The Mindset Mentor - How To Stop Comparing

Starting point is 00:00:00 This message comes from NPR sponsor, Grammarly. Get to the point faster and accomplish more with Grammarly. Go to grammarly.com slash podcasts to sign up for a free account. And when you're ready to upgrade to Grammarly Premium, get 20% off for being an NPR listener. That's G-R-A-M-M-A-R-L-Y.com slash podcasts. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want some extra tips, trips, motivation,

Starting point is 00:00:44 all of that stuff, go to YouTube and go ahead and follow me on there. We have a ton of videos, over 400 videos that we have on YouTube to help you get better and improve. All you have to do is go to YouTube, type my name in, Rob Dial, and it will automatically pop up. Today, I'm going to be teaching you how to stop comparing yourself. And I'm going to talk to you about why you comparing yourself is actually killing a lot of joy in your life. And we live in a world where we can see everything that someone else is doing at all moments. And it's interesting because I grew up obviously in this tech world. I grew up before all this tech came out, before there was Instagram and all of that stuff and lived a life before then. But I'm also here now and I create a lot of content. I put it out there. And I actually see

Starting point is 00:01:28 a lot of people's joy being stolen from their life because they're too busy comparing themselves with everybody else. They're comparing their body to somebody else's body who's been working out for 10 years straight and then they get down on themselves. They're comparing their business that's three weeks old to someone else who's been running the business for three years and trying to figure out why they're not where they are. The other person is at this point in time. We live in a world where we can constantly see everything that everyone else is doing and we compare ourselves. We see where they are. Oh my gosh, they traveled to this amazing thing. I haven't left town in three weeks. What am I doing with my life? We can see what they're wearing. We can see what they're eating. We can see who they're with. And if you spend enough

Starting point is 00:02:09 time on social media, I bet that you compare yourself sometimes to some people. And now comparison itself is not necessarily a bad thing. There is a lot of good in comparison. If you think about comparing, you can compare how fast a car is going compared to your speed to see if you should turn or not. That is where it becomes beneficial. Our ancestors could compare the size of an animal that was running at them to figure out if it was something to be afraid of. And if it was something to be afraid of, they could compare how fast it is moving compared to how fast they can move and decide, do I run or do I climb the nearest tree? And they could compare the speed of things that were happening, the size of things that were happening. And so that itself is very beneficial.

Starting point is 00:02:56 We can compare the food that's on our plate to the size of our stomach and go, oh yeah, that's probably a little bit more than I need. So comparison does have some beneficial uses, but when you're not paying attention to your brain and it's just running amok like it normally is, and you're looking at somebody else's life on Instagram, that's when it starts to get bad. Especially when you can look at someone else's life on Instagram and think, oh my God, they're so happy. They have such a great relationship. They have so much money. They're so successful. When in reality, what we're seeing from somebody else is the highlights of their life, not the lowlights of their life. And so one thing that is important to realize is that every single person is on a different path,

Starting point is 00:03:35 right? So people can look like people come up to me all the time and they're like, Rob, how do I have a podcast that's successful like yours? And I'm like, well, do like 13,300, 1,400 episodes and come back to me in eight years and let's see where you are. So if you're like on, I don't know, podcast episode three, you can't really compare podcast episode three to somebody else's 1,400th podcast because sometimes we just got to go through each chapter of our life. And one of my favorite phrases that has to do with this is you can't compare your chapter

Starting point is 00:04:05 one to somebody else's chapter 20. And so if you're on your third podcast episode and you're like, I don't feel like I'm good. I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I don't feel like this is growing. And then you're looking at someone else's podcast who's been doing it for a long time. Yeah, of course they have more experience. They have more time. They have more under their belt than you.

Starting point is 00:04:26 And, you know, it's funny because I started taking boxing lessons, right? And today was the second boxing lesson that I did. This guy comes over to my house. We've been doing boxing lessons and stuff. And I find myself fumbling around because I'm, first off, I'm sore as shit in random places I've never been sore before, because I'm like, I'm moving my body in ways I've never moved. Like I'm sore in between my fricking knuckles, right? Like such a weird place to be sore. And when he's talking about, okay, one, two, three, and he's talking about a jab and he's talking about a right hook and uppercut and all these different things, he does it. And it's like, it's like a snap and it looks, it looks so effortless, but he's been doing it for 15 years.

Starting point is 00:05:08 And so I can look at myself and look at him and be like, well, I'll never be as good as him and he's so much better. Maybe this isn't for me. Or I can go, you know what? This is my chapter one. Like I'm not even on chapter one. I'm still reading the introduction of this book. This guy has probably finished his book and he's on to his next book. And so the quote that goes along with

Starting point is 00:05:25 this is, you'll never be a graceful master if you don't allow yourself to be a foolish beginner. And so do I look like a giraffe that was just birthed and is trying to figure out how to walk? I do. Does he look like he's been doing this for a long time? He does, but I can never get to looking as graceful as he does unless I go through the foolish beginner stage. Most people, we're just afraid to go through the foolish beginner stage. And we think that just because of the fact that, oh my gosh, I took two boxing lessons, I should be a fucking expert. Or, you know what? I've been going to the gym for three weeks. Why am I not in shape yet? Or, you know what? I've been running my business now for two months. Why am I not a millionaire yet?

Starting point is 00:06:02 And, you know, an example is like, you know, if somebody is overweight, they can't compare their body to somebody on Instagram who's been working out for seven years. Like all you have to do is just go, I need to show up every single day. And if I'm better than I was yesterday, and I take this path and I just continue on this path for as long as possible, eventually I will be as far along as they are. So if someone's overweight now, it doesn't mean that they'll always be overweight, but if they start to make changes and they take the right daily actions, they could eventually, if they fast forward seven years, have the same body as that person. But if we look at someone on Instagram now and we compare ourselves to them, and we make ourselves feel bad about the fact

Starting point is 00:06:45 that we don't look like them, we'll never actually motivate ourselves to take the action that we need to to create the life that we want to. And so maybe you just started. That's okay. You can't expect to have the body that you want already, but you can compare your body to your body yesterday.

Starting point is 00:07:01 If you have been working out for a month, can you hop on the scale and see how your body has changed? Can you think about how your body has changed when you look in the mirror? Can you think about how maybe your body has more energy? And so instead of comparing ourselves to somebody else, we've got to learn to compare ourselves to who we were yesterday. That's what we need to do. That's the only comparison that we should ever make when it comes to our lives. That's what we need to do. That's the only comparison that we should ever make when it comes to our lives. Am I better than I was yesterday? Do I have more knowledge than I did yesterday? Do I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction for my health

Starting point is 00:07:33 better than I was yesterday? Do I feel like I'm reading more and my intellect is growing more than it was? I know more today than I did yesterday when I went to bed. That's what we should start comparing ourselves. Do I have more money in my bank account than I did last week or last month or two months ago? So instead of being like, well, why am I not a millionaire yet? I should be a millionaire at this point. Look at your bank account six months ago. Do you have more money in your bank account than you did six months ago? If so, that's a great comparison. You're getting better. You're saving more. What does it take to achieve your fitness goals? Competitive drive fuels a fire,

Starting point is 00:08:10 but going beyond your limits requires a roadmap and a trusted co-pilot. That's where Future comes in. Future is a new way to get fully customized personal training that revolves around you. No matter what gets you moving, you'll find guidance, motivation, and accountability to push you beyond your comfort zone. Future has all of the benefits of one-on-one personal training without the one-hour time limit and strict schedule. Whether you need tips for sleeping well the night before a race or nutrition advice after setting a deadlift PR, your coach is ready to create a competitive edge wherever and wherever you're focused on your fitness.

Starting point is 00:08:39 And it all happens through the Future app with the tools that you need to plan your workouts, measure your progress, and celebrate milestones. I've been using Future this entire month, have a bunch of my team members on it as well, and I truly believe it is the best fitness app that's out there. So get started with a one-month free trial to Future at tryfuture.com slash mindset. That's tryfuture.com slash mindset. Cancel any time for a full refund. Personal training made modern only on future. I remember when I was younger, when I was like 21, it's crazy to think of how you get older and you're just, you realize that you don't know shit. The older that you get, like I thought I knew everything when I was 21. You know, I'm 36 years old now. So fast forward 15 years and I think

Starting point is 00:09:19 I don't know anything. But back then I thought I knew everything. And so I would be like, man, I'm 21. I'm working so hard. I'm putting in like a hundred hours a week. Why am I not a millionaire yet? And I was looking at all these people that were like millionaires and they were successful. And I used to live when I was 21. I lived down in Fort Lauderdale and I lived right by, you know, Fort Lauderdale. There's a ton of money. Palm Beach is a ton of money. I lived right by Boca Raton. Boca Raton, there's a ridiculous amount of money. And I was comparing myself to all of these people who were, you know, they had Jets and they had Bentleys and they had Ferraris and they had all these cool cars and cool life. But I never took a step back until recently, now that I am older and just

Starting point is 00:09:53 realize that things take time. I was 21 comparing myself to guys who were like 63 years old. And it's like, of course they have more than me. Of course they have a different life than me. They've been on this path three, they're literally three times my age is what I could have thought to myself. I think I would have had a lot less stress and anxiety when I was younger if I would have stopped comparing myself

Starting point is 00:10:16 to 63-year-old people and started comparing myself to who I was the month before and who I was three weeks before and who I was a year before. And so you can't compare yourself to somebody else. The only person you could compare yourself to is you in the past. You can't compare your business that you just started to your friend's business who's been in the industry for 10 years. Yours hasn't had as much time to mature as theirs has. You haven't

Starting point is 00:10:41 had as much mistakes as they have. You haven't learned the lessons that you need to learn to get you to where you want to go. But you can compare your business today to where it was six months ago or where it was last year. You can compare your body today to where it was six months ago. You can compare your knowledge to where you were six months ago. You can compare your bank account to where you were six months ago. So when you compare, the real question is when you compare, after you compare, do you feel good or do you feel bad? Okay. If you feel bad, you're probably comparing yourself to other people or you're comparing yourself to where you think you should be. And the word should is a shame word, just so you know, you are shaming yourself. You're shitting all over yourself is what you're doing. Oh, I

Starting point is 00:11:31 should be this. I should be this. I should be this. No, because if you should be that, you would already be that. And rarely when we compare, do we feel good? Because we're comparing ourselves to other people, which we can't do because we're not other people. We haven't had the same life circumstances that they have. And we can't, or we can't compare ourselves to where we think we should be because that's completely unrealistic. Rarely does comparison make you feel good. Comparison usually brings on the feeling of lack. I don't have as much as they do. I'm not as happy as they are. I'm not as far along as I should be. And usually that's what it will bring on lack. But also what it tends to do is it tends to bring on jealousy. And we get jealous of other people. And lack and jealousy are not magnetic energy.

Starting point is 00:12:19 But neither one of those are magnetic energies. When I lack something, I'm not attracting something to me. When I'm jealous of somebody else, I'm not attracting that thing to me. So by getting jealous and by feeling the feeling of lack, you're actually pushing away what it is that you truly want. So we need to learn when we look at somebody and we want to feel the feeling of like, damn it, I wish I had that body. Damn it, I wish I was on that trip.

Starting point is 00:12:43 Damn it, I wish that I was driving that car. Damn it, I wish that I had that body. Damn it. I wish I was on that trip. Damn it. I wish that I was, you know, driving that car. Damn it. I wish that I had that business. Damn it. I wish that I had as much money as they do. Instead of comparing ourself and feeling lack and feeling jealousy because we're not where they are, we can actually congratulate that person and be like, you know what? Hell yeah. Good for you. You're doing well in life. And you know what? If you start to congratulate people in your mind, out loud, to them in their face, if you see them, you will actually start to attract more of what you want. It's a more magnetic energy. Even if it's just by yourself and you never say it directly to that person, right? I used to get

Starting point is 00:13:20 jealous when I'd see people with nice cars and see people with nice houses and see people traveling the world. And now when I see people, even when I see them on Instagram, I'm like, fuck yeah, man. Good for you. Good for you for doing that. That's awesome because I know that in order to get to where they were, there was a lot of stuff they had to get through. There was a lot of things, a lot of crap that they had to go through to get to where they are. Hell yeah. Good for you for achieving what you've achieved.

Starting point is 00:13:44 You got a freaking Lamborghini? Good for you, man. That's probably something you've been wanting for a long time. How awesome is that? So we have to learn to stay in our own lane, right? We have to learn that you have your own lane that you're in. I remember that a few years ago I was doing, well, you know, I was doing psychedelics. I'll say that. I won't say any further. I won't say where I was, what I was doing, any of that stuff. But I was on a psychedelic journey a few years ago. And one of the things that came very clear to me in this psychedelic journey was I am on my own path. Like I, the universe has made a lane for Rob Dial and Rob Dial only. I am the only one that can get in this lane. I cannot get into anybody else's lane. Anybody

Starting point is 00:14:24 else cannot get into my lane. I have my own lane. I have a journey that the universe or God or life has designed for me. And I'm not in competition with anybody. The universe made me my own lane. I just need to follow this lane. I just need to follow the path I'm supposed to be going. And I believe that you, if you're listening to this,

Starting point is 00:14:42 every single person has their own lane as well. And so if we're so focused on other people's lane and where they are, we're not going to get to where we want to be. It's like that really famous picture like five or six years ago when the Olympics were happening and Michael Phelps was swimming and he ended up winning gold, but they took a picture and one of the guys that was swimming, he was right behind him. You can see him mid-stroke. He's actually looking at Michael Phelps and he ended up losing to Michael Phelps. He was so focused on where Michael Phelps was that he didn't put 100% focus into where he was and he ended up losing. And so really what it comes down to is like swimming your journey, staying in your lane, staying on your path. And when you see people succeeding, being like, man, that's amazing. I can't wait till I get there. That's amazing.

Starting point is 00:15:31 Good for you. There's probably a lot of things you had to go through to get there. I believe that you have your own lane. You just have to follow for you what feels right. And then you have to realize that things just take time. Like that's the one thing that I've realized that as I get older Slow and steady wins the race That's it, man. Slow and steady wins the race. Am I putting one foot in front of the other? On my path that i'm supposed to be going on Did I did I get one step further one step closer today? Did I get one step closer today? Did I get one step closer today? And I realized that this just things take take time. Like I wanted to be so

Starting point is 00:16:05 successful when I was so young. And as I get older, I'm just like, things are going to happen as things are supposed to happen. And I don't know about you, but when I start going through that mental thought process, the whole feeling in my body is just like, okay, I don't have to be so uptight. I don't have to be so focused. And so why should, why am I not there? I should be further. And it's just such a restrictive energy. You know, when I used to see people that were millionaires, like, why don't I have that? It's just like, you know, over the past few years, and I got to places that I wanted to be in doing things that I wanted to do. I just realized it just, I wasn't there yet. Time wasn't, things take time. And my time had not come to, to be that time yet. And so when you see

Starting point is 00:16:44 people that have something that you have, a lot of times they might be 15 to 20 years further than you, right? You still have a lot. You still have so many things you can be grateful for. And with your goals, you just have to realize they only take three things. They take direction, they take action, and they take time. Are you heading in the right direction to achieve your goals? Is what you're doing right now taking you closer to or further away from your goals?

Starting point is 00:17:09 So are we heading in the right direction? Okay. If we are, then each day, am I taking the right action to start to get there? Am I one step closer to my goal that I've been trying to work for? Am I heading in the right direction? Yes. Am I taking the right action? One step, one step, one step, and just getting 1% better every single day. And then time. Time is going to work itself out the way that it's supposed to work itself out. If you think about how crazy would it be to go to the gym and leave the gym and look down and be like, what the hell? I don't have a six pack yet. We would all be like, that's wild. Nobody would ever think that. Why do we think that for everything else in our life? We think that in our bank account, in our relationships, in our businesses, all of that stuff. We need to make

Starting point is 00:17:50 sure we're heading in the right direction. We need to make sure we're taking the right action and we just need to let time work itself out. So what you have to do is realize that you're running your own race. You're in your own lane and you've got to stop comparing yourself and you've got to stop being jealous and you've got to start congratulating. So that's what I got for you for this episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. I love to see you guys tagging and putting where you are and during a workout or going for a run or listening to it with your kids, whatever it is. I love to see you guys do that. So if you do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Also, it allows the podcast to be able to grow

Starting point is 00:18:28 and more people to be able to find it who have never listened to it before. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How To Stop Comparing

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