The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Caring What Others Think

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

It’s important for you to live the life that you want to live! That’s why in this episode I will teach you how to stop worrying about other people’s opinions of you. Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylan. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you live in the United States or Canada and you want to receive motivational text messages from me, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're going to talk about how to live an amazing life where nobody in the world can offend you and how to not be hurt by other people's words and other people's opinions as well. And the reason why I think this is important is because I get so many messages on Instagram of people asking me how to deal with this. And so I figure, instead of just messaging every single person back, let me make some sort of video and audio

podcast so people can just listen to it. I get a message from somebody the other day on Instagram that said, hey, how do I deal with being in a relationship with somebody that says something that hurts you all the time? And then it says, oh, how do you deal with parents that are always nagging you or cutting you down? And I get messages of some sort of somebody says something to me and it makes me feel this way. How do I start to work with that? And first off, this is why it's good where you guys that follow me send me messages. I always recommend sending messages. We can talk back and forth. But if you want to, it's RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R on Instagram. That's where I talk with everybody. That's where I get ideas for podcast episodes and stuff. People send me a

message, hey, can you talk about what happens when your parents say something bad to you and it makes you feel like crap? Or when your boyfriend's like this, or when your spouse is like this. And so I get so many different messages of people saying that this happens to me and now I feel this way, what do I do? First off, first super simple tip that I'll give you around it, stop hanging with people who suck. That's the first thing, right? Stop hanging out with people who talk down to you. So if you have people in your life who talk down to you, who don't celebrate your success with you, when you have a success, they find holes in every single success, or they don't want the best for you, or they cut you down, or they give you what we call little negs, which is like little negative comments where it's like they're not outwardly talking trash to you, but they're giving you those little

tiny like, oh, that hurt. It's not like they're coming at you with a sword, but it's kind of like they're coming at you with like a little teeny tiny thumbtack and they're hitting you with a thumbtack, they're hitting you with a thumbtack, hitting you with a thumbtack. And they don't necessarily hurt if it's just one of them, but it's a bunch of them always. And it's those little teeny tiny negative comments that just, after a while, you start to feel like shit. So if you're hanging out with people that are like that, first tip I'll give you, just stop hanging out with those people. Stop hanging out with people who treat you like shit. That's the first tip I'm going to say before I dive into any of the other tips

around the actual mindset and how to deal with people who are like that. Okay, so that's the first thing. The second thing, and this one's going to maybe hurt for some of you guys out there, but it's going to be a really eye-opening thing for you, is nobody can hurt you with words

that you don't already believe. Nobody can hurt you with words that you don't already believe, right? If somebody says something to you and it hurts or it offends you or it makes you sad or pisses you off, it is because they are saying something to you that you believe to be true. And there's many things that, you know, I could come up to you and I could say, wouldn't offend you at all. I could say, oh, this, this, this, this, and you wouldn't be offended. I could say this, this, this, this,

and I wouldn't be offended. And then I can say that one thing, and then you get offended. Then you get mad, or you get angry, or you get sad, or you feel like you've been wronged. And so I want to tell you this, is it goes exactly, and you've heard me, if you've been listening to the podcast for a long time,

you've heard me say this many times. Eleanor Roosevelt, quote, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. If somebody is making you feel bad, there's a part in your mind that is consenting to feeling that what they said is true and allowing that to make you feel bad. Right? Somebody could come up to you and say something that really offends you and say the exact same thing to another person. And it doesn't offend that person at all. What's the difference? What each of you believe to be true and what you believe to be offensive and how you take it, right? And the example I always give as well, what that really was super eye-opening for me about this, and you've heard me say this a million times if you're an avid listener,

I had a friend who has a mentor and he was walking down the street with him, and he was talking about how his mentor was like, man, your business is killing, it's going so well. And he was just like, no, I don't really like it anymore. I'm just, every time I get a customer service email that says your product sucks or this thing broke, he's like, I just want to shut it all down. And he goes, yeah, it's because you're insecure. And he's like, I don't know how that makes any sense. I'm not insecure. He goes, what's happening is I don't like getting the customer service emails. He goes, no, you're insecure about yourself. You're insecure about

your product. That's why you're being offended. He goes, if a lady came up to you right now and said, hey, Ryan, you have pink hair, would you be offended? He's like, no. And he goes, yeah, because you don't have pink hair. But if she came up to you and said something like, hey, your product sucks and I want to return, then you would be offended because you don't have pink hair. You don't get offended. But because the fact that you think your product sucks or because you're insecure about yourself, that is the reason why it is actually making you feel like that. So someone can come up to you and say, I don't like your hair. I don't like your hair color. I don't like your hair. I don't like your hair color. I don't like your car.

I don't like your voice. And none of those things might offend you, but they might say, hey, you know, you've got a really ugly mole in your cheek. And you're like, oh shit, now I feel terrible, right? So it's like, you have to realize that whenever somebody says something to you and it hurts or it's offensive, it is because it is an insecurity that you already have.

And that is bringing it to you. You know, you could say a million different things to somebody, but when someone says that one thing, boom, it hurts. Okay, so what can we learn from that? What we can learn is what is it that offends us? What is it that makes us feel bad? What is it that when somebody does it, we act differently or feel differently internally? Because no one can say something that hurts you

unless you already believe it to be true. And you have to think this, and you have to understand this, as pissed off as it might make you that that person said it to you, that it is the way that it is, as pissed off as you might be around all of that, that person is giving you a gift.

Like they're literally showing you where you're not free. As humans, as animals, we want freedom. We want to be free. It's the reason why people want to make a lot of money is because they, not because they want to buy things, it's because they actually realize they want to have freedom. They want to be free. And so if someone comes up to you and says something and it hurts, what's happening is they're actually giving you a gift and saying, hey, John, hey, Sarah, hey, Stacey, this is where you're still hung up. And so sure, we can decide I'm not going to hang out with that person anymore. And we could try to turn a blind eye to what just happened. Or we could go, man, when she said this, it hurt. Why did it hurt so much? When he did that,

I really got offended. Why did I get so offended? When he did that, I really got offended. Why did I get so offended? Hey, is there something that's interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals? Maybe it's anxiety or stress or worry with how much is going on in the world right now. Well, BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

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Hey, 2020 is here and it's time to grow into the best version of ourselves. And one way to do that is through books. Books have always been and will always be one of the most essential pieces to learning and growing. And that's why Blinkist is so amazing. Although many books have great content in them, a lot of them have what I like to call fluff stories. Stories that are put in the book to hammer a point home. But if you already understand the point, there's not really much need for five stories about the same exact point. With Blinkist, you have all of the most important ideas and takeaways from the world's top nonfiction bestsellers, all in fun 15-minute reads or listens. And you can use these blinks to get inspiration, learn more about the books

that you like to read next, and broaden your knowledge and get new perspectives. They have amazing books like How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, Atomic Habits, and The Power of Habit. And right now, Blinkist has a special offer for our audience. Go to Blinkist.com slash mindset to start your seven-day free trial and get 25% off a Blinkist premium membership. That's Blinkist, spell B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T, Blinkist.com slash mindset for 25% off and the seven-day free trial, Blinkist.com slash mindset. Like earlier today, I put up an Instagram post and I happened to drop the F-bomb at the end of the post

and I got a whole bunch of really positive comments, positive comments, positive comments. And then one person said, you didn't need to use the F word. It makes your message sound really cheap, really cheapens your message. And I was like, that right there is somebody who was programmed to believe that a word is bad. No word is inherently bad. It is just a sound coming out of somebody's face. And so that person, if she really wanted to look at it, could realize, oh, he said that word.

That word made me feel differently internally. Why is it that that word makes me feel this way? Where have I been programmed? Where am I not free to realize that a cuss word, a word coming out of somebody's face is literally, you know, sound coming out of somebody's face is offensive to me. Because what I'm doing is I'm giving up my own sovereignty as a human by saying,

you now control my internal state because of a word that you said. And so what somebody is doing is they're showing you where you're not free. It sucks when you're going through it, but it's a gift because it's showing you where you need to improve. It's showing you where you're not free. It sucks when you're going through it, but it's a gift because it's showing you where you need to improve. It's showing you your next hurdle. It's showing you what you need to work on your personal development. It's showing you where you need to become better,

a more expansive version of yourself. It's showing you where you're not free. And that's just kind of how life is. Like you're never going to get to a point. I don't expect to ever get to a point where I am just, I have arrived, right? I was running a Zoom call the other day and the guy was like, well, you know, I just want to know how long it's going to take to get there. And he's talking about there as in like a destination of finally feeling the way that he wants to feel. And I was like, what if you never get there? Because for me,

I just think that life is constantly about improving, constantly getting better. You never arrive and you're perfect. And I hear many, many, many, many times when you see people who are gurus or they're people who are working, help other people, but they still have their own things. They're still human. They still get caught up on stuff. They still get offended. They still get pissed off. They still have bad days. So there's, life is just a constant up-leveling of growth. And I don't think that it ever stops. I don't think you'll ever just be like, I've made it. I'm perfect. I'm an enlightened being. You know, there's a point where you're going to, you're not going to get to a point where there's no flaws. You're not going to get to a point most likely where there's no baggage. You're're not going to get to a point where there's no flaws.

You're not going to get to a point, most likely, where there's no baggage. You're probably not going to get to a point where there's no triggers. You might never get to a point where you're never offended. You might never get to a point where you don't have a little bit of a temper. You might never get to a point where you don't have a little bit of emotion towards something. You're probably going to be perfectly calm at most times, and then some things will set you off a little bit more. But you know what's good about it? You don't have as much emotion around this thing as you used to. You don't have as much of a temper as you used to. You're not as offended as you used to be. You're not as triggered as you used to be. You don't have

as much baggage as you used to. You don't feel like you care about your flaws as much as you used to. It's constantly just trying to get better with every single thing that you do. And that's what's really important to realize is that as long as you don't feel like, oh my God, I can't wait to get there, wherever there is, I don't think there exists. So it's like, hey, okay, yeah, I did get offended today. Yeah, I did get, that person did make me sad. Okay, no worries. How can I continue to keep improving? Okay. No worries. How can I continue to keep improving? Okay. No worries. How can I continue to keep improving? I don't know if we'll ever get quote unquote there. I don't anticipate it. And if I

don't anticipate it, then I don't get mad when I'm not there. And, you know, as a side note, you know, if we're talking about other people's opinions and other people, what they say to you, be careful also who you're taking your advice from. This is another really important thing as well, is I find a lot of times when people reach out to me, the people who they're taking advice from are people they should not be taking advice from. Like, you know, I love my mom and she's amazing, but I would never take advice from her on how to grow my Instagram. Why? She doesn't even have a fucking Instagram. But it's like, but I would never take advice from her on how to grow my Instagram. Why? She doesn't even have a fucking Instagram. But it's like, how many people are we taking their advice and taking their opinions and taking it to heart when in reality, they're not even the most qualified person to learn from or the most qualified person to take that opinion from or the

most qualified person to take that advice from? How many times do you have other people's opinions and advice come into your awareness when they are not qualified to give you that advice or to give you their opinion? Right? It's the exact same thing as my mom trying to tell me how to run my Instagram and grow it when she doesn't even have an Instagram. It just doesn't make any sense. But you know, how many, how many of you are not starting your business because of your mom or your dad or because your friend's selling you as a terrible idea or your mom's saying, oh, well, you went to school to be an engineer.

Why would you go and start an Etsy shop or start selling on Amazon? Like how many people right now are not doing what you want to be doing simply because somebody told you it wasn't a good idea? And that person probably is not qualified to tell you that it's not a good idea or it's a bad idea. Think about it for a second. If your mom's never run a business, your dad's never run a business, and they're telling you that your business idea is not good, or they're giving you advice on how

to run your business, that's crazy. That's like my mom trying to tell me how to grow my Instagram without ever having an Instagram before. Would you ever take advice on how to be a millionaire from anyone who's not a millionaire? If your best friend came up to you and your best friend's always talking about how broke he is, and then he's telling you about investments and what you should be doing with your money or what you should be doing, that doesn't make any sense at all. Why would you take advice from someone who is not qualified? And so if you're talking about other people's advice and other people's opinions and what you're letting come into your awareness and sink in, it's important to realize that there are very few people in this world who you should be taking advice from on many different things.

You know, if you have a friend who's been divorced three times and they come up to you and try to tell you, hey, this is exactly how you should treat your wife. This is exactly how you should treat. They're probably not the most qualified person. Now, you know, this person might be a super successful business person. Well, yeah, you could take business advice from him, but if he's teaching you on how to, you know, stay in a marriage, but he's been divorced three times, he's probably not the best person to learn from him. But if he's teaching you on how to stay in a marriage, but he's been divorced three times, he's probably not the best person to learn from that. But if you have a friend who's got an amazing marriage and amazing friendship and relationship with his wife, and he wants to give you advice, well, then you might want to take advice from him. But if he tries to give you

business advice and he's never owned a business, probably not the right person to take advice from. So you have to understand as you're having people tell you things and as you're getting advice from people and people's opinions, ask yourself, is this the right person to take advice from on this topic? Is this the right person to take advice from on this topic? And if you think of it that way and allow it to go through a filter, you're going to realize that the majority of people who are giving you their two cents are not qualified to give you their two cents. And you should give their two cents back. They can talk to you and talk to you and tell you what you should do and what you shouldn't do and what you should do and what you shouldn't do.

But you've got to decide, yeah, I'm just going to let this person talk, but I'm going to take none of their advice. Because you've got to be very aware of who the right people to talk to. People love to give advice, but just because they're giving advice doesn't mean that you need to take it. So you're in charge of the advice that you take, but you're also in charge of the opinions of others and what they do to you and if they offend you or if they don't offend you. One of the biggest things that you can do is realize that you are your own sovereign being. Nobody can offend you. Nobody can offend you. No words can offend you. No phrases can offend you. No advice can offend you. Nothing that somebody says about the way that you look or any of those

things can offend you. What offends you is the fact that when somebody says it, if it does offend you, it's because you actually already think that about yourself, which shows you that what's the most important thing is not your relationship with other people. It's your relationship and what you actually think about yourself. Because if you have the highest of highest of highest confidence in yourself, someone can say anything to you and it's not really going to offend you. So make sure that you realize that when somebody does say something and it does offend you,

you do take it harder, it hurts. It's okay. You're going to improve, but you've got to realize that there's something inside you that already thought that that was true. That shows you, and that is a gift that person has given you

for you to now be able to improve and for you to be able to get better. Because there is no place, there's no destination we're trying to get to. It's just the journey of constantly just trying to become a better version of you. So that's's no destination we're trying to get to. It's just the journey of constantly trying to become a better version of you. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it on your

social media and texting it to your friends, all of that stuff. We don't have any multi-billion dollar companies behind us that are pushing this out to then get us in the top in the world. So every single time you guys share it, I greatly appreciate it. But with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.