The Mindset Mentor - How to Work Through Anxiety

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

If you ever feel stressed or anxious, this episode will give you a process so that you can remove yourself from that state. Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you live in the United States or Canada and you want to receive motivational text messages from me, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're going to talk about a strategy to get you out of anxious thinking when you find yourself feeling anxious. And this is a strategy that I've used with many of my

clients. This is a strategy that I also use with myself. I don't want you to think that like, oh, Rob has it all figured out. He's perfect. He doesn't get anxious. Oh, he doesn't have negative thoughts. Any of those things. No, still feeling probably as much as an average person does. The difference is I have just developed strategies

over the years and with myself, but also with clients to help me get myself out of it as quickly as possible. Don't ever expect to get to a point where I'm perfect at all. I don't think that's anything we'll ever get to. But we all just kind of have new tools for our tool belt as we get better. And the time that we might find ourselves in anxiety becomes shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter because of how we learn to work with us.

So I'm actually going to tell you a story about myself. The other day, I woke up. It was about four o'clock in the morning, and I could not fall back asleep. And I am the type of person who I have no trouble sleeping. I'm one of the best sleepers ever. I have a whoop that I wear sometimes on my wrist. And the latency of how long from when I lay in bed to when I fall asleep is on average about one to three minutes. And so it's quick. I'm out. And so if I'm up for a while, there's something that's happening, right? And I could not fall back asleep. I just had this thought, and then it was followed by another, and then it was followed by another, and then it was followed

by another. And then I was thinking about this thing and trying to work through this thing and thinking about this thing and trying to work through this thing. And before I knew it, I was in bed in the middle of the night, three o'clock in the morning for like 45 minutes, and I could not fall back asleep. So what did I do? So what I did, I got up, I went into the living room, I got my journal, and I started working through it. And I've worked with a lot of people that have had anxious thoughts or anxiety come up and use this strategy with them, and it works pretty much every single time. But the first thing you have to realize is this, is maybe the most important part of all of this is the awareness. The awareness of,

okay, you know what? I'm aware that I'm feeling anxious right now. Not like, what's going on? Oh my God, I don't know what's going on. And so the awareness, when we become aware of something, if we're not careful, we start to think that there's something wrong with us. There's a reason why ignorance is bliss. It's because when your aware of something, if we're not careful, we start to think that there's something wrong with us. There's a reason why ignorance is bliss. It's because when your ignorance is something, you don't have to think about it anymore. So one of the things I know, some people start to get into self-development. They start to realize things that are quote unquote wrong with them that they didn't notice before. That's because of the fact that they're now becoming aware of things they need to improve

upon. And so the first thing with anxiety or anxious thoughts or negative thinking or any of that stuff is the awareness. I was aware that I was starting to feel anxious about all of these thoughts that I was having. And the thing that's important to realize about the anxiety that you have is anxiety comes from your thoughts. It's not a chemical imbalance. It's not something that you're stuck with. It's not something that you're born with. It's not something that built into your genes. It's something that you can work yourself out of. So that's the first off, one of the most important things to realize is if you find yourself in a moment feeling anxious, it is something that you can work yourself out of. It is not like you're

going to be stuck there forever. So that's cool because it shows you, hey, I can make this go away. I can work through this entire thing. So I've worked with many people who have had anxiety, crazy anxiety. I've had people that I've worked with that have had crippling anxiety to the point where they literally can't even leave the house. And I'm going to help you work through some of the things the way that I help them work through things as well. What I want you to realize is this. You've heard me say this before on the podcast. When you're in your head, it's hard to deal with anything. When thoughts are in your head, they are hard to deal with. They're hard to grab onto. It's like trying to grab water. It's impossible. So trying to grab a thought Like it's like, it's impossible.

So like trying to grab a thought and then, oh, what am I thinking here? What am I feeling here? And not working it out with pen and paper is really, really hard. Thoughts can't stay in your head. Thoughts are too abstract. What you really need to do

is you need to get them on pen and paper. I always say, it's like, if I gave you a complex math problem, it's way easier to do it with pen and paper than it is to do in your head. Well, if you've got complex thoughts and feelings, and the thing about your life is you've got certain people here that are doing this. You've got things you've got to do, and you've got feelings around this person. You've got a deadline coming up. There's so many things that are intertwined. It's so complex that if you don't

put it on paper, it's like trying to grab water. It's so complex that if you don't put it on paper, it's like trying to grab water. It's like trying to punch somebody in the dark. Like it's way harder to punch somebody in the dark because you just can't see them. So what you need to do, you need to actually see your thoughts. And so I sat down with my journal and I started asking myself some questions. And so you can write these questions down. If you feel anxious, if you felt anxious today, start asking yourself these questions. And I said, what am I feeling anxious about? Wrote the question down and started to write through all of those things. And I said, what's the worst that could happen? And I started writing down all of the worst things that could

happen. And I was like, what's the best that could happen? I started writing down all the best things that could happen. And I said, what's the next best step to make myself feel better? And so we're going to go through these four questions and talk about how to work for them and why they're so important for you as you're working for them as well. Okay. So the first question, what am I feeling anxious about? I'm trying to turn the lights on, right? Like I said, it's like trying to punch somebody in the dark. Okay. Well, if I can identify that thing that I'm anxious about, I've turned the lights on. I can now see the thing that I'm fighting. I can see the person that I'm anxious about, I've turned the lights on. I can now see the thing

that I'm fighting. I can see the person that I'm fighting, which makes the fight so much easier than just swinging in the dark. Because when it's in your head, you're just swinging in the dark. We have now identified the thing that is making us anxious. And once we have identified the thing that is making us anxious, it is so much easier to work around it. Here's the good thing about it, is when you identify what's making you anxious, usually you already start to feel relieved because it's like, oh, okay, I at least know what it is. I'm not fighting this invisible person anymore. I can see them. I can work through this. And so usually that alone just starts with a ton of relief. You just feel better that you

have now identified the thing that you feel is holding you back. Lots of times, people don't even know what's making them anxious. So by writing it down and actually going, oh, this is the thing that I'm actually feeling. Because a lot of times what you think that's making you anxious, sometimes it's actually something different around it. So it might be anxious that you're like, oh my gosh, I've got a plan for this party. And I've got all these things I got to do around the party. But in reality, it might be the fact that what you're really anxious about is that your Aunt Susan's going to be there and she kind of sucks and she always says crappy stuff. And that might actually be a thing. So you think that you're anxious about this party that you're setting up, but you're actually anxious because you know Susan's going to be there and she's going to be talking mad shit like she always is. And that's the thing that you're anxious about this party that you're setting up, but you're actually anxious because you know Susan's going to be there and she's going to be talking mad shit like she always

is. And that's the thing that you're stressed out about. So then now seeing that goes, okay, well, it's not the party that I'm stressed out about. It's her. So now let me make a strategy and see what we can do to work around it. So when you identify what that thing is, we have now flipped the lights on and now we can fight an enemy that we can see. Cool? So first thing is, what am I feeling anxious about? Next question, what's the worst that could happen? A lot of times, we make things to be way worse in our heads, like way, way worse in our heads than it actually is. I don't know about you, but every time I think something's going to happen, it's literally way worse. I don't know if anything's ever been as bad as I actually

thought it was going to be. And what happens is 99.9% of the time, it never gets as bad as our brain makes it out to be. Our brain is just caring about our safety. So it's trying to make us avoid everything that it can. And you've heard me say this before on the podcast, if you've been listening long enough, but psychologists have found that 85% of what you worry about never even actually happens. 85% of the things that you waste your time worrying about never even actually happen. And 99.9% of the time, it's not as bad as you think it's going to be. And so when you sit down and you actually write out what's the worst that could happen, you realize that what you're stressing out about is not even anywhere near as bad. And so it's like, okay, what's the worst that could happen?

Well, I've identified that Susan is the thing that's pissing me off. Aunt Susan's the thing that I'm worried about. What's the worst that could happen? Oh, she could come up, she could say this thing, she could say this thing. In reality, it's really not that big of a deal because she's just going to say words and probably get drunk and make herself an embarrassment at the party. I don't know. I don't know what your Aunt Susan is like, but that's probably a pretty good guess of what she's like, right? So what's the worst that could happen? Do you identify it and go, oh, well, that's not as bad as I was making it out to be? Those first two questions usually take away like 90% of somebody's anxiety because number one, you've identified what it is. Number two, you've identified

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It probably won't be as good as it could be, but it's way better than the worst is. That's usually how it works out. So what's the best that could happen? Now that I've identified this thing, I don't want to just identify the negative, negative, negative, negative. Let me also show myself that this is actually what could happen as well. Because a brain left to its own devices will usually go negative. And so if we just let it go negative, it'll make us more anxious. But if we go, you know what, I'm going to pull this in,

I'm going to ring it in and let's see what positive stuff could happen. What's the best thing that could happen in this situation? Well, the best thing that could happen in this situation is that maybe Aunt Susan comes and she's in a great mood. And she's, you know, is doing amazing today. And she comes and she's a great time because sometimes she's a great time. And you know what? That's the best thing that could happen. She could come.

She could see everybody. She'd be a lot of fun. She could have an amazing night. She doesn't say anything rude or negative to me, whatever it might be that I was worried about. That's the best that could happen. Okay. So now I've seen all the way to the worst thing that could happen. I've seen all the way to the best thing that could happen. And I know that what's going to happen is somewhere in the middle. So now I've basically identified every single opportunity and every single thing that could possibly happen. Man, anxiety is just starting to melt away because now I'm starting to work

through these complex problems with pen and paper. Okay. And then the last question, number four, what is my next best step to make me feel better? Right? What is your next best step to make you feel better? What is action that I could take right now in this moment at four o'clock in the morning, three o'clock in the morning where I woke up and I'm worried about X, Y, Z? What is action that I could take right now to make me feel better? Hey, maybe I could, I got nothing to do for the next few hours. Maybe I could put on a 20-minute meditation, calming meditation music, and just focus on gratitude. Maybe there's a calming meditation music and just focus on gratitude. Maybe there's a 15 to 20 minute guided gratitude meditation. Okay. Let me go ahead and see if that's what it is. I'll go ahead and I'll listen to that and do my deep breathing and try to work through and work

this anxiety out of my body through breathing and through actually changing my internal state because I am in charge of my internal state. Maybe it's, I need to have a conversation. Maybe that's the next best step for me. Okay. When I wake up tomorrow morning, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to call Susan. I'm going to call my aunt Susan. I'm going to say, hey, this is how I feel. This is the way that it's, you know, I'm excited to see this weekend. I just want to make sure I set up the stage. This is how it's going to work. This is how it's going to work. This is what I, you know, don't come up to me and talk about X, Y, Z, whatever it is. Just want to make sure that you have that conversation before it happens. Having the conversation, a lot of times what people are worried about is what another person's reaction will be. And if you just have that

conversation, a lot of times the reaction is nowhere near what you thought it was going to be, right? Maybe your next action is you just need to go for a run. Like you just need to get out. You need to move your body physically. You need to work the anxiety out, all of that stuff. There's an interesting thing that happens with animals that you don't see with humans. Humans were taught to repress feelings. And if you ever see an animal, say for instance, let's say a gazelle is getting chased by a zebra. They're getting chased by a cheetah. That'd be interesting to see, right? And a gazelle is getting chased by a zebra. They're getting chased by a zebra. You're getting chased by a cheetah. That'd be interesting to see, right? And a gazelle is getting chased by a cheetah. And it gets away from it. A lot of times what happens is there's a thing called a

stress movement that they'll do at the end. So let's say the gazelle gets away from the cheetah. And the cheetah's gone somewhere else. The gazelle's completely away. They'll do this thing like a little bit of a shake. And they'll shake. And a lot of animals do this. And what that is, is there's so much cortisol that gets released into their blood when they go into fight or flight

that once they're done with the running, they're at the point where they have a lot of cortisol left in. And so what they'll do is they'll actually do a stress shake to get out as much cortisol as they possibly can. So maybe for you, you have so much cortisol and you've been worrying about this for so long. Maybe the best thing for you to do is just go for a run and let your body work off. Let your heartbeat go. Let your blood flow. Let your brain get into a meditative state by running or put on your favorite song. Whatever it is you

need to do, go for a run. Figure out what the next best thing is that you can do to make you feel better right now. What else is it? Maybe call a friend. Maybe there's a friend that is like your friend that's like Buddha, right? Somehow they always have the right advice. Well, you're feeling anxious. You figured out, okay, this is the thing that I'm anxious about. This is the worst that could happen. This is the best that could happen. I'm going to call up Susie. I'm going to be like, hey, Susie, can I talk to you for 10 minutes? Let me tell you what's going on. I need some help. And you start talking to a friend and they allow you because sometimes people work things out better on paper. Sometimes people work things better out when they're talking to somebody. So maybe calling a friend and actually starting to

work to it will make you feel better. Because what happens is we've identified what the culprit is. We've identified the thing that we're anxious about. We shine a light on that thing. We've identified what the culprit is. We've identified the thing that we're anxious about. We shine a light on that thing. We've identified what could happen. The good side, we've identified the bad side. So I'm aware of both. And now we just need to make some sort of action, make ourself feel better. And I'll tell you this, I did this

and literally worked this four-step process, put on meditation music, laid down, passed out within 15 minutes. So it was literally like I had worked through everything that my brain was so stuck on that my brain was literally trying to fight someone in the dark that it couldn't see. And I was like, you know what? I don't know what it is. I'm thinking about this. I'm thinking about this. I'm thinking about this. I'm thinking about this. And then I woke up and guess what? Did my morning routine. I felt great. Did my journaling, started knocking on the things that I needed to, to make me feel better. And so this is just a very simple formula.

There's nobody that is in this world that's not going to think negative at some point. There's nobody in this world that's not going to get anxious or feel bad at some point in time. But when you have these tools in your tool belt, it now allows you to be able to go back and actually start to work through these things when you have them. So if you're somebody who deals with anxiety often, you know, and you don't want to go back and have to find this episode, save this episode so that you have it in your, you know, anytime that you're feeling anxious, you put this on, you're able to start working through it. And now you have the actual tool in your tool belt to help you feel better in the moment that you're feeling all that anxiety. So once again, the four questions, let me tell you one more time. Number one, what am I

feeling anxious about? So you can identify. Number two, what's the worst that could happen? Number three, what's the best that could happen? Number four, what's my next best action that I can take to make me feel better? So that is how you work through your anxiety. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. We don't have any huge, massive companies pushing us out there so that we can continue to grow. The only way that we grow is from you guys sharing it. And so if you listen and you don't share this often and this impacted you, please do me a favor. Share this on your Instagram stories,

send a text message to a friend with it, whatever it is you need to do, share it with people. I greatly, greatly appreciate it. Once again, when you do, tag me on Instagram, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.