The Mindset Mentor - "I Threw My Life Away"

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Starting point is 00:00:22 so you get the support you need to succeed. National University. Support supporting the whole you. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive emails from me every single Monday with mindset tips going into your week to help you have a stronger, more fulfilling life, go ahead and go to mondayemail.com right now. Once again, mondayemail.com, and I will send you these emails absolutely free. Today, we're going to be talking about how to handle the hardest times in your life when they come up. Because as humans, we're going to have ups, we're going to have downs. But the important

Starting point is 00:01:14 thing is when we have ups and we have downs, we remain calm and in the middle. And I'm going to tell you a story of a friend of mine, something that happened not too long ago. And it's a friend of mine, so I'm not going to go really deep into details. I'll give you like the 50,000 foot overview, but this is a true story. Recently, not too long ago, a good friend of mine that I've known for a really long time got arrested for some very serious charges and nothing crazy. He didn't hurt anybody else, none of that. But it's possible, we'll find out, that he could be facing quite a bit of jail time. He might, he might not. Nobody really knows what the answer is, if it's going to happen or not. But, you know, he's been my friend for over 10 years, and he did something that he should not have. And now he's got to live with

Starting point is 00:02:00 what he did. And he texted me the day after he ended up getting out of jail because he got out on bail. And he called me and we had a conversation. And to give you a background of my friend, he is extremely smart, super talented. He makes really great money at what he does now. And he's always made really great money, but he's never really wanted to do what he does. He's been wanting to build a business off of his own skillset. He's always made really great money, but he's never really wanted to do what he does. He's been wanting to build a business off of his own skill set. He's got some really great skill sets. One of them is super, super strong. And he's really wanted to be able to build a business where he could impact people through

Starting point is 00:02:38 that skill set that he currently has. Once again, I've got to be kind of vague. I'm intentionally being vague to protect this person, but he's been wanting to follow his passion and build his own business since I started the Mindset Mentor podcast in 2015. So it's been a long time. It's been years and years and years at this point. And so we have this conversation the day after he gets out of jail. And I asked him the question, I said, so how do you feel? Because my main issue was not like, you know, what happened, how it happened, the story, any of that stuff. I just said, you know, how do you feel? Because I wanted to kind of see how he was feeling, what he was thinking, all of that stuff. And the exact phrase that he said to

Starting point is 00:03:18 me is he said, I feel like I threw my life away. And he said, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I said, cool. Well, you know, you have every right to feel that way if you want to, or you can look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, I happen to look at something from a completely different perspective for you now that I've known you for 10 years. I know the life that you've built. I know the life that you've been wanting to build. Can I offer my perspective? And he's like, yeah, I'd like to hear your perspective. I said, okay. I'm going to be honest with you. I think this is the best thing that ever happened to you. He's like, what do you mean? Like, this looks like it's going to be really hard for the next few years. Everything's up in the air. And I feel like I threw my life away.

Starting point is 00:04:04 And I said, nope, I don't think that you did. I think this is the best thing that's ever happened to you. And if you look at what you do, you've never wanted to do what you do. Never. And you make a couple hundred grand a year, which is really well compared to the average American. But I know that for the longest time, it's been basically eating at your soul. It's not something that you've been wanting to do for a really, really long time. And you can look at it and you could say, you know what? This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I've thrown my life away. Boo hoo, mopeety mopeety mopeety. You can feel that way if you want, but I think that it is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Now,

Starting point is 00:04:40 with me saying that, friend, I won't tell you his name, with me saying that, friend, I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. This is going to be really fucking hard. But if you go through with the perspective of I'm going to make sure that this terrible thing that's happened, that I created, is going to end up being one of the best things that's happened to me in my life, you will go through this process, figuring out how to make it the best thing that's ever happened to you versus sitting and moping and finding how it's the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Because it's not about the event. It's about

Starting point is 00:05:14 your perspective of the event. And, you know, glad to say he sounded a little bit better after that conversation, but we've had, you know, quite a few conversations since then to really help him out. Now, so I'll give you an example, man. When my father passed away when I was 15, he was the first person I ever knew that passed away. And he passed away because of his own actions. He was an alcoholic. He never got rid of his childhood trauma and he ended up passing away from it. And I remember being 15 and thinking to myself, somehow, I don't know how I thought this, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, but I will not die with this being the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I will not die without making some good from this bad. Now, when you look at a lot of people's lives,

Starting point is 00:06:02 something bad will happen to them and they will carry that event with them for the rest of their life. And my goal was to figure out, hey, this thing's really bad. I can't change this bad, but what I can change is what happens with this bad later on down the road. I think that if my father had not died, I'm positive if my father had not died when I was a child, when I was 15, that I would not be doing what I do now. After my father passed away, I had some stuff. I realized I had some trauma. I had some things that were issues that started popping up. And after he passed away, I discovered self-development. I ended up reading some books. I ended up getting a coach. I ended up really

Starting point is 00:06:40 getting obsessed with personal development. And what I loved about it was I noticed, number one, I didn't have any money when I was at that age. My mom didn't have any money when I was at that age. And so I realized that we couldn't afford a psychologist. And so I saw these books and these personal development books as a way to basically just become my own psychologist. That was it. And I started to notice that a lot of the things that I was going through, a lot of things that I knew held me back for a really long time started to kind of not become issues anymore. And it was all because I was working on myself. And I had this really, I was really adamant on making sure that I grew from this event. And it turned into me then helping other people because other people were like, what are you doing? How can I get know, how can I get better? Why are you not anxious about this? And they started

Starting point is 00:07:27 asking questions. So I started helping other people. And then it built into the company that I have now, built into the Mindset Mentor podcast, built into, you know, one of the top 100 podcasts in the entire world. So it was, the passing of my father was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but I was not going to die without making some good from it. And so I didn't know that it would turn into everything that it's turned into, but has turned into it. And it continues to keep growing and flourishing. And that's pretty awesome. But I just wanted to make sure that the worst thing that ever happened to me turned into something that was good. And now it is still the worst thing that's ever happened to me,

Starting point is 00:08:00 but it also is the best thing that's ever happened to me. So, you know, you can feel like, and this is me still in conversation with him, you can feel like you're throwing your life away if you want to. That's completely your prerogative. You can feel and think however you want to. You can feel like it's the worst thing that's ever happened to you. You can feel like you've thrown a life away. You can feel like you've burnt it all to the ground and you've got nothing anymore. Or you can just decide that you're going to make sure that from this event, it becomes the best thing that's ever happened to you. And I said, it won't. Doesn't mean it's not going to be hard. It will be hard. It will be really fucking hard over the next few years. But it can change your perspective going through it if you want to make it the best thing that's

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Starting point is 00:11:31 and not learn something from it. It'd be terrible to have somebody pass away and not learn something from it. I remember when my grandparents passed away. Both my grandparents, they were married for 70 years and they passed away within 17 days of each other. And I remember journaling through that and thinking to myself, you know, I really like really, really look up to my grandfather and who he was and how he interacted with the world and how he was just the kindest, sweetest, most amazing human. I thought to myself, you know, this is sad. What can I learn from my grandfather, even though he's not here anymore? And so what I did was I actually made a list of all of the things that I learned from my grandfather and everything I loved about him.

Starting point is 00:12:07 And I made a list of all the things I loved about my grandmother. And my goal is to try to take all of those habits and traits and instill them into myself. And so that was something that happened. If you have somebody that's passed away that you really loved, and it was the worst thing ever happened to you, what can you learn from it? How can you get that person to carry on through you? So what did you learn from that event? If you've ever had a heartbreak, what did you learn from that heartbreak? What can you take from that relationship

Starting point is 00:12:34 and bring into the next relationship or bring into every relationship that you have? So what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? What did you learn from it? Are you still currently going through it right now? And the question I have for you is what has your mindset been around the whole event? Are you still bitter? Are you still moping around, thinking about it and wishing that it would have been different and saying, oh, they screwed me over or whatever it is that might've happened? Are you still bitter? Are you still holding

Starting point is 00:13:03 yourself back? Are you still stuck in the past? There's some people that literally are still carrying, you know, anger and frustration with them over something that happened 10, 15, 17, 20 years ago. You got to fucking let it go. You've got to do something different. So are you still moping or are you building back from the ashes? Are you figuring out a way to not be bitter, but be better? Because ultimately it's completely up to you. The other thing that I said to him that I believe is true, you can see if you believe it's true as well, is I said, hey, I also think that you did this on purpose. And he's like, what do you mean? I said, I think that you just got yourself arrested and basically screwed a lot of things up in your mind. You did it subconsciously on purpose and you just

Starting point is 00:13:55 burned it to the ground because you were so tired of it. And he's like, I don't know about that. What do you mean? I said, I think you did because you built this life that from the outside, it seemed great. But I know for years, you have not wanted to do this. You've wanted to do something different. And for years, year after year, day after day, week after week, you have slowly, but surely been losing your soul to doing something that you don't want to do. And you know that you have so much more value to give the rest of the world. And I think that you subconsciously burned it to the ground because you've wanted something different for over 10 years. And he's like, yeah, man, I could see that. And I said, okay, well, here's the way that the universe works. This is what I found. This is,

Starting point is 00:14:45 you know, something I heard years ago, and this is something I tend to find is quite true. The universe works like a feather, like a brick, and then like a truck, and it builds upon itself. So the feather would be an example of like, you're silent, and you get this small hit of tuition, intuition, not tuition. You get a small hit of intuition and you're sitting there and you're like, man, you know what? Maybe I should do X, Y, Z with my life. It's like this little whisper that's in your ear. You're like, maybe I could, maybe I should do that. What would it be like for me to do that? You get that little bit of inspiration. That's like the feather. And if you listen to it, it's the right path you're supposed to go in your life. But a lot of people don't listen to it. They're like, no, no, I've got this degree and

Starting point is 00:15:29 this job. I've got a family I've got to provide for. I've got to pay the bills. I've got children. There's no way that I could go ahead and follow that thing. I'm too old to follow my passion anymore. That's like the feather. It's like whispering in your ear. And then the brick, you get smacked in the face with a brick, something happens. There's like a little bit of a shake up, something shakes up in front of you. You know, like for me, like before I started the podcast back in 2015, I went through a mini depression. So I was like, I wanted to do something in self-development and coach people and help people. And I didn't listen to it. I just didn't listen and didn't listen. And then I got hit with a brick where I realized that all four labrum in my body, each shoulder and each hip was torn.

Starting point is 00:16:12 And I could not work from home sitting down. I had to lay down in my bed and I was in pain. And I had to go through, I was 27 years old. I had to go through physical therapy and I had to go through all of these things that I was just like, how the hell is this happening to me? It shouldn't be happening to me at this point. And I realized that if I probably would have not followed my passion, there would have been a truck later on down the road. So a brick, it's like the universe being like, hey, you're not listening to me. I'm going to smack you in the face with a brick, whatever that might look like. And I said, man, you got the truck because it's been over 10 years that you've been wanting to follow this path.

Starting point is 00:16:44 And you haven't been listening to yourself. You haven't been listening to your intuition. You haven't been listening to the universe and you just got hit by a freaking truck. That happens. It happens to a lot of people. Something gets shaken up. They go through a heartbreak. Somebody dies. They end up getting some sort of disease. Something shakes up their foundation so much that is the universe being like, listen to me. I'm trying to fucking talk to you. And if you don't listen, I'm going to literally destroy everything that you built. And I think that that's what happened to my friend. I think that he subconsciously took a match and burned it all to the ground. He did.

Starting point is 00:17:22 And I said, so the reason why? I don't know the reason why. That's your job to find out. If I were to make a guess of what the reason why is, it's because you've never wanted this life. You've only followed this path because your parents told you to follow it. You've only been what society has told you to be. And you've never been the person that you truly can be.

Starting point is 00:17:40 You're one of the smartest, most talented people. If you truly followed your passion, you would destroy it. You would be so ridiculously successful. And I think that scares the shit out of you because you've always played small and you don't even know what it looks like to play big. And he's like, damn, I think you're right. And I said, so you've got a really hard road in front of you, but you did this to yourself on purpose. What was the reason? What were you supposed to get from it? What can you learn from it? And how can you rebuild your life to be the thing that you want to be? The worst thing that you can do is go through all of the court and the process and maybe possibly jail time and then come out and be this mopey little bitch that's like, oh, I did this to myself. My life sucks. The

Starting point is 00:18:19 universe sucks. Things suck. That's the worst thing that can happen to you. The best thing can happen to you is flip your mindset now so that you can start to rebuild, start to figure out what it is that you want. And if you do happen to go to prison for a year or two years or three years or whatever it happens to be, you can figure out with all of that quiet time what it is that you're supposed to do. So therefore, when you're released, you can hit the ground running and build something amazing. That is the reason why you're in this situation. And so I want you to understand the same thing that I told my friend. The worst thing that's ever happened to you

Starting point is 00:18:50 can end up being the best thing that's ever happened to you. But you have to be the person that can extract the lesson because no one's going to do it for you. So how can you rebuild yourself from the ashes, from the life that you used to have? So that's what I got for you for today's episode.

Starting point is 00:19:07 If you love this episode, please share it with someone who you know that might be going through something right now and might need some extra help. Might help them. Hopefully, it'd be great if it did. And also, if you love this episode, please do me a favor. Please go into iTunes or Spotify and give us a rating and review. The more people that give us rating and reviews that are positive, the more that iTunes and Spotify end up showing it to people who do not listen. So if you've ever gotten any value, please do me a favor. It'll take 30 seconds.

Starting point is 00:19:33 Go to however you listen to us and give us a rating review. I would greatly, greatly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day. family and your community. Now there's a school ready to support you. National University offers tuition discounts for military spouses and free tutoring, so you get the support you need to succeed. National University, supporting the whole you.

The Mindset Mentor - "I Threw My Life Away"

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