The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Suffering

Episode Date: December 2, 2019

If you are sad, angry, depressed, or anxious you are in a state of suffering and if you are suffering, you are clinging. In this episode, I am going to talk about suffering from the viewpoint of Buddhism and how to relieve yourself from that suffering so that you can live in a beautiful state.Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/Get a 50% discount on the next IronMind60 Challenge https://www.coachwithrob.com/black Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. Today, we're going to be diving into how to relieve your suffering, how to get past suffering. But before we do that, last but not least, as you guys know, today is what they call Cyber Monday. So if you're listening to the day this comes out, it's Cyber Monday. And the Black Friday discount that I announced on Friday, last episode, ends today. So if you're interested in joining in on the Iron Mind 60 Challenge, which starts on January 1st, like I said, we had over 700 people join in the last time and they had massive changes, massive results in a life. And if you're ready to start off the new year, 2020 in the new decade,

to be the best year of your life that you have had so far, join us. There are six pillars that we have to hit over the course of 60 days, every single day. And if you want to be part of it, if you want to join us, if you want to challenge yourself for the first 60 days to create the life that you want, then join the Iron Minds 60 Challenge. And if you join in today before midnight, the best part about it is you will be able to join for half off and you'll be able to get a free ticket for someone to join with you. So this could be a friend, this could be your family member, this could be your spouse, this could be someone who's just your accountability partner. But if you join in today, you'll get it for half off and you will also get a free ticket as well because we are trying to

impact as many people's lives as possible starting on January 1st. So if you want to join us, all you have to do is go to www, make sure you put the www in, because for some reason it doesn't work if you don't put that, but put www.coachwithrob.com slash black. Once again, that is www.coachwithrob.com slash black. Join us. I would love to see you in there. I'm estimating we might have over 1,000 people this time that are going to be in it.

It's going to be amazing. And, you know, the Ironman 60 Challenge, there were so many incredible results, to be in it. It's going to be amazing. And the Ironman 60 Challenge, there were so many incredible results and I loved it. There were so many people that lost 5, 10, 20, 40 pounds. There were so many people that had massive changes in their mind and their bodies and their bank accounts and in their lives. So if you want to join us, this is going to be 60 days of us pushing ourselves and me coaching you every single day inside of a private Facebook group with over 700 people to a thousand people pushing you and holding you accountable. So go to coachwithrob.com slash black. Okay. As I said, today, we're going to be talking about suffering.

So when I say suffering, just so you guys know, it sounds like, you know, like suffering, like, oh my gosh, I need a drink of water so bad. Like I'm in a state of suffering. like, oh my gosh, I need a drink of water so bad, like I'm in a state of suffering. But when I see it, the way I've kind of learned is the Buddhist way and also the Hindu way as well, where you're in two states, in only two states throughout your entire life. You're either in a beautiful state, which is bliss, joy, happiness, peace, and it's a beautiful state to be there. And you feel good when you're in that state.

Or you are in a state of suffering. Suffering can be stress. It could be anxiety. It could be sadness. It could be negative self-talk, negative thoughts. All of those things would be a state of suffering. And if you look at the way that the, I think it was called the Four Noble Truths that Buddha teaches

and this is not me teaching you, well, number one, Buddhism isn't a religion in the first place, but this is not me trying to get religious with you guys or to teach you anything about Buddhism or Hindu or try to convert you to anything because I don't follow any particular religion. I kind of like all of them

because I think that deep down they all have these core truths, but there are know, there are the four noble truths that are inside of Buddhism. And I believe it's the second one where Buddha describes the cause of suffering. So, you know, I think the first noble truth is suffering. And the second one is the cause of suffering. And I'm going to tell you what the cause of your suffering is. So if you ever get into a bad state, a state of suffering, what causes your suffering is clinging. Think about if you're in a state of suffering right now or if you've ever been in a state of suffering, just like terrible suffering.

state of suffering, just like terrible suffering, clinging to anything at all is the reason why you are suffering. Let me give you an example. You know, let's say, and think about one of the worst times of your life, right? So let's go ahead and take the death of someone that you love, right? That sucks. I've been through it quite a few times. And when I notice that I'm in a state of suffering, now notice I said a state of suffering. I'm not saying grieving. Grieving is absolutely necessary, but in a state of suffering, which means that my mental thoughts are making this worse for me, it's because I'm clinging to the idea, right? So if I'm in a state of suffering because my grandfather passed away, it's not, I don't mean that I'm grieving because grieving is necessary, but if I'm in a state of suffering because my grandfather passed away, I don't mean that I'm grieving because grieving is necessary, but if I'm in a state of suffering, it's because I'm clinging to the thought of my grandfather.

I'm clinging to it as if I'm longing for it so badly that it's actually messing with my current mental state. Does that make sense? messing with my current mental state. Does that make sense? So I'm clinging to it so deeply that I actually want it so badly that it is messing up my current mental state, right? So when I say clinging, there's a couple forms of clinging, obviously. There's clinging to what you do have. So, you know, there's clinging to the fact of, I'll give you a perfect example. I know that some parents love their children so much, right? But it's like the little girl who's on the way back from the vet, or not from the vet, from the, I don't know, wherever the hell you buy a bunny, right? She's on her way back from buying a bunny.

We'll say that. And, you know, she's so excited. She loves this bunny so much. And she gets to the house. You know, they're driving. They have to drive home. And the parents are in the back and they get her out of the back seat. And the bunny's dead.

And the reason why is because she loves this bunny so much. She's squeezing the shit out of it. And she kills it because she loves it so much. Because she's so afraid that it's going to leave her. She's so afraid that something's going to happen. And some parents love their children. I mean, all parents love their children, but some parents, quote unquote, love their children. And when I say quote unquote, I mean that their fear of losing them, they are disguising as love. And in turn, what they're doing is they're

actually squeezing their children too tight, not physically, but mentally. They're squeezing their children too tight. And what they're doing is they're actually killing the relationship between themselves and their children. And then they can't figure out why their children don't want to be around them or why they're constantly getting into arguments with their children or why their children are trying to get away from them in some sort of way. They say, hey, give me some freaking space. The reason why is because they are clinging to their children so much. The fear of losing them makes them cling. And that clinging screws up their relationship in some sort of way or screws up their own mental stability at this current moment. And what's

happening is they're actually putting themselves into a state of suffering. They're clinging to what they have because they're afraid of losing it. So if you cling to something so deeply that you're afraid to lose it, that's going to put you into a state of suffering. So you could be clinging to what you have, right? Another thing you could be doing is you could be clinging to what you want, the idea of something that you want, right? One of the things that I've noticed with myself personally, and then I've noticed a lot of people that I've coached over the years

is for me, and I've, I've walked people through this after it happens with me, you know, I, uh, and I, I work with a lot of really high level entrepreneurs and I obviously, you know, coach, uh, coach coaches on how to grow six and seven figure businesses. And what happens is, uh, I've noticed that noticed that they cling to this idea of the business that they want, the money that they want in their bank account, right? Like I've been able to build a million dollar coaching business. And so they say, I want to build a million dollar coaching business. And they put themselves into a state of suffering right now in this current moment because they don't have the business that they want yet.

So they put themselves into a state of suffering because they have created this mental image of what their life will be in the future when they finally hit this destination and they're clinging to the thought of what it would be like if they finally got that. And that puts them into a state of suffering. So first off, you know, I talked about a couple of different things and I want you to think about this. Have you ever cling so much to something that you have that you've killed it in some sort of way? Whether that's a relationship, you know, I know people who have, who have gotten in relationships and they are so infatuated with the person that they're in a relationship with that they smother them. That literally the person's like, I can't freaking take this.

Like, I want my own, you know, I want my own life. I want to be my own human, not just this person's boyfriend or this person's girlfriend. So have you ever been in that situation where you've created your own suffering because you're clinging to something that you have and you so badly don't want to lose it? That's the first question I have. Next thing, have you ever cling so badly to something, to the idea of having it, that you don't have it yet, that it puts you into a state of suffering? Have you ever done that before? Whether it's shoes or a car or a house or the perfect job or the amount of money, your bank account or whatever it is, this business that you're building. Have you ever cling so much to something, the idea of

something, this perfect future that it puts you into a state of suffering because you're not there right now? Have you ever done that? That's one thing that you want to think about because your suffering is coming from the clinging to that idea of that, right? Like I know that, that, you know, for me, I have noticed with myself many times that I, I find something that I want to buy and I go online and I research it and I research and I research. I'm one of those people who just researches the shit out of something before I buy it. I am, I'll be honest with you. And for me, I've noticed that then when I stopped researching it, if I haven't bought it yet, I have this feeling of like incompleteness and it's the clinging to that actual, like the clinging to the idea of the object that puts me into that state

of suffering. And when the, you know, let's say I want a pair of, a pair of shoes, New Jordans or something like that, right? I'll go online, online, I'll research, I'll check them, I'll do all this stuff. And when I don't have them, after I've done all this research, I can notice a low level of anxiousness, anxiety, I don't know what it is, until they get to my house. And here's the interesting thing. It's not the reason. You guys know when you get something new and it's exciting that, you know, that box of shoes comes in and you got that thing. You've been waiting for it for so long. You're so excited about it. It's not necessarily the receiving of the object that gets

you so excited and relieved. Sometimes it's the relieving of the craving of that object. Let me say that again. Sometimes because we want something so bad, we're clinging to the idea of this thing, this product, these shoes, whatever it is, that it's not actual receiving of the product that we're excited about the product, but what we're really excited about, you know, under the surface of everything is the relieving of the craving for that object. And that's what we're clinging to. So you have clinging to what you have, you have clinging to what you want, or you have clinging to what you used to have that can put you into a state of suffering, clinging to what you used to have. can put you into a state of suffering, clinging to what

you used to have. Maybe that's a relationship that you used to have and you were in a state of suffering because you have been clinging to this idea of the relationship that you used to have six months ago, a year ago, five years ago, whatever it was. You're clinging to that idea and it's not presently here. That relationship is not presently here. So you are now in a state of suffering because you want something that does not exist anymore. Right? Do you see how that works? You're clinging to what you used to have. And here's the problem that they teach in Buddhism, at least. I know that when I went in, I did a 10-day silent meditation retreat. The overall main thing that I, I mean, I learned a lot from it, but the main thing that I learned

from it is what they call is anicca. Sanskrit, the word anicca basically means impermanence, impermanence, right? And when we're clinging to something, the reason why it causes suffering is because everything that we're clinging to, if it's, you know, is in physical form, whether it is the thing that I have, this relationship, right? That's a relationship with someone else. That's another physical being. The clinging to what I want, this business, right? Businesses are run by humans. That is, in businesses, all businesses will disappear at some point in time. If you fast forward 10,000 years, I'm sure none of the businesses that are around right now will be around. So that is something that is impermanent or something that I used to have, whether that's a

relationship or a person or a car or something like that. Everything that I'm quote unquote clinging to is a physical form. And everything in its physical form will be gone at some point in time. So we are clinging to something that is impermanent. And our subconscious knows that. And that is where everything, all of the root of our suffering comes from, is from clinging to something that is impermanent because everything is impermanent. If you look around you, like the room that I'm in right now, the TV, my computer, the mic that's right here, everything, the walls, everything that I'm surrounded by, even my physical body is 100% impermanent. It will all be gone at some point in time. If you're in the middle of downtown listening to this as you walk through the street,

everything that you see is impermanent. You, the sidewalk, the trees, the buildings, everything will be gone in a billion years. It's all impermanent. So we're clinging to something that is impermanent and that causes our suffering. So then you go, well, damn, what can I freaking cling to then? What can I concentrate on? There's only one thing that you can really concentrate on. And I don't know what your religious beliefs or lack of religious beliefs or whatever it is. And even I've fluctuated, you know, I've gone from Christian to whatever, to back to Christian, to almost atheist, to now very spiritual, but no religion attached to it in any sort of way. And the thing that I thought, even when I wasn't, I was never a hardcore, I was never actually an atheist. But the thing that kept me away from being that was that I always felt that there was some sort of soul inside of me, right? And with that soul being inside of me, it's like the phrase, we are not humans having a spiritual experience. We are a spirit that's having a

human experience. And so that makes you realize that maybe my physical form will disappear at some point in time, but will my will disappear at some point in time. But will my soul disappear at some point in time? I don't know. I'm not going to act like I'm smart enough to know these things. But I think it does. Maybe it goes on to other lifetimes. Maybe it goes on to heaven or hell.

And maybe it goes on to, you know, becoming a tree. I don't know what it does. But what I do know is that it seems like the most impermanent thing that I know of. The thing that is running my body is impermanent in my mind. And so what I can try to do instead of clinging to all of these things, clinging to other people, clinging to a relationship, clinging to brother, sister, mother, father, cars, clothes, phones, whatever, computers, all of these things that we lust over. The thing that I can focus on and put all of my focus on is my own growth, my own personal growth, my own spiritual growth. Those are the things that I can cling to because I know, well, I don't know. I feel like those are

the things that will last past my physical form. So if you find yourself in a state of suffering and not in a beautiful state, because you're in a beautiful state or you're in a state of suffering, if you find yourself not in a beautiful state and you feel like you're in a state of suffering, ask yourself this question, what am I clinging to? Okay. What am I clinging to? And it might take some time. Write it down with a pen and paper. Don't just think about it in your head. Write it down with a pen and paper. What am I clinging to? Am I clinging to a person? Am I clinging to a thing? Am I clinging to an idea? Am I clinging to what I used to have? Am I clinging to what I do have? Am I clinging to what I want have? Is my clinging to what I want? Because ultimately,

clinging is the state of your suffering. Now, you just have to figure out what you're clinging to. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. Once again, real quickly, if you want to get the Black Friday discount before today ends, I promise you if you try to go tomorrow, it will not be there. If you're listening to this on Monday, then you can join in Monday, December 2nd. You can join in before midnight. All you have to do is go to www.coachwithrob.com to get the Black Friday Cyber Monday discount. You will get 50% off the Ironman 60 Challenge. And at the same time, you will also get a free ticket to bring somebody else into the challenge with you. So once again, if you liked this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. And I'm going to leave you the same way

I leave you every single episode. You know how it goes. Say it with me, everybody. You ready? Here it goes. You all know how we end the episode. If you've ever heard any of these episodes before, make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you go out and you have an amazing day.