The Mindset Mentor - How to Turn Any Negative into a Positive

Episode Date: February 18, 2021

Negative things will happen in life, but is it possible to turn every negative into a positive? We're going to cover that in today's episode! If you want to see if Dean and I can help you in your mindset or business go to http://bookwithdean.com/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you want to follow along through video with our podcast and all the inspirational content that I put up on YouTube, go to YouTube, type my name in Rob Dial, and you'll find me somewhere on there. Today, we're going to be talking about how to find the positive purpose in everything that you do. And because it is Thursday today, I am joined by my best friend and business partner of 15 years, Dean DeVries. Welcome to the show, my friend. Happy Thursday, brother. Great to be here.

Happy Thursday. Today, we're going to be talking about finding the positive in everything. So Dean, start us off. Talk to us about that. Yeah, well first of all, I think it's really important to just set the frame of, you know, the positive purpose isn't about just looking at all the positive things and ignoring the shit that happens, right? Because shit happens. Shit will happen. And to ignore that is actually the worst thing to do, but instead to frame it and to experience it as there's a positive purpose in the shit that happens. And it just goes under that, that idea of, you know, life doesn't happen to you. The things

that you experience aren't, aren't things that are happening to you. They're happening for you and through you. Yeah. I think one of the things that, you know, with the profession that I'm in, that I always hear from people is like, Oh yeah, well, if you just always look at the positive and don't look at the negative, then you're just, you're just in denial. And the whole idea is no, that's not what I'm fucking talking about. What I'm saying is everything that's happening to you will be positive or negative based off of the label that you give it. But if you look at something that could seem negative or bad and you look at it and say, okay, what can I learn from this? How can I improve from it? How can I take this bad or negative thing in which might be bad or negative in the short term and turn it into something that actually helps me grow and become better in the longterm. That's me taking a negative and turning it into a positive, which is going back to what you're saying.

You either have the viewpoint of everything is happening to me, which is a victim mindset, or everything is happening for me, which is more of a champion's mindset, which is kind of the outlook of no matter what happens to me, no matter what life throws at me, I'm going to figure out a way to take it, roll with the punches. It makes something amazing out of it. Yeah. It's like the idea of like, Hey, shit's hitting the fan right now,

man, for some reason, this is what I'm supposed to go through. So what am, what am I supposed to learn from this? You know, what is the universe or my business or whatever? What, what is my relationship? Right. What is the, What is this trying to teach me? And, you know, that's the idea of the positive purpose is that everything has a positive purpose, including the things that we don't think are positive. For sure. And, you know, we can't control those things.

We can't control, you know, the shit that happens oftentimes, but we can control how we show up. We can control how we respond to it We can control how we respond to it and the energy that we bring to it. For sure. Like I can, I can give you a perfect example of, of how this immediately relates in my life. So I remember when my grandparents passed away, my grandparents were together for 71 years and they passed away within 17 days of each other. Right. So my grandfather passed away, then my grandmother passed away. And I remember thinking to myself, this is some, this is something that I can grow from, something I can learn from. Now, if you look at it and you

say, yeah, they both passed away, is that what I wanted to happen? No, of course. Can that be seen as negative? Yes. But I also remember that I took my journal the day that my grandfather died. I took my journal the day that my grandmother died. And I wrote down and said, you know, what is, what did I love most about them? What did I, what are the characteristics that I'm going to miss? And how can I try to bring that into myself every single day? So part of my meditation routine is actually think about the people who I've loved that have passed away and how can I have them live on through me? So that's a negative, someone that I love passing away, turning into a positive of how can I take the beautiful traits about them and put them into myself?

Yeah, totally. And also, like, you know, I can just reflect on experiences I've had in relationships, you know, where just maybe things didn't work out, but I really wanted it to work out. And it was, you know, challenging to go through that. But there's a positive purpose in there. Right. it was challenging to go through that, but there's a positive purpose in there. The positive purpose is, first of all, learning how to trust that, hey, if somebody's not right for you, then they will see themselves out of your life.

But also there's a reflection of where we can take responsibility of like, hey, how could I have contributed more to that relationship? How could I have shown up better? What could I have done to better? Um, you know, what could I have done to really support, you know, the thing that I actually wanted. And then maybe it didn't work out that time because that was what you were supposed to learn in order to be ready for what was next. Yeah. And you have to realize, I mean, I'm sure everybody who's been in a relationship that's listening to us can think of past relationships that didn't

work out and you can blame the other person, but there's also times you're like, yeah, I didn't really show up a hundred percent in this way and in this way. And when you, you have number one, you can't come to that awareness unless the relationship ends and you can start reflecting on it. Now you can look at it and say, okay, in this next relationship that I go into, I'm going to bring in this, this, and this, because that's not what I brought it in the last one, which then makes you better in the next relationship. And hopefully it'll work out better because of that. And now you can focus on how you can be better in the relationship, having gone through what was quote unquote negative or something that was bad that you didn't want to happen, which was a breakup. Yeah. And the reason why, you know, shit hitting the fan, so to speak, has a positive purpose is because it's meant to show you where you need to grow next.

And when you do grow and when you do take that feedback, that's positive. There's nothing negative that comes from that. The worst thing to do, like I said, is burying your head in the sand and just ignoring it, you know, and not actually, you know, reflecting on it. Like, how could I have done better? How could I have served this experience better, shown up better to this experience? That's the worst thing that can happen. And that's always just going to continue breeding more shit, you know? But when you finally just say, hey, this shit happened, obviously the universe or something's trying to tell me something. So what can I learn from it? And that growth will breed more positive things.

For sure. Another example for going into business or talking about businesses, let's say you have an employee that quits, right? And you didn't really need them to quit. It wasn't the right time for them to quit. You know, you can look at it and go, ah, man, how did I not serve them at the highest level as them being an employee? And maybe I can figure out how the next person I bring on, if it's somebody that you really wanted and they left or somebody that really was a great, like a rock star on your team and they left, you don't want them to leave, but you want them to be there forever. But if they do leave, you go, well, how could I have served them at a higher level? What did I do wrong in this relationship that could have made them stay? Maybe them leaving also long-term

will be a positive thing because maybe you get someone to replace them that is better. And so all of these things can seem negative in the moment. And negative in the bad things that happen is more of like, I didn't want this to happen.

That's basically what negative and bad means for us, right, in that moment. But you can look at it and go, how can I improve? And how can I bring in someone better and turn this into something that could long term be positive? Yeah. Yeah, that one hits home for me because I've definitely, you know, I've been in that situation where I lost an employee and I'm like, this is the worst time to lose you. Like, please don't go.

But, you know, I also, you know, just, I remember coming to the awareness of like, people don't quit their jobs. People quit their bosses, you know? And I was like, man, that hurts. It hurts my ego. Yeah. But it's also the positive purpose in that I need to learn that, you know, and I need to really reflect on that experience, really reflect on that relationship and how I can support their growth and get, you know, meet their needs so that my needs and my company's needs are also being met, you know, and just like, you know, there's many examples of how this shows up in business. Like, you know, did you miss out on an opportunity? Did you lose a deal? Right. Did you not make that sale

or, you know, build that, you know, get, get into, you know, partnership with, uh, you know, with a client or, you know, or somebody in your business. And, you know, there's so much we can learn from that as well. You know, it's sometimes it's maybe I didn't show enough confidence when explaining my value proposition. Maybe I didn't really understand what their challenges were and how my value proposition is actually going to help them get better and help them achieve their goals as a, as a company or as a consumer. For sure. Yeah. And you know, with our salespeople, I I'll talk about now, but I'll talk about first, I'll talk about where you, the way I used to be, right. When somebody would mess up

in my company years ago, that was a salesperson because I hold myself to a really high standard in sales and I feel like I'm a great salesperson, I would get mad at them for fucking it up. Because I'm like, we've done this before. How can you mess this up? We've talked about this before. We've listened to your appointment before. We've recorded it.

How are you still screwing this up? Whatever it is. And I could get mad at them for having the no sale or mad at them for however they were inside of the appointment that they had. Now, the way that it is, do I want our employees to fuck up? No, because that's a no sale, right? So I don't prefer that. And that's a, that's a good amount of money that they lose out on. And it's a good amount of money that we lose out on as well. So it does reflect in our company's bank account, which is not a positive. But then the

thing that I always say to them, if we have a phone call and they're like, oh, I should have done this. And I can't believe I missed that. And I wasn't paying attention. It was out of my awareness as I go, that's a good thing. And then I was like, oh no, it's not really. And I'm like, it's good because you won't fuck it up again. Sometimes you have to have that no sale that shines a light on it going, oh my God, I can't believe I missed that. Because if it's painful enough, you won't do it again. You don't need to put your hand on a hot stove a second time to know that the stove is hot. So it's the same thing if you have salespeople or if you are a salesperson, be very aware of how you mess that up so that you never have to mess it up again. where to get an amazing logo made? Well, BrandCrowd is an awesome logo maker tool that can help you make an amazing logo design online. Using high quality handcrafted designs, BrandCrowd takes

your business name, industry, and generates thousands of custom logos for you in just seconds. Once BrandCrowd generates a logo that you like, you can edit the fonts, the colors, and the layout until it's absolutely perfect. And then download all of the files that you need to start your business but that's only just the start brain crowd is more than just a logo maker brain crowd is a tool where you can actually create market and manage your business's branding after finding your logo you can access a whole suite of design tools creative social media posts and also business card designs and other print materials using hundreds of layouts and templates in their massive photo library. So check out brandcrowd.com

slash dial. That's B-R-A-N-D-C-R-O-W-D.com slash D-I-A-L to learn more, to play with the tools, and to also get 60% off of BrandCrowd's premium logo pack. That's brandcrowd.com slash dial. Braincloud's premium logo pack. That's braincrowd.com slash dial. Hey, if you're a business owner, I don't need to tell you that running a business can be hard, but you might be making it harder on yourself than it's actually necessary. So don't let QuickBooks and spreadsheets slow you down anymore. It's time for you to upgrade to NetSuite. Stop paying for multiple systems that don't give you all of the information that you need when you need it. You can ditch the spreadsheets and all of the old software that you've outgrown. Now is We'll see you next time. all in one place instantaneously. So whether you're doing a million or hundreds of millions in revenue, save time and money with NetSuite and join over 24,000 companies using NetSuite right now. Let NetSuite show you how they'll benefit your business with a free product tour

at netsuite.com slash dial. Schedule your free product tour right now at netsuite.com slash dial. netsuite.com slash dial. That's netsuite.com slash D-I-A-L. Yeah. Yeah. And I think what you just said is super important. Like, you know, the hand on the hot stove, feeling the pain of losing out on that deal, right? Sometimes, I mean, it's very easy to not feel the pain and just, you know, point the finger at the client or point the finger at somebody else or point the finger at the leads or point the finger at somebody else or point the finger at the leads or point the finger at the system or point the finger at the script. There's so many ways that we can put the blame,

but we're also giving our power and our opportunity for growth away when we point the finger at somebody else because now we're saying, hey, it's not up to me, it's up to them. And if we're in that perspective, it's like the to me. It's up to them. And when, if we're in that perspective, it's like the victim mindset of, I don't control my destiny. Right. My leads control my destiny. Like that's not an empowering place to be. And so when we can feel that pain of, Hey,

I couldn't get this client to pull the trigger or I, you know, didn't share the, I didn't, I didn't connect their challenge or their pain or their, you know, opportunity with, you know, what I have to offer enough. And instead of ignoring it, you know, the best thing to do is use that as a mirror, right? Allow that to be the reflection that you need to just look in the mirror and say, wow, that's my opportunity to get better. And once you do what's possible from there.

For sure. Yeah. So first off, let's talk about how everybody views the world. So the first thing for people to find out is, do you think that you're the type of person where the world is happening to you? So just, just think about that. Do you feel like stuff just happens to you and you're just waking up and putting out fires and you're just dodging circumstances? Or is the world happening for you? Which it's always going to be. This is how I am. This is how it's always, this is how everybody else is around me. That's fixed. That is a victim mindset. That is, I do not control my own destiny as you're talking about just a minute ago. Then there is a

world is happening to me. The world is happening for me, which is basically like, I don't give a damn what happens. I'm still going to win. So everyone that's out there listening, how do you typically live your life? And it, you know, first off, how do you typically live your life? And it, you know, first off, how do you typically live your life? And number two, how do you want to live your life from now on? Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, this idea of, of life is happening for me, you know, even if, I mean, I think some people probably care about the things that happen around them, but it's to really like have that unconditional acceptance of like, hey, what's going to happen is going

to happen. Yeah. Can't control it. It's just going to happen either way. But it's there's the positive purpose is the thing that keeps your energy up. So if the perspective is life is happening for me, not to me. Right. That's the perspective shift.

So that's the awareness. The second thing is you've got to show up to that with some sort of action that's going to be in alignment with your growth. In other words, don't put your head in the sand. Allow that awareness to spring in some sort of decision, right? Some sort of, you know, maybe it's the pain of not closing that deal. Maybe it's, you didn't think it was the biggest, you know, maybe it's the pain of not, you know, not closing that

deal. Maybe it's, you didn't think it was the biggest, you know, it was the biggest deal you've ever, you know, you could have ever closed and you, you know, weren't confident enough. Well, Hey, that's just a reflection because your business and the universe is trying to push you in the direction of your highest potential all the time, right? It's happening for you because it's showing you like, Hey, I've got all the, you know, the universe is basically saying, Hey, you know, this is what you need to work on. And when you do work on this, you can have it all, but you just got to listen to what I'm telling you. Right. And sometimes we're stubborn where we don't want to see it because of our ego. Right. We don't want to feel that pain, but it's necessary for our growth. Yeah. So the shit's going to happen. That's the way it's going to be. But if we go into it, knowing that shit is going to happen, at least when it does happen, we could go, all right, it's here. Now, what am I going to learn from it? How can I go? You know what? This is, this is something that I need to learn and grow from. And more than anything else, it's about not allowing the shit to slow you down. It's about going, okay, it did

happen, but it's not going to hold me back from creating the life that I want to. And when the shit does happen, you need to bring as much energy to the situation as possible. So if, you know, something bad does happen, what typically happens is somebody's energy will drop. They won't feel good. They'll attach a negative emotion or connotation to it, which will then change, you know, your, your thoughts are going to change your feelings. There's a, there's things called neuropeptides that your thoughts will send chemical messengers from your brain to your body called neuropeptides to change your state. So if you're going through shit and you're seeing it as something that is shitty and bad and negative,

you're going to change the state of your body and the chemicals that are flowing in your body, which means your energy is going to drop. So what is the best thing to do is to go, okay, it happened. I need to work harder. I need to work past this. I need to go to the freaking gym because I'm so pissed off and I need to go ahead and lift as many weights as I possibly can and putting your body and yourself and your energy into action versus having it create inaction for you. Well, you know me, you know how I love to just like bring in the spiritual aspects of everything. I'm like over the top spiritual, which is just the right amount of spiritual. But, you know, I think, yeah, just, you know, whenever we experience those things to just have, you know,

I think what many of the greatest teachers that have ever walked this planet try to teach us is that is to really have unconditional love. Right. And we think when we think about unconditional love we think about like oh yeah you know my parents my mom my dad has unconditional love for me and i have unconditional love for my kids but really like how can you have unconditional love which is also another way of saying unconditional acceptance right unconditional love for every situation like imagine if like hey your employee quit how can you just love that for giving you the feedback that you need so that you can grow? Yeah. Right.

And really just finding like, you know, I think, you know, with the Ironman 30 that we just completed, finding the unconditional love for the cold shower. Yeah. Right. If you can find the warmth in the cold shower, if you can learn to love the cold shower, you're practicing the muscle of just being in full acceptance and saying, hey's just something that happens and i've got to like appreciate it you know and really honor it and respect it but also understand that i can't change it yeah there's no if i'm spending energy to change it i'm fighting an uphill battle and so the only thing that we really truly can control is the fact that we can just control how we show up to it, what we decide to do, what action we take whenever we're met with

that circumstance. I love that you brought in the cold showers because I always talk about how cold showers are such a teacher where it's, you know, I love doing the Ironman 30 because, you know, for those that aren't aware, it's 30 days of cold showers as well as other things as well. But I don't prep anybody on how to take cold showers the first couple of days and I just allow them to do it. And then I teach. And the reason why is because most people jump into the cold showers and they just resist and they fight and they scream and they cuss and they're just like, I can't do this. I'm pissed off all every, it'll bring out everything inside of you that you've been holding onto. Right. And then a few days in, I talk about the way to actually have a, take a cold shower is not to fight it. It's to allow it. And once you stop fighting it, you're like, Oh, I can find warmth in the cold,

which sounds really odd, but it's, it's like anything else in life. You can't change your circumstances in this moment. A lot of times you can eventually start to change them. What it comes down to is can I fully accept this? Right? So fully accepting in what you're talking about, the unconditional love to it is, okay, I'm in this situation. This employee did quit. I can sit here and I can be really pissed off about how they quit, but that's not going to help them come back, right? That's not going to change my current circumstances. I always say that your amount of sadness and fear and anger and worry and anxiety and frustration is always going to be in direct proportion to how much you resist in the way that the world is. And one thing that sounds really odd,

but is the truth, is when I was on the plane flight, if people listened a couple months ago, on my plane flight where literally the engine caught on fire and we had to do an emergency landing. I actually believe that the cold showers helped me stay calm in an emergency landing because shit was going crazy. People are crying, they're screaming in the back. And I actually had this like place of calm because I've, I've trained myself in the craziness to try to find that place of calm. I didn't think that it would happen from a plane having an emergency landing. That wasn't necessarily what I wanted. But can I change the plane? I don't know how to fly a fucking plane. So I can't, the same way that I can't change the cold water.

So it's just like, can I just fully allow and accept? Yeah, but I'd like to pose this question. If you're listening to this right now, what in your business feels like a cold shower? Like, what are you resisting? What is the thing that's, you know, that is, is you feel like is happening to you and how can you shift that perspective and know that it's happening for you and really appreciate your business for showing you what you need. Like your business is doing you a solid because it's like, Hey,

here it is. That's what you got to work on next. And on the other side of that is even more abundance. For sure. So it comes down to figuring out what is positive in every single thing that happens. It's not about trying to change your current circumstances. What it comes down to is your current circumstances. You can change later on down the road, but right in this very moment,

you might not be able to change. But can you sit back and go, okay, first off, I do fully accept what happened. It is the way that it is. What can I do to make sure that a positive comes from this in the long run? Because ultimately the world's always happening for you. That's my belief. And I have a lot of examples of the way that it's happened for me. And if we go back and look through everybody's life, we could probably find how the hardest times in their lives actually built them into a tougher person and built them into who they are.

Do you want to go through them when they're going, when shit is finished? You don't want to be there. But in that moment, can you go, okay, I've been through this before. I've been through some tough times before and it's always built me into a better person. And if it's building me into a better person,

then it's happening for me. So ultimately it's a gift. So that's what we got's happening for me. So ultimately, it's a gift. So that's what we got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, all you have to do, share it with someone that you know and love, tag us on your Instagram. And at the same time,

if you want to figure out how you can work with Dean and I, we have a bunch of different ways that we might be able to work with you. You can actually apply to see how we can help you with your business or help you with your mindset. Just go to bookwithdean.com right now. You can go ahead and fill out a survey.

If there is any way that we can serve you at a high level, we will let you know. If not, we will also let you know as well. But I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.