The Mindset Mentor - It Is Not Your Fault

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

Your childhood experiences, whether good or bad, have a lasting impact on you. It's essential to recognize that any trauma or adversity experienced during childhood is not your fault. These experiences are often the result of factors outside of your control. However, it's also important to acknowledge that healing from these experiences is your responsibility. No one else can do the work for you, and it's up to you to take the steps necessary to heal and move forward. Today, I am going to teach you how to heal, move forward, and create the life you want, regardless of your past.   Want to master your mindset? Every Monday I send out an email with mindset tips for the week, click here to receive that email: http://mondayemail.com/ Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Follow the Mindset Mentor on IG here: https://instagram.com/themindsetmentorpodcast     Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want some extra tips and tricks to improve your mindset, go to mondayemail.com right now. It's absolutely free. Every Monday, I send out an email with my ideas and some extra stuff that I'm going to be working on in myself to improve my mindset and my life. So if you want some extra tips and tricks, just go to mondayemail.com, sign up, and I'll start emailing you every single Monday with some extra, a little

bit extra mindset stuff for you. Today, we're going to be taking a really deep dive into your past and also the life that you're going to want to be creating. And we're going to be taking a really deep dive into your past and also the life that you're going to want to be creating. And we're going to talk about what is your fault in your life, what is not your fault in your life. And I want you to think about your childhood. I want you to think about all the things that happened to you, all the good things that happened to you, all of the bad things that happened to you, your parents, the way that they raised you, whether it was the way that you wanted to be raised or wasn't, or whether you got what you wanted to from them or you didn't, or you got the love that you wanted or you didn't, or you got the schooling you wanted or you didn't, or your teachers took care of you or they didn't, or you got bullied

or you didn't. I want you to think of everything that happened to you in your childhood. It could have been good. It could have been bad. It could have been just meh. It could have been just M-E-H. Meh. It could have been that way, right? If you were poor, it wasn't your fault if you were born poor. But if you die poor, it is your fault. Now, maybe you don't want to be rich. Maybe you don't care to be. But there's a phrase that I've seen that, I think it was Bill Gates that said it, but maybe it was somebody else, that maybe he's just been credited. But he said, if you were born poor, it's not your fault. If you die poor, it is your fault. And so when we're talking about this, I want to talk about what is your fault and what's in your responsibility. And that's

what we're going to be diving into today. So all of the things that happened to you in your past, when you were a child, before you moved out, before you started actually being able to make your own decisions, all that stuff, none of those things are your fault. None of them. Your parents, situations, where you lived, how you were born, you know, your race, your gender. None of those things are your fault. Those are just cards that you were dealt throughout your life. Maybe you were born to, you know, parents that had really bad anger issues. And you got maybe some anger from that. Maybe you learned some anger from that. Maybe you learned some things from it. Maybe you became a certain person. Not maybe, you definitely became a certain

person because of the way that you were raised by those parents. If you were born to parents with anger issues, that's not your fault. But if you continue to be angry or hold on to something into the future, that is your fault. It is your responsibility now that you're an adult. When you were an adult, it is now your responsibility now that you're an adult. When you were an adult, it is now your responsibility that whatever you were given as a child, whatever happened to you as a child wasn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to now work through. One of the things I think is very hard about life is that hundreds of years ago, thousands of years ago, there used to be rites of passage, which basically meant like you were a boy or you were a girl, and now you're stepping into being a

man or being a woman. We don't really have those in most societies anymore. Like me growing up in America, I didn't have a rite of passage to go, Rob, you are now a man. And it's not something, you know, usually it was like a rite of passage was like something hard, something strenuous. Some cultures, it was like they'd give you mushrooms and you'd have to go on a crazy mushroom journey and work with a shaman. And then eventually when you worked with them, then they would eventually say, hey, now you're a man. There's some crazy rites of passage, which I don't recommend.

There's one of them that I saw where they take these fire ants. I think it was over in Africa somewhere. They take these fire ants and they make these gloves. No joke. They make these gloves and they literally like fill them with fire ants. In order for a boy to become a man in this tribe, they have to put their hands in with these pissed off fire ants and leave it in there for like three or four minutes. And they, you know, if they take their hands out, they didn't pass, whatever that is. And now they're not a man yet. And so they have to do

this thing that is really hard and really intense. And then from there, they go through some sort of passage that they go through. We don't really have to go through something like that. And maybe that's good. Maybe it's not. But there's no way to figure out, okay, I was a boy, now I'm a man. Okay, I was a girl, now I'm a woman. So there's no real way for us as adults nowadays to go, oh, this thing that happened to me when I was young, happened to me when I was young, now it's my responsibility to fix. Now it's my responsibility to get past. You know, if you're, like I said, born with parents that have anger issues, that's not your fault. But anything that came from that, that you now have or need to work through is your responsibility. If you were

born to really unhappy people, anything that you got from that is not your fault, but it is your responsibility now to work through. If you were born in really bad circumstances, maybe you're born in a really poor place or you're born in a country that was ridden by war or any of those things, none of those are your fault. But now that you're an adult and you're listening to this, whatever you're still holding onto, whatever you need to work past is your responsibility to work past. And so we have to be very aware of things that are not our fault, but they are our responsibility to work past. If you're born into a family with very little love, that's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to figure

out how to work through to create the best life you can from it. If you were a foster child, that's not your fault. None of those things are your fault, but that's the cards that you've been dealt. That is your responsibility now to work through and to create the best version of yourself from those circumstances. All of those things are not your fault, but they are your responsibility. And the thing that I think most people need to really settle into, like deep into their bones and every single one of their 40 trillion cells is that you were dealt the hands that you were dealt. It's your job to figure out how you're going to play that hand. You cannot

change your hand. You know, imagine if you're at the casino, you're playing blackjack and you look at your cards and they're crap cards. You can't get pissed off at that. You can't get pissed off at the dealer and be like, give me new cards. Give me new cards. You can be like, no, this is the hand. This is the hand that you're playing. You've got to figure out the right way to play it. Do you hit? Do you double down? Do you fold? What do you do? It is your job to figure out. You can't change the cards. You were dealt the hand that you were dealt. You cannot change them. And some people live their whole life pissed off as an adult about something that happened in their childhood. They're still pissed off at their parents. They're still pissed off at teachers.

They're still pissed off at circumstances. They're still pissed off at their parents. They're still pissed off at teachers. They're still pissed off at circumstances. They're still pissed off at the government, at the president. They're still pissed off as if they're a little kid that doesn't have control anymore. You have control. It is your responsibility to build the life that you want to build regardless of the circumstances that you were born into. It is your responsibility to create the life that you want. Because I'm going to say this, and I hope this gets deep down in your bones. No one's coming to save you. Nobody. The government definitely ain't coming to save you. There's no knight in shining armor that's going to come and save you and change your life. You have to be the one to go, you know what? I'm going to do it

myself. Because there's too many people holding on to the past and thinking about the past and saying the past is the reason why I am the way that I am. And the past gets in the way of them creating a great life. They're pissed at their parents for not giving them the love that they wanted or not teaching them how to be financially successful or not teaching them to read and get great at reading and being smart and intellectual. They're pissed off at society for the way that they've been treated. They're pissed off that they were born in a certain country, that they were born a certain sex, that they were born a certain skin color, they're born a certain sexual preference. Whatever it is that we have, we have. And that's it. Hey, the holidays are here and can we all admit that gifting is hard?

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So fight holiday stress with NextEvo Natural Stress CBD Complex Gummies featuring ashwagandha, clinically proven to reduce stress by 70%. So get smarter CBD from NextEvo Naturals and get up to 25% off subscription orders of $40 or more at nextevo.com slash podcast and then use the promo code dial. That's N-E-X-T-E-V-O.com slash podcast and then use the promo code dial. Like for me, I've gone through this and I've really thought about this a lot for myself because there was a time in my life was really fucking pissed to my dad. I was really pissed that he would, you fucking pissed to my dad. I was really

pissed that he would, you know, in my mind when I was younger, I was thinking like I was pissed because I was thinking that he was so selfish instead of being a great father and taking care of myself and my sister and my mom that he decided that he was going to go and drink and spend his time drinking and, you know, forget to pick me up a lot of times and treat me the way that I was treated. And I was pissed thinking that, I'm pissed that he was this way. And then I was pissed after he passed away when I was 15 because he had liver failure and I knew all of the stuff that was happening. I was pissed at him. I was pissed at the circumstances. And then at some point in time, I realized I can't do shit about that. he is the way that he is. He was the way that he was.

He did die. That was the cards that I was dealt. I'm not going to get a different father. He's not going to come back from the dead. None of these things are going to happen. I have to be able to go, you know what? This is what I got. This is my ground level. This is where I got to start it from here. And we've got to look at it and go, you know what? This is the life that I have. However I am, however I feel, whatever's inside of me, whatever I've learned, whether I like it or I don't like it, I have to deal with it. It is my responsibility to build the life that I want to, regardless of the fact that I was raised by an alcoholic father that passed away when I was 15. It happened. Shit happens. That's the one that God said, you know what? You know what Rob needs? The way I like to think of it in my head is like,

before I was just placed onto this earth, God, or the universe, or whatever it is that's out there that's keeping this whole thing running, was like, you know what? This Rob Dial guy, you know what he needs? He needs an alcoholic father. And the reason why he needs an alcoholic father is because he's got a lot of lessons that are going to help him later on in life that he needs to be responsible for finding, extracting, and using for better and for good in his life. That's the way I look at it. Like, oh, this is what I've been given. This is what I signed up for. I took this life. Can't change the cards. We have to realize that we've been dealt the cards we've been dealt and we have to work past this now. It's not our fault. It's not my fault that my father's an alcoholic, but it is my responsibility

to create an amazing life regardless of that and because of that, right? And we can be pissed about the cards our entire lives or we can just go ahead and do it because the cards are not going to change them. We have to go, okay, this is it. This shit show is my life. This is my starting point. Where do I want to go from here? And we have to accept it. We have to move on. What do we need to do? We need to figure out what it is that we need to create. We need to pull up our britches and we need to get to work. That's what we have to do. I'm here. This isn't where I want to be. I wish it would have been a little bit different. I wish I would have had an amazing life and these things would have happened and these things would have happened and these things would have happened and these things would have happened,

but this isn't what I got. So I do still want an amazing life. Maybe the past wasn't amazing, but it doesn't mean the future can't be amazing. It doesn't mean that I can't say, make, make an amazing life out of it. And then from there, we go over three different things, three very simple things that will help you create this life that you want. Is you have to know a few different things. Number one, where you are. Number two, where you want to be. Number three, what you have to do. And so where are you? You know, if you've, if you're out there and you've been pissed your entire life, and you've been, you've been so pissed about the way that you were raised and what your parents did and how they were shitty parents, maybe, or maybe they're okay parents, but they didn't give you what you wanted,

or maybe they didn't treat you the right way, or maybe they didn't treat each other the right way and they treated you fine, but then you witnessed the way that they treated each other. Where are you now? If you just woke up and you went, okay, this is the level called for me. This is a level called Rob Dial. And I'm just planted into this moment right now. And I'm like, okay, it's a video game. Okay. This is what happened in the past. These are all of these things. Where are you? Okay. This is where I am right now. I'm in all of this. This is all the stuff that happened to me in the past. This is where I am. Let me take an assessment of where I am in my life, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Let me figure out where I am in my relationships. Let me figure out where I am. And

you have to be real about where you are, about these cards that you're holding onto. Cause you have to look at them and be like, okay, these are the cards that I have. You know what I wanted? I wanted a King Ace. How the fuck did I get a three six? You guys that have played blackjack before have been like, what? God, I wanted a King Ace. Well, I was dealt the three six offsuit Damn it. All right, I guess i've got to work with this three six offsuit Got to figure out what to do from here. So there's where you are I'm holding a freaking three six. All right And there's where you want to be and you figure out the life that you want to have in 12 months

Shit, you can do six months if you want to make it closer. So it's not so far away What do you want in six months? What do you want in a year? What do you want in five years? What do you want in 10 years? When you die, what do you want your life to have looked like in your life to have been? And you need to know in detail because the more detail that you can bring to this, the more that you can actually start to see it and work towards it, right? So you need to know where you are, make a true assessment of where you are. All the things that happened to you in the past, just mark them off as not your fault. Okay? That's the way that is. Going into the future, I have decided I'm going to make a decision today. And decision comes from the root word dikidere. And dikidere means to literally

cut off. Cut off everything. Cut off the entire past of what it was and all of the faults and blame that I placed on other people. I'm going to cut it off right now. And I'm going to cut off my old version of myself, who I thought I was, all of this stuff. I'm going to cut it off right now. I'm going to step into a brainy version of myself today. I'm going to make that decision, which once again, decision comes to the root root of Dikidere, which means to cut off. I'm going to cut it off. Cool. It's where you are, where you want to be. And now stepping into where I want to be, I want to know in detail, as much detail as I possibly can of what I want to create in the life that I want. And I need to write it down. I need to get clear on it. I need to think about

it every single day. And then from there, when we know where we are, which is right here, and we know where we want to be, which is right here, we start figuring out what do I need to do? What do I need to do? And you actually make a plan of the action steps that need to be done. You need to do it. Once again, like I said, no one's going to come and save you. No one is going to come and build the life that you want for you. Fuck, wouldn't that be awesome? Wouldn't that be amazing if somebody came in and just built our life for us and we could just sit on Netflix and sit around watching Netflix and eating ice cream and taking little nappies? That'd be great. Wouldn't it if we could do that?

But it's not happening. No one's coming to save you. Try it. Try sitting on your couch, watching Netflix all day long, eating ice cream and taking little nappies and see how that works for you. It ain't happening. No one's going to come and build this life.

You have to build it. It is now your responsibility. You got to pull up your britches and get dirty. That's all that you can do. You got to get to work to create the life that you want to. Because it's really important. And the point of today's episode is not to give you tips and tricks on how to improve and how to fix this. The point of today's episode is to say, hey, if you're one of the people who's been blaming everybody, if you're 32 years old and you're still blaming everybody, you've got to be an adult at

some point in time and be like, I've got to get my shit together because it's nobody's fault anymore. It was their fault up until like 14, 15, 16, 17 years old. But once I moved out or once something else happened, it all became my fault. It all became my responsibility. And what we need to do if we're going to be adults and create the life that we want to is we need to be the one to do it. If you want to create the life that you want to, regardless of the circumstances you were given in your life, what you were raised with, good, bad, indifferent, meh, whether it was meh or whether it was great, whatever it was, you were given it. You've got to put in the work to create the life that you want. Your past was not your fault. Your present moment and into your future is your responsibility.

So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you also love Instagram and you wanna follow this podcast on Instagram, we put a bunch of behind the scenes and extra clips and some clips from this podcast as well on that Instagram so I can fill your newsfeed with my face and positive and motivational mindset tips and tricks as well.

So if you wanna follow me on there, it is The Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, The Mindset Mentor Podcast on Instagram. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day. When you go on holiday, there is no finer achievement than doing absolutely nothing.

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