm just so anxious right now. I'm so stressed out. I was like, why is that? She's like, well, I'm about to go home for the holidays. And I'm just so anxious right now. I'm so stressed out. I was like, why is that? She's like, well, you know, I'm about to go home for the holidays. And, you know, I'm traveling home. I hope I don't pick something up on the airplane and give it to my parents. That would be the worst thing if I get sick and I give it to my parents

Starting point is 00:02:56 and something happens to them. And then I also have my dog. He's got some issues that are going on right now. And I just want the test results to be back already. And, you know, the economy, there's this inflation inflation and I don't know what's going on with the economy and the inflation. And are we in a bubble or are we not in a bubble? What should I do? Am I going to lose my money? Is it going to be worth nothing? We had this whole conversation and I let her get it all out and word vomit everything that she's anxious about and thinking about. And then I said,

Starting point is 00:03:21 hey, I'm just curious. Out of all of those things with everything that's happening in the world right now with COVID, with your dog's test results and waiting for those to come back, and with the economy, how many of those can you control? And she's like, none of them really. And I was like, okay, so is it that you can't control them that's stressing you out? Or is it because you're thinking about you can't control them that's stressing you out? Or is it because you're thinking about too much of the future that's stressing you out? And she's like, I don't know. I guess it's a little bit of both.

Starting point is 00:03:52 And I was like, correct. You can control literally none of those. Nothing. You can't control what happens with COVID. I can't. I don't know what the hell is going on with all that stuff. You can't control when your dog's test results come back. And you also can't control the economy.

Starting point is 00:04:07 And so if something's out of your control, why are you stressing out over it? Because what you're doing is you're actually placing worry for a potential future that might happen. And there was a study that was done that psychologists found out that 85% of what we worry about never even happens in the first place. And so 85% of the time, if you're worrying about something, you're putting yourself, you're putting your body, you're putting your body, your mind,

Starting point is 00:04:35 your emotions, you're putting your nervous system at a heightened state and through stress for absolutely no reason. So it's not that none of these things exist. Sure, COVID exists. Sure, problems with their dog exist. Sure, the economy and how stable it might be or might not be. All of these things exist, but it's not that they exist that's stressing her out. It's that she's fighting with them in her mind. Does that make sense? She's fighting with them in her mind. As humans, one of the things that I find with almost everybody is everybody has some level, low level at least, if not to a high level of a control problem. And the things that are out of our control are the things that really stress us out and make us worry the most,

Starting point is 00:05:10 give us the most anxiety. And so when you think of the things in your life right now that might be causing you worry, that might be causing you anxiety, that might be stressing you out, ask yourself this question. Are they things that you can control right now? Or are they things that are out of your control

Starting point is 00:05:27 and you're actually stressing out about the fact that you cannot control them, but you want to control them? The problem is not these things that exist. The problem is that she's not accepting that these things exist. She's not accepting that she has no control over these things.

Starting point is 00:05:43 She's resisting the way that the world is. That's the fact of the matter. She She's resisting the way that the world is. That's the fact of the matter. She's resisting just the way that the world is. And so I always say your levels of anxiety, stress, worry, and fear will be in direct proportion to how much you're resisting the way that the world is. The world is the way that it is. But you will have more anxiety, more fear, more worry, all of those things if you are resisting the way the world is. Your anxieties come because of the fact that those things exist. It pops up because of the fact that literally you're resisting the fact that those exist.

Starting point is 00:06:20 And you can do nothing about it. And so, you know, do I want me personally COVID to exist anymore? No, it'd be really fucking so much easier if it didn't exist. Does it? It does. So I can either accept right now that it does exist or I can resist that it does exist. And I can either have peace over the fact that it does exist

Starting point is 00:06:42 or I can just really be stressed out about the fact that it's still around and I don't know what the future is going to be. And the decision is completely up to me. I can't change the thing, but I can change the way that I think about the thing. Make sense? With my friend, she can't change COVID, but she can change the way that she thinks about it. She can't change her dog's test results, but she can change the way that she thinks about it. She can't change her dog's test results, but she can change the way that she thinks about it. She can't control the economy, but she can change the way that she thinks about it. And so ultimately it comes down to paying attention to what is giving you anxiety, paying attention to what is giving you stress, paying attention to what is giving you worry. Very rarely do I talk to somebody and they're anxious about something that's actually happening in this present moment. That's what's crazy. Usually all of our worry and anxiety exists in the future. It doesn't exist in

Starting point is 00:07:30 this moment. And so why would we worry about something that's in the future and possibly might never happen in the first place? Hey, when running a business, HR issues can kill you. Wrongful termination suits, minimum wage requirements, labor restrictions, and HR manager salaries aren't cheap. An average of $70,000 a year. Bambi was created specifically Thank you. to your biggest strength. Your dedicated HR manager is available by phone, email, or real-time chat. From onboarding to terminations, they customize your policies to fit your business and help you manage your employees day-to-day, all for just $99 a month.

Starting point is 00:08:14 Month-to-month, no hidden fees, cancel anytime. You didn't start your business because you wanted to spend time on HR compliance. So let Bambi help get your free HR audit today. Go to bambi.com slash dial right now to schedule your free HR audit. That's Bambi.com slash dial spelled B-A-M-B-E-E.com slash dial. Because what's happening is that stress and worry and anxiety is stealing the joy from this present moment. What you have to realize is that your entire life is made up of present moment. It's, what you have to realize is that your entire life

Starting point is 00:08:46 is made up of present moments. That's it. Your entire life does that. There is no past. There is no future. There is this present moment right now where you're listening to my voice. And in this present moment, are you okay?

Starting point is 00:08:58 Because your life is a collection of present moments. That's it. Your past is just a whole bunch of present moments that aren't here anymore. Your future is a whole bunch of present moments. That's it. Your past is just a whole bunch of present moments that aren't here anymore. Your future is a whole bunch of present moments that are coming up some point in time, in the future, right? So your worry, your stress, your anxiety

Starting point is 00:09:14 is stealing your joy that you could be having right now. And so my favorite questions to ask somebody when someone's dealing with a lot of stress, a lot of worry, a lot of worry, a lot of anxiety is I go, hey, are you okay? And they're like, what do you mean? Right? Like in this present moment, are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay in this moment, but I've got bills that are coming up. I've got this thing that's coming up. I've got this thing. No, no, no, no. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Are you okay in this present moment? Yeah, I guess I'm okay in this present moment. Okay.

Starting point is 00:09:46 Are you safe right now? Well, yeah, I'm safe right now, but I've also got this thing coming up. I've got this thing. No, no, no, no, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Right now, are you safe? And they always go, yeah, I mean, right now I'm safe. Okay. So tell yourself this. Repeat after me. Right now, I am okay. Right now, I'm okay. Right now, I am safe. Right now, I am safe. And if you repeat this to yourself over and over and over again, you're calming down the part of your brain that's freaking out about the future. It's like the animalistic part of your brain, the amygdala that's creating all of those fears, you're calming it down by going, okay, there's no

Starting point is 00:10:25 potential threat right in front of me. And here's the thing, is that if you just ask yourself, am I okay? Right now, am I okay? Yes, I'm okay. Right now, am I safe? Yes, I am safe. You start to tell yourself, and I've noticed, I am not a human that doesn't have stress that pops up or anxiety that pops up. But whenever it does, I'll say, I am safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. And just by saying it, I'm literally telling the deep unconscious parts of my brain that are bubbling all of this bullshit to the surface that I'm fine.

Starting point is 00:10:59 And if I can prove to my brain, I can prove to that animalistic part of my brain, the deep subconscious, that I'm okay, then it usually just subsides. And I'm like, man, that only took like 30 seconds for it to go away. And I've taught this before on the podcast in the past. And I get emails, I get Instagram messages that are people like, holy shit, this actually works. When I sit and ask myself, am I okay? Am I safe? And then repeat to myself, I am safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. It's like your anxiety goes down because you realize that you're not in this present moment when you're being anxious. You're not in this present moment when you're worrying. You're not in this present moment when you're stressed. You're thinking about a potential outcome, potential future. And that

Starting point is 00:11:38 potential future never even comes in the first place. So by saying, I am safe, you're trying to turn off all of those mechanisms in your brain that are freaking out and bring them to the present moment and say, hey, right now, you're fine. So if you've been feeling stressed and worried and anxiety lately, what is it you're freaking out about? What is it that you're resisting? Knowing that the world is the way that it is and where our anxiety and stress will only come from how much we're resisting it, what are you resisting? A lot of times when people are stressed or anxious or worrying and all that stuff, maybe a breakup, they just went through a breakup, right? And they're not accepting the breakup and they're wanting to get back to the person. And they're thinking about the past and what they should have

Starting point is 00:12:15 done. And they're thinking about how can I get them back? Oh my gosh, it's Friday night. I wonder if they're out on a date with somebody else. I just, I wish that it used to be the, I wish that it was the way that it used to be. They're resisting the way that the world is, which is why I said your levels of anxiety, stress, and worry will be in direct proportion to how much you're resisting the way that the world is. You are resisting the way that the world is too much. A breakup happened. Okay. What can we do about it? Are you safe in this moment? I'm safe. Okay. Let's say that someone that you know dies. It sucks.

Starting point is 00:12:47 But you have to ask yourself, can you do anything about it? No, not for that person. Maybe you could do something about it and help the family, something like that. And so you have to realize that you have to literally take yourself, you know, I always say this on the podcast is when you're in the jar, you can't read the label. And what that means is when you're in the jar of your life, when you're inside of your own head, you can't really see what's going on. You can't really make, you know, like if you were to sit down with a therapist, the therapist is outside of your head. They can see what's going on a

Starting point is 00:13:16 little bit better sometimes than we can. So we can't really read the label. So sometimes you have to literally pull yourself out of the jar, pull yourself out of your head and look at your circumstance and look at yourself as if you are somebody else and start to say, hey, what is this person resisting? What is this person fearing? What is this person afraid of? What are they not accepting that they don't have control over? Because we have to accept that you have control over almost nothing. You can barely control your bowels after Taco Tuesday. You can barely control your your bowels after taco tuesday Like you can barely not shit your pants after you have a ton of tacos, right? And you're trying to tell me you're trying to control the whole fucking universe. That makes no sense So if you can barely control your bowels if you can't control other people you can't control the weather

Starting point is 00:13:58 Sometimes you can't even control your own thoughts. You can't control your first thought but you can always control your second thought Then maybe we should just chill out a little bit, release all of the control and say, hey, what can I do in this present moment? And how can I stop letting this present moment be ruined by my worry and anxiety and stress in the future? Once again, I always say it. You can't control your first thought, but you can always control your second thought. Your second thought is the chance to be able to reprogram yourself to think a different way. And sometimes we've been programmed by our parents, by people that we know to be afraid, to be fearful.

Starting point is 00:14:35 There's a lot of people that, you know, that have gone through my coaching programs and they've messaged me on Instagram. They're just like, my mom is so fearful. My dad is so fearful. And they've raised me to be afraid of the world. And I'm fucking terrified of all the things that are happening. I'm so scared. I'm so, my mom is so fearful. My dad is so fearful. And they've raised me to be afraid of the world. And I'm fucking terrified of all of the things that are happening. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. And it's like, okay, first off, number one, we've developed awareness,

Starting point is 00:14:52 which is a good thing. And sometimes if you notice, once again, you can't control your first thought, but you control your second. When the first thought comes in of fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, whatever that fear is, the second thought can be, hey, am I safe right now? And actually bring yourself to the present moment and be like, yeah, I am safe. Everything is fine. Everything's beautiful. Everything's good. What am I stressing out about? I guess there is nothing to stress out about. Oh shit. Okay. And that's the perfect example of your first thought coming through and changing your first thought to the second thought that you actually want.

Starting point is 00:15:27 Because ultimately, if you could change your first thought to a second thought that's empowering, your life will be completely different. So what do we do? Am I okay? Am I safe? The answer is yes. I'm going to say, I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. I'm going to accept that there is very little that I can do about this moment. And then what I'm going to do is I'm going to sit back and I'm safe. I'm going to accept that there is very little that I can do about this moment. And then what I'm going to do is I'm going to sit back and I'm going to go, you know what? What's beautiful about this moment? And I'm going to start to notice the beauty that is in the present moment. I'm going to start to notice the beauty of everything that's around me that I've been refusing to see and refusing to notice through my anxiety and my fear. And then what I'm going to do is I'm going to focus on what is good in my life versus what I can be afraid of. So that is a way that you reprogram the anxiety and the fear out

Starting point is 00:16:09 of your brain. And that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How to Overcome Anxiety

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