The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Caring About What Others Think of You

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you want to join in on my motivational text message group and receive motivational text messages from me, text me right now. 1-512-580-9305. Once again, 1-512-580-9305. Once again, 1-512-580-9305. Today, we're going to be talking about other people's opinions of you and other people's advice that they give you as well.

Starting point is 00:00:38 And we're gonna dive into it and why opinions of you really matter so much and why people care so much about what other people think about them. And then we're going to talk about whose advice to take, whose advice not to take and whose opinions to really actually truly care about. And, um, you know, why do we, why do we care so much? Why do people care so much about what other people think about them? Because if I'm being honest with you, when I run and give speeches or have people in front of me, or I run a live training and I ask people their biggest fear almost every single time,

Starting point is 00:01:10 one of the main ones that I get is the fear of rejection and the fear of some way of not being accepted or the fear of judgment. And so literally I would say some of the top fears that people have that hold them back from creating the life that they truly want is what other people think of them. And that's crazy if you think about it, because the other person's opinion shouldn't matter to you at all. But why does it matter so much? Why do we care so much? Because we're tribal beings. And if you were to rewind a hundred thousand years ago, you had to fit in because if you didn't fit in with your tribe, you would die.

Starting point is 00:01:48 If they kicked you out, you would die. You needed your tribe for survival, for food, water, shelter, clothing, for safety, for everything. You had to fit in for survival but if Nancy in accounting doesn't like you, are you gonna die? No, of course not. But that part

Starting point is 00:02:06 of our brain still exists. The part of our brain that has the need for acceptance, the need to fit in. And it's the reason, part of the reason why people care so much about how many likes they get, about how many comments they get, and why people get so obsessed with social media is because they want to feel acceptance because that is an actual ingrained part of us. That's what we have. You know, people want to be liked. You want to fit in. You want people to like you. Be honest. We all want people to like us. But one of my favorite quotes that Jim Carrey says is that your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Let me say that again. Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Let me say that again. Your need for acceptance

Starting point is 00:02:46 can make you invisible in this world because we're all different. We're all so different in so many ways. But for some reason, we always want to be the same as everybody else. We want to fit in. But you have to realize if you think about any great person that you look up to, just think about that person right now. Who's somebody who has just done amazing things in this world that you really look up to? Think about them. Have them in the front of your mind. It could be LeBron James. It could be Oprah.

Starting point is 00:03:15 It could be Denzel Washington. It could be The Rock, Will Smith, Elon Musk. Those people, do they fit in at all? No, of course not. They don't fit in at all. Every great person in society that you look up to is an outlier in some sort of way. So if you look up to them and you want to be like them, why would you try to fit in? When you look at them and you're like, you know, does LeBron James fit in? No. Does Oprah fit in? Does The Rock fit in? Does Will Smith fit in? Does Elon Musk fit in? No, they're all different.

Starting point is 00:03:49 Do you want to know a really interesting thing that another thing that all of them have in common is that a certain percentage of people are always going to hate them. And for a lot of people, this is really hard to accept. A good amount of people can love you, but then once you start, you know, getting larger, growing a following, doing something great in this world, whatever it is, you're going to have people that just for some reason don't like you. Not because there's anything wrong with you and not because you're doing something wrong in the world, but because you're living your greatest life, which is showing them how they're doing nothing with theirs. And so you're going to get haters always.

Starting point is 00:04:28 That's the other thing, common thing about people who do something great. You know, I might've named somebody that you might be like, Oh God, why in the hell would he mention them? Right? So there's somebody that I could have just named that you might not enjoy, that you might not like, right? You're going to have haters. That's the way that it goes. I have haters. And it's funny because all I try to do is create content to inspire people and put it online. And I still get tons of haters. And so haters are just part of what's going to happen. That's the way it's going to be. And you know, really what it is, is just hurt people, hurt people. There's going to be haters out there no matter what. There's going to be keyboard warriors. And I guarantee you those

Starting point is 00:05:02 keyboard warriors would say nothing to you if you're in front of them. But that's just the way that it is. But we fear that lack of acceptance, don't we? That's what's so crazy about it. We know that some people are not going to like us, but we still crave that acceptance and we still fear the lack of acceptance. You know, if you try to do something great in the world, you will have haters. That's just the way that it goes. If you try to do anything great in the world, you will have haters. That's just the way that it goes. If you try to do anything out of the ordinary, you will have haters. Sadly, that's just the way that it is. I don't know why. It's just the way that people work. But it's not about being loved by everyone. It's about knowing whose opinions matter to you and whose don't. And this is the

Starting point is 00:05:43 important thing for you to take. There's certain people whose opinions matter, and that's a really, really small number. And there's most of the people whose opinions should not matter to you at all, right? And what I recommend that you do is you make a list of people whose opinions truly, truly matter to you. Like if they said something to you, you know that no matter what, they have your best interests in mind. You know that they love you no matter what. They love you unconditionally. Those are the people who need to be on your list. Everybody outside of that, they don't need to make your list. Do you want to know how big my list is? Three people. Three,

Starting point is 00:06:21 that's it. We've got, you know, my mom, we've got my girlfriend, and we've got my best friend. Those are the three people whose opinions truly matter to me. If somebody comes in and says something or if there's a hater out there or something like that, they're not on my list. Don't care. Not a big deal. And the reason why those three people are on my list is because I know that no matter what, it's unconditional. They appreciate me. They love me. They want what's best for me. And if they say, hey, maybe you shouldn't do this, that's when I actually listen. But if there's someone else that comes out of nowhere that I don't know that just type something on one of my photos and it doesn't feel true and authentic and it feels like it might just be

Starting point is 00:06:57 another hurt person that's trying to throw something to me, it's not something I'm going to listen to. And so who's on your list? Think about that. I would recommend keeping the list small of people who truly want the best for you, who truly love you and who truly supports you and whose opinions truly, truly matter to you. And it makes your life so easy because then if you happen to get any haters, not a big deal. They're not on the list. If Nancy in accounting ends up saying something, not a big deal. She's not on the list. You don't need Nancy in accounting's approval. You don't need everyone else's in your office's approval. All you need is the approval of people who want what's best

Starting point is 00:07:34 for you because they are the ones that are going to truly steer you in the right direction. They never steer you wrong, right? They'll always put you back on track. And if someone says something negative to me and they're not on my list, I don't even give it any time. And it makes your life so much easier. It's not about caring about what everyone thinks. It's about caring about just the opinions of a few select people that you know have your back. Now, now that we've talked about opinions, let's talk about advice because people love to give advice, don't they? Hey everybody, in print and online, The New Yorker stands apart for its commitment to truth, accuracy, quality writing, and compelling reporting and storytelling. And The New Yorker

Starting point is 00:08:16 is considered by many people to be one of the most influential publications in the entire world. And The New Yorker's weekly print issues and daily online articles cover a full range of topics. There's something for everyone from politics to news to international affairs, climate change and the environment, popular culture, the arts, fiction, food, humor, cartoons. I seriously love the New Yorker's humor and their cartoons so much that I actually follow them on Instagram and have been for such a long time. And the New Yorker has become the daily digital destination for news and cultural coverage, publishing 10 to 15 exclusive site-only articles every single day. And in addition to that, you can use their apps and read from online archives that date all the way back to 1925. And for a limited time, you can get 12 weeks of the

Starting point is 00:09:01 New Yorker for just $6. That's a 50% savings. Plus listeners of my show will receive exclusive tote bag for free as well. All you have to do is go to newyorker.com slash dial. Once again, that's N-E-W-Y-O-R-K-E-R.com slash D-I-A-L for 12 weeks of the New Yorker for just $6 and a free tote bag. Newyorker.com slash dial. And that's really why I think they call it someone's two cents. That's why they call someone, hey, can I give you my two cents? Because that's about all that most people's advice is worth. And I'm not trying to hate on people, but what I'm trying to do is actually be true and tell you what's going on is that a lot of people don't start businesses because

Starting point is 00:09:44 their mom tells them it's a bad business idea. And then I'm like, how many businesses does your mom run? And they're like, zero. Okay. Interesting. But if your mom is not a great business person and she gives you business advice, why would you take it? Now, if your mom's an incredible mother and she gives you parenting advice, definitely take it. If your mom's an incredible mother and she gives you parenting advice definitely take it if your mom's a very loving person she tells you how to be more loving definitely take it if your mom's a great communicator and she gives you communication advice definitely take it but if your mom tries to tell you that you shouldn't start a business

Starting point is 00:10:18 and she's never run a business why would you take advice from her you know would you ever take financial advice from a homeless person would you ever take financial advice from a homeless person? Would you ever take financial advice from your brokest friend? If your brokest friend comes up to you and you know they're always begging people for money and they're like, hey, let me go ahead and give you some financial advice. You'd be like, what? Why? You wouldn't listen to a financial advice from them. And so if somebody is giving you business advice about this passion that you want to follow and they've never followed their passion, why would you listen to them? If they're trying to give you business advice and they've never

Starting point is 00:10:53 run a successful business, why would you listen to them? See, what happens is we, we care about other people's opinions. And then what happens is when people give us advice, we also don't want to go against them because we care about their opinions so much. And then, so what do we do? We end up not doing the things that we truly feel like we're supposed to be doing, the things that truly light us up inside. So you have to pay attention to who's giving you advice. You know, if you have a friend who's ruined every relationship that he's been in, and he tries to come up and tell you how you should, you know, take a relationship advice from him, probably not the person you want to take advice from.

Starting point is 00:11:31 But if he's, you know, also the CEO of a $10 million company and he wants to give you business advice, okay, yeah, maybe you should take a business advice from him. And so it's not about not listening to certain people. It's about picking and choosing whose advice you take you take. So if it's, you know, if they ruin the relationship, probably don't want to know relationship advice from them, but the same exact person who ruined the relationships could be a super successful business person and wants to give you business advice. Okay. And so you got to kind of pick and choose and filter what advice you're going to take from people. Because if somebody has never done something great in their life and you're wanting to step out of your comfort zone and do it, and they're saying that you shouldn't,

Starting point is 00:12:08 well then why would you get advice from them? And the easiest thing to do is this, ask yourself this question, with this piece of advice that they're giving me, would I want to trade places with them? So if they're giving you financial advice, okay, great. Would you want to trade bank accounts with them? Okay, that should make it pretty easy to make your decision. If they're giving you business advice, would you want to trade businesses with them? If they're giving you relationship advice, would you want to trade relationships with them? You know, if they're giving you parenting advice, would you want to trade?

Starting point is 00:12:44 I guess you can't really trade children. That probably wouldn't be the best thing. Would you want to be in their position in their parenting? Would you look up to them in their relationships, in their parenting, in their business, in their finances, whatever it is? Would I want to trade places with this person in X, whatever it is that they have? And there's nothing wrong with somebody giving you advice because people always love to give advice and that's okay. But you have to be very smart about whose advice you take and whose advice that you don't. And I get it. You know, if you want to

Starting point is 00:13:15 start a business, and this is what kind of makes it a little bit hard because, you know, if I say, you know, let's make your top list, your top five people and your mom's on the list, well, then clearly you really truly care about your mom's opinion. But you also have to be very smart about taking advice from her. So if she's, once again, never started a successful business, but she's giving you business advice, probably going to be a little bit hard because you do care about her opinion. And then you look at the list and you go, she is on the list. But then you go, has she ever run a successful business? No, she's done some other really incredible, amazing things, but she's never

Starting point is 00:13:51 run a business. So I'm going to listen to her on other things, but I'm not going to listen to her on this. Right? And you start to learn how to decipher whose information to be able to take, because there's a lot of people that want to give you advice on everything that's out there. Because they happen to read an article one day in Business Insider about whatever it is that you're wanting to start your business on. Whatever it is, right? They read an article, they have a little bit of information, they happen to know something, but you've got to be very smart about whose information you take and whose information you don't. Because ultimately what really matters everybody is this, is what you think of yourself. That's what really matters. That's whose opinion

Starting point is 00:14:32 matters the most. And so you have to ask yourself, what do you think of yourself? Number one. So whose opinion matters the most? You of yourself. Whose advice matters the most? You to yourself. You got to have some people that are in your corner. You got to have people that love and support you, of course. But what really matters is that you are taking your own opinions. You're actually looking at them from a loving place and not a place of like lack or self-worth or whatever it is. Or, oh my gosh, I don't know if I can run this business. So I've got to go just get advice from everybody that's out there. When in reality, I don't want to take, I would take very few people's advice on businesses because 90% of businesses fail within the first five years. But you know,

Starting point is 00:15:12 that's a whole other story. And so what you really got to do is you got to, you got to understand that people are going to give you opinions. People are going to give you advice and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. But what you have to do is not take everybody's opinion to heart and not take everybody's advice to heart. What really matters is what you think of yourself in what you truly want to do. Those are the two things that matter the most. What do you think of yourself in the path that you're on? And what do you want to do with your life? If you say, you know what, I do want to quit my corporate job and I want to start a business where, I don't know, I train people how to ride horses. And your mom's like, that's a terrible idea. You're not going to make

Starting point is 00:15:55 any money doing that. And you know, you're making a hundred thousand dollars a year right now. You're probably going to make like $20,000 a year teaching people how to run, you know, how to ride horses, whatever it is. Okay, great. But if that's what truly lights you up inside and that's what truly matters to you, then your purpose, the thing that you feel deep down in your heart is what you should do matters more than all of those things. It matters more than anybody else's opinions. It matters more than anybody else's advice because what matters the most

Starting point is 00:16:25 is what you think of yourself and what you truly want to do. Because guys, it's your life. It's not anybody else's. It's not your parents' life. It's not your spouse's life. It's not your family's life. It's not your friend's life.

Starting point is 00:16:41 It's not society's life. It's your life. Do what makes you come alive. It's not society's life. It's your life. Do what makes you come alive. That's the most important thing. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share with someone that you know and someone that you love. And if you love it, go ahead and take a screenshot, tag this on your Instagram story so that people can find out how to listen to us and tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Once again, guys, we don't have any big, massive company behind us that's supporting us.

Starting point is 00:17:10 It's literally me recording this inside of my own house. There is nobody else in sight right now. And so we only grow. And it's funny because I always say we, and I'm literally the only fucking person. That's the funniest part about this whole thing. I don't know why I say we. It's me. That's all that it is. This podcast only grows when you guys go out there and you share it. And so I would greatly, greatly appreciate it if you would share it. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission. I crack myself up sometimes. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Caring About What Others Think of You

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