The Mindset Mentor - How To Stop Playing Small

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylann. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button right now so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to work on your mindset even more, I send out a Monday Mindset email every single Monday morning teaching you exactly what I'm going to be working on this week and some tips and tricks to help further your mindset and to be able to improve and grow every single week. So if you want to receive that from me, it is absolutely free. Go to mondayemail.com. Once again, mondayemail.com. Sign up there and I will start emailing you all of my mindset tips. Today, I'm going to be talking about how to stop playing small.

Starting point is 00:00:46 I'm going to be teaching you how to stop dimming your flame. I'm going to be teaching you why you should step up to your full, infinite, amazing potential that you've been holding yourself back from for way too damn long, and the world needs you to step up and do something amazing. And I get messages all of the time from people. I get messages from people all over the world. Oh, my culture is this. My culture is this. I'm not supposed to be, you know, standing out and being better. Like I know people in Australia talk about having the tall poppy syndrome and, you know, where if you're standing up above everybody else, you're basically cut down by the crowd. I get a lot of messages from people who are just afraid to step into their true self. And there's a lot of different reasons why I think that it is. I think the main reason why is because I think it's a tribal thing. I think that standing out when our ancestors stood out,

Starting point is 00:01:37 it could have been a bad thing. You know, it could have been that if we were outside of a group, we were the ones that could be attacked. You know, if you look at like a lion, a lion always attacks the animal that's outside of the herd. So maybe it was like, we're so used to having to be in the herd. Maybe it goes back to the phrase where the brightest light gets the arrows, where if we shine too bright, we're going to be the person that gets all the arrows. So we'd rather dim our flame and stay in the background and not be noticed and not be who we truly know we're supposed to be. So we just fit in. And if you're fitting in, the one thing that you have to realize is you're never going to be the person you were meant to be. There's only one of you. There's only one of you in the entire world. You've got to figure out who that is and what you're supposed

Starting point is 00:02:19 to be and step into that version of you. People are worried about offending other people. Oh, if I step up and I say what I really want to be and what I think, maybe I'll start to worry people or I'll start to offend people and they're worried about that. They're worried about alienating people that they love. A lot of people are like, oh, I can't because if I end up becoming so much more successful, then all of the people that I love, I'm going to outgrow them. Or my spouse, they don't like to grow and I want to grow, but I can't outgrow my spouse. Or if I'm so successful and I make a lot of money, then everyone that I love is going to, I'm going to be so much different than them. So they're going to, I'm going to feel alienated by them. Or they're going to all start asking me for money. Like there's so many different things that

Starting point is 00:03:04 I hear from people of, if I'm being honest with you, it's all a bunch of BS. They're going to all start asking me for money. Like there's so many different things that I hear from people of, if I'm being honest with you, it's all a bunch of BS. They're worried about being made fun of. They're worried about offending people. I've never seen somebody that grew and then completely alienated them from everyone that truly loves them. If somebody truly loves you, truly loves you, they want you to grow. They want the best for you. And if they don't love you, then they're going They want you to grow. They want the best for you. And if they

Starting point is 00:03:25 don't love you, then they're going to want you to stay the same. So if nothing else, it's going to show you who's real and who's not. They don't want other people's opinions. They don't want to make other people feel small. So I'm going to stay small so that you don't feel small. Because if I get big, then you feel small. And that's how a lot of people justify staying where they are. And then they get to the end of life and they regret it. The number one regret of the dying, according to the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying, is I wished I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. Learn from people who are on their deathbeds. The number one regret of people who are dying is that I wish I lived a

Starting point is 00:04:13 life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me. So what is true to yourself? Do you know? Have you even asked yourself that question? Like, what do I want? Who do I want to be? Do I want to build this business? Do I want to be this person? Do I want to put up these videos online? And so what happens? Instead of going and being that person, we just fit into a box. We dress the way that we've always dressed. We act the way that we've always been told to act. And we just kind of keep quiet and we stay there forever. But you always feel like something's wrong, don't you? You always feel like, man, this isn't truly who I am. I'm not fully satisfied with my life. And they have all of this built up energy that they want to let out into the world, but they don't. They hold on to it.

Starting point is 00:05:06 They mute themselves. They don't say what they don't. They hold on to it. They mute themselves. They don't say what they truly feel. They don't act how they truly feel like they should. And they live far beyond the potential. Just curious, does this sound familiar to you? Does it feel familiar to you? Because from what I see and what I've been seeing for years is this is how most people end up living and they stay there forever. And then they regret it at the end of their lives. Why does it hold us back though? Well, I have found that most people's biggest fear that they don't even realize is their biggest fear is not being loved. They think that it's rejection. They think that it's rejection. They think that it's failure. They think that it's success. They think it's all these things. But really what it comes down to, when you look at the core of it, is I won't be loved. And their biggest fear is that I won't fit in anymore. I will be alienated. I will be kicked out of the tribe. So they play small not

Starting point is 00:05:59 to be kicked out of the tribe, which makes sense 200,000 years ago, where you wanted to make sure you fit in with the tribe. Because if you were kicked out of the tribe, which makes sense 200,000 years ago, where you wanted to make sure you fit in with the tribe. Because if you were kicked out of the tribe, you were going to die. There's no way around that. And so it is a protection mechanism for us today. But you're not going to be kicked out of the tribe. If someone stops loving you for being your true self, they never fucking loved you in the first place. They pretended to. I'm just going to say it the way that it is. Love means love no matter what. Not, I will love you if you are the same person that I married the day that we got married. I'm going to love you only if you stay that person.

Starting point is 00:06:37 I'm going to stay, I'm going to, I'm going to be loving to you only if you continue to be the person that I want you to be. Not the person who you truly want to be. I don't care what you truly want. I'm going to only love you when you are who I want you to be. So someone didn't stop loving you. Someone's true colors came out. So my question to you, what do you want? What do you want? What do you, I feel like, I feel like, uh, what is it? The notebook? What do you want? It's not that easy. No. What do you want? What is it that you want? Do you truly know what you want? It's time to get really, really clear on that. If you don't know what it is that you want, get out your pen and paper, pause me right now and just write the word. What do I want? And I love the phrase,

Starting point is 00:07:22 what do I want? Cause it can be very vague. And I'm going to tell you how to make it more direct. This is a great journaling question. Actually, probably my favorite journaling question. Because it could be, it's like a chameleon. You could put it in many different places. I'll show you what I mean by that. A being in debt can be stressful. I remember how stressed I felt when I was younger and I had a lot of credit card debt. But I also remember the exact moment when I paid off all my debt and how amazing it felt. If you're in the same position that I was, let Best Egg help you find financial freedom as you work towards reaching your goals. You could ideally pay off high interest debt in

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Starting point is 00:10:23 business? What do I want in my marriage? What do I want in my friendships? What do I want in my relationships? Ah, it's a chameleon. What do I want in my business? What do I want in my marriage? What do I want in my friendships? What do I want in my relationship with my mom? What do I want in my relationship with my dad? What do I want in my happiness? What do I want in my peace? It's a chameleon. You can move it and shift it however you want, and it helps you get clear on exactly what it is that you want. So you ask yourself the question, and then you answer the question. What do you want? And then ask yourself the question, what will it require of you to make that happen? Most of the time, it will require you to step out of your current comfort zone of where you're currently in. But when you do that is where you will find your true potential. You don't want to fit in. You don't want to fit in. But when you do that is where you will find your true potential. You don't want to fit in.

Starting point is 00:11:08 You don't want to fit in. I know you don't. Nobody does. So what does it require of you to make that happen? And then how important is it to you? Here's the thing that scares a lot of people. One of the problems with stepping out of our comfort zone, out of our known playing small that we have been, one of the problems of stepping out into it is you're stepping out into the unknown. You don't know what the greatest potential of yourself looks like. You don't know what would require of that. You don't know how amazing it could be. You don't know the responsibility that comes from it. And the unknown for a lot of people is scary. But the best part about the unknown is I've never seen someone

Starting point is 00:11:51 that fully steps in their true potential. They're like, oh my God, this, I should have definitely played small. Never heard somebody say that before. So when you're stepping out into that unknown, know this, the unknown does not suck. The unknown is way better than your current circumstances. It's just unknown. And unknown feels like a threat to the human brain because unknown is not something that you can plan for. Your brain don't like something you can't plan for. No way. It doesn't like that. It wants to know it wants to know what's going to be coming up in So what does it do you create the exact same circumstance you already have? But to do something great at some point You have to step out into the unknown

Starting point is 00:12:34 You have to understand that you've got to start doing something different What's really crazy about them is if you think about your biggest fear failure success rejection other people's opinions, going broke, not being able to provide for your family, being a shitty parent, whatever it is, your biggest fear never happens. Your biggest fear is only going to happen when you don't step out into the unknown. That's what's crazy about it. Your biggest fear

Starting point is 00:13:08 will not happen when you step out of your comfort zone and actually start to go towards your true potential. But then here's what's interesting about it. The beautiful thing about it is most people, as I said a little while ago, most people think I'm going to alienate myself. Everyone that I love is not going to love me anymore. They are going to push me to the side when I become too rich or too successful or too happy. So I'm going to go ahead and not be rich and successful and happy. I'm going to just not do those things. What happens is even though we think that because we're going to be stepping out into the unknown and doing something different than everybody we love, we think that we're going to be alienated.

Starting point is 00:13:42 What's crazy is we actually start inspiring people. People that we love will start to change their lives for the better when they see you changing your life for the better. You become a lighthouse. What do I mean by a lighthouse? The story of the lighthouse. There's two ways to bring a boat into a harbor. One of them is a tugboat. The tugboat goes out to another boat and it pulls it. It uses all of its energy, everything, to pull another boat into the harbor. That's one way to pull it in. That's how most people try to change people around them. They try to pull. They try to force. They try to say, hey, you should read this book. You should go to this conference. You should work out with me. They try to pull, pull, pull, pull, pull the tugboat, right? But then on the other side, a lighthouse does the exact same thing. A lighthouse helps

Starting point is 00:14:29 boats safely get into the harbor, but it doesn't try to pull them. It doesn't do anything except for the one thing it's designed to do. And that is to shine its bright light as bright as it possibly can. It does the one thing that it's designed to do. And it still gets the boats in the harbor. When you do the thing that you're supposed to do on this earth, you will inspire other people to start to take action as well. Most people want to change their spouse. Like I get messages all of the time. Hey Rob, I love your podcast. I listen to it every single day. I send it to my wife. She won't listen to it. It's starting to piss me off. I don't know why she's not listening to your podcast. I bought her 17 books about personal growth and about business development to try to help her. She hasn't read any of the books. How do I make my

Starting point is 00:15:12 wife start listening to your podcast? And how do I make sure that she reads all the damn books that I bought her? And they try through force. You ever tried this before? Have you? No, you don't do anything through force. People do not do things because they are forced to do them. People do things because they want to do them. So the question is, if you really want to change somebody, how do you make them want to do it? The way you do it is to be that change. Be that change. If you're trying to work out, if you're trying to get, you know, you're starting to work on yourself and work out a little bit more and you want your spouse or your friend or whatever it is, let's say your girlfriend to start working out with you more. Instead of saying, honey, go to the gym. You're looking kind of chunky, whatever, whatever it is. Instead of

Starting point is 00:15:55 saying that, all you do is you just go to the gym and every single time you go to the gym, just say, hey, do you want to, I'm about to go to the gym. Do you want to come with me? No more, nothing else. Shut up. Don't say anything else besides that. Hey, I'm going to go to the gym, just say, hey, I'm about to go to the gym. Do you want to come with me? No more. Nothing else. Shut up. Don't say anything else besides that. Hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Do you want to come with me? No, I don't want to come with you. Just say no for a little while. That's probably what's going to happen. Then you're going to start looking real good. You'll start getting those abs. You'll start getting those muscles. You'll start losing that fat. She's going to go, damn, he's looking good. I want to look good too. And so you go, hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Do

Starting point is 00:16:25 you want to come with me? Eventually, not always, but almost always that person goes, yeah, I'll come with you. And it starts to shift. The way that you do it is not by forcing that person to do it. The way that you do it is by stepping up. Stop playing small, become the person you're supposed to become. And you inspire other people to start becoming the person that they are supposed to become. You know, if your friend lost 40 pounds and you wanted to lose weight, wouldn't you ask them what they did? Yes. And so when you start seeing more happiness in your life and your friend isn't happy, they're probably going to ask you like, hey man, you look really happy lately. What are you doing? Don't force them to be happy tell them what worked for you

Starting point is 00:17:08 You start losing a lot of weight People are gonna be like hey, what did you do? I want to lose some weight you tell them you start growing a successful business people who love you're gonna be like Hey, what did you do? I want to do that as well I want to leave my line to five You need to step up the way that that you need to stop playing small is by realizing that when you step into your fullest version of yourself, all of your greatest fears don't happen. They don't. All of your fears that you're believing in your head are going to happen.

Starting point is 00:17:35 They don't happen. I can tell you this. 17 years of being on personal development and working on myself and trying to grow. None of the things that I worried about happened. All of the things that I wanted happened. That's what's going to happen for you. And what's cool is that I start to notice people around me, friends, family members, everybody reaching out to me like, hey, what are you doing? How can I do this? Hey, I literally had today, swear to God, true story. One of my family members is going through some things, like some things. I'm not going to say what it is. I get a text message from them like, hey, do you have some time to talk? Yeah, I got some time to

Starting point is 00:18:10 talk. Got off the phone. They're like, that was amazing. This is exactly what I want. Thank you so much. That person didn't used to listen to what I say, but they've started to see over years how I'm building my life and how building my life has come for me and what it's turned into. And they start to see a little bit of it and they want a piece of it. And so that's how we change the world is by, not by trying to change the world, but by being the change that we want to see first in ourselves and then in the world. And so if you're playing small, realize none of those fears are going to actually happen. All of your dreams are going to end up happening. And you're going to look back and go, man, I'm so glad that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and stopped playing small and built myself into someone that I can be proud of. So that, my friends, is how you stop playing small.

Starting point is 00:18:53 So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor right now. Share the podcast on your Instagram. So share either just a screenshot of it or you listening to it or maybe make a video about it, whatever it is. And when you do, please tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. So once again, Rob Dial Jr. I look at every single one of them. I don't always respond to them. I apologize because I don't have a whole lot of time to be able to do so, but I always look to see what you guys have going on. I always read all of my messages on Instagram. I read them. You guys say, hey, would you talk about this? I've got an idea for a podcast. Would it be okay for you to talk about this?

Starting point is 00:19:28 And if I see something pop up enough over and over and over again, I end up usually making an episode about it. So once again, Instagram is a place to get ahold of me, Rob Dial Jr. And I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better.

Starting point is 00:19:41 I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How To Stop Playing Small

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