The Mindset Mentor - Overcoming Fears and Self-Doubt

Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you. review, however you listen to us, whether that's Spotify or Apple Podcasts, the more positive ratings and reviews that we get, the more those platforms show this podcast to people who have never listened to it before, which allows us to grow and expand and impact more people's lives. Today, I'm going to be diving into my second interview with BetterHelp therapist, Hesu Jo. So what we're going to dive into on today's episode is how to overcome the fears that are inside of your head, how to start to work through the self-doubt that holds you back from not taking the action that you want to. We also talk about how to build awareness in yourself to really start to see the things that are holding you back and how to become more aware of how we're holding ourselves back. And then we're also going to

Starting point is 00:00:59 really dive into trauma, what trauma is and how to work through the trauma that is in our lives that maybe came from our parents, or maybe came from school, or maybe came from somewhere in our past. So let's go ahead and dive in to today's episode with BetterHelp therapist, Hesu Jo. Hey, welcome to the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. Thanks so much for having me. I work with a lot of business owners, and it's so funny to me how often somebody has this feeling. It's almost like there's two sides of them battling, right? Thanks so much for having me. you know, create this business and they want to do this. What's their mom going to say? Because they went to school to be an electrical engineer. Like, why are they doing that? Or if they decide

Starting point is 00:01:48 to start creating content and putting it on Instagram, their, you know, their current job, the boss is going to start judging them and maybe they'll fire them. And so it's like, there's two sides of them that seem to always be battling. There's this side of them that like the gut feeling of like, Hey, this is the path. This is the thing that you could go down. And then there's a side of it. That's like, don't go, don't stay inside of the cave, stay inside of the comfort zone. Um, what do you find when you're working with people when they, when they have the fears that pop up, um, you know, how can therapy be used as a tool to overcome these fears and, and, and conquer any self doubt that somebody might have? I think it's more that therapy can be used as a tool

Starting point is 00:02:26 to learn to identify and express your internal experience in healthy ways. So in this practice of learning to identify things going on with you internally, you learn skills to respond to those feelings in healthier ways, kind of alluded to some of this stuff already when we're talking about anxiety.

Starting point is 00:02:51 So it's, again again similar to anxiety it's about accepting that fear certain things like doubt various beliefs they will always be present i don't think we're ever going to be able to get rid of this stuff um because a lot of times we cannot control what we think these things can be quite automatic based on a lot of different stuff like our upbringing and risk versus resilience factors that we've accumulated over time. So overcoming fear, to me, it doesn't mean that the fear isn't there anymore. It's not about getting somebody to be able to not be fearful of anything. It means someone has developed a certain level of self efficacy. And that's the general idea that you believe in yourself to do something. I have confidence in myself to, you know, do, say, whatever it is that I want to. And this is something that can be developed with intention.

Starting point is 00:03:50 And, you know, people that do things like spring into action in order to try to resolve some kind of problem, these people are not free from experiencing things like self-doubt. Of course, they experience that kind of stuff. I think everybody does. But they generally have a level of belief in themselves that something fruitful might occur. And also, they generally believe in themselves to be able to cope with the aftermath if things don't work out in the way that they hope for. So it's not that therapy, like I said, can help you make fear or self-doubt go away. It's about helping you figure out how to identify that in yourself and cope with it in healthy ways. in yourself and cope with it in healthy ways. So if you're faced against something that you're very afraid of, like starting a new business or making a huge decision that could potentially change your life in a good or bad way, self-doubt, you know, being very risk averse, these are

Starting point is 00:04:38 actually good qualities, right? It's trying to protect you from a potential danger. But then it can go over a certain threshold and stop us from living our lives. And that is, I think, more prone to happening as in you allow that to take over if you don't have confidence in yourself to be able to deal with it in the event that something bad does happen. I mean, I think we hear entrepreneurs and successful people say this all the time, like the difference between a successful person and someone that's not is a successful person is okay with failure and in fact fails quite a lot and then gets back up and continues forward in their journey and in their goals. The non-successful person is allowing the self-doubt and the fear to completely control them. And then they just stay very, very stagnant. And for some people, that's fine. If you don't feel that that's a problem in

Starting point is 00:05:31 your life, then, you know, that's for you to decide. But for those that feel like they're being held back because of this, therapy can be a really good place to, you know, nurture, place to, you know, nurture, foster a greater sense of belief in yourself that you can deal with whatever's in front of you. It's really interesting because as you start talking about therapy and we're talking about better help and everything, the one thing that keeps popping up in my head is it seems like it's a lot of like pattern recognition as well. Like more than anything else, like awareness is what it seems like. Like it seems like number one, when you can go and speak to somebody, a lot of times when we speak out loud, we start to become aware of things that we weren't aware of in the

Starting point is 00:06:09 first place. And then when someone reflects something back to you, you can start to notice first off, like patterns that come from your past of like, oh, man, I picked that up from my mom. I never even realized I picked that up from my mom. And then it's also patterns right now of like, oh, I'm in this relationship and I'm actually doing this thing that I've done multiple times in all of these relationships. And oh, my God, I might be the problem here. And so it seems like like there's a lot of a lot of pattern recognition.

Starting point is 00:06:34 But, you know, I know that when I've worked with people, it's always like the more that the longer I work with someone, someone's always like, oh, my God, I didn't even know myself. I thought I knew myself, but I'm curious with you. Is it, does it feel like when you go from one session and like you have someone that's consistent one session to another, to another, to another, that it's like, they're kind of starting to be aware of this person that they've always been, but it's kind of like it was, it was right under their nose. They just didn't see it. Cause they weren't looking in the right mirror. Wow. I think you, I mean, you kind of answered it, hit it on the head right there. Like, I think a large, uh, agenda point that therapists are hoping that their clients get to through therapy is self-awareness. And

Starting point is 00:07:12 I think we all know people, or we can think that we know people that were like, wow, he has zero self-awareness or she just doesn't really get it. She just doesn't see like the impact of what she's saying and doing. Self-awareness allows us to, you know, like, I think just be very mindful of what we put out there in the world to other people. And, you know, the patterns or the habits that we have in our life, I think therapy allows us to recognize these things and be a bit more introspective. You talked about mirror. And that is something that a lot of therapists talk about is you as my client are coming in and I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. I'm here to hold up a mirror so you can see for yourself how you're living your life, identify the things that you

Starting point is 00:08:00 don't want to be doing anymore. Explore very deeply where those things might have even come from because the greater understanding, the greater insight allows you to really, I think, dissect your feelings and your thoughts in a different kind of way. So you can actively try to have a different kind of behavior in response to the stuff that's coming up for you internally. stuff that's coming up for you internally. Yeah. And, you know, habits are very interesting. Some can be very beneficial for us. Some can be beneficial for a season in life and then it no longer makes sense. But we keep doing it because habits are pretty hard to break without mindful intention. So I think life in general is a collection of identifying the habits that are good for us and that are working for us, trying to mindfully prune out the habits that are no longer helpful in this current moment.

Starting point is 00:08:52 And it's constant recalibration because we are dynamic creatures and our relationships are constantly changing. The people that we interact with are having their own journey and they're changing. changing. The people that we interact with are having their own journey and they're changing. So therapy is obviously not going to unlock the mysteries of the universe, but it can help you start figuring out how to unlock the mysteries of yourself. Yeah, I could definitely see that. And one of the things that I really want to talk to you about, because I think it's become kind of like a, a hot word is, is trauma and in starting to work through trauma. Cause I see therapy is probably the best way to work through, through trauma, to be able to have someone to talk with, to reflect back and forth too.

Starting point is 00:09:35 So, um, I'd love to dive into that with you. Uh, but first off, what, what is trauma before we dive into it? Like what's the definition? How does a therapist see trauma and like what's the actual definition of it? So I had like a little visceral reaction when you said the hot word is trauma because I just watched something very recently. Content creator was talking about how this is like an overplayed, overhyped buzzword that everybody's using. But I didn't really like that take on it. I disagree. I think everybody should be talking about trauma because it's the root of so many of our various life challenges, the ways that we invite dysfunction into our relationships. Oftentimes it's rooted in trauma. So what is it? Trauma. You know, it's the emotional response that we all have to a terrible event.

Starting point is 00:10:25 And it could be that the event is long past many years ago, but we still have the emotional responses to it because it's so stuck in our bodies, in our psyches. If we, if we leave it unchecked. Now, the vast majority of people will experience something that could be quote unquote traumatic, you know, dangerous, whatever. And they, over time time will find healing, but there is a set of people that are going to be impacted by this significantly severely for, for years without, um, some kind of intervention. Um, so, you know, this response is generally

Starting point is 00:10:59 to something that's pretty terrible. So big T trauma, if people are hearing about that, is really referencing, you know, life-threatening or very dangerous situations, overt abuse, natural disasters, you know, being even a witness to violence, domestic violence, community violence. And small T trauma is the stuff that maybe isn't going to bring like danger to our physical wellbeing. So it's still an experience of, I think, you know, sometimes major loss or a significant change that's essentially stripping away our sense of safety in our environment. So little t trauma can include things like divorce, losing a job, unexpectedly losing your living situation, having a friend move away.

Starting point is 00:12:00 These are big disruptions to the things that help us feel a sense of security and safety in the world. So when you hear people saying things like I'm being triggered or that's very triggering, it's often they're referencing the trauma, the trauma response. I feel triggered by something because it's reminding me that I don't feel safe in this moment. So that's generally my take on trauma. I do think it's really important to talk about. I hope nobody out there thinks it's being over-talked about because I don't think we're there yet. I agree with you a hundred percent, which is why I wanted to talk to you about it specifically. And so when you look at it, I've heard that with trauma, that whether it's a big T trauma or a small T trauma, kind of your body just responds the same.

Starting point is 00:12:36 And I've also heard Gabor Mate say before, sometimes what it is, is the event happens and the event, whatever that event was, was traumatic. But trauma is kind of what you're still continuing to pull along with you in the present moment, even though it could have happened 10 or 15 years ago. Is that kind of the way that you see it as well? Oh, yeah. I love him. So for people that don't know who he is, lots of good books. Yeah, totally. I mean, people that experience, for example, abuse as a child could still be experiencing the manifestations of this thing that happened to them when they were sub 10 years old, well into adulthood.

Starting point is 00:13:17 It could be affecting all of their relationships. It could be creating an inability to function or keep a job. So I very much agree with that and observe it all the time. Yeah. And how does therapy help with trauma? Where if somebody, some people I think are aware that they have trauma, I think some people, and they want to work through with a therapist. Some people I think are unaware that they have trauma and maybe therapy can help them

Starting point is 00:13:40 become aware of it. But how does working actually one-on-one with a therapist for, you know, consistently actually help someone overcome and first off, I guess, become aware, but then also overcome and work with those traumas. I think therapy can begin to help someone start resolving some of the trauma by processing, exploring the separation of your identity and the thing that happened to you. The thing with a lot of traumatic events, people internalize that and develop a certain level of shame thinking this bad thing happened to me because I'm a bad person and I deserved it. And when somebody's walking around the world with that belief about themselves, it's certainly going to influence the way they talk to people, the way that they assume other people think about them and feel about them. And then

Starting point is 00:14:30 the self-sabotage stuff comes up in great waves. So when you're in therapy, awareness, I think, is certainly one of the first steps is finding understanding that this thing that happened to you or a series of things that happened to you, um, has stuck with you. And for a lot of people that are having trouble with that, it's because they are, like I said, internalizing it, making it about them, thinking like, um, this feeling is never going to go away because I'm such a bad person. this feeling is never going to go away because I'm such a bad person. So in therapy, it's an exploration or it can be an exploration for people to see that they're not at fault. It wasn't your fault. And we all know that logically, of course, it's not the fault of an eight-year-old that an adult chose to do this or chose to neglect them in some way. But sometimes you need a lot of

Starting point is 00:15:25 intentional work with another person that's holding up that mirror to you to help you really absorb and accept the reality that it wasn't your fault. And it helps you connect your current trauma responses. So trauma responses are like the ways that we respond to different triggering situation circumstances, people that bring us back to that space of feeling like there is no safety out there. So in therapy, you can start connecting these current behaviors that you have to what happened and how that stuff has really stayed with the core of who you are so much that you've integrated it into your identity, or at least you might think that you have. And then I think it's about learning, relearning how to exist in the world without the idea that bad things like, you know, events or series of events will repeatedly happen to you unless you do such things to prevent them. unless you do such things to prevent them. So a lot of people that have unresolved trauma,

Starting point is 00:16:30 you know, they're going to have manifestations of this in different ways in their behavior. So, you know, some people are not going to be able to sleep very well, or they experience hyper vigilance in all kinds of spaces. They push people away, they're avoidant of tough conversations, they avoid certain areas that might trigger them. All this stuff that's making it very difficult for them to function and have a fulfilling and happy and healthy life. One can expect when they're going to therapy because they finally recognized maybe that they're having some kind of challenge with this. That's going to be hard. It's not easy. going to be hard. It's not easy. And that's, I think, part of why a lot of people are resistant to doing therapy in the first place, because they've convinced themselves that they're doing

Starting point is 00:17:09 just fine by continuing to repress all this stuff. But ultimately, I think that's causing more dissonance for people is kind of having some slight awareness that something is off inside, but still just going through the motions of life and not really feeling like they can live authentically. I think this is what often causes a lot of distress for people and overall dissatisfaction with their, their life. Um, so, you know, the hope is that somebody in therapy is, is really dissecting themselves to get to an understanding of, um, how this thing has impacted them, how it's showing up now, and what they can be doing now to really actively shift the ways that they behave in response to all this stuff. You said something that I'm really curious of. And I know that a lot

Starting point is 00:18:00 of people learn when they hear different examples and they go, oh, that makes sense. Oh, I did have that when I happened as a child. But one of the things you said is something along the lines of like something, the parents could be in a fight or they could be yelling at them, whatever it might be. And the child thinks I did something wrong or that I'm a bad person. So is that, is that a common thing? And could you give some examples of like how something could be happening around a child or directly to a child when they're, you know, young, under 10 years old, and how they could take that circumstance. Like what are examples of a couple of circumstances happening around them where they take that and say,

Starting point is 00:18:33 oh, it's because I'm a bad person or because something is wrong with me? Yeah. I mean, I think sometimes we might think or try to dismiss like this thing that happened to us as a kid. It's like, oh, it's not a big deal. It's just like a small incident. dismiss like this thing that happened to us as a kid, like, Oh, that's not a big deal. It's just like a small incident. Um, but reminder to the adults out there that had something happen to them as kids, when you're a kid, it's not small, you know, like, um, your entire world generally as a small child is what's in your house, what's in the small radius of where you live, your school and family. And so any kind of event that's emotionally charged in the positive or negative direction is going to be quite significant for a small child that's still learning the world, exploring existence and shaping their worldview.

Starting point is 00:19:21 So, you know, it's definitely impactful on kids. For example, if dad forgets to pick you up one day at school and you're sitting outside of school until 6 p.m. and secretary comes out locking up the office like, oh, your parents still aren't here to pick you up. Maybe it's only happened once, but this can like leave lasting impressions on people. And I know it has. It's something I've encountered several times, some example like that where it's this one thing that happened and their body is shocked by it. You know, they, they internalize that and think, um, that they can't rely on anybody or that the thing that they were expecting,

Starting point is 00:19:59 the person that they had expectations in is going to fall short in some kind of way. Um, I think I may have forgotten the last part of your question. So that's perfect. That's one example of that. I think that happens with a lot of people where maybe a parent, um, and that's, that's a good point too, is like neglect doesn't have to be like you weren't fed. It could also be like, there could be in a little bit of like, that felt like emotional neglect, man, there was safety that was taken away if a child wasn't picked up. And so what are other examples of like, different circumstances that can happen for a child where

Starting point is 00:20:32 they think this, it's not my parents fault, it's my fault, or I'm bad, or I did this wrong. So like, what are other examples of that? I think that's an amazing example, because people probably would never have connected that, oh, my dad just forgot to pick me up. Not a huge deal. But like, are there other examples you can think of that are pretty, pretty common that you see that pop up where children see something happen to them? They say, oh, it's because I'm bad or because there's something wrong with me. While I'm thinking of examples, I will say, you know, children generally, if you've interacted with any, Children, generally, if you've interacted with any, are quite pure. You know, they haven't quite learned the ways of deception or manipulation yet.

Starting point is 00:21:17 And they generally take things for face value, what's presented in front of them. And kids that are being raised by their biological parents or whoever, whoever is raising them, they're going to put these people on a pedestal. My mom and dad are perfect. They're wonderful people. And for whatever reason, we are hardwired to yearn for their love, their warmth, their acceptance, their touch. And so when kids don't get that, it makes sense to me for a small kid's mind to interpret that as though something is wrong with them, because it's so difficult for a kid to say and to even believe my mom did the bad thing because she's bad. You know, nobody's going to say that about their mom as a small child. We all really, really put our parents on a pedestal. And that's a side note, but that's part of what happens for a

Starting point is 00:22:02 lot of people in therapy too, is the realization that, oh, my parents are just people and they also have trauma and they had unresolved things that they ended up bringing into my upbringing, whether intentional or not. And sometimes it's, you know, this huge thing in terms of revelation for somebody to see that, OK, they didn't always know what they were doing. see that, okay, they didn't always know what they were doing. Um, and now I can, you know, overcome this feeling of resentment that I had against them for such a long time. Um, so anywho, it does make sense that a kid would interpret something that happens to them as the only way it can make sense of this is that bad things happen to me because I'm bad. So I must've deserved it. Um, because my mom would never do anything bad. So I must have deserved it. Um, because my mom would never do anything bad. She's amazing. You know, that's how a lot of kids are going to think. So some other examples, um, or some real life, I'm trying to think of generalized things

Starting point is 00:22:55 that a lot of people would have experienced, like the being, not being picked up from school, I think is a pretty universal one. Um, I'm just thinking back to school in general. It's like you go on a field trip and your parents forgot to pack you a lunch. So then you feel like the odd one out at the field trip. That can be a little bit traumatic, I think. What about yelling at children? Obviously, I'm not a parent, so I can't tell anybody what they should and shouldn't do with their children. But I remember, number one, I've been in places before in places before, like Walmart, and I'm like, Oh, my God, if when I have children, I won't speak to them that way. And I've seen that happen before. But I saw a quote the other day. And it says, when you yell at your children, they don't stop loving you, they stop loving

Starting point is 00:23:36 themselves. And so like, do you find that that's a pretty common thing for people as well? You know, many of us have a voice inside of our head that's kind of doing this stream of consciousness narration of our day. It's our thinking, our thinking voice. And a lot of us, that thinking voice adopts the voice and the tone of our early caregivers. So if our early caregivers are constantly talking to us negatively, we may grow up into adults that are talking to ourselves negatively all the time. So for parents out there, I think it's always wise to consider the way that you're speaking to your child today, the way that you're acting towards them and behaving towards them, they will adopt that as, you know, the kind of love that they deserve, you know, and we generally as people

Starting point is 00:24:27 accept treatment and love that we think that we deserve. So a kid that's being yelled at constantly kind of in an environment of hostile communication, it makes sense to me that they'll grow up thinking that that's normal, that's to be expected. And if anything, they might actually go out and look for relationships that look like that because that's what's familiar. That's what they think makes sense. All I have to say, I do think it makes, it can leave a lasting negative impression on a child if they're being yelled at on a regular basis like this. And even just like the explosive one time where mom totally loses her, you know, and that can be very traumatic for a kid to thinking, okay, um, that happened because I'm bad. And that's the shame talking. Um, so it was very long winded.

Starting point is 00:25:21 I think that's amazing. I think you just, I think you just screwed up a lot of people in a good way, but, but, but, but I love it because I've never actually heard somebody say that the voice that's in our head most of the time is, is similar to the voice of our primary caregivers when we were children. And so first off, I think that's really good for people to identify in and start to think to himself, like, is this the voice that I want to continue? But I also think it's really important because I have a lot of parents that listen to podcasts and they email me all the time. And like their number one thing is how do I not screw my child

Starting point is 00:25:50 up? Like, that's what I always hear from people. Like, how do I not screw my child up? I'm trying my best. Um, and, and I think that's important to think about. And I remember seeing a statistic years ago and it was like, the average child is reprimanded like eight times more than they're praised. And so it's, it's really important to start to think about. Now, I'm also curious just in general what your thoughts on this might be of over praising of children, because I know a lot of people think we give out too many awards and we're praising children too much and we're too soft with them. I always thought that, you know, when we speak negatively to children, that's going to be a trauma that could come up later on down the road. I have a really good friend whose parents were like, they're incredible people.

Starting point is 00:26:32 I love his parents. They're two of the most amazing people I've ever met. And his mom was very affirmative with him in building him up and building him up and building him up. And she used to always say, everybody loves him. Everybody loves him. Everybody loves him in and building him up. And, um, and she used to always say, everybody loves him. Everybody loves him. Everybody loves him in like a good way. But then he developed the story of everybody has to love me. And it was, he, he actually went like, it was almost like the positive affirmation maybe was too much. And now he's got like this, this pedestal that he feel like he's been put on. And he's like, I don't know if I can always be there. I don't know if

Starting point is 00:27:01 I can make everybody love me. And so I'm just curious your thoughts on obviously negative affirmations are not good for children, but too much positive affirmation. I've always heard like, talk more to, you know, we were talking with a friend the other day, he said, talk more to your daughters and don't say you're pretty all the time, but also say you're smart and say other things besides just the way that they look. Otherwise, they might think to themselves, well, I always have to be pretty. And if I'm not, then there must be something wrong with me. So I'm just curious your thoughts for parents as far as like, well, I don't want to yell at them,

Starting point is 00:27:31 but I also don't want them to go out into the world and think everyone's going to love you all the time. So I'm just curious your thoughts around that for people. Like most things, I will say it's largely about trying to strike a balance between, you know, preparing our kids for the real world, hoping to shape and mold them into functioning members of society that can generally get along with other people. And wanting to, you know, encourage them, build them up, do the right thing by being positive too. But this question of, is there such a thing as too much positivity? We've heard the term coddling. We've heard the term, you know, arrogant. These kinds of things come from somewhere.

Starting point is 00:28:22 And now I'm hearing another phrase, toxic positivity. I think that's kind of related to what we're talking about here. Like, ultimately, most of us that have lived some life understand that we don't always get our way. We don't always get what we want. We don't always get to interact with people that we really, really click with and enjoy spending time with 100%. In fact, sometimes we have to work with people that are a bit unpleasant to us personally. And people that are unprepared to be able to tolerate any kind of distress in their lives are going to struggle quite a bit, you know. So I do think that perhaps there is maybe something of too much positive. because then it's not really reflective of the real life experience that your kid may have. Of course, it's great to build up a child, raise them up into an adult

Starting point is 00:29:14 that loves themselves, that respects their choices and their judgment. But there's something to be said about also preparing somebody for the realities of the world, that not everything is going to be hunky dory. Not everybody is going to love you and that's okay. That's actually okay. Like I think people can also really put themselves through a lot of stress with the idea that everybody has to love me. I got to keep performing and doing all this stuff to make sure that everybody likes me when ultimately that's not the most important thing. So I do think it's, it's about striking a balance,

Starting point is 00:29:49 which makes parenting one of the most difficult things to do. I don't think anybody can do it perfectly. And that's largely from all of us being very different, unique individuals and what worked for one kid is not going to work for your second kid. What worked for you is probably not going to be the same stuff that's going to work for them. And then if you're raising your kids with a partner, you have this other whole other person that has their own stuff going on and their own ideas of what works and what doesn't.

Starting point is 00:30:20 Yeah. I'm curious with, you know, so we've talked a lot about trauma, big T trauma, small T trauma, just trauma in general. I'm curious with, with, you know, so we've talked a lot about trauma, big T trauma, small T trauma, just trauma in general. Um, I'm curious, obviously everybody knows if they have trauma therapy can help and, and talking with someone can help, but I'm curious for people that are like, you know what? Like life was pretty good. Like it wasn't crazy. It was sure there might've been some small T trauma. Maybe I got bullied and all of this stuff when I was younger, but everything's pretty good. Life is pretty decent. You know, what do you say? Can therapy, is it just for people who have, you know, big T and small T trauma?

Starting point is 00:30:55 Or, you know, can it also just help people that are just looking to improve themselves? Like things are good, but I know they could be a little bit better as well. It sounds like you already know the answer based on the question. I might know the answer in my opinion, but I'm curious from you as a therapist and everyone that's listening to kind of hear, I'm sure you've had people come in that are like, hey, life is pretty good. And maybe they become aware of something or maybe you help them work through something. So I'm just curious your thoughts on that. Yeah, definitely. Even when life is pretty good, the question I'm hearing is, is therapy only for people with problems or can anybody go? And guess what? Everybody got problems. Even when your life is good, you probably have

Starting point is 00:31:30 challenges that come up here and there that sometimes you might not feel fully equipped to handle. I've humbly literally never met anybody that doesn't have a single problem in their life or a single challenge. And anybody that claims that they have none, there is a significant issue I've just identified, which is denial. So all this to say, I think therapy can be beneficial to anybody if they're considering that they want to try it. I think that's enough to do an exploration of what it could bring into your life. Of course, it's a great option and resource when you are feeling like you have a significant challenge or a problem that you're

Starting point is 00:32:10 trying to get through. But even if you don't have something like that going on in your life, bringing it back to the analogy of the athlete, I think it's always a wonderful thing to be training our mind in this way on a regular basis to bring strength to it, wisdom, compassion, kindness. I have so many analogies for this stuff. We all have been conditioned very well to go to the dentist twice a year. And our insurance covers these cleanings because even the insurance people know if we have regular cleanings, regular checkups with the dentist, we are preventing a root canal down the road. We are preventing a much larger procedure that insurance may need to cover.

Starting point is 00:32:52 And so it's about, you know, healthy maintenance and checking in to ensure the health of our teeth. And so similarly with our mind, even if you don't have any pain in your mind right now, you can think of it like going into your dentist cleaning, right? It's like we're going in for somebody to check things out, for you to have a better understanding of what's going on with your overall health, your overall oral health or mental health. So I do think therapy can be super beneficial, even if you don't have a significant issue, because chances are, if you're considering it, there's something inside there that you do want to explore. If you're not even considering it, then that's that. Yeah. And what's, what's the, I know you you're specifically with better help,

Starting point is 00:33:36 but what's the best way for someone to start who is kind of considering it or to start exploring those options? Yeah. Um, I mean, for somebody that's just interested in BetterHelp, they can go to the website right off the bat to start exploring, peeking around what kind of information is there. It's also in the App Store and the Google Play Store. But for somebody that's like considering therapy on a much broader scale, you know, I would start with some research. If they're listening to this then they have access to a connected device and that means they also have at their fingertips access to the knowledge of the world so you'd be surprised at what you can find out there now just by googling

Starting point is 00:34:17 some of the symptoms or some of the things that you've been experiencing so it could be like trouble sleeping loss of appetite. Just putting that into a search engine is going to bring up a lot of stuff now because something I appreciate about today's modern world is that a lot of people are talking about mental health. There's so many content creators now in general, but now there's like, you know, this growing world of content creation around mental wellness, but now there's like, you know, this growing world of content creation around mental wellness, mental health. And I think that's because it's universal. Everybody experiences this stuff. And so you have so much stuff in terms of access to knowledge

Starting point is 00:34:56 that just didn't exist out there as, you know, as recently as maybe 10 years ago. So if, if you're just curious, you're sitting on some fence and you're not really sure which side of this fence to be on. Another thing is to consider what's on either side of this fence that you're sitting on, you know, on one side of this, you're continuing in your life as you are now, no changes. And maybe that's safe. It could be that it's chaotic, but it's safe because it's familiar and nothing really changes. And maybe for you, that's okay. So maybe that's something that you want to be thinking about. On the other side of this fence, there's uncertainty for sure. And

Starting point is 00:35:36 we talked about being fearful of the uncertain. And I kind of said something about sometimes that holds people back from the potential of something really good. Uncertainty brings up skepticism, fear of poor outcomes, fear of things getting worse. But it also includes a possibility of a healthier, more fulfilling life with richer relationships and better overall function and wellness. So, you know, you just want to think about like both sides of this fence, what are the risks involved? What are the potential benefits involved by hopping over to either one of these sides? Um, you know, if, if, if that side of the fence where nothing changes and you don't try something different, um,

Starting point is 00:36:23 side of the fence where nothing changes and you don't try something different, if that's a place that you cannot see yourself thriving, if you cannot see yourself growing there and that's something that you would like to do, then my encouragement is just to hop on over to the other side, the uncertain side of the fence to check it out because you can always hop back. You know, nobody has to stay in therapy forever. That's generally not the idea anyway. And if anything, you can try it out and find that you don't like the current therapist. You can change therapists, which BetterHelp has, you know, aimed to make very easy because in a lot of settings, it can be very difficult to change providers. So all this to say, like, whatever you end up deciding to kind of nurture this curiosity or this exploration, you can expect to have to do a little bit of research, a little bit of legwork, meaning taking ownership and having an active part in your own journey and taking responsibility for yourself.

Starting point is 00:37:16 That's awesome. Well, I appreciate the conversation. It's been fun to sit down and talk about therapy and about mindset as well. And so I appreciate you for being here. I appreciate you for sharing all your knowledge with everybody. Yes, my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me again. I mean, for having me.

Starting point is 00:37:31 Thanks.

The Mindset Mentor - Overcoming Fears and Self-Doubt

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