The Mindset Mentor - Learn When to Give Up

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

I am a big believer in finishing what you started but sometimes, things run their course in our lives and it is time that we let them go. In this episode, I will teach you how to distinguish what to follow through on and when to give up and turn the page.   Want to master your mindset? Every Monday I send out an email with mindset tips for the week, click here to receive that email: http://mondayemail.com/ Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, please do me a favor, give us a rating and review however you listen to us. I would greatly, greatly appreciate it because the more that you do that, the more that more people actually are able to find us because we're seen organically through those platforms. So if you would do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it.

Today might be a surprising day for most of you. I'm going to talk to you about giving up. Now, if you've been listening to me for a while, you know that I am the follow-through guy. I love somebody who follows through, who does what they say they're going to do, who works their ass off, who creates the life that they want to. I love all of that. But sometimes you just have to realize some points in time in your life, it's time to turn the page. It's time to realize that the chapter that you've been reading is done and

you continue to keep rereading the last page over and over and over again. Sometimes it's time to turn the page on that relationship that's been going for way too long and you guys broke up 17 times, but you can't stop texting each other. Sometimes it's the time to turn the page on the job that you have, on the business, on the mindset, on some of your friendships, on some of your close relationships, and maybe even your family. Sometimes what we're trying to do is we're trying to breathe life into something that died a long time ago. And we're just sitting there hoping, hey man, maybe this is going to come back to life. Maybe if I give this CPR for the next six months, this shit's going to come back. And there is value in working really hard to make something work.

But there's also value in understanding deep down inside when something is over. And sometimes people are trying to breathe life into something that's been dead for a while. And one of the biggest skills, one of the biggest things that you can build into yourself is the understanding when something is finally over, when something has run its course. You have gotten whatever knowledge that the universe was supposed to give you through this relationship or job or mindset or personality or whatever it is, you have to understand that you've gotten everything that you could get from it, but you just got to turn the fucking page and be done with it. You've got to go on. If you think about a job, for instance, one of the things that I hear from so many people is

that they want to start their own business or they want to move into something that they've never done before, but it scares the crap out of them to do something like that. And the reason why is because they're like, you know, in their head, they're going, well, I went to school for accounting. I spent $60,000 or 70 or a hundred thousand dollars to get my accounting degree. I spent four years of my life learning how to be an accountant. And then I got out of school and I got a job as an accountant. And I've been at this job and I've been moving up the corporate ladder, moving up every single year. And I've been at this company now for 10 years. And I don't hate my job. I don't dread getting up and going to work every single day. But if I'm being honest,

I don't love it. And I have this feeling that I'm being called in another direction. But I'm four years of school. I'm 10 years of being here. I'm 14 years into this. And I'm 40 years old too. I can't change now. Like I've heard that story in different flavors, a thousand different times from people. I get messages from people that are 30, that are 35, that are 40, that are 60, that are 70 telling me that they want to make a change, but they can't make a change because they've been on this path for a while. And they think that just because they started on this path, that they need to continue on this path forever until they stop breathing, right? Until they can no longer fog a glass, I'm going to be a fucking accountant. It doesn't make any sense. It's the dumbest thing ever.

Think about this, for instance. We'll go back to that example I just gave you, right? Four years of school for accounting, 10 years of being an accountant and getting a little bit more money and getting a little bit more money and becoming more senior in your position. And now you're 40 years old and you've got a family and you want to get out of it, but you can't, you can't figure out, you don't know what you're supposed to do. You're 40 years old. Let's just take that. If you're lucky enough to retire at 65, which most people nowadays will not be able to retire at 65 and may never be able to ever retire. That means that if you're be able to retire at 65 and may never be able to ever retire. That means that if you're 40 and you retire at 65, you've got another 25 years.

So you want to keep doing something for another 25 years just because you've been doing it for 14. That makes no freaking sense. Sometimes you just have to wake up and be like, yeah, sense. Sometimes you just have to wake up and be like, yeah, I feel like I'm done here. I feel like I've, it's run its course. I feel like I'm onto a different chapter and you appreciate what you learned. You appreciate what you did, but at the same time you go, it's over. I'm done. It's time for me to move on to another chapter in my life, right? Another example I hear all the time with people as well, and I get messages about, I get tons of messages about this one, is relationships. Relationships, friendships, whatever they might be, right? I'll get messages that are like, Rob, I've been married to a woman for 12 years. She's amazing.

He's amazing. Whatever it is, it's all different flavors of the same story. We've married for 12 years. We were crazy in love, but I feel like we've been growing apart. We've tried to make it work. We've been to marriage counselors, but it just doesn't feel like it's there anymore. And I feel like we're growing apart. We've tried to grow back together, but we're just staying together now, quote unquote, just for the kids, right? Blaming the kids, blaming the kids for the reason why you're staying in a relationship that died a while ago, right? Think about this for a second. This is what I say to people, okay? Number one, do I know if your relationship is dead or not? I don't know. It might be, it might not be. This is

you in your life, in your decision, and you know what's going on. But I'm just going to give you an example. Let's say that we go to that example where someone's like, it's just not there. The love's not there. And we're staying together just for the kids, but we don't really have any connection anymore. There's no love. We're staying together just for the kids. If there's no love in your relationship and you're staying together, quote unquote, just for your kids. Your kids are learning from you by seeing, by feeling, by hearing what a successful relationship or marriage looks like. Do you want them? Do you want your marriage to be an example of perfect love for your children? Do you want your children to look up to your quote unquote perfect love? Because to children, the gods of the universe are their parents, right? So they see the parents and they can, even if they don't know it, they can physically sense that there's

no connection and they think to themselves, oh, so this is what a marriage looks like. So this is what a relationship looks like. And so what do they do? Then they go and get into relationships that are exactly the same. And instead of finding someone that is truly the one that they want to be with and all that stuff, they just stay because that's just the way that it is, right? Is it better for them to learn that marriage from you? Or knowing that if there is a divorce that's coming up, hopefully not, maybe there is, maybe there isn't. Divorce is not always bad. Will it be hard? Of course it will be hard.

Will there be tears? Will there be things that happen that, you know, yeah, there's going to be a lot of shit that could possibly happen, right? But is it better for them to see your relationship right now and see that as perfect love? Or is it better for them to see their mother and their father decide to part ways and a couple years down the road, three, four, five, 10 years down the road, I don't know what it is, they find somebody who is the perfect match for them, who they do fall in love with and they rekindle a brand new love and they get to act like it's, you know, the same feelings as when you guys first got married in the first place. And they get to see their mother and their father in a real, healthy, great relationship. Which one's better?

Watching their mother and their father stay together and feel like they don't want to be there and they can sense it. Or to see their mother and their father part ways, as hard as it might be, get into another relationship down the road, fall in love and be able to see what that looks like. Which one do you think is a better learning experience for your child? Have you ever thought about that in depth? Will it be an easy road? Probably not. Is it better for everybody? Probably. Hey, we all deal with the Sunday scaries, right? Sunday scaries are those, oh shit, stressful, nervous, I can't sleep, dreadful moments that hit you on Sunday evenings when you think about the impending doom of work tomorrow, or school, or just life.

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That's promo code D-I-A-L for 25% off at sundayscaries.com. But in the long run, it's gonna be beneficial for everybody, for the husband, for the wife, for the children, for the people that you marry, for any stepchildren, all of that stuff. If, and this, once again, I don't know your relationship. I'm just giving a couple of examples that I see and just stuff that I say to people, because I don't know. I just give my advice and people can take it and see if it fits

with where they are. Sometimes moving on from something is better than staying. Moving on from something doesn't mean that it was a failure. That's the other important thing. People think that they have to do something forever because if they ever stop doing it, they're a complete failure, right? Moving on from something doesn't mean that you're a failure. It worked the way it was supposed to work out. I believe that everything works exactly the way it's supposed to according to universal plan that we're not smart enough to understand, right? You learned in the relationship, you grew in the relationship, and it might be time to move on. Same thing if you go back to the job, you take the emotions out of it. You learned in the job, you learned in your education,

you grew as a human, you grew as a associate in the business, you grew, and now it just might be time to move on. Another example is your personality, your mindset. This idea of quote unquote, this is who I've always been is complete BS. You're an infinitely complex being that is constantly evolving at every second. And you just keep waking up and becoming the exact same person you've always been. Don't try to stay who you've always been. You're constantly evolving. But so many people that I see are actually trying to stop their evolution. It's not time for you to stop your evolution. It's time for you to step into a new version of yourself. This is who I've always been. That's crazy. Because if somebody thinks at 40, this is who I've always been, and they're being

the same person that they were at 20. I don't know about you guys, but I'm 36 years old. If I'm trying to be the person who was at 20, my life would be a shit show. There's no way. Why? Because all I cared about was doing drugs and drinking and partying. And if I was 36 years old and I'm like, this is just who I am. This is how I've always been. My life's not going to be what I want it to be. And so sometimes you've got to look at it and be like, is that personality, that person I've been portraying this, this character. The reason why I say character is because if you look at personality, the root for personality is persona and persona was back in the Greek days. That was what they would call the mask that actors would wear. Your personality is just a mask that you're wearing. You're just waking up and deciding to be that person every single day. You can wake up and be somebody different tomorrow. You could be somebody

different right now. And you've been listening to the podcast long enough. You know, one of my favorite quotes is by Alan Watts, who says you're under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago. You can decide to be somebody different. So maybe it's time for you to give up that personality that you quote unquote always have been. Maybe it's time for you to give up that personality that you quote unquote always have been. Maybe it's time for you to be somebody else. Maybe it's time for you to grow up. Maybe it's time for you to make some adjustments in your life and see what deserves to still be here and what has run its course. Like if I go back to I'm 36 at 20, I learned a lot of stuff during my partying days. I don't want to go back there, but I learned some things and they, it built me into who I am now.

Do I ever want to take it away from me? No, absolutely not. Did I do some things I regret? Yes. Did I learn from it? Yes. Did I have some fun? Hell yeah. But I don't want to go back there. There's no way. And so it's like, you're a constantly evolving being. Why should everything around you not constantly be evolving as well? Why would everything around you stay exactly as if I'm constantly growing and changing at every single moment? Why would everything else around me completely stay the same? It's crazy if you think about it. You know, if you think of yourself today and you think of yourself 10 years ago, here's what's crazy, you ready? There's not one cell in your body that is the same as it was 10 years ago.

Not one. You have 40 trillion cells in your body. Not one cell in your body. Not one cell, not one hair, not one skin follicle, nothing. None of those things are the same as it was 10 years ago. But for some reason, this mindset of this is who I am and this is who I've always been and this is what I said I was going to do in my past 10 years ago and I need to follow through on it, you're a different person. There is no part of you that is the same except for this mentality, this personality, this person

that you're portraying and trying to act like you are every single day. So to think that you have to stay where you are and things aren't supposed to change is absolutely asinine. You can change at any moment, but you have to be the person inside to make a change. If it's not a fuck yes, it's a fuck no. If a certain aspect of your life is not a fuck yes, it's automatically a fuck no, right? I did an episode about this like two years ago with Dean, my best friend. And one of our friends listened to it and realized, oh my gosh, this person I'm in a relationship with isn't a fuck yes. Like I'm just, he's a good person. Like we kind of love each other. Things are great, but

it wasn't a fuck yes. And she broke up with him. And it's like, now she's happier now that that happened. And that's just the way that it happened. We didn't force it on anybody, but it just kind of popped in their head of, yeah, maybe this has kind of run its course. You have to learn to stop settling. You have to demand greatness for yourself in your life. And sometimes the things that have happened to you in your past were there because they were supposed to be. You can love that person. You can love that job. You can love that lesson. You can love that education. You can love every single thing that happened, but then at the same time, realize it's time to turn the page and go on to something different. And even though I'm the follow through guy, even though I'm the stick with it, even though I am the, hey, work your ass off, create

the life that you want to and all of that stuff. Sometimes a big piece of that is learning when to give up on something so that you make space for something else. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.