The Mindset Mentor - Lessons in the Darkness

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor. I am your host, Rob Dial. And today, we're going to be talking about the dark times in life. We're going to go there. If you guys know me, you guys know that I don't hold back. I like to dive into the topics that people are afraid to talk about. People always want to talk about the fact that things are going to be good. They're always going to be positive. Things are afraid to talk about. People always want to talk about the fact that things are going to be good. They're always going to be positive. Things are going to be perfect. But in reality, we know that no matter who you are,

Starting point is 00:00:31 you will not be able to get away from dark times in your life. Some of us will have a lot. Some of us will have a few. Some of us will have some. It's different for everybody. But the one thing that we do know is that we're not going to be able to avoid them. They're going to happen. And you know what?

Starting point is 00:00:44 That's okay. In fact, they should be welcomed. And that's what I'm going to talk about today is how to welcome the dark times, how to understand that the dark times are okay, and how to actually get something from the dark times. Because what we try to do is we try to avoid the dark times. We try to avoid them. We want things to always be bright. We want things to always be perfect. We want things to always be positive. We don't want anything negative to seek its way into us,

Starting point is 00:01:15 seep in through the cracks. You know, going through terrible times and dark times, they make you feel worthless sometimes. They make you feel like you're not enough. But you know what is actually worthless? Going through a terrible time and not learning something from it. Not being able to get something from that. You know, and the reason I'm talking about this, because I was talking with a client the other day, and we were talking about, you know, things that he's going through right now. And if I'm being honest, he's not going through the easiest time. And what we happen to realize is while this dark time is going on, a lot of things are

Starting point is 00:01:50 shifting around him. His habits are not the same that they used to be. His routines are messed up. His thoughts are messed up. Everything that he normally is or normally feels seems to be messed up. And so I asked him, I said, well, what have you learned from it so far? He's like, what do you mean? I was like, these dark times that you're going through, what have you learned from it? He's like, man, I don't know. I haven't been trying to learn anything from it. And I said, here's the thing. If you don't learn anything from the really dark times in your life, then it's going to be really hard to get through them the next time and the next time and the next time. Because like I said, we will have dark times. Things will happen in our

Starting point is 00:02:30 lives. You're going to have things happen in your life that you don't want to. I'm going to tell you that. And it's okay because that's what being a human is all about. And so I said, what you need to do is you need to get a pen and paper. You need to take some time to yourself. You need to meditate or sit and stare at a tree, sit in quiet and just sit with a pen and paper and say, what am I supposed to learn from this? What can I learn from this? Is there some parts of myself that I need to improve? Is there some parts of my relationships that I need to improve? Is there some parts of my happiness, my joy, my life that I need to improve? Because we always have something to improve upon. The thing that I always say is we all want terrible, I'm sorry, we always want great times, but it doesn't exist without the terrible. Great times

Starting point is 00:03:20 don't exist without terrible times. You can't appreciate the great times in your life unless you've had some terrible times. You can't appreciate the highs unless you've gone through the lows. You can't appreciate the love unless you've been alone. And that's the thing that we always try to avoid the things that are hard. We always try to stay where things are happy, where things are positive. And when they're not perfect, we feel like they should be perfect. And that's where we really start to get in our own way. You know, when we have the hard times, we start comparing our hard times to people's perfect times on Instagram. We start looking at their Instagrams and go, they look so happy. You know. They're traveling the world.

Starting point is 00:04:05 I'm so miserable at my job. What the hell am I doing wrong? And we start to think that way. And what I want you to know is this, people's lives on Instagram are not what the real lives are like. So not only do we go through these hard times, but now we're comparing our hard times

Starting point is 00:04:22 to other people's perfect times. And I always say that someone on Instagram is basically like the Wizard of Oz, right? but now we're comparing our hard times to other people's perfect times. And I always say that someone on Instagram is basically like the Wizard of Oz, right? The Wizard of Oz, this big, powerful, amazing thing. And that's what we portray this amazing, beautiful, perfect life on Instagram and on Facebook and on social media and everything. But really, we're all just a sweaty guy behind the curtain. That's how we all are. But we look at our life and we go,

Starting point is 00:04:47 man, I'm not where I wanna be. I still have this job that I hate. I'm not able to travel as much as I want to. I'm single and I wish that I had somebody, whatever it is that you want. And then you go on Instagram and Facebook and all of these places and you see other people who seem to have what you want, and it makes you

Starting point is 00:05:06 feel even worse about your circumstances. But I'm here to tell you that you're fine where you are. You don't have to be anywhere else. If you're going through hell, just keep going. You've heard that before. Don't stop. Don't cry about the hell. Just know that eventually it will stop. You know, I always say that the worst day of my life was the day that my father passed away. It's November 1st, 2001. That was the worst day of my life. The best day of my life was also November 1st, 2001. So the day that my dad died was the worst day of my life and also the best day of my life. It was the worst day of my life, obvious reasons, but it was the best day of my life, not because I wanted him to die. It was the worst day of my life and also the best day of my life. It was the worst day of my life, obvious reasons, but it was the best day of my life, not because I wanted him to die.

Starting point is 00:05:48 It was the best day of my life because it was the moment of my life where I realized what it is I wanted to do. Now, I didn't know that I would be doing what I'm doing now when I was 15 years old, but what I did know was that my dad was the very first person who I knew who passed away. was that my dad was the very first person who I knew who passed away. And I realized, holy crap, this actually really does end. Because a lot of times we live our life as if we have a second at bat. But we don't. We need to realize that.

Starting point is 00:06:21 And so what you have to realize is it was the worst day of my life, but it was also the best day of my life. It was the best day of my life because it gave me more drive to get as much as I can out of this life. It gave me more drive to do something good with my life, to do something for other people. And I'll tell you this right now, what I'm doing right now, the podcasts and the Facebook following and everything that I do, the Instagrams and all of this stuff and the millions of people who follow what I do, it's not for me. It's for them. And it wouldn't exist had my father not passed away. And so that's the thing that I had to realize is I realized, man, this is a really bad thing that happened to me. My father passed away. I don't wish that upon anybody to have to go through that. But how can I take this bad thing that happened to me. My father passed away. I don't wish that upon anybody to have to

Starting point is 00:07:05 go through that. But how can I take this bad thing and make sure that more good comes from it than the bad that came from it? So if you're in that position, how can you make sure that whatever bad you're going through, whatever bad you have gone through, or whatever bad you might go through in the future, that more good can come from it than bad. Because you don't get your lessons from the good times. You don't get lessons from the best times of your life. You get lessons from the dark times in your life. You get lessons from the time

Starting point is 00:07:37 when you don't think that you can go any further. You don't think that you can move another muscle. You don't think that you can breathe anymore. But you learn the most about yourself, the most about your life, and the most about don't think that you can breathe anymore, but you learn the most about yourself, the most about your life, and the most about what it is that you want to do in those times. You're going to have more good than bad. But what you have to realize is this, can you get more good than bad from the bad? Can you take something negative and find a way to make it positive? So yeah, you know,

Starting point is 00:08:06 my father's death was the worst day of my life, but then also I went, you know what, I'm going to figure out a way to make this good and not only good for myself, but good for other people as well. It's really what gave me a drive to do something because I know that me, the person you listen to right now, I'm going to stop breathing one day. me, the person you listen to right now, I'm going to stop breathing one day. I still have some breath. So it gives me the urgency to get things done now, to do what I can now, to help others now, to love as much as I can. And that's all stuff that I'm trying to improve upon. I'm not perfect on any aspect of it. But for you, if you've gone through hard times, what did you learn from it? Think about your past, the hard times you've gone through in the past, right? They probably really, really sucked when you went through them, right?

Starting point is 00:08:47 Think about them for a second. They were probably really bad when you were going through them. And you don't want to go through them again, but you probably don't regret going through them. Why? Because you learned a lot during that time. You learned about yourself. You learned about life. You got some good out of it. If you're going through a hard time now, stop and pause. Take a pen and paper out and ask yourself the question, what good can I get from this? What am I supposed to learn from this situation? You don't wish it upon anybody, but how can you turn that bad thing that you're going through into good? And when you have something bad happen in the future, which will probably happen, how can you sit there and go, you know what? I'm going to remember that one podcast episode. I'm going to take a pen and paper out and I'm

Starting point is 00:09:34 going to say, this sucks. If I'm being honest, it really sucks. If you're being really, really honest, you might cuss and scream and cry and punch things and hit things. But then you sit there and you go, okay, I got it out of me. Let me grab my pen and paper and cry and punch things and hit things. But then you sit there and you go, okay, I got it out of me. Let me grab my pen and paper and let me figure out what I'm supposed to learn from this. Because we are supposed to learn from the hard times. It's like the story of the twin boys. You know, two twin boys, they grew up with an alcoholic father and they grow up, you know, you find them 30 years down the road. And one of them is a really successful CEO. And the other one's an alcoholic. And they walk up to the one who's the alcoholic. And they say, hey, you know, why are you an alcoholic? And he says, I'm an alcoholic

Starting point is 00:10:16 because my father was an alcoholic. Okay. They walk up to the other brother who's a successful CEO. And they say, hey, why are you not an alcoholic? And he says, I'm not an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic. You have two people raised in the same place, same circumstance, but they got different meaning from the bad thing that happened to them in their life. Right? I know for me, I could be in a really bad place. I completely know that.

Starting point is 00:10:45 I completely understand that that's something that could have happened, but it didn't. And it's not me bragging about any sort of way, but it's just, I guess that 15 year old boy had at least a little bit of wisdom in him that said, you know what? This isn't it for me. I'm going to figure out a way to make this work. I'm going to figure out a way to make good from this. I remember, you know, my dad died on November 1st, 2001. I remember on my sister's 21st birthday, which was November 24th, 2001, 23 days later, I was in the front seat of the car. I was driving the car because I had my permit.

Starting point is 00:11:19 My mom was to the right of me and my sister was behind her. My mom asked the question, you know, now that your dad, it was, you know, this was 23 days after my father passed away. And he said, my mom said, what do you think about this? What are you learning from this? And actually she didn't even say that. She said, what do you think about it?

Starting point is 00:11:36 She didn't say, what did you learn? She said, what do you think about your father's death now that it's been about three weeks? And at 15 years old, I said, you know what? I think that if dad were to know how much good that's going to come from this, that he'd be okay with dying. And that's been my life mission since. I learned a lot. I went through a lot of really dark times through that, through other things, people that have died, people that have broken up with me, people that have cheated on me,

Starting point is 00:12:00 people that have done all these different things, but I've always tried to figure out a way to learn from it. And it's not easy to go through, but it's worthless to go through something hard if you don't learn from it because your lessons are in the dark time. So I'm gonna leave you with two questions. If you have a pen and paper, they'd be great to jot down.

Starting point is 00:12:18 These are two questions that if you're going through a hard time and next time you're going through a dark time, this is what I would have you ask yourself. Number one, what am I supposed to learn from this? What am I supposed to learn from this situation? if you're going through a hard time and next time you're going through a dark time, this is what I would have you ask yourself. Number one, what am I supposed to learn from this? What am I supposed to learn from this situation? And number two, what good can I take from this?

Starting point is 00:12:37 Number two, what good can I take from this? Because you can take anything and turn it into a lesson. You can also take anything that's bad and turn it good. But the most beautiful part about it is that you and only you are the one that dictates what you do or do not get out of it. So I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. When you're going through the hard times, keep going, keep learning, keep growing, and turn that negative into a positive. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

Starting point is 00:13:14 This podcast is supported by Morgan Stanley. At Morgan Stanley, we see the world with the wonder of new eyes, helping you discover untapped possibilities and relentlessly working with you to make them real. Because grit and vision working in lockstep puts you on the path to your full potential. Old School Grit, New World Ideas, Morgan Stanley. To learn more, visit morganstanley.com slash yus.

Starting point is 00:13:43 Investing involves risk. Morgan Stanley Smith Barney, LLC.

The Mindset Mentor - Lessons in the Darkness

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