The Mindset Mentor - I Am Here For You

Episode Date: June 5, 2020

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dylann. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. Today we're going to be talking about what's going on in the world and how every action that we take is either based out of fear or it's based out of love. And I will outwardly say this before I say anything else. I am a white man that's in America and I am completely ignorant to what it's like to be someone of a different color, of a different gender. All I know is what it's like to be a white man in America.

But what I've been trying to do, especially lately, but I've been trying to do for quite some time, but especially the past 10 days, is understand other people's perspective and listen without any judgment and see how I can help. And what I will say is this, what has happened to not just black people, but of course black people, but to other people that have different beliefs and different sexual preferences and different races for years is absolutely sickening. There's no reason why, because of the fact that someone doesn't look like somebody else, that they should not have full and equal rights in every single capacity that the other person does as well. I believe that in my heart and I can only speak from my heart. Um, but once again, saying again that I am just ignorant to the fact of what it's like to be anything else other than

a white man that's in America. I think that, you know, what's been happening for years is sickening, but I think that the response the past week or so has been absolutely amazing. And I was listening to Ram Dass not too long ago. And you guys know, I listen to him quite a lot. And he said that at any moment in time, your brain is always thinking, should I fear this or should I love this? And that's it. It's should I fear this or should I love this? And it's literally that simple. And when I heard this probably about six, seven months ago, I was like, I kind of get it, but it's not fully there. Now I feel like I fully get it. Like your brain is always either wanting to love something or fear something the very first second that you come in contact with it. One thing that he says is he says that life is so much easier if you just decide to love

everything. Everything, everyone, every situation, just be love. Not be in love, but to actually be in the state of love at all times. Everything is either fear or love. Cops that are killing people are not doing it out of love. They're doing it out of fear, loss of power. Maybe it's trained into them that, you know, a person that looks a certain way is scarier. Maybe that's trained into them from their childhood, or maybe it's trained into them in their actual cop training. I don't know, right? I do know that that's got to them from their childhood, or maybe it's trained into them in their actual cop training. I don't know, right? I do know that that's got to be a really hard job, but for some reason, they fear something

enough to kill people. Not all cops kill people. Not all cops are bad. We all know that, but there's something there that there's fear enough to kill somebody else. The looters and rioters that are out there, which looters and rioters are not the same as protesters. Let me say that first off.

If you watch the news, the news is like, oh yeah, well, you know, it was a peaceful protest that turned into rioting and looting. No, no, no. You had a peaceful protest that was happening during the day. And then at night, the looters and rioters came out. They're not the same thing. So the people that go in and they loot and they steal from businesses and they steal from other people, are they doing that out of love? Are they doing that out of fear? Clearly they're

doing it out of fear, fear of scarcity, not having enough. I don't have enough. So I have to go steal from someone else. They're going and breaking the law out of fear. You know, they might be hurt in some sort of way and I am hurt. So I must go out and hurt other people. It's like the phrase hurt people, hurt people. You know, I hurt right now. I'm going to go ahead and steal from someone else so that they hurt. Racist. What do they, do they work out of fear? They work out of love. They work out of fear. Of course, you know, it's no one's born a racist. Someone doesn't look like that. It's programmed into them to fear that person or to fear their loss of power or perceived power, whatever it is

that it might be. So it's fear. What about the protesters that are out there? Every single gender, every single race, every age, are they out of fear or Are they out of love? They're out there out of love. You know, if you see somebody out there, no matter what color they are, they're saying, you know what? I believe that no matter who somebody is, no matter how they are raised, no matter what they look like, they deserve equal to everybody else that's around. There's really no reason that because of the pigment of somebody's skin, how much pigment is in it, that they should have less or more rights than somebody else. The main problem with people nowadays is that their hearts are too closed.

That's what it is. Our hearts are too closed. We're too set in our own ways to sit and listen to somebody else's opinion and to listen to someone else's point of view and to put ourselves in their shoes i will never know what it's like to be black but if somebody is black and wants to talk to me about what's going on with them i will sit and i will shut up and I will listen and hold space for them to express their feelings of how they feel. I will never invalidate their feelings in any sort of way because I don't know what it's like to be them. How could I possibly invalidate somebody? That's absolutely ridiculous. Do you know how often we as people invalidate other people's

feelings? Imagine if your child came up to you, or maybe if you don't have a child, a child that you know and love, maybe your niece, nephew, cousin, whatever it is. They come up to you, they're five, six years old, and they're crying and crying and crying. And they're like, you know, uncle, aunt, mom, dad, whoever you are, uh, that's, that's in front of me. Uh, I just got bullied at school today. They made fun of me. They pushed me down. They made fun of my shirt. They, they called me names and they just express how they feel. Would you ever in that situation be like, shut up. I was bullied all the time when I was a kid and I was bullied way worse than you. So why don't you just get over it? Would you ever say that to a child? Hopefully not. Are there people that say that to children? Yeah, there probably are.

But truthfully, if you're trying to be there for that child and to help them, what do you do? You allow them to express their feelings. You listen and you come from a place of love and try to be there in love with them. You listen to them. You hold space. Talk about what they're going through. Express their feelings. And you don't try to fix anything. You just try to help them in any way that you can.

And usually, just by letting them talk about how they feel allows the problem to go away. Why is it any different right now? How can somebody listen to somebody that doesn't look like them and say, no, you don't know what you're talking about when they've never walked in their shoes? What are they doing? They are invalidating their feelings. People do it all the time, all day long. They do it in relationships. You know, someone comes to you, your spouse, your significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend come to you and they say, this is how I feel.

And you say, no, that's not true because here's facts and figures that show you that what you're talking about is not right. The fucking facts and figures don't matter. It's how somebody feels that matters. And to come from a place of love and to just sit and listen and say, you know what? I don't understand, but I will try to. I will try my best to understand your point of view. And that is how you come from a place of love. Coming from a place of fear would be automatically invalidating somebody because you're trying to invalidate them so that you don't get hurt in some sort of way. Or because you don't get some loss of perceived power or whatever it is. To truly be there in love with somebody, not to be in love, the phrase,

but to be in a space of love is to say, you know what? Just give it to me. Tell me what you got. I'm here for you. And you know what? No matter what you say, I will not judge you in any sort of way. Because all too often, we're so set in our ways that we can't listen to other people's opinions. We can't listen to other people's point of views. We say, you know what? I am this party. I am a Democrat, so all of the Republicans are wrong, or I'm a Republican, so all the Democrats are wrong. What if we all just listened more? Do you want to know the solution is to be the change that you want to see in the world? Gandhi said it a while ago. If you want people to be more loving, be more loving. If you want people to be better listeners, be a better listener. If you want people to be more open to someone of a different color,

then be more open to someone of a different color. And what's going to happen? You need to teach that to your children. Your children will see you in the way that you act around other people and they will emulate it. The way that you change the world is not to go out there and try to change the world. The way that you change the world is to try to change yourself first. Realize that. I believe 100% that the protests are absolutely 100% needed. So don't think that I'm taking away from the protests. I'm not. I'm just talking about in general, across the board, how do we go out and change the world? We change ourselves first. Change starts from the inside and then goes to the outside. We have to go, you know what? I will never know what it's like to be X, Y, Z, but I will always be there for

someone who is X, Y, Z. I will always come from a place of love and say, if somebody wants to express their feelings or their point of view or their opinions to me, I vow from this moment on to not judge anybody, but to be there, to listen, and to try, try, try to understand the best that I possibly can. From this moment on, I'm vowing to you to try to be in a place of love as much as I possibly can. Now, will I be perfect? Absolutely not. I'm going to come out of a place of fear at some point. I don't know what it is. Maybe in my relationship, something will happen. It'll make me feel injured. And then I'll come from a place of fear and I'll say something to protect myself. I don't know. But what I can do is to try my best in every

situation, whether it's in my relationship with my girlfriend, with my friends of a different color, with people of a different color that I don't know and say, you know what? I'm just going to try to come from a place of love. I'm going to listen to other people. If people say, you know what? March with me. That will help. I'll fucking march with you. I'll do whatever I can to help you in any way that I possibly can. If you want to feel more equality, I think you deserve it. How can I help? If you have problems, I want to help you solve them or at least listen to you as

you express your feelings about them. I'm not going to try to say that I know what it's like to be you because I never will. I'll never know what it's like to be you. You'll never know what it's like to be me. But one thing we can all do is come from a place of love and say, your feelings are valid. How can I help? Your feelings are valid. How can I help? And to all of you listening, your feelings are valid. How can I help you? So that's what I got for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. I love you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.