The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Caring About Other's Opinions

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And last but not least, as you probably heard me say on the last episode, the Iron Mind 60 Challenge starts on January 1st. We're over the course of 60 days. Myself, you, and a group of hundreds of people are going to be inside of a private Facebook group, pushing ourself every single day to become the best version of ourself. And I am going to be teaching you every single day inside of the private Facebook group, Facebook lessons about your mind, your money, your body, and your business.

Starting point is 00:00:46 I'm gonna be teaching you how to develop the iron mind so that you can create the life that you want to. And we're gonna be pushing ourselves every day for 60 days straight to hit six pillars. We're gonna work out every day. We're gonna have a diet that we stick to. Whichever diet you pick is a diet that you stick to. We're gonna journal every day,

Starting point is 00:01:03 which I'll teach you how to do. We're gonna visualize every day, which I'll teach you how to do. We're going to visualize every day, which I'll teach you how to do. We're not going to drink alcohol for 60 days. And we're going to take a cold shower every single day for 60 days straight to make sure that we develop an iron mind, a mind that will conquer whatever it needs to, that won't procrastinate, and that will go out and create the dreams that we want to and break all of the bad habits that we don't want. And the best part about it is that the first 200 people who join get 25% off the normal ticket price

Starting point is 00:01:31 and they get a free ticket for someone that they know and love to join in as their accountability partner. So this Monday, December 16th is when the doors open. And if you want to join in on the wait list and get notified immediately when it goes live, go to coachwithrob.com slash 2020. So coachwithrob.com slash 2020. Join the wait list. You'll immediately get an email and get the URL so that you can be one

Starting point is 00:01:58 of the first 200 to sign up. And on Monday, when it goes from Sunday to Monday at midnight. So, you know, 12.01 AM, the new podcast episode will go out and I'm going to give you the secret URL. And so if you want to join in and you want to be one of the first few that gets to 25% off plus the free ticket, all you got to do is listen to the podcast episode as soon as it comes out and join the wait list. So Monday morning, as soon as it comes out, and join the wait list. So Monday morning, 12.01 a.m. Eastern time, the episode will be going up so you can join in and you can be one of the first 200. So if you're ready to make 2020 the best year of your life, I would love for you to be a part of it. I'd love for you to be there with us. Go to coachwithrob.com slash 2020. So today we're going to be talking about how to stop caring about what people think

Starting point is 00:02:47 of you. Now, I understand for most people, this might be a little bit of a touchy subject. And the reason why is because most people, they care a little bit too much about what people think of them. And it's really hard because ultimately we are programmed to actually care about what people think of us. And if you've ever listened to anything that I've said before, if you follow the stuff that I've said, I like to take everything that we struggle with in present day and think about it 20 to 50,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago when we were hunters and gatherers. Because ultimately, our outside world and our technology has changed so much in the past even just 100 years.

Starting point is 00:03:28 But from 100,000 years ago, it's completely different. But here's what's crazy, though. Our brains haven't really evolved that much yet. Our brains do not evolve as quick as our technology does. And so if you think back, let's say 100,000 years ago, you may have heard me say this before. Why do we care what other people think of us? Because 100,000 years ago, that was probably the number one trait that we needed in order to survive. We needed to care what other people thought of us. Why do we need to care what other people thought of us. Why did we need to care what other people thought of us?

Starting point is 00:04:05 Because it kept us alive. Ultimately, we are tribal beings. We are tribal beings. We love to be around people. It's programmed into us to be around others. I mean, you can literally look, the worst thing that you can do to somebody who's in jail is to literally take them and put them into solitary confinement, which means that it's better to be around murderers and rapists than it is to be by yourself. It's programmed into our brains. Now, why did we have to be tribal beings 20, 40, 50, 60, 100,000 years ago, and even older than that? Why did we have to have that program into us? Because it kept us alive. We depended on others in order to stay alive. When we were hunters and gatherers, there was

Starting point is 00:04:52 no single human that survived by themselves. They had to have the tribe around them, 20, 30, 40, 50 other people that would hunt, that would gather, that would take care of the children, that would cook the food, that would support everybody that was there. It was part of us. In order for us to survive, we had to fit in. In order for us to survive, we had to fit in. But in 2020 and beyond, we don't want to just survive anymore, do we? I bet if you're out there, you don't want to just survive. You're listening to this and watching this because you want to thrive. You don't want to just have a normal life where you fit in, you do the same old things, you feel like it's mediocre, you follow the rules, you follow society, you follow the system,

Starting point is 00:05:42 you get the job that you're supposed to, buy the house that you're supposed to, you have the family that you're supposed to, you make a little bit of money, you follow the system, you get the job that you're supposed to, buy the house that you're supposed to, you have the family that you're supposed to, you make a little bit of money, you take the vacation that you want to, and then you just die. If you're here, the reason why is because there's something inside of you that's like, I don't want to just survive anymore.

Starting point is 00:05:58 I want to thrive. So survival, we need to fit in. We needed to be accepted. To thrive, we actually need to stop paying attention to that part of our brain, the part of our brain that says, I need to be accepted. I need to fit in. Because ultimately, it's a survival mechanism. And that part of our brain that goes off when we're not fitting in, or're being judged by people online or somebody says something about us makes us ultimately click on. And that survival mechanism goes, I don't know. I've got to be accepted because if I'm not accepted, I'm going to die.

Starting point is 00:06:36 You're not consciously thinking this. This is your subconscious survival mechanism thinking, I have to be accepted. I have to have people love me. And if they don't, I'm not going to survive. So in order to thrive, we need to recognize that that part of our brain exists. It's there. There's nothing you can do about getting rid of that part of your brain at this point. You can't have surgery and get that amygdala, that fear mechanism taken out of your brain. What you can do is be aware that it's there, but then not listen to it.

Starting point is 00:07:06 And so here's what I used to say. I used to say, you know, I don't care what anybody thinks about me. And I realized that that was about 99% true. And now I want to share with you what I've realized over the past couple years, is I don't want you to not care what everybody thinks about you. I want you to not care about what 99% of people think about you. But here's what is important. The 1% of people who you do care about what they think of you. Because when you hear ultimately, don't care what other people think of you, immediately your brain clicks on and says, well, what about my mom? Well, what about my dad?

Starting point is 00:07:41 What about my wife? What about my brother, sister, my spouse, my significant other? What about them? I actually kind of care what they think about me. And here's what I want to say to you. If you have that feeling, that's okay. That's natural. I would prefer that you don't care what 99% of people think about you, but you make a list of the people who you actually know are in your corner. The people who love you unconditionally, the people who want the best for you, the people that are going to motivate you and inspire you. And when you fall down, they're going to pick you up and they're going to say, keep on going. I believe in you. Not the people that are going to say, see, you fell down. I always knew that you would. So what I want you to do is think about this. Don't care about

Starting point is 00:08:31 what most people think about you, but I want you to make a list of the top three to five to maybe 10 people who you actually care about what they think about you. Now, I'll be honest with you. My list is like three people, right? My list is my mom. I care about what my think about you. Now, I'll be honest with you. My list is like three people, right? My list is my mom. I care about what my mom thinks about me. In most cases, there are some times where I have to not listen to my mom, though. I'll be honest with you. I've done it before in the past. And then she said, oh, yeah, you know, it's good that you didn't listen to me. And that's okay, because sometimes we have to go with our gut feeling, which I'll talk about in a minute. So there's my mom, there's my girlfriend, and there's my best friend. And those are really, if I'm being completely honest with you, the only three

Starting point is 00:09:08 people who I really care about what they think about me. I care about what my friends think about me, but there's a lot of friends that I've had that looked at me when I decided I was going to start a podcast four and a half, five years ago. And they're like, you're going to do what? The hell would you do that for? And these are some of my closest friends. Like they love me. I love them. They're amazing people, But they're like, what the hell are you doing? And they just didn't see the vision. They didn't demotivate me. They just didn't see what I saw. And now that it's one of the top 100 podcasts in the world, they're like, damn, I didn't think that you were going to crush on the podcast, but you did. Good job.

Starting point is 00:09:42 And that'll happen many times for all of you. That'll happen for you where some people will be there. They're your friends. They don't see the vision that you see, but you do. And you just have to know not to listen. So there's my mom. I listen to her sometimes. Most of the time I'll say there's my girlfriend, you know, who's wiser than I am. So most of the time I do listen to her because she's usually, she usually takes me and puts me back on course. And there's my best friend who I bounce ideas off of. We talk almost every single day and we push each other to be better. Outside of that, I don't really care what people think about me. There's family members that I don't care what they think about me. I love them. I love them deeply. They're amazing humans, but I don't care what they think

Starting point is 00:10:22 about me. They just don't see what I see. They don't believe in what I believe in, and they're not on the same path as me, and there's nothing wrong with that. So if you're listening to this, you could be listening to me and go, hmm, okay. So, you know, my mom, yeah, she, yeah, definitely. She believes in me. My mom's definitely going to be on my list of people that I care about what they think about me. My dad, hmm, yeah, my dad's always kind of been demotivating. He's never really, he's kind of always had a fixed mindset. He's never really believed in growth and he's kind of stuck in his ways. Maybe I won't care about what he has to say about me. No, I don't have a dad anymore. My dad passed away when I was 15, so I don't have to worry about what my dad thinks about me. But

Starting point is 00:11:01 ultimately, you might have one parent that makes your list of the people that you care about, what they think about you. And you might have one parent that makes the list where you don't care what they think about you. That's okay. It doesn't matter. You might have a brother who's just motivating. He loves you unconditionally. And he really is on your side. And every time that you fail, you call him up and he's in your side and he's in your corner. And he talks to you and he tells you how amazing that you are and he gets you back on path. And then you might have another brother who just doesn't get it. And you might have to realize that the first brother can be on the list. The second brother

Starting point is 00:11:38 might not be on the list. But what's important is that you have this list. And for most people, when I tell them this and they make this list, it frees up so much mental space. And the reason why is because you now know the only people in the world whose opinion you care about, because you realize that most people are never going to understand your vision. Most people are never going to understand what you're building. Most people, if I'm being honest with you, are so uncomfortable with themselves in their current state that they try to pull people down so that they can feel more comfortable about more people in mediocrity. And it's sad, but it's true. And so as you're listening to this, the best thing I can say is make that list. Start to think about it. And start to be 100% honest with yourself.

Starting point is 00:12:31 Am I listening to people that don't make that list? Am I caring about what my acquaintances, my friend from 11th grade that I haven't seen in 17 years, what he says on my Facebook post? Do I really care about this guy that I haven't seen in 17 years and the stuff that he posts on my Facebook posts while I'm trying to grow my business, while I'm trying to grow my following, while I'm trying to go after my passion? Do I really care about him? Well, you might care about him, but do I care about what he has to say about me? No, I don't. I'm just going to be honest with you. I don't. And the reason why is because he doesn't make my list. And it makes it so much easier. It frees up so much more mental space because you now know the three, four, five, six, seven people who you ultimately really truly care about their opinion.

Starting point is 00:13:13 And they're on your side. You know that if you had a bad day, you could call them up and you could say, listen, my goal was this today. And I just fell on my face and I came up short. And you know, no matter what, the unconditional love is there. They're not going to judge you. They're not going to take you off of your dream and your vision and your journey. They're not going to try to knock you off course because you have to realize that those are the people, the ones that are in your corner that love you unconditionally. Those are the people that you want to care about what they say. Because if they truly care about you, then the advice that they're giving you comes from a place of love and not from a place of jealousy or not from a place of hate. And that's when you know those are the people that you can

Starting point is 00:13:58 get advice from. And sometimes, I'll be honest with you, you're going to have people that you're very close to, but they don't make the list. And they might say, hey, Rob, you shouldn't do this. I don't understand what you're doing. It's so stupid. And I'm going to have to go, okay, I have a brain feeling and I have a gut feeling. My brain is telling me, John thinks that what I'm doing is stupid. Maybe John is right. John's got a successful business. John's got a great job, whatever it is. And maybe I should listen to John. But then my gut feeling goes, no, this feels right. You've all been there before. You've been there before where something doesn't mentally make sense, but in your gut, it makes sense. Your gut is your emotional compass. There's so many people that won't

Starting point is 00:14:45 understand your gut feeling, but your gut will tell you where you're supposed to go, where you need to pivot, where you need to be, and what you ultimately need to do with your life. So what I want you to do after listening to this is take out a pen and paper and write down the three, five, seven, maybe 10 people. If you have 10 people that really care about you that much, you're a lucky person. I'm going to tell you that. But the three to 10 people who you ultimately know love you unconditionally and you're in your corner, write them down on a piece of paper, take a picture with your phone so you never lose it. And the next time that somebody tries to give you advice or someone tries to

Starting point is 00:15:21 throw shade at you or someone tries to knock you off of your journey, see if it's one of those people. And if it's not, then what you do is you don't listen to the other person. You only care about the people that ultimately love you unconditionally. And if you can do this, it'll free up so much mental space. It'll help you so much and it'll allow you to calm down and chill out and be able to focus on the journey and the road and the dream that you're building in the life that you're trying to create. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, hit that share button, share this with someone that you know and love. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode.

Starting point is 00:16:00 Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you for being here and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Caring About Other's Opinions

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