The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Suffering NOW!

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host Rob Down. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you don't follow me out on Instagram, go ahead and follow me on Instagram so I can flood your newsfeed with beautiful, motivational, inspirational stuff as well. I'm about to hit 300,000 people, which is crazy for me to think of, that follow me. And when we do hit 300,000, I'm going to be doing a massive giveaway. But today we're going to talk about how to stop suffering. One of the things that I've noticed as I've gone on this personal development journey that I'm on, as I've gone on the spiritual journey that I'm on of being a human and living life,

Starting point is 00:00:48 is I've learned that a lot of my life I was in a low-grade form of suffering. And I don't mean like I was just all out, full-on suffering. What I mean is it was just a low-grade form of suffering. And I've said this quote many times before in the podcast, but I'm going to say it again because it's absolutely true. And it is, the amount of suffering that you go through is in direct proportion to how much you're resisting the way that the world is. Let me say that again. The amount of suffering that you go through in a moment by moment basis is in direct proportion to how much you're resisting the way that the world is.

Starting point is 00:01:30 So if you're at a pretty high grade of suffering, the reason why is because you're at a pretty high grade of resisting the way that the world is. If you're really, really suffering and you're just, there's so much going on, you're thinking about life too much and you're just, oh, you're in it. Chances are, the reason why is because you are resisting so many things in your reality and you wish it was different. And that's just life. I'll give you an example. Somebody dies, right? Now, obviously you have to go through a grieving process and that is the pain that comes with it. There is pain in life and you've heard me say this before, but then there's suffering. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional, right? The pain that you feel when someone dies,

Starting point is 00:02:16 that's pain. The suffering is wishing that it were different. Wishing that you would have said, I love you one last time. Wishing that you would have called them more often. Wishing that you would have said, I love you one last time. Wishing that you would have called them more often. Wishing that you would have, you know, stopped working so much and you would have gone and seen them more often. But there's nothing you can do about it. The past is the past. It's gone. They're gone. There's nothing that you could do, right? Same thing with a breakup, right? You wish that it wasn't that way. You wish that you were still with them. You wish that you would have with them. You wish that you would have done more. You wish that you would have acted differently. You wish that you would have held

Starting point is 00:02:49 them a little bit tighter, right? You wish, you wish, you wish, but there's nothing you could do at this moment with that, right? Right now, it's just the way that it is. And the one thing that, you know, obviously there's definitely big things that happen in life, but the majority of our suffering comes from resisting stuff that isn't that big. Not just the breakups, not just somebody dying, but the little things. I wish I would have said that to that person. I wish that I wasn't in this current situation. I wish that I had more money. I wish that whatever it is that you're wishing. And one thing that I noticed a lot of people is that we spend too much time focusing on the things that don't even really matter that much. Now, I'm not talking about the breakups. I'm not talking

Starting point is 00:03:28 about someone dying. I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about the other things. We spend too much time focusing on things that we shouldn't be focusing on. In one of my favorite phrases and one of the favorite ways that I live my life is the five minute rule, right? When I used to sell Cutco, we used to sell knives back in the day. We'd have people return orders. We'd have people not show up. We'd have people hang up on us. Like it was, there was some, you know, some hard times. And we always used to live by the five minute rule. And the five minute rule was if you won't remember it in five years, don't spend more than five minutes thinking about it.

Starting point is 00:04:10 So when something bad happens, when something happens to you, you wish it wasn't the way, if you're a salesperson, someone returns their order, you have five minutes to be pissed off. You have five minutes to yell, to scream, to do whatever it is that you want to do. But after five minutes, get over it. You got to get past it. Life goes on, right? So the five minute rule is if you won't remember it in five years, don't spend more than five minutes focusing on that thing. So have you resisted your reality in some form of way? Are you resisting something right now that's causing your suffering? A great question to ask yourself is you feel like maybe you're listening to me and you're like, ah, that's, this does hit home. I am resisting in some way. I want you to ask yourself this question. What am I resisting? And see what comes up with it.

Starting point is 00:04:58 If you need to pause me, pause me. I'll be here for actually forever until you decide to push play again. Write it down. What am I resisting? People say, oh yeah, but you know, but, but I don't know. I don't, it's funny. I hear so many people say this. It's just so interesting. If I wasn't resisting something, I feel like I'd be happy. I'd have joy. And if I were happy with where I am, would I have drive to go get more? Right? Have you ever felt that way? If I was happy with where I currently am, then where am I going to get my drive from? I have to hate my current reality to go and create another beautiful reality, don't I? No, because I'm telling you this, if you get used to hating your current reality, then when you create the life that you quote unquote want or think that you want,

Starting point is 00:05:43 guess what you're going to do? You're going to still hate it because you have created a life where you hate whatever is in your reality. Oh, if I have, if I am happy with where I am, if I'm okay with where I am, how am I going to build my business? If I'm okay with where I am, how am I going to make more money? How am I going to get the car and the house and everything that I want? If I'm okay with where I am, I can't be okay with where I am because then I'm not going to have any drive or motivation to go get more. Of course you will. It's about being at peace with where you are while still going for more. It's about being at peace in loving where you are and having joy for where you are, but still knowing that there's more potential to bring out of you.

Starting point is 00:06:26 Are you at peace with everything in your life? Are you at peace with your past? Are you at peace with your past choices? Are you at peace with where you currently are? It's okay to go, you know what? Whatever happened, happened. I'm in a spot that might not be the spot I want to live for the rest of my life, but I can still be grateful and have gratitude and joy for where I am. Something called positive dissatisfaction. I'm positive. I'm bringing the positivity to my current circumstances, but I'm dissatisfied in the fact that I know that there is so much more that's coming down the line for me, so much more that I can do. And realizing with your positive dissatisfaction that there's something that

Starting point is 00:07:05 you can control in life and there's many things that you cannot control. Hey everybody, these days it can be hard to sit down and find some time to learn. And with the likes of social media, it can be so addictive and so time consuming. You may think that you don't have enough time to develop yourself, but there's an app that I highly recommend. It's called Blinkist. Blinkist is for anyone who cares about learning, but doesn't have a whole lot of time. And it takes the key ideas and insights from over 4,000 nonfiction bestsellers and takes them in a 15-minute text and audio explainers that help you understand more about the core ideas. And there's already 15 million people that are using Blinkist to broaden their knowledge in 27 nonfiction categories, including self

Starting point is 00:07:43 improvement, personal growth, management, leadership, mindfulness, happiness, and so much more. And you guys have heard me say it. I love it because it's short and it's to the point, and I have a lot of stuff going on. I'd like to just go ahead and get it over with, get through these books, and take their key takeaways away. And right now, Blinkist has a special offer for my audience. If you go to Blinkist.com slash mindset, you can start your seven-day free trial and get 25% off a Blinkist premium membership. That's Blinkist spelled B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T Blinkist.com slash mindset for 25% off and the seven day free trial. The older I get, the more I realize how little I control. I control almost nothing in my life,

Starting point is 00:08:27 right? Some of you guys can't even control. I always say, some of you guys can't even control. Most of us, if I'm being honest with you, if we're all being honest, you know, I'm going to be honest. Most of us can't even control our bowels really well after Taco Tuesday, right? What do you actually control in this world? Think about it. It's very, very small amount. You know, I remember my first time doing psychedelics. I did something called ayahuasca, which is a tea that's brewed and it is a very, very intense psychedelic. And I realized in that moment that I had a control problem, massive control problem. And I also realized where it came from. And it was,

Starting point is 00:09:06 it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a control problem because I grew up with an alcoholic father, right? And if I were to put a label over my entire childhood, it was, there was uncertainty. It was a lot of uncertainty. I was, you know, I knew he was supposed to pick me up at certain times and I was uncertain if he would pick me up. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't, you know, I was uncertain if he would be able to make Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't. I was uncertain if he would be able to make it out and stop being an alcoholic. I was uncertain if he would live. Once he died, I was uncertain of what I would do after that. And so once he died and he passed away and I became an adult and I went into my life and I decided that I was going to start

Starting point is 00:09:41 working on myself, one thing that I unconsciously did was I wanted to create certainty because there was so little certainty in my childhood, which is okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Some of you guys had a lot of uncertainty as well. That's just the cards that I was dealt. That's just the cards that you were dealt. And I wanted to create certainty, lots of certainty. But I learned that if I was trying to control everything through certainty, wanting to create certainty if I was trying to control everything through certainty, wanting to create certainty, I was going to ruin a lot of relationships. I was going to ruin a lot of my days. I was going to mess up a lot of things because the one thing that I do know is I can

Starting point is 00:10:17 control very little in this world. And I was able to see how if I didn't let go of the need for certainty at all times, that I was going to ruin a lot of relationships, that I was going to ruin my business, that I was going to ruin a lot of things. And from that moment on, I've been slowly trying to unravel the feeling of having to control everything. I learned to let go a lot more. I learned to go with the flow. I learned to trust people a whole lot more. You know, my business where I am right now would not be, I'm a hundred percent positive, would not be where it is. Had I not done those psychedelics, woken up to the fact that I was such a control freak. And if I was able to go, if I was going to be able to grow my business, I had to bring on people that I could trust and be okay with them taking the reins in certain aspects of my business.

Starting point is 00:11:08 That's why it has grown to the same amount. That's why it has grown to the amount that it's at, way more than it would have done had I not done those, I believe. Because I realized I had a control problem. And that control problem is also creating the suffering, right? You got to think about that. It's like I was squeezing things in my life too tight. I was squeezing my business too tight. I was squeezing

Starting point is 00:11:30 some of my relationships too tight. I was squeezing all these things too tight. When you squeeze too tight, what's going to happen? Eventually something's going to break. Either the thing that I'm squeezing is going to break or my fingers are going to break from squeezing so hard. is going to break or my fingers are going to break from squeezing so hard. So you have to think about that. Where am I being pulled out of a beautiful state and into a state of suffering because I'm squeezing too tight? Next time you find yourself in a state that is not a beautiful state, when I say beautiful state, I mean a feeling of love and feeling of peace and feeling of happiness and joy and equanimity. When you find yourself in a feeling that is not a beautiful feeling, ask yourself this question. What in my current reality am I resisting? What is it? I guarantee that if you're not in a beautiful state,

Starting point is 00:12:22 there's something that you're resisting in your life. So you wish that you had more. You wish that you did more. You wish that you weren't in the current circumstances. You wish you had more money. You wish you wouldn't have said that to her. You wish that she wouldn't have broken up with you. You wish that he wouldn't have broken up with you. You wish that that person wouldn't have died. You wish that this wouldn't have happened, right? What in your current reality are you resisting that is causing your state of suffering? What about this question? What am I not accepting? What am I not accepting in my current reality? That'll cause suffering. What do I wish was different? What do you wish was different in your reality? And you have to realize, and I get it, what I'm saying is very simple, but it's

Starting point is 00:13:05 very, very hard to do. It is because you're going to find yourself back in the swing of things, back doing the things that you have been doing in the past. And you're going to realize that you're resisting. You're going to realize that you're not accepting. You're going to realize that you wish that things were different. And any of those feelings are going to put you into a state of suffering. And once again, it might not be hardcore suffering like you think of the word suffering, but what I mean by suffering is any state that is not a beautiful state. And sometimes what you have to do is you have to look at your life. You have to take yourself out of your own head and see what's going on. When you're

Starting point is 00:13:42 in the jar, you can't read the label. So when you're in the jar of your life, you can't read what's going on. You've got to take yourself out of the jar of your life. You've got to look back at yourself as if you're somebody else and say, what is this person doing? I'm not saying you got to be schizophrenic, but what I'm saying is you got to look at yourself from a different perspective, from a different point of view. And you've got to say, what is it that I'm resisting? What is it that I'm not accepting? What is it that I wish was different? What past do I wish I could change? What in my current reality do I wish I could change? What in my current reality am I not accepting? Because all of those feelings, all of those thoughts are going to put yourself into a state of suffering. And there's too many people suffering right now. There's a lot that's happened in the world recently. I get it. We've all gone through a lot in the past, what, 15, 16 months. It's been

Starting point is 00:14:30 crazy, but it's not going to change just by us resisting it, right? Some people want life to go back to the same way that it used to be. It might not ever. It might be something we got to change. It might go back. But at this moment, I don't know the answer and I don't know if it will. So why would I ruin this present moment by wishing that things were different? Because all life really is, is just a collection of present moments. And if I am taking myself and ruining this present moment that I'm in because I'm wishing that things were different, I'm wishing that I was in a different circumstance, I'm wishing that my reality wasn't what it currently is,

Starting point is 00:15:09 then I am not going to feel good in this present moment. Our life is just a collection of present moments. The problem is, are you wasting your present moment by wanting things to be differently, by making yourself wish that things were not what they currently are, right? The amount of suffering that you go through on a moment-to-moment basis will be in direct proportion to the amount that you're resisting the way that the world is. What are you resisting? What are you not accepting? What do you wish was different? Figure that out and you'll find the root of your suffering. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that

Starting point is 00:15:50 you know, someone that you love, and please tag me on your Instagram stories when you share it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. We have so many people that share it and I greatly appreciate from the bottom of my heart for all of you guys that share. You're the reason why this grows as much as it does. You're the reason why the podcast grows, why my Instagram grows, why all of those things grow. And you're a integral part in how much I am doing and how much in my mission I'm trying to change the world. You're helping more than you could possibly know. So if you love my messages, please share it. I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make someone else's day better. greatly appreciate it. And I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes someone else's day better.

Starting point is 00:16:26 I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - How to Stop Suffering NOW!

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