The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Fear From Controlling Your Life

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to talk about how to step in your own personal power. And one thing I'm going to talk about is decision making. How to make, number one, quick decisions, and number two, how to make powerful decisions that come from a place of growth and not from a place of fear. And so you have to think that for any massively important decision that you make in your life, a decision where it's going to be something that could change your life,

Starting point is 00:00:45 but then also for a lot of very, very small decisions. There's only one of two places that that decision can come from. One of them is it can come from a place of fear. And for most people, it comes from a place of fear. So if you look back over your entire life, the things that you've done, the things that you haven't done, the decisions that you've made, maybe decisions that popped up of, should I start a business? Should I not start a business? Should I marry this person? Should I not marry this person? Should I break up? Should I not break up? Should we have children? Whatever it is. When you look back on the majority of the decisions that you've made in your life, would you say that those came from a place of fear or that they came from a place of personal power?

Starting point is 00:01:26 Think about that for a second. When you look back, would you say that more than 50% came from a place of personal power or more than 50% came from a place of fear? And the one thing that I have found is that for most people, the majority of their important decisions that they have in their life actually come from a place of fear. And what do I mean by that? For me, I know personally that for a really long time, all of my decisions came from a place of fear. Staying inside of my comfort zone, not wanting to step out of my comfort zone, not wanting to challenge myself, not wanting to push myself, wanting to take the easy route. I had decisions that were based in my comfort zone to stay inside of my comfort zone

Starting point is 00:02:06 because it's easier to just stay comfortable than it is to push yourself. So for me, I know that the majority of my decisions for a very long time came from a place of fear. But if you look at your life, would you say the majority of them came from a place of fear or a place of personal power? Just think about that for a second and answer it out loud to yourself. What I have found is that most people's decisions actually come from a place of fear. Like for instance, should I start a business or should I just continue to stay at this job that pays me a salary? Most people usually stay at that place where they give you salary just because it's easier. And you know, do you think to yourself, oh my gosh, I don't know what's going to happen if I, if I, I do know that I'm paid every two weeks in this job, but if I

Starting point is 00:02:50 leave this job, I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if I'm going to get paid every single week. I don't know if my business is going to succeed. I don't know if it's going to fail. And when you start thinking that way, are you thinking from power or are you thinking from fear? You're thinking from fear, right? So why do most people go from a place of fear is because your brain will automatically go to fear and you have to realize that. So it's easy to go to fear because that's what your brain automatically does. That is what kept our species alive. Our brain is designed to do one thing really well and that's help you survive. The problem with that is that it will

Starting point is 00:03:25 usually go the easiest route, not pushing yourself, not doing things that you've never done before, not stepping into the unknown. So our brain is designed to keep us alive. We still have a part of our brain that's been around for 1.5 to 2 million years called the amygdala, which is where all fear comes from. The fear of, oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm going to be attacked by a lion when I walk outside, has now been turned into the fear of what if I fail? What if I'm judged? What if I get rejected by people? What if people throw their opinions at me? And so now because we don't have the fear of death, we now have the fear of judgments and rejections and opinions because the amygdala still exists.

Starting point is 00:04:06 So most people, what your brain is going to automatically do, pretty much everybody, what your brain is automatically going to do is go to a place of fear. And so we have to consciously be aware of this and have ourselves step out of the fear and into our own personal power. And when I say power, I don't mean power in controlling other people because people can think, you know, it can have a bad connotation of power. But when I say power, I mean power is you stepping into who you could be. Being, coming from an actual powerful place, being a powerful being in this world. And so that's why it's very important to be self-aware is because if you're not self-aware,

Starting point is 00:04:47 if you're not paying attention to where your brain's doing, what your thoughts doing, what your actions are doing, is the majority of time will actually sink into fear, will sink into comfort, will sink into coiling away instead of actually stepping out and doing what it is that we wanna do. And so, you know, if you think about it, how many great decisions do you feel like you have made in your life from a place of fear? And I don't mean fear of death, like I'm not going to drive 200 miles an hour because of the fact that I could die at 200 miles an hour and lose control of my car.

Starting point is 00:05:16 I mean, actual decisions that could change your life, whether it's, you know, relationships, whether it's stepping out and starting your own business, getting on stage in front of other people, whatever it is, how many of your decisions that are great decisions where you're like, hell yeah, I'm so glad that I did that came from a place of fear? Probably none, right? But if you look back, ask yourself, how many of your decisions that you don't love or that you wish you would have done differently came from a place of fear where you're like, man, I, I, I feel like I wasn't as good as I could have been. I feel like I didn't step out. I feel like I didn't bring what I could to the world. How many of those decisions came from a place of fear? Usually it's most of them, right? If you think about, about uh all of the great decisions that have

Starting point is 00:06:06 been made in the world all of the amazing things that have happened in the world all of the amazing companies that have been built all of the amazing products that have been built the biggest inventions in the world how many of those came from a place of fear probably none why because nothing is really built nothing amazing amazing is built. Nothing inspiring is built on fear. No life that becomes amazing is built on fear, which goes into, if you think about the people that you are inspired by the most, the Steve Jobs, Elon Musk's, Michael Jordan's, whoever they might be, whoever it is that inspires you, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela. How many of them live the life filled with fear and made decisions based in fear? None of them. The people that you look up to, the people that have the most

Starting point is 00:06:53 inspiring stories are always the people that step into their own personal power. They know that there's probably going to be people against them, but they know what they're worth. They know what they're supposed to do. They know where they're going in this world. They know what they're building and they know that there might be resistance, but they're not going to let fear control them. What are they going to do? They're going to step into their personal power and they're going to make decisions based on that personal power. So now you can start to see the importance of realizing when you're coiling away in fear and when you're actually stepping up into a place of personal power. An example of a decision that's important that people need to be made is,

Starting point is 00:07:34 like I told you earlier, starting a business. Most people go the quote unquote safe route by working for another company. We all learned in 2020 that the safe route is not safe because immediately 35 million people lost their jobs. So what was safe? They actually realize it's completely unsafe. What's the safest job you can have? Working for yourself. Why? Because you can't fire. I mean, I guess you could fire yourself, but you're not going to fire yourself, but you're in control of your paycheck. That's safe if you ask me, because companies could just change their mind and you're gone the next day. But how many people coil away and stay at a job that they don't enjoy or that they

Starting point is 00:08:15 weren't meant for, or that's not fully fulfilling to them and don't go and do what they truly want or don't start a business or don don't start a non-profit. Simply because there happens to be fear. Because they're not stepping into their own personal power. Hey, how many subscription services are you paying for each month? Do you know? Because subscription services add up. And sometimes we don't even notice the monthly deductions from our bank accounts.

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Starting point is 00:09:26 So get started today at truebill.com slash dial. Take control of your finances and start saving at truebill.com slash dial. That's truebill.com slash D-I-A-L. Another thing that pops into my head as well is investing, right? So investing, let's say it's investing into the stock market, right? How many great, great stock market decisions came from a place of fear? Probably not too many. How many great decisions into investing into companies came from a place of fear? Probably not too many. Usually it's personal power. What about investing into your own personal development? Maybe you want to learn how to do something and there's a course or a seminar or a person that you can hire to be your mentor, right? You could go, oh man, I don't know about spending this money. I don't know if this person's worth it. I don't

Starting point is 00:10:15 know if I'm going to make my money back. I don't know if this is truly what I meant to do. Then you can have all those fearful ideas and thoughts come into your head and you can listen to those and stay in the exact same place and not invest into yourself. Or you can say, you know what? This is what I truly want to do. I'm going to pay this person to help me figure it out or to teach me or to build the course or whatever it is that I need to do to help me build my business, to help me build my relationship, to help me build my finances, whatever it is. You can go from a place of fear or you can go from a place of personal power and say, you know what? This is what I want to do. I do want to take control of my finances. So I will hire this financial advisor or finance coach or whatever it is that you're hiring and go, I'm going to step

Starting point is 00:10:53 into my personal power right now and learn from this person. Right? So there's two examples right there of fear decisions. You could go into fear or you could go, I'm going to take control of my life. This is what I truly need to do. This is what I want to do. How many decisions have you made that you're proud of that came from a place of playing it safe? Because there was no risk. You're like, I'm going to take the less risky way. Probably not many. You know, there's a quote that says in life, if you don't risk anything, you risk everything. Let me say that again. In life, if you don't risk anything, you risk everything. And so how long have you been sitting in a place of taking as little risk as possible, taking the easy route because you're afraid of what could happen if you stepped off into your own personal power? How many life-changing decisions could you have made in your life?

Starting point is 00:11:51 Let's say you're 35 years old. How many moments of decision did you have that you decided to play safe instead of deciding to step up into your own personal power? When you know that you should have, your own personal power. When you know that you should have, think about that. And usually the difference is that your gut feeling knows that you need to step into your own personal power. Your gut feeling, I always call your emotional compass. So it's kind of like your guiding light and you're following this thing that you want to be doing. Not even that you want to be doing, that you feel like you're supposed to do. And your gut feeling will give you the intuition, the intuitive hits to say, Hey, this is the path you're supposed to go down. And we can feel this path of like, I want to go start my business. This is what I'm supposed to do.

Starting point is 00:12:32 But we can listen to our brain because our brain is always filled with fear and saying, Oh, but that doesn't make sense. You're not going to make any money doing this. You have a family you have to support. You have, you know, bills you have to pay. You have a family you have to support. You have, you know, bills you have to pay. What if you don't succeed? What if you and your family are homeless? And so there's always the gut feeling, which is usually the personal power.

Starting point is 00:12:55 Your gut knows what's going to make your soul grow. But then there's also always the brain side of it, which is the fearful side that keeps you inside of your comfort zone. And so when you think about it, when you feel those feelings of, oh my God, I don't know if I should do this or not, you know that when you feel that fear coming up that you're on the edge of your comfort zone. And what do you do

Starting point is 00:13:13 when you're on the edge of your comfort zone? Lean in because it's showing you that this is a place to grow. This isn't a place to coil away. This isn't a place to step back. This isn't a place to go in the opposite direction't a place to get to, to go in the opposite direction. If I'm feeling those feelings of fear, that's a good thing. That's showing me, Rob, you're at the place now where you're about to grow. And if you want to get to the next level,

Starting point is 00:13:35 the next iteration of who Rob is, you're going to have to lean into this fear. People still feel, and I say this all the time, is that successful people still feel fear. The difference is they don't listen to it. Unsuccessful people also feel fear, but the problem is they listen to it and then they coil away and they stay in their comfort zone, become afraid. I hope that next time you feel that fear pop up, you go, nope, I'm going to do this anyways. I don't give a damn about what this fear is telling me right now. It's about what you, it's about stepping into what you could be, what you should be versus what you are, right? You know where you are. You know what happens when you do exactly what you've done. And if you think about it, and the question I always love to ask is how long have you been

Starting point is 00:14:22 stuck in your current comfort zone? Six months, a year, two years, three years, five years, 10 years, 20 years, maybe. If you continue to do the same things and continue to coil away every time you feel this big moment of decision and step into a place of fear, then if you fast forward 10 years from now, you're going to be in the exact same position. I promise you that. But if you were to go, you know what, I'm going to, I feel the fear. And when I feel the fear, I know that I have a decision of either going with the fear or going with personal power. What does my gut say that I should do? My gut's telling me to move forward instead of coil away. Okay. That scares the shit out of me, but I'm going to do it anyways. And then if you do that over and over and over again and step in and lean

Starting point is 00:15:04 into the fear, guess what happens? You fast forward five years from now, 10 years from now, you have a completely different life, completely different. But that's the difference is you need to become very self-aware

Starting point is 00:15:16 of what's actually happening and when you're starting to coil back and be afraid and take a step back versus actually leaning in to the discomfort. So you've got to be very self-aware of when you're feeling those. And the thing about is noticing fear is a good thing. Like I said, because, well, here's the first thing. Noticing the fear is a good thing. Listening to the fear is a bad thing. So if I notice fear, number one, that's good because I'm becoming self-aware. When before I was probably just reacting to my fear

Starting point is 00:15:46 and just following it subconsciously. So if I'm noticing my fear, that's a good thing because I'm becoming self-aware. Number two, as I said, it's showing me the edge of my comfort zone. So when I feel the physical feelings of fear, and you know the physical feelings of fear, like, oh shit, I don't know if I should be doing this.

Starting point is 00:16:00 I don't know if this is right. I don't feel good. This is making me very uncomfortable. Boom, I'm in a great place. I need to lean into that fear because if I lean into it, I'm going to be pushing myself out of my comfort zone. And each one of us should be putting ourselves outside of our comfort zone at least once a day. And if you do this over and over and over and over again and push yourself out of your comfort zone and step into your personal power every single day, and you fast forward five years from now, like I said, completely different life. But you have to realize the only person that can make that awareness

Starting point is 00:16:30 of fear or personal power is you. And the only person that can make the decision of following your fear and listening to it or stepping into your personal power is you. So if you continue to listen to your fear and you fast forward five years from now, you're not going to like where you are. I promise you that. If you continue to listen to your fear and you fast forward five years from now, listening to your fear,

Starting point is 00:16:54 you're not going to like where your life is at. But if you notice your fear and go, okay, I'm aware of my fear. Now that's telling me I need to find what my personal power is and what I need to step into and what my gut is telling me to do. So I'm going to step into that fear. I'm sorry, step into that personal power because I feel the fear. And you do that every single day consistently, knowing that you're not going to die when you step into your personal power,

Starting point is 00:17:20 you'll have a completely different life in five years. But if you listen to it, listen to that fear and stay in the fear, you're not going to like where you are. So the goal is to notice the physical feelings, notice the thoughts that are happening inside of your brain, and then become very self-aware. When you take yourself out of the jar and read the label, you know, when you're in the jar, you can't read the label. So take yourself out of the jar,

Starting point is 00:17:42 act like if you're just, you're coaching yourself and you're a completely different person. And you look at it and say, this person that I'm, that I'm aware of right now, are they feeling fear? They are. Are they about to make it? So there's two decisions. There's a fearful decision and there's a personal power decision. And you write it down on a piece of paper. Which one should they take as if it's not you and you're coaching this person? Okay. The fear decision is this. What's going to happen? What are the repercussions if they follow this fear decision? What is their life going to look like in five years? Okay. What is the repercussions if they decide to step out of their comfort zone

Starting point is 00:18:13 and follow their personal power? Where could that take them in five years? And when you actually start to plan it out, you become self-aware and you start to decide, you know what? I'm going to start to make the majority of my decisions coming from a place of personal power instead of a place of fear. And you do this every single day, promise you, you will wake up five or 10 years from now and have a completely different life that is completely unrecognizable to the person that you are right now. But as I always say, there's only one person that can make that decision for your life. And that is you. So either step into fear or step into personal power.

Starting point is 00:18:51 The choice is yours. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. Please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way that we grow is from you guys sharing this. So I appreciate you for always sharing it. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode,

Starting point is 00:19:09 make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Fear From Controlling Your Life

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