The Mindset Mentor - Other Peoples' Opinions

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Starting point is 00:00:54 Spotify or whatever it might be. Please give us a rating review. It helps this podcast more than you could know. Today, we're going to be talking about other people's opinions. We're going to be talking about other people's advice. I was on a Zoom call earlier today, and it was with one of the courses that I teach. And one of the people asked a question like, how do you stop caring about other people's opinions? And the thing that I said to them was record 1400 episodes of a podcast and just see if you care anymore. Because what happens is as you start putting out more content or stepping more and more into who you actually truly are and discovering who you truly are, you just stop caring about what other people happen to say about you, what their opinions are

Starting point is 00:01:36 about you, and you stop caring about other people's advice depending on where they are. And so we're going to talk about advice and opinions and how to decipher whose advice you should and shouldn't take, whose opinions matter and whose opinions don't really matter. And so, you know, you might have a great mother. I have a friend who's got an incredible mom, but she likes to give business advice. And it's really funny because she's never run a business. And my friend has been wanting to start a business for a really long time, but hasn't started a business because every time he has an idea, his mother seems to put her two cents in and tell him why it's not the right time,

Starting point is 00:02:15 or there's a recession, or there's something coming up, and you shouldn't do this because of this, and that's not a good idea because of this, or maybe you should go back to school because of this. And she always talks about why it's not a good idea to start a business. And therefore my friend has never started a business. And today we're going to talk about how to not care about other people's opinions and how to decipher whose advice you actually want to take. Right. And when we look at advice and we look at opinions, the first thing that pops in my head is like that people probably

Starting point is 00:02:41 have the question of is like, why do we care so much? Why do we care about other people's opinions? It could be somebody online we've never met before, and we've only seen their little profile picture, and we care about what they say to us or about us. And what it comes back to, and I always try to bring my mind back to, okay, why does this fit? If we go back 200,000 years to like cavemen, cavewoman days, why does it matter what other people's opinions are? And it always goes back to being tribal, like being tribal beings, we had to fit in to survive. That's what it comes down to. If we didn't fit in, we were definitely going to be kicked out of the tribe. We were definitely going to die. And so it matters 200,000 years ago. But today, when we don't have to rely on other people necessarily,

Starting point is 00:03:30 a big group of people to keep us in the tribe, it doesn't really necessarily matter. But it doesn't mean that our brain has changed much over the years. Our brains haven't changed much over the past few hundred thousand years. But our circumstances of what life looks like now today and what it looks like 200,000 years ago are completely different. And so back in the day, if the tribe didn't like you, you were going to die. But today, if Nancy from accounting doesn't like you, it doesn't fucking matter. But we still think that it matters. And that part of our brain still exists. And part of the reason why we care so much of stepping out of our comfort zone and how many likes we get on Instagram and the comments and, oh my gosh,

Starting point is 00:04:12 I only got 12 likes. I got 27 on my last post. Should I delete it? Should I not delete it? There's something I did wrong. Maybe I don't look as good as I did in the last one. Maybe I'm not, maybe in the video that I created and the things that I said, I didn't get off the communication the way that I could have. We really, at our core, we just want to fit in. We just want to be liked. And my favorite quote around this is Jim Carrey, when he was giving an acceptance speech to college kids that were graduating, he said, your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world. And what we try to do is, even though it's not necessary anymore, we make ourselves invisible. We make ourselves fit in. But what's crazy about it is when you look at somebody who you really

Starting point is 00:04:56 look up to, like somebody who's like your idol. And let's say your idol, not like outside of like your mom, your dad, your parents, all that, your grandparents, all that. But you look at someone who's like, let's say a famous person, right? Famous person or a world leader or someone who is still alive or was alive at some point in time. When you look at someone that you look up to, you could look at like LeBron James, or you could look at Oprah, or you could look at The Rock or Will Smith or Elon Musk or Obama, whoever it is that inspires you to be better. And you look at that person and you ask yourself this question, do they fit in with everybody else? The answer is no, they don't. There's something about them or many things about them that make them not fit in with society. They are usually like pretty much

Starting point is 00:05:47 always an outlier. So if you look up to that person and you want to be more like them, the last thing that you should want is to fit in with other people. I don't know about you guys, and this is nothing, nothing wrong with other people who exist in this world. But when I look at the world and I look at society as a whole, the last thing I want to do is be like them. There's no part of me that's like, yeah, I want that life. I want a life where I'm anxious and miserable and have a job that I hate, have 2.4 kids and I take my traumas and push my traumas onto my child. There's nothing about it that makes me go, yeah, that's what I want to be like. Not there's anything wrong with people. I just think that so many people are stuck

Starting point is 00:06:34 and they don't know they're stuck. I think that so many people were born to be unique and they are through, you know, society and through our parents and all that stuff. We are domesticated. Really, we are just domesticated. We're told what we are supposed to do, what we're not supposed to do. We figure out what makes us good little boys and girls. We figure out what makes us bad little boys and girls. Most of the time, we end up over time just becoming those good little boys and girls and getting away from being the bad little boys and girls. And so we've learned to fit in. We've been taught to fit in. We've been taught to fit in. When you're in school, you have to be there at a certain time and the bell

Starting point is 00:07:09 will ring and then you can't be tardy or else you're a bad kid. And if you want to go use the potty, you got to raise your hand. You got to get a hall pass to go use the potty, which is the most natural thing that you can do is, which is, you know, nature's calling. You got to go pee somewhere, right? But they don't fit in. The people that we look up to don't fit in. And so we've been raised to fit in. And so there's a part of us that wants to fit in, in our brain. There's a part of us that has been taught to fit in. And so we've got to override the entire system to be somebody different. You were created uniquely. You've been domesticated to be the same, and you need to undomesticate yourself in order to actually step back into being who you truly are. What's another common thing about the

Starting point is 00:07:50 people that you really look up to the most? A certain percentage of people hate them for some reason, right? When you look at LeBron James, like I'm a decent LeBron James fan. I'm not a big LeBron James fan, but I can look at him and go, wow, yeah, that's greatness in person. He is, and I'm a huge Michael Jordan fan. He is, LeBron James, one of the best basketball players that's ever played. So many people hate LeBron. And I think one of the reasons why they hate him is because of the fact that he shows them what greatness looks like, what greatness can be in any person. And because they're not great, and they've never stepped into greatness themselves, it's easier just to put somebody down and talk about why they're bad

Starting point is 00:08:31 and why they're not good enough versus be like, yeah, I'm really fucking inspired by that person. Right? They all have some form of haters. Everybody I named has haters. When you look at LeBron James, he has haters. When you look at Oprah, he has haters. When she has haters. The Rock, he has haters. Will Smith, he's got a lot more haters after the whole slap thing, right? When you look at Elon Musk,

Starting point is 00:08:52 he's got a whole lot of haters after buying Twitter. All of these people have haters all over the place, but I think they do have more people that love them. And so what we fear is a lack of acceptance, don't we? Like that's really something that kind of scares the shit out of us. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. When you are at your best, you can do great things, but sometimes life gets you bogged down and you may feel overwhelmed or like you're not showing up in the way that you want to. Working with a therapist can help you get closer to the best version of you. Because when you feel empowered, you're more

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Starting point is 00:10:50 support your success every step of the way. And the thing I love about Shopify is that everything is all in just one place. And it empowers you to have the confidence and control to take your business to the next level. So now is your turn to get serious about selling and try Shopify today. This is Possibility powered by Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash dial, all lowercase. Once again, go to shopify.com slash dial to take your business to the next level today. That's shopify.com slash dial. If you go and you do anything great in this world, you will have people that will hate on you or resist your greatness in some sort of way. People will always do that. And the funny thing about it is that the amount of people that are haters, quote unquote haters, is this teeny,

Starting point is 00:11:37 tiny, minuscule amount of people, right? Like I have people that are haters and all I do is just try to put out positive shit in the world. Like that's, I have people that talk trash, but it's like one out of every thousand people that leave a comment, 999 will be positive and one of them is going to be negative. But so many of us hold ourselves back because of that one out of a thousand. We're afraid of that one out of a thousand saying something to us. You know, if you're going to do anything out of the ordinary, you will have haters. And let me tell you what a hater is. And sadly, it's just the way that it is.

Starting point is 00:12:09 A hater doesn't hate you. They don't hate you. They hate themselves. And what they're doing is they're projecting their hate from themselves onto you because they are so unsatisfied with their life. You are a representation of what they could be, but they're holding themselves back. And so what haters do is they like to project their hate to momentarily make themselves feel better than the person that they're hating on. When in reality, all they're

Starting point is 00:12:35 doing is just typing on a keyboard. And so haters don't hate you. If you get a hater, they don't hate you. They hate themselves. You stepping into your truest self reflects to them that they are not stepping into their truest self reflects to them that they are not stepping into their truest self. So they try to bring you down to bring themselves up. But we still want to be accepted. Fuck. I still want to be accepted by that hater, right? We still have that inside of us. And it's about turning a blind eye to and saying, this thing that I'm doing is so important to me, is the reason why I'm alive. And I'm going to follow this path of my greatest self and stepping into my true potential no matter what somebody else says. It's not about being loved by everyone.

Starting point is 00:13:09 It's about knowing whose opinions matter to you and whose opinions don't matter to you. And so one of the things I think is the most important that I recommend everybody that's listening do is make a list of the people whose opinions truly matter to you. What's funny is when you make this list, it's going to be a whole lot smaller than you think it is. Think about that for a second. We tend to care about everybody's opinions of us, but then if you were to make a list of the people whose opinions really, really, truly, absolutely matter to you, it's a tiny little list. Do you know how big my list is? It's like three people. Three people who I know love me at the core of who they are. And if they said, hey, this, this, and this, I'd be like, oof, this person is

Starting point is 00:13:54 saying this because they actually truly care about me and they want the best for me. Most people who are online, they don't truly care about you and want the best for you. And so it's about finding out whose advice that you would take, but then also finding out what you would want their advice for. Like these people would never steer me wrong. They'll always put me back on track, but you could also go, okay, like, is my mom on that list? My mom is on that list. But if my mom wanted to give me business advice, I probably wouldn't take it because my mom's never run a business at the scale of the business that I have, right? Nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with her having a business or not having a business. But so many people like to overstep their boundaries and tell you advice that really

Starting point is 00:14:33 they're not the type of person that you would want advice from. So I know so many people that want to start a business, like lots of people who want to start a business, but their parents, their mom or the dad, just use their mom as an example so we don't keep bouncing back and forth. Their mom says, oh, there's a recession. You shouldn't do that. That business doesn't make any sense. You're not gonna make any money doing that. You should go back to school and get your degree.

Starting point is 00:14:55 And then you look at it and it's like, well, has your mom ever built a business? No. So why are you taking advice from her on that? Maybe your mom's a really loving, incredible, sweet person. If she's giving you advice on how to be a better person or how to be more loving or how to be a better parent, take that advice. But if she's giving business advice and she's never run a business before, why would you take that advice? If someone says something

Starting point is 00:15:21 negative to you and they're not on your list of people who you really truly care about their advice, you can't give it any time. And it's not about not caring about other people's opinions. It's about caring about a select few people's opinions and what category you're going to take their advice from. Because people love to give advice. Like people love to give their advice out. Do you know why they call it giving their two cents? Because that's basically all that it's worth. When someone gives you their two cents, it's basically worth two cents. So you have to pay attention to whose advice you're taking and what you're taking their advice for. So like I gave the example of like

Starting point is 00:16:00 your mom was starting a business. She might be a great mother. And if you're a woman or a father, she could, if you're a woman or you're a man and you have children, your mom could probably give you incredible parenting advice. So if she gives you that advice, you better take it. But if she tells you how to invest your money and she doesn't have much money in her bank account, or she's never built wealth, she's probably not the best person to learn from. It's like if a homeless person came up to you and they said, let me give you some investing advice, would you take that advice from them? Probably not. So you got to think about that. It's like your brokest friend coming up and being like, hey, let me tell you what you should do. You're going to need to invest in a crypto. You're going to need to invest into this, you know, the S&P 500. You need to invest in this. You're probably not going to take advice from your brokest friend. But let's say that you have a CEO of a $10 million company that you know,

Starting point is 00:16:51 and they want to give you business advice. Would you listen to that advice? Hell yeah, absolutely. If that person has a life that I've wanted in some category, you want to take advice from them. If you're building a business and you happen to know somebody who has a $10 million in your business and they want to give you business advice, take that. But let's say that exact same person has a terrible marriage. Their relationship is failing, their children hate them, and they're like, hey, let me give you some relationship advice too. Nope, don't need that one. I'll take the business advice from you, man. I'm not taking the relationship advice because your relationship looks like it's in shambles, right? Would you

Starting point is 00:17:27 take a relationship advice from someone who's been, you know, had terrible relationships their entire life? Probably not. Now, have they learned stuff in those terrible relationships? And they probably learned and grown along the way, but just be careful of who you take advice from and what you take advice as well. And a very easy question to ask yourself is, would you want to trade places with them in what they're giving you advice on? So would you want to trade places with them with what they're giving you advice on? So this guy who has a $10 million in your business and your business is brand new, would you want to trade places with them in his business? Probably. Okay, take his business advice. He's giving you relationship advice now. Would you want to trade

Starting point is 00:18:05 places with him in his relationship? When you look at the fact that his wife doesn't really like him anymore and his children said X, Y, Z about him, it's kind of in shambles. Probably not the best person to take advice from. Your mother gives you advice on how to be an incredible parent and she is an incredible parent. Do you want to take that advice? Absolutely. Would you want to trade places with her and be able to be like her as a parent? Absolutely. Okay, take that advice. When she tells you what to do with your business, should you take that advice? You shouldn't. Your brokest friend wants to give you advice on how to invest your money.

Starting point is 00:18:32 Should you take that advice? No. Do they have other positive qualities you might take advice from them on? Sure. But it's about discerning who you want to take advice from in what categories of life you want to take advice from them on. Anybody outside of that piece of paper that you wrote down doesn't matter. They don't know you enough. They don't

Starting point is 00:18:50 care about you enough. Skip their advice. In one ear, out the other. And it's not, I don't want you to think there's necessarily something wrong with other people because I don't want to give that impression that there's people that are wrong or, oh my gosh, they're just living mediocre lives and their life sucks. I don't want their life. I don't want to give that impression that there's people that are wrong or, oh my gosh, they're just living mediocre lives and their life sucks. I don't want their life. I don't want you to think that. I just want you to think from the perspective of your life and where your life is going, is this someone that you really need to listen to their advice? If the answer is no, and you would not want to trade places for them, don't pay attention to it. In one ear, out the other. There's nothing wrong with someone giving you advice, but be very smart about whose

Starting point is 00:19:24 advice you take and whose advice you don't. And if they're outside of that piece of paper and they give you advice or they give you their opinion, it doesn't matter. Because really what truly matters is that you're on the path of your life to building your greatest self. And if somebody wants to give you their advice and it doesn't line up with the advice that you want, whether it's your advice that you truly feel deep down in your heart is the right advice, don't listen to them. Don't let other people's advice or other people's opinions hold you back from creating the life that you want. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr,

Starting point is 00:19:54 R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Also, it's so funny. So many people are like, oh, I've only ever seen a picture of you on your logo on the Mindset Mentor podcast. We do have an entire YouTube station with 150 or whatever it is, thousand people that follow me on there. If you want to see this podcast and all of the other stuff that we create on YouTube, you can actually watch the podcast. You can pull me up on YouTube and put it on your TV and play me in the living room. You can see my face and you can see all of the crazy reactions that I have and hands flying all over the place. So if you are on YouTube and you want to follow are on YouTube and you want to follow us on YouTube, just type my name in Rob Dial. It'll pop up. And I'm gonna leave

Starting point is 00:20:30 you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Other Peoples' Opinions

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