The Mindset Mentor - How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

In this episode, I will teach you how to overcome your fear of failure so that you can live to your true potential. Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://instagram.com/robdialjr Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you want to see these podcast videos that we are creating that are highly edited, as well as some of the mini documentaries we have coming out, just go to YouTube and type in my name, Rob Dial, R-O-B-D-I-A-L, and start watching us on YouTube. Today, we're going to talk about one of the saddest things in the entire world. We're going to talk about something that holds so many people back. Some people that are just completely terrified of this thing and this thing, they're so terrified of it that it holds them back from

creating a life that they absolutely love and also absolutely desire and deserve more than anything else. And that is the fear of rejection. One of the things I hear the most whenever I'm giving speeches or I'm on, you know, zoom calls and I'm asking people their biggest fear. One of the biggest fears that I hear almost every single time one of the top two or three fears is the fear of rejection. So if you can overcome the fear of rejection in your head, you can go and create what it is that you want to. Because in my opinion, the graveyard is full of hopes, dreams, desires,

all of that from people who never fully stepped into who they wanted to be and what they wanted to do and the lives they wanted to impact simply because they were afraid of being rejected. So if we can figure out a way for you to get past that fear of rejection, then you can create the life that you actually want to. And it's sad to think that millions, if not billions of people have died without doing what it is they truly want to do, because they're just afraid of being rejected by other people. Isn't that crazy to think about? If you just take a second and think that the graveyard is just full of hopes and dreams and desires and things that were never created because people are just afraid of other people's opinions

and rejections of them. So let's talk about that. To get to the end of your life, to be on your deathbed and go, man, I wish I would have brought more out of myself. Man, I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have impacted more lives. I wish I would have written that book. I wish I would have played more music in front of people and brought my music out to people for them to see. I wish I would have painted more. I wish I would have put my paintings on walls for people to see and brought my creativity to the world. That's got to be the worst feeling in the world to get to the end of your life and know that you didn't even scratch the surface of your potential. And a lot of that comes from the fear of rejection. And so we're

going to talk about that. Now, why does the fear of rejection exist? Now I'm going to tell you that the fear of rejection is literally built into us and it makes a lot of sense, but it doesn't need to hold us back anymore. Why do we have the fear of rejection? It's built into us. It's built into our genes. We are tribal beings, which means if you go back, you know, 500,000 years ago, and you were to see all of your ancestors, all of our ancestors together, they had to stick together in tribes for safety, for food, for water, for shelter, for everything. We had to, if we were alive 500,000 years ago, we had to stay in the tribe. If we happen to be kicked out of the tribe or rejected from the tribe, that's basically certain death. You're going to die if you're not part of the

tribe. So of course we want to make sure that we fit in. Of course, we want to make sure that we don't get kicked out of the quote unquote tribe. But nowadays fitting in is one of the worst things that you could do. And there's a quote that Jim Carrey has. It says, uh, your, your need to fit in will make you invisible in this world. If you think about everybody that you look up to, every big actor or inventor or business person or CEO or creator or scientist, they're always somebody who had to get out of the system, out of the box, think differently, act differently in order to create what they created. So if they're your biggest, if they're the people that you look up to, why differently in order to create what they created. So if they're your

biggest, if you're, if they're the people that you look up to, why would you want to not be like them? Why would you want to stay inside of a box? Because you're afraid of the rejection. Now you have to realize if you go and you think about it, if we're talking about humans being tribal beings, I'll give you an idea of how ingrained in us and actually is there was a terrible study. Let's start off by saying this. It was, it was a terrible study. Let's start by saying this. It was a terrible idea first off. In 1944, there was a study where they took 40 newborns and they were just curious if humans would be able to thrive without human contact, without other human contact, right? So they were just curious, you know, would humans be able to thrive or is it so necessary where such tribal beings that even contact with another human skin to skin, is that something that we need?

And so what they did in this study, they took 40 newborns and the only times that they were only touched was when they had the diapers changed, when they fed them and when they bathed them. And they had to cancel the study four months into it because half of the babies died in four months. It's a terrible study. Absolutely terrible. But it shows you how ingrained in us that we actually have to be in contact, whether that's physical contact or close contact with other humans. It shows you it's ingrained in us. It's part of who we are. So it makes sense that we don't want to be rejected, right? It makes sense. Also, they found that there's studies that were done and researchers have found that

being lonely is the equivalent and as lethal as having 15 cigarettes per day. Being lonely is the equivalent of having, it's as lethal as 15 cigarettes per day. Lonely people are 50% more likely to die early and prematurely than those who have healthy relationships. So when you think of it, yes, of course it makes sense that we're afraid of being rejected because being around other people from the moment that we're born is something that is super important. It is something that is ingrained into our bodies and to have physical contact with other people is something that is necessary in order for a child to live. So if you think about it, all of this makes sense,

but we're not going to die now from somebody rejecting us the same way that we would die 500,000 years ago if we were rejected from the tribe. So does it make sense that we don't want to be rejected? Abso-freaking-lutely, it makes sense. But it doesn't have to be the thing that holds you back from bringing out your potential, from bringing your art to the world, from being creative, from stepping out, from creating the company that you want to. Can we override the system inside of our head to create what it is that we want to? The answer is yes. Hell yes, we absolutely can. And that's what we're going to talk about. I'm going to teach you. The first thing we have to do is we have to build the

awareness of when we are being held back by the fear of rejection. Because a lot of times people just feel physical feelings of fear, but they don't ask themselves, what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? And they never actually take themselves out of the jar to read the label. What does that mean? You take yourself out of the, out of your head and say, what is actually happening here? They just feel physical feelings of fear. They shut down versus going, okay, I feel fear. What is this fear that I'm feeling? Why is it this way? You know? And then you, you, you go through it and you go, you know, I don't want to do this thing, right? Because I'm afraid of being rejected. Like I don't want to make this cold call. If you're a salesperson, you know, this feeling, I don't want to make this cold call because I'm afraid of being rejected.

I don't want to ask this person out because I'm afraid of being rejected. I don't want to start this company because I'm afraid of other people's opinions and them rejecting me and making fun of me. I don't want to make this YouTube account. I don't want to start, I don't want to put my videos up because I'm afraid of what could possibly happen. I'm afraid of being rejected. But then when you look at it, so you say, you look at it and you go, okay, so what's the worst that could actually happen, right? Because our brain immediately, if you don't pay attention to it, will immediately go to fear, fear, fear, and fear is attached to death, which means, you know, if you make a YouTube video,

you're not going to die from making a YouTube video. Unless you're one of those stupid people that jumps off of buildings and, you know, does all the parkour on tops of buildings. You could die if you're making YouTube videos off of that one. But if you're making a YouTube video about like, you know, how to get better at yoga or mindset or coaching or fitness or whatever it is, you're not going to die from creating those videos. Hey, a question that I get asked pretty often is where did I do my plant medicine ceremonies? And that place is called Rhythmia in Costa Rica.

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Mentor listener. Call 866-313-7103 or head to rhythmia.link slash dial to book your stay now. That's R-Y-T-H-M-I-A.link slash dial. You ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? And you start to actually assess what the worst that could happen is. Okay. If I'm making a cold call and I'm afraid of being rejected, I'm afraid of this. And I'm going to go, okay, what's the worst that could happen in this situation? Maybe the person like absolute worst that could happen in a cold call. They scream at me, they yell, they call me a POS, and then they hang up the phone on me. That's the worst that can happen. Am I going to die?

No. What are the chances of that happening? Really, really small. One of a thousand maybe. What are the chances of that happening? Really, really small. One of a thousand maybe? Okay. Well, it seems like there's more upside than downside. So I might as well go ahead and try it. Because what'd you do?

You took yourself out of the jar to read the label. Perfect. Okay. Let's go ahead and make this cold call. Maybe you're afraid of asking somebody out, like we said, right? What's the worst that could happen if you ask somebody out? They say, no. Okay. Are you going to die? Nope. Not going to die, but they could say yes. And wouldn't that be pretty awesome if they did say yes. So it seems like once again, the upside is better than the downside. So should I do

it? Hell yeah. Go for it. Ask that person out. Okay. What if I start this company? What's the worst that could happen? It could fail and then I have to go get a job. Okay. What's the opposite of that? It could be massively successful. I could create the life that I want to for myself, my family, to be able to travel the world and have the abundance that I want to. Once again, it seems like the upside is better than the downside. Okay. YouTube video. What's the worst that could happen? Well, you could get some hater. They exist. What's the best that could happen? People could start watching it. Could go viral. You could impact millions of lives. You could start a business from YouTube. You can make money doing it. Seems like once again, the upside is always better than the downside. So should I do

it? Yes. Will you die from making a cold call, asking somebody out, starting a business or putting up a YouTube video? Absolutely not. And that's what you need to bring to the forefront of your mind and tell yourself, I'm not going to die. There is much more upside than there is downside. So if I'm smart and I'm a betting person, I'm going to go, okay, if I'm looking at a stock and I say this stock has way more upside than downside, well, then I should probably invest in it, right? And that's usually how most things are. We end up making mountains out of anthills more than anything else.

It's just like we make things to be so much worse. Rejection is 100% safe. You're not going to die from being rejected. Unless somebody rejects you, you know, unless you ask somebody out on the edge of a mountain, then they say no. And then they decide to push you off the edge of the mountain. That's the only way that it's not really safe. Rejection is safe. You won't die from someone hanging up on you and yelling at you on a cold call. You won't die from someone not going on a date with you. You won't die from starting a company and you won't die from creating a YouTube video and some haters saying that your stuff sucks. You won't, it won't happen. And so if you can look at it from

that standpoint and go, there's so much more upside than downside, I might as well do it. And the reason why I have to do this is because your brain is really sneaky. If you haven't noticed, your subconscious is super sneaky. It's very sneaky in keeping you in your comfort zone, right? Like it's, it's good at keeping you in your comfort zone. Your brain automatically goes to rejection is bad, bad. I could starve. If I starve, I die, right? Like that's kind of the whole, the whole flow of what your brain actually goes through. But in reality, none of that stuff's going to actually happen, right? You get rejected, not a big deal. You'll live. You will live. Let me say that one more time. You will live. You will not die. And if you have gone through this process and you've realized, okay, I will not die. Then what should I do? Take action. Now, will you still

have feelings of fear while you're taking action? Yes. Will you still have feelings of fear while you're taking action? Yes. Will you still have feelings of fear before you take action? Yes. But the good thing is you can kind of turn the dial down on the fear because you know that you're not going to die. Because ultimately when we feel fear, the thing about fear that's really interesting is that when you feel fear, like the fear of rejection of somebody saying no to you, it's a physical feeling. You can feel it inside of your body. It's the same physical feeling that you have when you know that there's something that could possibly be approaching you. You know, it's, I'll give you a perfect example. Here's what it is. It's the same physical feeling as if you've ever been in the middle of the ocean and you think to yourself, oh shit, there could

be a shark around here, right? That same physical feeling is the same physical feeling that you fear of like, I don't, I don't know if I want to put this YouTube video up. Like I put so much time into creating it, but I don't want people to say that it sucks. I don't want to find haters, right? It's the same feeling inside of your body. And if you're not paying attention, if you're not intellectually diving into your own head and creating awareness around it, it's going to hold you back. But the beautiful thing is that if you're listening to this podcast episode, you want to change yourself. And one of the, if not the very first step to changing yourself is self-awareness. So when you feel these feelings of fear, that's when you, once again, take yourself out of the jar, you read the label

and you're like, is this going to kill me? Absolutely not. I will live. If the worst thing happens right now, I will live through it. If I fail in a business, if this person rejects me, if my YouTube video ends up sucking and people make fun of it, I will live because our brain tends to make it so much worse than it actually is so that we stay inside of our comfort zone because our brain only cares about our survival. That's what it's designed to do. It is a survival mechanism. That's a beautiful thing. But if you don't pay attention to it, it will ruin your life and ruin your potential and everything that you could do in this world. And so you've got to become very self-aware and you got to start to think about those. And then when you take action and you realize you don't get the terrible result that you

were originally fearing, what does it do? It builds confidence. So if I'm going up and, you know, let's say I go up and there's someone I go, I want to go ask them out. Let's use that as an example. I'm terrified. Same physical feelings that I feel if I'm swimming in the middle of the ocean, I start thinking, oh my God, there could be a shark around here. It's a physical death feeling. It is because that's the only feeling that your body can pull up for fear, right? Pulls it up. I'm like, all right, am I going to die if she says no, I'm not. All right, let me go ahead and I'm just going to do it anyways. I'm going to approach her. What's the worst that could happen? She could say no. I walk up to her. Maybe she's really nice. Maybe she's super sweet. Maybe she doesn't say yes, but she

says she has a boyfriend. Okay. Well, that at least gives me a little bit of confidence because number one, I stepped out of my comfort zone. Number two, she wasn't, you know, shitty to me. Number three, she was really nice. Number four, there's other fish in the sea. Okay. What does that do? That builds a little bit of confidence. Let's go to the YouTube video. Let's say that I post up a YouTube video. What's really interesting about haters is you'll get haters every once in a while. I mean, I have like 1.5 to 2 billion views online. I don't know how many it is, but somewhere in that number, right? For every hater, you have like 150 people who are super nice, super supportive and super

sweet. But for some reason you always focus on the haters. Like that's just the way that it goes, right? But if I put up a video and I have a hater, I can look at that hater and I could go, okay, that's, that's one person who hated my stuff. And they're just projecting the hate that they feel for themselves on top of me. And if I can be aware of that, then I can go, well, look, there's one hater and 150 people who loved my stuff. And if 150 people, even if there's just five people that loved your stuff with one hater, you still impacted five people's five times more people's lives than the people who are the haters. And so what happens is when you put yourself out there and you feel the fear, but do it anyways, and you put yourself out there and do what you want to do

and what needs to be done, and you get a little bit of a result that you want to, it starts to build your confidence to do it again. But you can't build your confidence unless you step off of the ledge and just do it anyways. And so what you have to realize, people are always like, oh, I wish I was more confident. I wish I was confident like you. I wish I was a better public speaker. Confidence isn't something that people are born with. I say it all the time.

Confidence is something that you get from results. And the only way that you get results is by taking action. So the only way to take action is if you're feeling fear to do it anyways, and that's the way that you have to do it. So you're not going to die from rejection, which is a beautiful thing. But when you feel the feelings of fear, you feel the feelings of fear of rejection. You have to take yourself out of that feeling and go, okay, I'm not going to die. There's a lot more upside than there is downside. And you know, this is something I truly want to do. And if you do that and you put it out there, whatever it is that you want to put out there, you put that thing out there and get a little bit of a good result. You start feeling better about yourself. You get a little bit of confidence

and confidence are like confidence is like, like stacking blocks on top of each other. Your confidence grows and it grows and it grows and it grows, but your confidence cannot grow unless you put yourself out there. So you will feel the feeling, feeling you, Jesus, you will feel the feelings of rejection and fear inside of your body. You will fear other people's opinions, but don't let that hold you back from doing what it is that you truly want to do. Because the worst thing that could happen is that you join all the people in the graveyard

with hopes, dreams, and desires that didn't come out of you and potential that wasn't seen in your lifetime. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. And once again, if you want to watch this on YouTube, go ahead and go to YouTube, type in my name, Rob Dial.

Go ahead and watch these videos in the mini documentary we have coming out. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.