The Mindset Mentor - Meet My Wife & Let’s Talk Relationships

Episode Date: March 8, 2024

Today, we're getting real with a very special guest - my incredible wife, Lauren!  We're peeling back the layers of our journey together over the past decade, sharing all the highs, lows, and lessons we've learned along the way.  From navigating different communication styles to embracing vulnerability and self-growth, we're keeping it genuine and raw, just like always. And hey, we're not here to pretend we've got it all figured out - we're just two imperfect souls trying to make this crazy thing called life work. So cozy up, and let's chat about love, relationships, and everything in between.  My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/book Here are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. I have a special guest and a special podcast that I'm doing right now. It might sound a little bit different to you guys. I'm in my living room and I'm with my amazing wife, Lauren. Hi. Lauren and I are going to talk about life. We're going to talk about our relationship. I want to start having Lauren on a little bit more to give you a little bit of perspective from a female because obviously it's a different perspective than me. But also I want to personally just share myself a little bit more versus just feeling like I'm only teaching. I

want to kind of give my perspective of life and a little bit more low key laid back way, like we're sitting on my couch right now. And, um, and you know, talk about love, talk about relationships, talk about life, talk about everything that happens as life happens. And, um, before we do that, Lauren and I are just going to talk about ourselves. And so in, in lessons that we've learned in the past 10 years of being together, in lessons we've learned about ourselves, but also we've learned about being in a relationship and making a relationship work. And we don't pretend to have it figured out in any sort of way.

We are two flawed individuals trying to figure this shit out. And so we just hope to give you guys a perspective. And maybe you can listen to it and say, hey, I learned something from that. If you don't care about love or relationships, you could definitely skip onto the next episode if you want to. No worries. We don't, it doesn't feel, we don't feel bad about it at all, but this is one of the reasons why I went from three episodes a week to four episodes a week last year. Uh, the podcast used to be Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Now it's Monday, Wednesday, Thursday Fridays. Cause I wanted to try to do a little bit more long form so that you guys can hear some banter.

And I'm going to interview people. People are going to interview me. We're going to have longer conversations. And so if you guys do like it, let us know. What we're going to do today is we're going to talk about our relationship over the past 10 years, what we've learned in different challenges and life circumstances that have come up. And then at the end, we're going to tell you guys why we're with each other. Why we choose to be together. Why we choose to be with each other. And that's how we're going to end today's episode. And so, Lauren, welcome to the podcast.

Thanks. I'm excited to be here and do this. I'm excited to have you here. Let's talk about the question that everybody always asks us, which is how we met. And so, Lauren, how did we meet? We met on a wine tour, which is perfect because we love wine. And we met through mutual friends. Was it somebody's birthday? Yeah, it was a friend Teresa's birthday. Okay, so it was a birthday tour,

like a party bus situation that I was actually late for, but I came with a girlfriend. We met up with all of you guys and I, uh, yeah, I was running late that day, which is why I didn't make it to the party bus on time. And I was hungry and I like plopped myself down eating like all of the like

meats and cheeses that I could find. And then that's when you walked up. Yeah. And then my friend who I walked up with Nathan at the time asked for some meat that you had. And so you started sharing your meat and cheeses with us. Yes. And we didn't exchange numbers after the party. We ended up going our separate ways.

And I was texting our mutual friend and saying, Hey, you guys could show we're at some bars downtown. This is when I used to party, right? We're down on six street. We're actually on dirty six if you've ever been to Austin. And I was like, come to this bar. And then 20 minutes after we left magically, you guys would be at that bar. And so you guys never actually met with us. We just kept missing you. Missing us by minutes. Yeah. And then, um, and then we ended up going to a, uh, it was me, you and our friend Alan, um, ended up going about a week later to brunch and we went to brunch and, uh, we had a really good day. We went to a bar, we were all watching football and we were playing,

uh, you know, giant Jenga. And then you left me and Alan because you had another date to go on with another guy. I did. But to be fair, I wasn't on a date with you. I wasn't, I mean, I was going to brunch with you and Alan and yeah, I had had another, I mean, that was like a last minute thing too. It's not like we're going to meet this weekend and we're going to go to brunch. And then I was like, okay, cool. So I'll plan my second date of the day for later. No, like I just happened to already, I had been talking to somebody else for a little bit and had a date planned with him that night. So, uh, my wife left me to go on another date is what we're saying. You say it like that now. It's, uh, it sounds crazy, but it really wasn't. Um, but what's really interesting about the whole thing is, uh, I, uh, I turned to my

friend at the time and I was like, don't worry, he's going to fuck it up. And that night he fucked it up. He got too drunk. He started yelling, getting belligerent. And you were like, I'm not dealing with this. You were out pretty much immediately, which was awesome. So, um, and then what happened was we didn't have each other's numbers and, uh, you got my number from a mutual friend of ours and you just text me out of nowhere. And, um, and you were like, Hey, what are you doing this

weekend? And, um, so you hit me up and then we didn't meet up and I kept trying to basically say like, Hey, do you want to go on a date? You want to go on, like, keep, keep trying to do it. And then the followup was strong. The followup was strong. And then you just kept basically ghosting me. Yeah. Well, I also lived in a different city. So at the time I was living in San Antonio and you were here in Austin. So, um, yeah, I don't know. I was like at a point in time where I was really into just like living my life single. I wasn't really looking for a relationship and it wasn't that I was like actively trying to ghost you. It just kind of kept falling off my radar. Yeah. I was like, he's so sweet. Oh my God. I'm going to get back to him later.

And then I just didn't. Yeah. So, um, so, uh, the thing about it is i was always in sales and so i always knew from being in sales you just keep following up until somebody says no so you had never said no to me right and i was like all right well she kind of she got my number she was kind of it she was interested i guess i'm gonna keep following up i think this chick's awesome i think she's really beautiful and i was like i'm to just keep following up until she says no. And she never said no. And eventually we went on a date and, uh, that was July. I'm sorry. That was January 11th of 2014. So we've been together for 10 years now. And, um, you were like, you're, you're kind of, your intention was I'm going to go on it. Cause you had been single

for a while. I'm going to go on a date with this guy and it's probably going to prove that I don't like this guy. Like he's great. He's good. But I just don't want to date right now. I didn't have anything to lose. So I figured like, let's just go for it. Yeah. So we went on a date and what happened? I liked you a lot. And then you left the next day. I left the next day for six weeks to go training for a company I was with. So then Lauren liked me and I liked her. And then the very next day I left to go to Tampa for training for a company I was with. So then Lauren liked me and I liked her. And then the very next day I left to go to Tampa for training for a company that I worked with back then for six weeks. Which was perfect. Okay.

Because we did the old school like talking on the phone for hours. Sounds super corny and it's not something I'm into by any means. I don't actually like talking to people on the phone. Neither do I. So it was like the little ritual, like I would get off work and then we'd talk to each other. I think you were watching like Dexter or something at that point. And you would like, I was watching Breaking Bad. And you would tell me about it and we would just talk and talk and like all the little giggly, cute stuff at the beginning. and you were 25 at the time and I was 27. Yeah. So we got to know each other really well because all we did was talk for like the first six weeks. And so

I think that was actually huge because by the time we saw each other for our like technically second date, I remember being so nervous because I like knew you and I really cared. Like I had a lot invested, a lot of time invested in like getting to know you. And so I liked you and then seeing you again in person was like, Oh my God, he's actually here. Yeah. It was fun. Yeah. So, and we came into the relationship as two completely flawed individuals with two completely different perspectives of life and ways that we were triggered. You know, I was 27, she was 25. And so we still, to this day, we will never say that we have anything figured out or anything perfected. We're going to give our perspective of life and love and relationships and, you know,

maybe people will get some value out of it. Um, but, uh, you weren't into personal development at all. And it was something that I like eat, sleep and breathe at that point. And you weren't really into it. And, um, and at that point in time, what we're going to talk about it as we go through this episode today, besides learning us as we're going to talk about what we've learned about ourselves and about being in a relationship with another person. And one of the things that, that I want to dive into is you at the beginning of the relationship saw a heightened emotional state as a, um, equaling like interest. Right. And so, um, so walk us through that and I'll kind of give my perspective of it. So with past relationships that you came in, you were used to some, some

heightened states, some yelling, some, all of that stuff. And you equated that with like, Hey, that means passion. That means that someone's interested. That means love in some sort of way. Right. Yeah. I think you actually said it really well. Um, earlier it was kind of like the more emotion that came through, which was really kind of like, just like drama or passion meant like there was something you were fighting for and you are so chill and very grounded and so i was i was working pretty hard to try to get something out of you yeah to show me that i was worth fighting for yeah yeah or that you cared because that's how i perceived it at the time. And I had no idea,

right. Because I'm like, I, I wasn't very self-aware at that point. I was 25 years old, just like used to whatever my past relationships had been. So it was an interesting thing getting your response or lack of at first, because to me it felt like you didn't care. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, and for me, I've just never really seen the reason to yell at somebody or to, to, um, to be that way. And so I've always just thought, you know, kind of like the golden rule, like you treat people how you want to be treated. And so, um, but there's also, it's, we can, we're going to talk about in other episodes, like, it's just very hard to offend me. Um, yeah, just because of, uh, of, I think I just have after, you know, 19 years of working myself, just a really good idea of who I am. And for someone to get mad at me is just their

perspective or, you know, whatever it might be. And, um, we had one moment, I'm curious your perspective of it and how it, I feel like it shifted after one moment specifically where, um, I was sober cause I was driving. I don't love this story. We don't have to tell the whole details, but the details, the very high level overview is that you had been drinking. We're at a pool party. I was completely sober. You had come over and said something to me and you were trying to get emotion out of me. Like you were trying to think rude. Like, let's just be clear. I, I mean, you can say what I said if you want to, but no, it doesn't matter. She had said something very rude. Like, let's just be clear. I mean, you can say what I said if you want to.

No, it doesn't matter. She had said something very rude. And my response to you is I looked you dead in the eye and your friend Nicole was right there. And I said, number one, nobody speaks to me that way. And number two, we're going to have a conversation about this later when we leave. I was like, and, um, it wasn't in, and I was having me having grown up. I would have, there's many other relationships where i would have just taken what you said and be like there's something wrong with me but i think i just got to the point where i knew what i wanted to knew how i wanted to treat somebody i knew how i wanted to be treated and i feel like everything shifted after that moment and you really didn't equate okay really heightened emotion with actually caring or be worthy you

know something to fight for right well because what you were right. And I could clearly see what I did was wrong and you dealt with it in a very direct and mature way. So there was no like, you know, Oh my God, I have to defend what I did. Oh my gosh. Like, I can't believe he said that to me or whatever. It's just like, you put me in my place at that point when I needed to be put in my place. Cause I was being a brat and I was being rude. And so I was like, Oh, there's just no room for that in this relationship. And so I respected it and made perfect sense. Yeah. And, and like about 10 minutes later, you actually walked up to me and apologized. And so we'd even have to really go into it deeply. We did a little bit in the car. And so one of the things that we were thinking is

how did we come into this relationship and what it would have, how do we come in as flawed individuals? And one of the things that we learned, and I think that was one of the things that you really learned was that, um, just because someone's not yelling or quote unquote, passionate, extremely high in emotions, doesn't mean somebody doesn't care and doesn't mean that somebody doesn't think that you're worth fighting for. Um, on the other side, me, the way that I came into the relationship and the way that I had not been good in other relationships was, uh, I didn't know how to let myself be vulnerable. And so I think that you had sensed that there was a wall up and it was really hard for me to like fully open up. Right. Yeah. And I'm such like an open book and I give love very

quickly and freely and you were different. Yeah. So I think that as much as my natural tendency was to try to just like be vulnerable and open up to you, I could sense that you weren't completely. So then I kind of started to match that a little and it created a little bit of a wall, a barrier between us, which over time it did do a little bit of a toll on us. I think what really helped, you know, we moved in with each other about a year and a half in what really helped me kind of understand my, um, problem with vulnerability was I went to a poker tournament and in a poker tournament, the guy who sat next to me was a relationship therapist.

And it was probably about a year and a half, two years into our relationship. And he's like, oh, you're a girlfriend and you should come in. And I was like, that sounds cool. Let's just see what this guy has to say. Yeah. And so we went in and I think what was really cool about going in and seeing a relationship therapist was that he kind of made, I think I left that. I remember driving after and being like, oh my God, I feel like I know myself so well and I feel like Lauren knows me so well.

Yeah, it definitely helped. It definitely helped us because I felt like we were kind of not seeing each other fully. And sometimes, you know, and it's not like there's anything wrong with the relationship. It was just like we went into it of like, hey, let's try to see how we can improve and understand each other better. And, you know, he had recommended a couple of books for us. One thing that I do remember, he specifically like hit me really hard was I was telling him about my childhood and I was telling him about my father and, you know, and stuff.

And he said, he said, yeah, you were neglected as a child. And I was like, no, I wasn't like, because in neglect, I'm thinking in my mind, like I had food. I literally remember this moment. I like saw something click in you when he said that. And I was like, yeah. And so I was like, no, I wasn't like, I was, everything was fine. Like I was thinking like neglect means like somebody wasn't there that I wasn't taking

care of or there, you know, um, that there wasn't food or water or any of that shelter. And, and he goes, no, you know, um, that there wasn't food or water or any of that shelter. And, and he goes, no, you were emotionally neglected. And I was like, oh yeah, that makes sense. And he said, so you guys basically have different, um, love styles. And he, he taught us like how our nervous systems react to each other. And he said, Rob, if, and there was a book that, that there's an audio book that everybody can listen to if they want to. It's called Wired for Love. And he had us listen to that.

The same guy who wrote that also wrote the book Attached Years Down the Road, which he talks about attachment styles. And the way that he described it is there's three different ways that someone's nervous system is wired for love based off of their childhood. And for you, the phrase was you are an anchor. So there's an anchor, there's an Island, there's a wave. An anchor is someone who's like very firmly set, you know, both of your parents are still together. Um, and so you were kind of like, felt like love was in the household for me. I was an Island, which, which means like I was used to being alone and, um, you get used to being alone when you're a child. And so, you know, my mom had to work a couple of different jobs. Uh, my father wasn't always there. I was what they call latchkey

kids. So like I would walk home, you know, after, after school bus and I let myself in at like nine years old and I was just used to being alone. And then a wave of someone who bounces in between Island and anchor. And, um, and I remember specifically because you would come in and want to give me love like immediately and it didn't feel safe. And the reason why I didn't feel safe is because in the way he explained it is that you need to give Rob's nervous system time to get used to your nervous system because he's so used to being alone that you can't just fly into a room and be like, Oh my God, I'm so glad to see you. And, and, and, um, you know, obviously that's changed a lot over past eight years, but, um, for you to understand like his nervous system is not accepting yours

immediately. Yeah. That was huge for me to hear because I remember still even like hearing him tell us that I couldn't understand it because it was so, I mean, I could understand what he was saying, but to wrap my head around how I needed to support that was something that took me a little bit of time because it was so different from my own experience. Yeah, for sure. And I think that was actually one thing that really kind of, that was probably one of the biggest moments first in our relationship was, uh, was both of us going, yeah, we should work on this thing and try to get better at it, which I think is, um, you know, putting an effort is something that I think a lot of people want to see in a relationship. And so, you know, we got the audio book wired for love. Um, we got the, uh, the five

love languages. We started figuring out each other's love languages so that it wasn't like, like one of your love languages is, is, um, acts of service. Right. And so top one, right. It's your top one. Yeah. So like you, she thinks our cleaning lady is the most amazing person in the world. They've never had a conversation. She doesn't even speak the same language as her, but she loves our cleaning lady, uh, Flora Sita because she does acts of service for us. Right. And so for me, like even reading that was like, Oh, I didn't so like you know the other night you were we've been i've been like fresh squeezing orange juice right and so like yeah and so like you were in the bathtub and i was like oh i'm gonna give her some orange juice and so i made her some orange juice and brought it to her because

that is an act of service it was great i loved that right and i didn't realize that that is how you feel loved which i think is really important when people are in relationships is we tend to, to give love the way that we want to be loved, but it's not always exactly the same. And so it's kind of like with love languages, they are languages. Like you could be speaking a different language with someone that you're in a relationship with. Oh yeah. It's very common. And so, um, I think that's important for people to understand is I think what, you know, that, what that was kind of a catalyst and kind of a changing point for us because of the fact that we both saw each other putting in effort. And I think that that made both of us realize, oh, this person wants to be with me. They want to work on this. They want to get better

versus try to keep things the same all the time. Right. And then for me too, because I wasn't really into personal development, like I had said before, my level of awareness was kind of low, but I also hadn't done a deep enough dive into like, well, why is Rob the way he is? So it helped give me a new perspective because I had a better understanding of you and I wanted for you to feel loved and I wanted for you to feel safe accepting love so it was also like just a huge aha moment for me to see more of who I was with and how I played an actual like very important role in your life in supporting you because and I wanted to support you. So it became more exciting actually, I think too, to, um, to work on the relationship. Yeah. And then, um, you know, about two and a half years into our relationship, we decided to go travel for six months. Yeah. And, um, you ended up leaving

the company that you were with, which was scary as fuck for me, right. Which was very scary. You had never had a business before I had businesses before, before, before that. And so I helped you grow a social media marketing company about six months before leaving. And so I'm curious with, with starting the business and also traveling, what do you feel like that did for you, but also for the relationship as well? So we'd already been together for about three, three and a half years at that point. Yeah. 2000, two and a half, 17, two and a half. Okay. So I, um, I knew it was going to make or break us because we were kind of at this point where like we'd been working on things, but I mean, I'm not going to pretend like I was already thinking like Rob is the man I'm going to be with for the rest of my life.

I wasn't sure. I was also terrified to leave what I, at that point in time, I believed I was leaving my career and everything I'd worked hard for to start this thing on my own. And then also like moving way out of my comfort zone to travel for six months, which I had already done. I traveled by myself for three months. So I was definitely way. I was definitely more in my comfort zone than you were.

I had already started businesses before. I had already traveled for three months by myself. You had never started a business before and you had never traveled for an extended amount of time. Yeah. So I was just jumping in. And also, I mean, like it was just going to be me and you, you and I, and I didn't know what that was going to be like, just you and I for six months away from home. And so I was like, this is either going to make us or break us by the end of the trip. I mean, it made us because the relationship that we came back with versus the one we left with was completely different. You supported me in so many ways from helping me

believe in myself with my business, but also like I had breakdowns in like every new city we went to along the way. It was like the travel days were always the ones that got me. Remember that? I would have like a literal breakdown every travel day. So we would typically spend about 10 days in any city. And it got really hard when we were in Prague. And I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. Yeah. My family had come to visit us while we were in Italy. And then we left to go to Prague. We'd been in Italy, I think already for like about a month. So I had established some sort of like normalcy there, but then like kind of like shook everything up again, already saw my family for the one time I was going to see them over the six months. And then, yeah. So like you supported me through all of that. And that was just one of the components that shifted

everything in our relationship, but also like experiencing so many things, being out of my comfort zone, but feeling safe with you. That was huge is that I never felt unsafe or like, I didn't think that you couldn't take care of us while we were doing it. And so coming back with you and the relationship that we had at that point, it completely made our relationship. Yeah. I forgot that you had so many breakdowns until you just said it. Cause I'm like, there were so many, uh, there was the first day when we were in New York and we stayed in New York for a couple of days and then we were about to leave to sleep that night. Cause you missed Toby so much. Yeah. I was like, Toby's going to think I abandoned him. And I literally did for six months. So

I was a long one. Right. Right. Right. You did have a breakdown in Prague. I remember you had a breakdown. We went to Croatia. There was multiple breakdowns. That was like heat induced breakdown to the place. We're very tired. We missed our flight. And so, um, yeah, I didn't even think about that as, as I think that I think that the main thing that you probably saw is like support and not being like, you're ridiculous, get out of here and yelling at you for another breakdown after another breakdown every 10 days after we'd be on another trip somewhere. You were a very grounded, solid constant for me among all of the like chaos that was going on in my mind and like around me, I felt. Yeah. And so then, and it was, it was good because we were together for six months and

we had like no fights. We had no blowups. Nothing went crazy. I mean, we were on this trip where we were just staying in the tightest, closest, little smallest places all the time, working together. Yeah. We, I don't think there was a single day actually throughout that entire trip that we weren't together. So no, there wasn't. And that's pretty wild when you think about a couple being together only with one another for six months straight. And I didn't feel like I'm like, so we came back around Christmas, you went to Florida and I went to San Antonio and I legitimately missed you after I'd been with you for six months straight. Like that, that means something. Yeah. Yeah. So that was another big thing that changed for us. And then, um, what also I think changed and we're just going through different parts of

our relationship and how it's changed and how we've changed through it, um, was both of us doing psychedelics separately. Um, and so I went and did psychedelics, uh, before you had ever done psychedelics. And so I'm curious, I'll give you my perspective of you and I want to hear your perspective of me. And then also tell you what I changed, what I feel like changed within me. So when I went and did psychedelics, um, what do you feel like the shift was within me? What did you notice? Um, well, there were some key things, but your self-awareness went up a lot. You also became more conscious of like your sense of control or your false

sense of the control that you really wanted to have, but just, you know, like all of us don't have. Um, and I think you also, as psychedelics will do bring you in touch with your true self and there's a much more loving side of you that existed that you just hadn't really allowed to like emerge or show up as much. And so that was one of the big shifts in helping you get closer to that true loving version of you. And it's, I mean, since then, obviously there's been a lot between then and now, but that was one of the first big shifts I think I really noticed in you, which was amazing because I love to give love and obviously I love to receive it. And it was coming through much more at that point after the psychedelics.

Yeah. that point after the psychedelics. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that, um, probably the thing that psychedelics and I don't recommend it for everybody, but for people who are further along in their journey, it can help. And I think that what it did for me was it allowed me to kind of see past this false identity I had created for myself and kind of be like, Oh, I'm not that person. Um, this, you know, I remember thinking like, what happened to that? Like sweet little boy that like used to pick flowers for his mom. Like where'd he go? Yeah. You know, he's becoming, he's become so like, so, uh, rigid and harsh and brash and, and that's not my true self. That's my conditioned self. So how to get back to like who I truly am. Yeah. And so, um,

and yeah, my, my sense of control changed completely because it, the, you know, it was really, the first night was really, really hard because I tried to control it and it got so bad. Yeah. And I was like, why was it so bad? And it was like, it, you know, the messages that I got was, it was so bad because you try to control everything and you're going to ruin every relationship that you have if you try to control everything. And, uh, the reason why is because people bring variables and you just have to be okay with the unknown. Yeah. And I was like, oh, it all starts to make sense.

And so it's not about just doing the psychedelics, but it's also about the integration of whatever you learn into your real life. And that's actually what kind of started happening. Yeah. And then so, you know, I had worked on myself and put a whole lot of work on myself and I've slowly started to feel like my false constricted, really tight.

I get out just like white knuckle my way through life started to kind of slowly dissolve and still slowly dissolving, you know, seven years later. Um, but you went and did it, uh, years after the first time I did a couple of years after the first time I did it, a couple of years after the first time I did it. And what was really interesting about our relationship is you at this point still had never been into self-development. And so it took you, it took you five years into our relationship before you even started thinking

about it. So for people that are out there that, that always send me messages and they're like, well, my spouse doesn't like to read and they don't like to go to conferences. Well, my girlfriend didn't for the first five years of our relationship. And I have been obsessed with trying to improve myself for, you know, you started in getting into it 13 years after I did. Right. So it was like a long time. And, um, my whole thing was just like, Hey, maybe it's something that I'm into. And I can just accept that it's not something that she's into.

And that's where I got to. I had bought you books. I had said, Hey, let's go to conferences. Let's do these things. Let's hire coaches. And you're like, no, I'm good. Because your original perspective on self-development was what I thought, because especially like what I'd seen with you, I knew your past.

And I mean, of course you would throw up like that, uh, Tony Robbins, I'm not your guru video. And I would watch it and I'd be like, wow, these people have gone through such intense, traumatic situations and you lost your dad and he was, you know, to alcoholism. And I mean, I looked back on my own, you know, life and childhood and it was just great. There's like no big traumatic events, nothing really terrible had happened. So I believed that it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't perfect. It wasn't trauma filled. Right. But you know, of course, when I hear other people's stories and hearing your story, I thought, Oh my God, these people have this like major stuff that they had to go through. No wonder they're into personal development because they need to heal that. But I don't have anything. I don't

have anything wrong with me. I didn't think I was perfect, but I just didn't think that, um, I don't know. It's almost like I didn't think I qualified for it or something. Right. So then, um, the universe rocks you as the universe does. Yeah. And you had a friend and her two daughters pass away. Right. And it was interesting because when I come back from doing psychedelics, it was you and three of your friends were sitting outside that week and like asking me all of these questions and like, oh my God, you seem so peaceful. It seems like you've gotten so much from it.

Then, you know, the things happen, happen with one of your friends and her two daughters. And then all four of you decided to go do it, do psychedelics. And I'm curious how that shifted your perspective of you, of life, but also of love in general. I mean, it was a lot at once, um, because I lost my friend Nicole and her two daughters in January. And by March we went on our trip to Costa Rica and, um, you know, there's a lot that happens and a lot that you think about when you lose somebody that you're close to. And so it made me ask a whole bunch of questions and think things through completely differently. And then going and doing psychedelics, like literally just flipped everything on its head. And I became so much more aware of myself and also completely opened me up to spirituality in a new way. And so it was like, holy shit. I came back from that fully saying, okay, there's a lot that I need to work through. There's a lot that I did work through,

but I need to integrate it now. And, um, there's this whole other realm like dimension. There's so much more beyond what is here in front of me, which I think that in itself too, it was just like, Oh my God, like energy and, and just everything made so much more sense because I learned about it while I was there, but I experienced it. And so that I think was the biggest shift for me to step into personal development. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so then you, it was crazy. Like you just decided to start getting into personal development. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so then you, it was crazy. Like you just decided to start getting into personal development. So you started reading books and learning about yourself and, you know, getting a certification in heart math and you got all of these different

things that you started doing. And, um, and so it shifted a lot for you. And that was, I think, a big change for both of us. And I think that one of the biggest pieces to, cause you know, a lot of people say like, there's two different sides. Either relationships are supposed to be hard or relationships are supposed to be easy. And I don't think that it's either one, but I do think that it becomes easier if both people are working on themselves. And I think that our relationship became a whole lot easier when it was me working on becoming the best version of myself and you working on the best version of yourself and us realizing that if we were triggered, it was not the other person's fault. It was just something that happened and we became triggered, which is

our fault versus blaming it on the other person. I'm just glad you waited for me to get into this because if I was you, I might've been like, ah, you know, you do your thing, you be on your path, but it is challenging. So I understand when there's people that come with the question of, you know, what do I do if my partner isn't into this? Because you start to notice the things that are holding you back and you could see it and maybe, you know, what's happening for them and you want to help them, but you can't make anybody do anything. But you know, everybody comes around. Obviously I am an example when the time is right. And you, you know, you just have to trust

that it's going to happen exactly as it's supposed to. You can't force it and you wouldn't want to because then it wouldn't be authentic. And the only reason why it becomes easier when both people are working on themselves is because both people wanted to. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's a big key point. And that's really what people are looking for when they start getting into self-development is I'm starting to work on myself. It'd be really nice if my partner put in the same amount of effort for themselves, because I think our relationship would be better. But, um, and I'll tell you, you know, when we, when we get into it in just a second of like why we each decided to be with each other, why I decided to stay, cause that's a piece of it. And we'll talk about that at the end. But, um, you know, there were so many benefits of being

in the relationship anyways, and so many benefits of you that I was like, okay, maybe this is just my thing. Like some people are into golf and some people are not. I was like, maybe this is just my thing that I'm into is just improving myself. And yeah, I did have a, a little bit more turmoil in my, my childhood than you did. So maybe that's just the way that it goes. And, um, and I do think that our relationship got a lot better after we both just went, well, I'm going to work on myself and I'm going to be dedicated to this thing. Um, another thing I think that was really big in our relationship that's been very different than everybody else's is we never, ever really cared about other people's timelines. And so, you know, everybody else has these, these different timelines of, oh yeah, you've been

together for a couple of years. Now it's time to get engaged. And so we never really gave a shit about that. We always just kind of like, Hey, we're having a great time. We're traveling. You know, we were going on long trips every single year. Basically we both worked from home. We spent, I mean, at this point in time, we've probably spent more time, physical time in each other's presence than a couple that's been together married for 50 years. Cause we're together all day, every day, basically. And, um, and so like most people were like, Oh, you know, we had so many family members that were like, when are you guys going to do it? When are you guys going to get married? When are you going to get engaged? And so we didn't get engaged for seven years. Um, and then we didn't get

married until, you know, uh, nine years, nine, almost nine years. Um, and so, uh, we never really went by anybody else's timeline. So I have an idea of, of why I think that is for me and my perspective, but I'm curious your perspective of like our timeline compared to other people's timelines. Oh, I think if you compare it to other people's timelines, they would think we, you know, took things really slowly or other people's expectations. Yeah. I mean, to be honest, I think something that's really important is just to do what feels right to you. And that's all we ever did was just what felt right to us. Yeah.

I think you and I also fall under the same belief that marriage isn't really going to change anything. Right. Um, so we really like had everything we wanted with just being together. And I mean, we had already been living together for a while. We had bought a house. There wasn't really anything that was holding us back from feeling totally

safe with each other because of all this work we'd been doing. You know, I didn't, we weren't looking for something outside of us to change what was happening between us. So the marriage wasn't going to change anything. So I don't think that that's, or I think that that's why we didn't feel like rushed. Yeah. And you know, I've just never really cared what people think all that much. Yeah. You don't care about that. There is 0% of Rob that cares what anybody thinks about him ever, which is nice. It's been a good example for me because I haven't always felt that way.

And I can't say I truly do yet. There's still parts of me that care, but yeah, not like you working on that. I mean, I just feel like, and it goes back to like, I do believe in,

and we can talk about this in a future episode, but I really truly believe like deeply in my intuitive sense that I do have. I think my intuition is very strong. It is very strong. And, um, it's never really swayed me in any sort of way. And so for somebody who doesn't know me as well as I know me to try to tell me what I should do with my life or how I should act has never really resonated with me. So true. And so I think that a lot, I think that for a lot of people, it just becomes, you become more confident in yourself. You become more confident in your intuition, in your path in life, the more that you work on yourself. The more that you are like, hey, yeah, this is who I am. And as we're on it, there was never a moment where I was like, oh, man, we should hurry up and go by other people's timelines.

And then it happened perfectly, exactly as it should. And I'll say this this then we decided to get married and as we decided to get married then we're like should we do a wedding should we not do a wedding family people wanted us to have a wedding you know then we started thinking about how many people would be there and what it would look like and stuff yeah and so then you know we talked to other people that are like well yeah we didn't want to have a wedding but we did because my parents wanted us and we started talking to people who we started realizing that some people had rushed their relationship because of other people outside of them that wanted them to rush

the relationship, like their parents or their family. Then we found other people, sometimes the same people who had didn't, they wanted to just go in a lope somewhere, but they had this huge wedding. There was a huge hassle with a whole bunch of people that they kind of knew and didn't really know. And they felt obligated to invite someone because her mom said, this person used to watch you when you were three years old. And I haven't seen, you haven't seen him in 30 something years. And, um, we were like, you know what? Like, let's just go and get married one day. And so, um, we, uh, we decided, I called up my friend, who's the friend who you and I actually went on the brunch that you left me at, our friend Alan, who we're both really good friends with.

Um, and Alan's already like an ordained minister or whatever the phrase is. And I call him up and I was like, Hey, do you want to marry us next week? And he's like, sure. And so it was me, you, him, and then John, who's behind the camera right now, who's the videographer. He was there taking pictures and bear. And so it was basically me, you and Alan. And we did the ceremony and then we went to our favorite restaurant and it was perfect exactly as we wanted it. We got married and we didn't have to do the whole hassle, but we did kind of what we wanted to do. Yeah. We, before that we did a, um, cacao ceremony. It was a love and gratitude ceremony on two 22, 22 in Tulum, in Tulum. That was fun. And then we

also did afterwards after the, uh, the legal ceremony with Alan, we, we had like a dinner with our closest family and friends. It was just like a celebration of being 30 people at our house. Yeah. But it was great because I think what we wanted was just to bring the people that we love the most into one space to have them all together. Cause that to me was like the coolest part of a wedding is that you get to have all these people in one place together to celebrate. And so we did that. That's what we wanted to do.

So it all looked a little different than what like the classic wedding situation looks like now, but it felt right for us and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Yeah, it was great. The one thing that I've noticed though, is that as we're, we were talking about making this episode is that we've noticed that with every like major life event, I feel like we've actually become closer in everything that we've. So, you know, with the doing psychedelics, with traveling, with seeing the guy who is the therapist, with starting a business, starting your business, with us getting engaged, with us getting married. A year and a half ago, Toby, your dog passed away. Your dog originally, my dog as well, passed away.

And every life event that tends to happen, I feel like it can test a relationship, but with testing relationship could also make the relationship stronger. And I feel, I'll give you my perspective, you give me yours, that everything that's ever happened to us, our relationship just tends to get more and more strong. And I think we actually find more ways to love each other through everything that happens. Yeah, it really has. And it's been kind of like the silver lining of the harder things because it gives you an opportunity. It's given me an opportunity to see you in a new light because there's like a new depth that we've reached together. It's always been like really beautiful. And it's, it's cool because our relationship is so amazing and it deserves this like certain

level of respect. One of the most quality relationships I've ever had, if not like the most quality relationship. And so I feel like it deserves a lot of respect. And when these things happen, the respect that comes out of you and the respect that I want to like show up with when you know somebody that you love so much is going through something or they really need you. It's like, you just step up because it means so much. And so it's been, yeah, like even through like the harder things, it's created really beautiful opportunities to step up. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I would a hundred percent agree with that. And, um, you know, what I want to, uh, finish us off with is, um, and obviously now you guys have, you know, about 40 ish minutes of getting to know me a little bit better, getting to know Lauren a little bit better.

No, this is long for you guys. Yeah. This is long for the podcast, right? Um, so if you guys have questions that you want to ask us, I actually, you can go to ask Robin Lauren.com and you can just put questions down that you want us to answer in future episodes or topic ideas. Uh, the more detailed your questions, uh, the more that we can actually give really detailed and thorough answers. So if it's like, why are you together? That's a hard thing to answer. But if it's like more in depth, um, we can try to do it and whether it's on relationships, whether it's on life, whether it's on, you know, being a man or being a woman or, you know, our masculine sides, our feminine sides, any of those types of things, whatever question you guys have, you can go to askrobinlauren.com. And, uh, and I'll finish it off,

uh, with why we decided to be with each other. Cause someone had sent us a message and said, how did you know that Lauren was the one? And I was like, I personally don't believe that there is just one person in this earth that's made for you. I think that you find somebody that you align with very well and you decide, hey, this is a person I'm going to work with. This is a person that's worth me putting in the effort and the having hard conversations when hard conversation you had and, and putting in the effort. So, um, I changed that question instead of like, how did you know she was a one? Because I don't think there was like one moment where I was like, Oh my God, she's the one. But I think it's just a lot of little moments that kind of showed me, um, yeah, this is what I want. This is what I want my

children to experience all of that. So I'm curious with you, um, you know, for you first and then I'll go, uh, why did you decide to be with me? Well, I think I've kind of actually touched on this a little bit, but the main things are safety. I've never felt more safe with anybody. I mean, obviously I felt a lot of safety with my parents, but with you, that was never a question. What do you mean? Do you mean physical safety or

emotional safety? Both actually. And I'm glad you asked that because it was both safe to be vulnerable, safe to be myself physically. Like I knew you would never put us into some, you know, crazy situation. Um, I trusted you a lot. You've always given me plenty of reason to trust. You've never really given me any reason not to, which is huge. And then also I just have so much fun with you. And I genuinely enjoy being around you, clearly a lot, you know, for large quantities of time. You make me laugh. And I just, I think also you've always managed to impress me. I've always been like, whoa, because I always want to take things to a level

that I might've never even imagined. So like you've shown me so much more as possible. And that's exciting. That's so freaking cool and fun. So it was like, for me, it's all of those things altogether that was like, this is a no brainer. Yeah, mine was, and I've told you this before,

is I was like, wow, this woman loves so deeply. And so I think that one of the reasons why I was able to experience you with Toby is because I was like, oh, my God, if she loves that dog, which I love that dog so much, too, as deeply as she does and gives love so freely and so amazing, like how amazing would it be for her to like, it's a, for me to start to be able to experience that and know it and be able to like, Oh my God, can I open myself up to it?

Is it safe to open myself up to it? But also like, what would it be like to raise children in that environment of just like love is, is omnipresent. Right. And so for me, I think that was the main thing. Obviously we have a lot of fun. We get along real well. We almost never have fights. We might have little like bickering things that last 15 seconds at most. But, um,

but I think the main thing was, was I was like, yeah, I think that I feel in going back to safety, I feel emotionally safe. There's, and this is something that we're going to talk about the next time that we talk about, we have another episode that's going to be called something like, what is love? And we talk about love, which is, um, I don't feel like you ever tried to change me or tell me that I couldn't do something. Right. Um, and so that's big for me because I like doing crazy shit and I like doing things that people have never done before that I've never done before. And every time I'm like, Hey, I want to try this thing.

You're like, okay, cool. Go for it. Right. And so I think I felt very supported in never, it was always just, you know, I see love as acceptance almost as interchangeable. And I think that I always just felt like I was always accepted as I was. You never wanted to change me. You never wanted me to be different. You never wanted me to be different.

You never wanted me to be who you wanted to be, wanted me to be, but just like, Hey, I'm going to love him as he is. And so I felt like that was omnipresent. And then I was like, that's, I see how much she loves that dog. And I want my children to be raised in that, uh, in a house that feels that. Yeah. So that's my answer. I love that.

I love that too. So everybody, um, once again, if you have questions for us, you can go to ask feels that. Yeah. So that's my answer. I love that. I love that too. So everybody, once again, if you have questions for us, you can go to askrobinlauren.com. We're going to do some more of these. I don't know how often we're going to do them. Maybe once a month, maybe twice a month. Who knows? But you can go ahead and go to that website

and we'll start talking a little bit more. There's, you know, there might've been, we planned this over breakfast. So there might've been things that we missed. I'm sure there's things that we missed over our relationship. And once again, we never think that we're perfect that we've got it all figured out at all. Um, really what it comes down to is we're just going

to authentically share who we are as people and ourselves. And hopefully people can say, oh man, I learned something from that. Yeah, that'd be great. That's what we've got for you for today's episode. Everybody. If you love this, please share it with a friend, share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob dial junior. You can also tag Lauren. Lauren Pena Dial is her Instagram. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you guys have an amazing day.