The Mindset Mentor - Never Care About Other's Opinions Again

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

If you care about what people think about you, then this episode is definitely for you! I will share with you my #1 mindset shift to help you not care about other's opinions anymore.Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. I hope you're having a beautiful day. Today, we're going to be talking about other people's opinions of you. And I want to give you a scenario real quick, okay? Let's say that I'm having a conversation with a guy named John. And John goes, you know what, Rob? I really don't like mashed potatoes. And that's what he says. That's all he says. I don't like mashed potatoes. You know what else I don't like? I don't like sunsets either. Well, then now I know that John does not like mashed potatoes? John also does not like sunsets. Let me ask you a question. Does that have anything to do with me? No, that has nothing to do with me. Who does

it have something to do with? John. And only John, right? Because that's John's opinion on mashed potatoes. That's John's opinion in his stance on sunsets. But if John comes up to me and he says, Rob, I really don't like you. Does that have anything to do with me? Think about that for a second. Does it? I don't think that it does. Do you know who it has to do with? John. If John says, you know what? I don't really like the way that you speak. I don't like the cuss words that you say. I'm like, okay, well, that's your opinion. That's how you feel. But that has nothing to do with me. What other people think of me is actually none of my business. What other people think of you is also none of your business. Now, do you get offended when

John says that he doesn't like mashed potatoes? No, probably not. But if John says, hey, I don't like your hair, and he's speaking directly to you, do you start to feel a little bit worthless? Do you start to feel maybe like you're not enough? Because here's the thing. We all have worth issues. Everybody that I've ever met has some sort of worth issues. And it comes from a lot of different places. It could come from your parents, maybe. You know, your parents didn't do it intentionally. But just so you know, the average child is reprimanded eight times more than they're praised. And so children think, in that case, I'm not good enough for my parents eight times more than they think that I'm good enough. Because naturally a child needs to be conditioned to the world. They need

to be socialized. And children as they naturally are, are not very sociable. They don't really fit in. They scream in public. Sometimes they get naked. They're all beautiful things because that's just the natural state of a human. But what happens along the way is that people learn, well, my natural state, children learn that my natural state is not good enough. My natural state doesn't fit in with the world. And my natural state is not even good enough for my parents. My parents only love me when I'm acting the way that they want me to act. And so we all have a little bit of self-worth issues. Everybody does. That's why people have to keep up with the Joneses. That's why people have to buy new cars. They have to buy new houses. They have to,

you know, they become addicted to working out. They become addicted to eating, become addicted to sex. They become addicted to buying things. They become addicted to a lot of different things. I've been there. I'm still there. I think I'll always be there. I think everybody will always be there in some sort of way. But we take offense to what other people think of us, their opinions of us, their opinions of our clothes, their opinions of who we hang out with, what we do, how much money we make, what we drive, where we live. But just the same way as the mashed potatoes, their opinions have nothing to do with us. In fact, I shouldn't even worry about their opinions because their opinions are none of

my business. And that's really the way that we should start looking at things. And what happens is somebody will say something and we take it the wrong way. Somebody will say something and then it makes us feel bad about ourselves. But what you have to realize is this. It's like Eleanor Roosevelt said, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. So if someone comes up to you and says something and it makes you feel inferior, it's not their fault. It's your fault. If somebody goes out and they're in public and they cuss and you hate cuss words, why do you hate cuss words? Is it because you actually hate them or because you were taught

to hate them? You were taught that good boys and good girls don't cuss. Maybe you were taught that, you know, you have to be quiet. You have to be seen and not heard. And you definitely don't cuss. You definitely don't use the F word. You don't use an S word. You don't use any of those words because maybe it makes you sound unintelligent. I know some people out there listening have heard this before. I know this because my grandma, as much as I love her, she was an incredible human, loved my grandma. She taught my mom and her sisters and her brother that people who cussed were unintelligent. It was an unintelligent way. There were smarter ways of using words.

Now, I want you to think about that for a second. Do you feel that that's true? Do you feel that there's smarter words to use instead of cussing? If it's a yes, where did you learn that? Because smart's just a relative term, right? I think that there's sometimes where a very well-placed cuss word is perfect. It's amazing, right? But sometimes people get offended by it. And you have to realize if you're getting offended by what other people say, you're giving up your control of your life to other people's

words. People are controlling you and the way that you feel deep down inside. Can you hear that? That's me pounding on my chest. Deep down inside, deep down inside, they're changing the way that you feel based off of words that are coming out of their mouth, based off of sounds that are coming out of their face. We have to control ourselves more than to care about other people's opinions, than to care about what other people like or don't like about other people or about us or about situations. Because other people's opinions, they're none of our business. That's their problem. If somebody has a problem with you, that's their problem. That's not your problem if somebody has a problem with you. Now, I'm not saying go out and offend people on purpose. I'm not saying go

out and piss people off on purpose. But if you're living your truest self, whatever your truest self is, whether that's gay, straight, transgender, maybe it's whatever it is. There's so many different things. There's so many different ways that people can live nowadays. And if somebody else is offended by the way that you're living, by the car that you drive, by the house that you have, by the people that you love, by the way that you act, by the way that you dress, by the way that you talk, that the people that you love, by the way that you act, by the way that you dress, by the way that you talk. That's not their, I'm sorry, that's not your issue. That's their issue.

Other people's opinions of you, that's their problem. So if you felt like throughout your life, you've had to hide behind a shell of who you truly are, this is the message that you need to hear to try to come out of it. If people look at you and say, oh, look at him. He dresses really feminine. Look at her. She dresses really masculine. She looks like a butch. Whatever it is, the words that people can use, that's their opinion and that's their problem. It's not your problem. Because here's the thing. The worst thing that you can do is dim your light to make other people feel certain ways around you, to make other people not be offended, to make other people be okay and not get irked in some sort of way. That's the

worst thing that you could do is dim your own light. Because if you feel like, you know what, I should act this way. I'm not trying to hurt anybody. Don't hurt anybody. Don't do this on purpose. Don't try to go out and, you know, yell at people and go, oh, if I'm yelling at you and you get offended by it, it's your fault. I'm saying, if you're acting the truest, most beautiful, loving, authentic version of yourself, and you're not trying to hurt anybody else and someone else gets offended, guess what? That's their fault. If you're not trying to hurt anybody else and someone else gets offended, guess what? That's their fault. If you're true to yourself, the most authentic version of yourself, whatever it looks like, because for every person listening to this, there's tens of thousands of

different authentic versions of yourself. Everybody's is different. You don't have to fit the mold that society says that you have to fit. You don't have to fit the mold that society says that you have to fit. You don't have to fit the mold that your mom tells you to fit. Let me say that again, because that's usually where most people get hung up. You don't have to fit the mold that your mom tells you to fit. You don't have to fit the mold that your dad tells you to fit. Because you will not be truly happy until you break out of the shell that you've been hiding inside of to make people love you, to make people like you, to make people not be offended. I remember when I was younger, I would do anything. I would act in different ways so that people would like me.

I wasn't ever my true self. I would act a certain way. I would dress a certain way. I would do certain things. I would smoke weed, even though I never liked smoking weed. So I get really high in high school, even though I hated it just because I wanted to fit in. I would act a certain way that wasn't true to myself. And then slowly but surely, I realized this isn't me. This isn't who I am. This isn't actually even what I like. Who the hell am I? Because we tend to realize once we start going through this, that we've

been building up this character. Like I said, a few episodes ago, when I talk about the, the I and the self, the self is who you build yourself up to be so that you fit into the public so that you fit into society so that people don't make fun of you so that you act a certain way, because that's how you're quote unquote supposed to act. The I is who you truly are. It's the most beautiful version of yourself. Who were you when you were four years old? How did you act? You know, for me, I was a sweet, loving little boy.

I used to go and walk around and when I'd see a flower, I'd pick it and I'd give it to my mom when I was two, three, four years old. Why don't I do that anymore? Where did the loving little boy go to? Oh, that years old. Why don't I do that anymore? Where did the loving little boy go to? Oh, that's right. Society beat the shit out of me for years, right? Like it does to all of us. And I had to build up these walls. Men don't go out and pick flowers and just give them to people to be nice. They're not sweet. They're not kind. They're not loving. That's what we're taught as a man, guys that are out there listening to this. Big boys don't cry. You got to be nice. They're not sweet. They're not kind. They're not loving. That's what we're taught as a man, guys that are out there listening to this, this big boys don't cry.

You got to be tough. And what happens when we start stripping and stripping and stripping, it's just like peeling away versions of ourself that are a true version so that we can act the way that we're supposed to, according to society and what other people say. I think the biggest version of the biggest, the biggest road and journey that we're on in this life is thinking of who we used to be when we were four years old, that true version of ourself that didn't care what other people thought about us. They didn't have to fit in. They didn't worry about all those things and going, who was I? And how can I do everything in my power to come back to that?

I want to go back to being that way. I want to think of who I was and I want to go and try to be that sweet little boy again. Before society got me, before my dad became an alcoholic, before my dad passed away from being an alcoholic, before I learned that big boys don't cry, before I learned that this is the way that you're supposed to act and men act this way, they don't act that way. Men don't dance that way. Men don't move that way. Men don't dress like that. Screw that. I'm going to do, say, talk, dress, love, laugh the way that I want to, not the way that society wants me to. And if other people have opinions of what I'm doing, I don't give a damn. Why? Because that's their problem. And so I hope that you can listen to this episode and you can think the same thing. You know what? I'm going to show my true light

is what I want you to think. Can you show your true light? Can you think of how you want to act, how you want to dress, how you want to be, how you want to love, how you want to laugh, how you want to dance, how you want to go out and express yourself and your truest nature, your truest version to yourself and show that to the world. And if people have problems with it, that's their problem. It has nothing to do with you. If John doesn't like you, not a big deal. Do you know why? Because if John doesn't like mashed potatoes, that's his problem as well. So be the truest version of yourself. Strip away what society has told you that you have to be. There's a little boy and little girl deep down inside

that's dying to come back out again. It's dying to feel that joy that you haven't felt in years because you've had to push it down. You've had to not be the truest version of yourself. So if someone has a problem with you, that's their problem. That has absolutely nothing to do with you. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it with someone that you know and love. And also I have loved, and I mean, absolutely love seeing you guys tag all of these tags on Instagram. You know, you guys at the gym, listening to me, you guys listening to me on a walk, listening to me with their kids,

driving your car, whatever it is you've I've seen, it's been cool to see your guys' faces and to see how you guys look. And you know, I don't, I don't see faces. I'm looking at the walls in my office right now in my studio. So if you would do me a favor, the biggest thing that you could give back to me, if you've ever gotten anything from this is to just continue to take screenshots or to take videos of you listening to the podcast and recommending it to people on social media, on Instagram, and then just tagging me in your stories. And I'll repost them as they come up. I get a bunch of them that are in there. So the cooler that they are, the funnier that they are, the cooler thing that you might be doing right now,

the better. And I would love to start reposting your stuff so you can get more followers as well from it. So the best thing that you can do if you've ever loved anything I put out is to just start tagging me in your Instagram stories, wherever you are listening to it, playing it with the sound playing

or with the screenshot of you listening to it and your opinion on it as well. Tag me in it because that's the way that we grow. That's the way that we become one of the top 10 podcasts in the world and go from one of the top 100 to one of the top 10. So I appreciate you guys all for doing that so much from the bottom of my heart. And I hope that this episode really impacts you because I know that there's a little child, there's a little boy, there's a little girl inside of you that's just dying to let their true self out. And I hope, hope, hope to God that you can do that. So I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazingly beautiful day.