The Mindset Mentor - Not Getting What You Want Is A Good Thing

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you love this podcast, do me a favor, go ahead and go to however you listen to us, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever it might be, and give us a rating and review. The more positive rating and reviews that we get, the more that those platforms show this to people who have never listened to it before. So if you want to help us grow, if you love this podcast and you want to help us change the world, do me a favor, give us a rating and review, and I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, I'm going to be telling you why not getting what you want in your life a lot of times is actually a really, really good thing. Sometimes the universe or God or whatever it is that you

Starting point is 00:00:50 believe in does you a favor by not giving you what you wanted. And I'm going to offer my perspective here. It might be your perspective in life. It might not be your perspective in life. But for the next 15 minutes or so, play along with this idea that I'm about to give you, and let's just see how it lands, okay? Because I personally believe that there is a greater plan that I might not necessarily know right off the top of my head of what my greater plan in life is. And you can call it God, you can call it the universe, you can call it something, you can call it whatever it is that you want. But go along with this journey with me, and let's just see how today's episode lands. It's a real common experience for us as people to feel bad, to feel

Starting point is 00:01:31 disappointed when we make a plan, we put all of our effort into this plan, and then things don't go the way that we wanted. We all have hopes and dreams and desires and aspirations. And it can be really hard, sometimes crippling for us when life doesn't give us exactly what we wanted. But sometimes it's really worth considering that not getting what you wanted might actually be a blessing in disguise. And you have been alive for 17, 25, 45, 65 years. And there's many things that have happened to you over your life. There's many times that we make a plan, we put a lot of work into that plan, and it doesn't go the way that we wanted. And we have to agree that life is unpredictable. And with that unpredictability that it has, we can get disappointed when things don't go

Starting point is 00:02:23 exactly the way that we wanted. And many people believe that there's a greater purpose or a greater plan and that the world works in mysterious ways and it's designed to help us learn and grow. And when we don't get what we want, we get frustrated. And we don't really trust or have faith that what we wanted was actually not part of the plan. Or maybe it is part of the plan, it's just part of the plan later on down the road. And it really comes back to the idea of, do you think that everything in this world is happening to you and that you are a victim of it? Or do you believe that every single thing that's happening to you is happening for you? And so before we dive into the episode even more, the question I have for you is, do you think that everything is happening to you? Or do you think that everything is happening for you? Answer in your car, in your head,

Starting point is 00:03:13 wherever you are, answer. Do you think that's happening to you and you're just a victim of life? Or do you think that it's happening for you? Because we can get really mad about when we don't get what we want. But if we think that everything that's happening in our lives is happening for us, it has a different perspective and it takes on a different perspective of, yeah, I guess my plan wasn't exactly what it was supposed to be. It's kind of like that phrase, we make plans and God laughs, right? And we can see, I made this plan. I wanted to grow this business.

Starting point is 00:03:41 I wanted to do X, Y, Z. And it seems to have failed. And we can call ourself a failure because it didn't go the way that we wanted. And we can take that identity of failure because it didn't go the way that we wanted. And we can then bring the identity of being a failure to the rest of our life. And it can change the trajectory of our life. And we can see other people achieving the success that we want to, that we think that we deserve. And we might be, man, why did they get it, but I didn't get it? And we might question our abilities. We might question our worth. We feel like we failed somehow. But what if we could shift our entire perspective? What if we looked at everything in this world from a different angle? What if we saw everything that happened to us as not a punishment,

Starting point is 00:04:31 not a setback, but really a new way of guiding ourself to go somewhere else? You know, there's many reasons why not getting what you wanted is a good thing. Sometimes it could be God or the universe protecting you from yourself, from harm, from danger, whatever it is that it might be. And, you know, for an an example, if you've been in a relationship before in the past five years, 10 years down the road, that relationship could have ended very badly. I can think of a relationship that I had 11 years ago that ended very badly. And I was very upset about the fact that it didn't go the way that I wanted it to go. I wanted the relationship to go somewhere. It didn't go that way. And for months, I was pissed. I was sad. I was angry. I was like, why didn't it go this way? This was my plan that I saw in the

Starting point is 00:05:12 future. And in that moment, it's really hard to go, well, this is just a redirection to get me to where I am now. Now, 11 years down the road that I'm married to somebody else, I can see, oh yeah, shit, I really needed to go through that. I really need to go through that breakup, through that heartbreak, through all of those things so that I could change, so I could figure out what I did want and what I didn't want to then get me into the relationship that I'm in now, which is way better than that one was. But when I was going through that relationship, when we go through those heartbreaks or we go through those breakups or we go through those failures or

Starting point is 00:05:43 whatever it is that happens to us, we can see it as something that is wrong, that is bad, that is not the way that it's supposed to be. But as time works its way, the way that time does work its way out, we eventually go, oh yeah, that makes complete sense. I'm so glad that I went through that. When I was going through that, I was not excited about it. It wasn't something I was happy about. But I'm so glad that I went through that now looking back 11 years down the road. And not getting what we want, as time works its way out over time, five years, 10 years, two years, whatever it might be, not getting what we wanted usually ends up working out the way it was supposed to work out. It's kind of like we

Starting point is 00:06:26 get redirected because God or the universe has something better for us. And we might have our sights on a particular goal or achievement, and then we end up seeing it doesn't work the way we wanted to. And not getting what we wanted actually ends up being more of a gift to pursue something else that's greater for us. And not getting what we want a lot of times can be a wake-up call. It's also a learning experience. And it's a chance for us to grow and develop new skills. So if we take relationship out of it, let's talk about growing a business. I'll give you a couple examples throughout my life.

Starting point is 00:06:57 And as I'm giving you my examples, hopefully you can start to think about examples in your own life as well. So I can talk about this relationship that I had 11 years ago. And it didn't go the way that I wanted to. And it redirected me and now I have what I have now. And I'm like, damn, I'm so glad that that relationship didn't work out, but it sucks when I was going through it. But if we look at failures, quote unquote failures, we can look at them in like my very first business that I had, I was doing really well, like my very first business that I had, I was doing really well, was the number one franchise in the entire company. And then I ran it into the ground. And I didn't want it to be that way. I didn't want to fail. I didn't want to be five months behind on my car payment. I didn't want to

Starting point is 00:07:37 be living off of pasta for two months. But what it did was it made me realize that I needed to wake myself up and grow and develop more skills. If I was still running that business now, what are we at, 12, 13 years down the road, I would hate that business. I would hate every one of my days because I was starting to hate that business. And I saw myself as such a big failure when it ended up failing. I was like, man, I put so much time, I put four years into it. I put 110 hours a week for years and years and years, and it didn't work out. And I was so mad at myself. And I was so pissed off that it didn't work out the way that I wanted it to. But now, 12, 13 years down the road, I'm like, God, I'm so glad that it didn't work out the way that I thought I wanted it to work out. Because what I do now, I actually really

Starting point is 00:08:22 love. Like I love. It's hard for me to stop working because I don't see it as work. It's just something that I'm obsessed with. And what happened was in failing my first business, I could have developed the identity of somebody who's a terrible business owner. But what I chose to do was I chose to look at it of going, how can I use this failed business as a learning experience for my next business? And then I started another business a couple years down the road, and it did pretty well. And then I shut it down because it wasn't my passion. And then I transitioned to what I'm doing now. You know that the average person has

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Starting point is 00:11:34 This is not something that they normally do. So go to headspace.com slash dial 30 day. And so we can see that failed business that you had two years, four years, 10 years ago as a failure. Or we can go, you know what? What lesson was I supposed to learn here? Was there a skill set that I was supposed to learn and develop? Because I learned, I definitely learned how not to run a business when I failed it so that I can make adjustments to change things around a little bit. I was terrible at delegating. Now I've become so much better at delegating after learning how my lack of delegation actually made me the bottleneck in the business. And so sometimes not getting what we want, I mean, most, let's be real, always when we don't get what

Starting point is 00:12:13 we want, something better is always down the road if we continue to pursue whatever is down there. And there's always a silver lining to it. And it's natural to feel sad or frustrated or pissed when it doesn't work out the way that we want. But it's important to remember that what we want in the moment is just a small part of the bigger picture of our life. You know, there's many factors to play over the course of your entire life. And so I want you to think about this for a second. I've shared a couple of my experiences that kind of came off the top of my head that I was thinking about. But I want you to think about times when you thought you wanted something, whether it was a relationship, whether it was going for a degree, whether it was running a business and it didn't turn out the way that you wanted to, right? Maybe the relationship

Starting point is 00:12:56 failed. Maybe you ended up being terrible at studying for that. Your brain was not designed to be an engineer and you decided to go somewhere else, right? Or maybe the business completely failed. And it seems like it failed and it wasn't what it was supposed to be. But now when you look back, hindsight's 2020, four years, five years, 10 years, 20 years down the road, can you see how it was actually part of the bigger plan to get you to where you are now? That failed relationship got you into the relationship that you're in now. And so really what it did was it made you realize that there's things you need to learn, there's ways you need to grow, and there's also other possibilities that maybe you didn't

Starting point is 00:13:39 have in your plan, right? And so one of the things that we need to recognize is when things don't work out the way that we want to, because a lot of times they will not work out the way that we want to, when one door closes, it doesn't mean all doors close. It means that there's other opportunities that pop up. So you have to try to keep an open mind and be receptive to the fact that there may be new opportunities that you just never saw before. They might be coming down the line for you. And so really what it comes down to is if we can look back four years, five years, 10 years and go, yeah, that didn't work the way that I wanted it to, but it did work out for the greater good. Well, the next time you're in the situation where things are not working out the way that you want it to, can you reframe the situation

Starting point is 00:14:21 in your mind? Can you ask yourself this question? What am I supposed to learn? What is it if everything, because I believe that everything that happens to you is a perfectly crafted curriculum in your life to get you to wherever it is that you're supposed to be. Where you're supposed to be is different than myself and every other person that's listening to this podcast. But if we can look back and see that we were just being redirected to something different, and when we were going through something we didn't want to, it actually ended up being something better for us. The next time we feel that we are a quote unquote failure, a relationship works out not the way that you wanted it to, a business proposal ends up failing,

Starting point is 00:15:00 all of these things happen. Instead of getting down on ourself, what we can do is we can take a step back and say, okay, if everything is designed for me, it's all part of a greater plan, and this challenge, this circumstance, this quote-unquote failure has been brought to me, what am I supposed to learn? What am I supposed to learn? Because a lot of times what it is, is it is a lesson for us and we need to learn to let go and realize that there's a greater purpose or plan. And then whatever it is that you are supposed to get from that relationship, from that business, whatever it is, you got. And instead of reading the same page over and over and over and over and over again and being like, why isn't this page working out? Sometimes you got to flip another page and go on to a different chapter. How can we start to see everything in our life as a lesson, as a teacher, as something that we're supposed to get from it to help us learn and grow and improve? It's important to remember that not

Starting point is 00:15:59 getting what we want is never a punishment. It's never a reflection of our worth. It's simply a part of the ebb and flow of life. Life is just going to go up. It's going to go down. It's going to go up. It's going to go down. When it's at its highest highs, it's not going to be there forever. But when it's at its lowest of lows, it's not going to be there forever. So maybe someone, something, the universe, whatever it is, might be doing us a favor by not giving us what we wanted, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. So next time you feel like you're frustrated, you feel like you're pissed, you feel like you had this plan and it didn't work out the way that you wanted it, try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Maybe it's all

Starting point is 00:16:38 working out in favor for you. And maybe, maybe there's something better coming for you. And a phrase that I always come back to, and I always remind myself of when I start to think about something, is this phrase, what is meant for you will not pass you by. Like what is meant for you in your life will not pass you by. That person that you thought was going to be your soulmate, maybe that wasn't the relationship for you. Maybe there's another one in that relationship that is meant for you will not pass you by. That business is not the one that you're supposed to have. There's a greater, better opportunity for you. If you were supposed to have it, you would have it.

Starting point is 00:17:17 If you were supposed to be there, you'd be there. Because all often we look at other people and we're like, oh my God, they have this and they have this. And oh my God, they have a private jet and they have this thing. And they have a happy family and they have a relationship. And I'm still 35 years old and single. If you were supposed to be there, wherever there is in your head, you would be there. I believe that everything happens exactly as it's supposed to. And it could not have happened any other way because it didn't. If the relationship was supposed to succeed, it would have succeeded. It brings me back to like the thing that keeps ringing in my head as I'm telling you guys this whole podcast is if you remember, there's a Garth Brooks song back in the day. And it was like, some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Like that

Starting point is 00:18:00 song in my head keeps playing as I'm going through this whole thing. Like if you were supposed to have it, you'd have it. Like you got to fucking trust that if you were supposed to have that thing, you would have it. If you were supposed to be in that relationship, if that was the relationship for you, it would have succeeded. If you were supposed to be running that $20 million a year business, you'd already be there. What's meant for you will not pass you by. And you have to have this faith that, you know, call it whatever it is that you want, but I'll just call it faith. That it's going to work out exactly the way it's supposed to work out. The worst thing that you can do though is give up and take on this new identity of a failure. Take on this identity of someone who

Starting point is 00:18:41 doesn't deserve love or is terrible in relationships or whatever it might be. If you were supposed to have it, you would have it. What is meant for you will not pass you by. And so sometimes not getting what you wanted in your life is actually the biggest blessing in disguise. You've got to learn from it. You've got to grow from it. And you have to find that blessing in every single disguise. So that's all I've got for you for today's episode.

Starting point is 00:19:06 If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. I also share a ton of content on Instagram. So if you don't follow me yet on there, you might as well. A ton of different reels and videos and posts. We post at least two to three times a day to help you guys out as much as possible. So if you find yourself on Instagram ever, go ahead and follow me on there, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Not Getting What You Want Is A Good Thing

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