The Mindset Mentor - Problems with Personal Development

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

I have been in the personal development industry for 16 years now. In today's episode, I am going to teach you where I see people go wrong the most often so you can avoid it! Want to master your mi...ndset? Every Monday I send out an email with mindset tips for the week, click here to receive that email: http://mondayemail.com/ Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive an email from me every single Monday with tips and tricks to help you with your mindset and to make the best week possible, go to mondayemail.com right now. You can sign up for it absolutely free. Once again, mondayemail.com and I will send it to you every single Monday morning. Today, I'm going to be talking about one of the biggest problems that I see with self-development. And I have a pretty good pulse on the industry and people who are in the industry, but also people
Starting point is 00:00:45 who come to the industry to try to develop themselves personally. Now, the thing that I'll tell you is this. I've been teaching personal development and had a personal development business now for over seven years. And I've been in personal development and had friends who are very into personal development for about 16 years now. And the one thing that I see that really holds a lot of people back in personal development is I see a lot of people wanting to be at the destination. They are wanting to be at the place where everything is perfect. They're wondering when all of their problems will finally go away. When will my problems go away? When will I finally be perfect? When will I finally get quote unquote there,
Starting point is 00:01:25 wherever there is? And people tend to put themselves through a lot of extra stress and extra worry and anxiety because of the fact that they become aware of things that they need to work through. They start to work on those things and then they notice when they pop up more often and then they start judging themselves because they're like, well, man, I knew that this thing was holding me back and now I'm noticing this thing and I just want it to be done already. I want to be able to just get this in my past and be past all of this. And I've caught myself here many times. I've caught myself thinking about that. I have an issue. I've finally become aware of the issue. I'm no longer ignorant to it. And then I find this issue and I work on it for a little while. I read on it. I meditate. I try to journal through it. I try to work through it, whatever this issue might be. And I work on it for a little while and I start
Starting point is 00:02:21 to feel better. And then a month down the road, two months down the road, six months down the road, I fall into the issue again. And I do what I thought I was done with. I do that thing that I thought I was done with. And I'm like, damn it, what's wrong with me? I thought I was done with this. Have you ever caught yourself in this situation? Found yourself there where you thought you were past something. You thought you had grown past something. You thought you had grown past something. You thought you had grown out of something only to realize that you still got it, right? Only to realize that you're still in it. And personal development, self-development, and spiritual development, I don't actually believe, and this is 16 years, almost 17 years of working on myself
Starting point is 00:03:05 now. I don't believe that there's a destination. I don't know if you'll fully ever 100% get past something. I don't know. I don't think that I've ever fully gotten past anything. Now I can tell you if something was an issue and it was like a level nine before in my life, and it was just like Now, I can tell you if something was an issue and it was like a level nine before in my life, and it was just like nine out of 10, and if the volume was at a nine out of 10, it was like screaming in my ears. Most of the issues now are like a one or a two, but they're not a zero. They're not completely gone. And all I can say is not just from my own experience, but also my experience of people who I've seen that are spiritual teachers or people that are way, way, way further ahead, in my opinion, than me and their self-development, their spiritual development, is they still deal with the human things,
Starting point is 00:03:55 right? I've been in this industry for a while and I see people who are personal development teachers and spiritual teachers who are way further along in this journey than I am. And they admit they still have these things. When you hear about Ram Dass, who is, you know, a spiritual teacher for, what, 50 years, basically? And at the end, towards the end of his life, he's like, I still have things that I'm working through. And you talk to his friends and they're like, yeah, he was still a human, right? He still had his human issues. And they're way past me, in my opinion. And I don't know if I'll ever get to where they were, but they admit falling into old human traits from the past version of himself. And so, I don't know about you, but it makes me feel a lot better
Starting point is 00:04:37 knowing that I'll never actually be there. Now, for some people that might bring up the issue of like, oh my God, I'm so anxious. I'm going to have this forever. I'm never going to get past this shit. I thought there was at least some sort of destination I was going to get to. I don't think there's ever a destination for me personally, where I will just be quote unquote done. What I think it's about though, is it's instead of being, you know, it's stuff will happen in our life and we become triggered, whatever that is. And wherever you're triggered, you're not free. If somebody says something to you and it triggers you, it's not their fault. It is the way that we receive the information and what we give value about what they said, right? What we deem valuable or not. You know, if somebody were to come up to you and say something to you and it were to piss
Starting point is 00:05:24 you off, it's not their fault that it pisses you off. It to you and it were to piss you off, it's not their fault that it pisses you off. It's your fault that it pisses you off. It's your reaction to them. You know, it's like Eleanor Roosevelt says, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You're consenting to feeling that way. Because if that person were to come up and say the exact same thing that they said to you before, but say it in a language that you didn't speak, there would be no reaction on your side. So therefore, it's not the actual words that's the issue. It's our reaction to the words and how we feel about them. So the thing that I think life and personal development and all this is, is something happens to us when we become triggered, whatever that is. Like think of, for instance, something that triggers you. Maybe it's someone calling you a certain name. Maybe it's somebody talking down to you.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Maybe it's somebody talking down to somebody else. Maybe it's somebody, whatever it is. I don't know what it is for you, but it's different for everybody. There's a trigger, right? That trigger is something that you notice. And what happens is when you're younger, your trigger before you ever notice and get into personal development, your trigger might be, you know, something happens and then you're pissed off for like a week. And you're like, damn it. You know, you wake up, something happens to you on Monday and then Tuesday you wake up and you're like, damn it, I can't believe they did that to me.
Starting point is 00:06:37 What an asshole. And then Wednesday you wake up and you're like, damn it, that freaking person, I can't believe they did that shit to me. And you're literally pissed Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday for something that happened to you last Monday. Some people are still pissed off today about something that happened to them 17 years ago, and they're still not over it, right? But then what happens is you work on yourself a little bit. And instead of you being pissed off for seven days, six months down the road, a year down the road, now you're pissed off for five days.
Starting point is 00:07:04 six months down the road, a year down the road, now you're pissed off for five days. Still not the best thing that you want, but it's less than you were before. It is an improvement. And then you start to work on yourself another six months, a year, two years, maybe. And now, instead of being pissed off for five days, you're pissed off for four. And you work on yourself a little bit more and you get a little bit better. And then you get pissed off for three days and then two days and then one day. And then you're pissed off for half of a day. And then you're pissed off for a few hours and then you're pissed off for an hour. And then you get pissed off for three days and then two days and then one day. And then you're pissed off for half of a day. And then you're pissed off for a few hours. And then you're pissed off for an hour. And then you're pissed off for 30 minutes. And then you're pissed off for five minutes. And then you're pissed off for 30 seconds. And then you're pissed off for 10 seconds. And you notice it and you're like, oh, there it is again. But it takes years and years
Starting point is 00:07:39 and years to get to that level. And so the thing that I think personal development is, is not getting to the destination where nothing bothers you anymore, where you're this perfect being, where nobody can set you off in any sort of way. Of course, we would all love to get there. And maybe some people listening will get there. Maybe I'll get there. I don't know. Maybe you'll get there. I don't know. But there's no forcing myself to have to get to this destination. But the journey of Percival is to notice the trigger, to work on the trigger, and to get it shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter. As Viktor Frankl says, who is a psychologist who was a Jewish psychologist who went through Auschwitz and many of the crazy things that happened during Nazi prison camps, he says,
Starting point is 00:08:20 between stimulus and response lies a space. And in that space, so between stimulus and response, let me say this and response lies a space. And in that space, so between stimulus and response, let me say this again, lies a space. And it could be a super short space, it could be a tenth of a second. Between stimulus and response lies a space. And in that space lies our freedom, our power to choose a response.
Starting point is 00:08:41 And in our response lies our growth and our happiness. So think about that for a second. Something happens, you react to in some sort of way. There is a space in between there where you choose, as he says, you choose to respond. And in our response lies our growth and our happiness. Hey, how do you feel when you think about your student loans? If the answer is overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious, Earnest wants to help you out. Earnest is the number one student loan refinancing company in 2021, according to financial and competitor data. They've helped over 200,000 borrowers refinance over $18 billion of student loans. Even though federal student loan payments are on hold, refinancing could be the right choice for you. The government has been raising interest rates and that means that the
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Starting point is 00:11:28 And right now, for a limited time, you can save $10 off your first purchase when you go to storyworth.com. That's S-T-O-R-Y-W-O-R-T-H.com. For $10 off your first purchase, storyworth.com. first purchase, storyworth.com slash dial. Have you ever noticed that as we work towards getting past something or being done with it, we have to give up a little bit of happiness whenever we're like, oh, I'm not there yet. Oh man, I'm not done. I'm still working on this thing. And it makes you judge yourself more. It makes you less happy. I've found, me personally though, that as I have given up this need to get somewhere or to be done with something, my happiness instead of going down has actually gone up. Because all too often, we really more than anything else, all too often,
Starting point is 00:12:25 not only do people find themselves falling back into old triggers and old patterns, but then what they do is they fall back into an old trigger and old pattern and then they judge themselves on top of it. And they're like,
Starting point is 00:12:37 damn it, I thought I was done with this. You're so stupid. You screw up stuff all the time. It's like, and I've never really understood it because people judge themselves and the judging just makes no sense. It's like finding an old wound
Starting point is 00:12:50 and noticing that this wound has reopened. And instead of healing the wound, you're like, ah, fuck it. Let's pour some salt on top of it, right? That doesn't make any sense. That's what judgment is. It is the salt on top of the old wound. So instead of being like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm falling back into this. I thought I was done with it.
Starting point is 00:13:08 You're supposed to be better. You've been reading so much. You've been meditating lately. It's like, oh, here's the old wound. Let's not pour salt on top of it. Let's just go and figure out a way to continue to keep healing it because that's what the wound really needs is the healing, right? So what if you were never done? What if this whole human journey that you're on is about getting lost and then finding yourself and then getting lost and finding yourself over and over and over again? Because in reality, you really can't know who you are if you don't know who you're not. And this is what's interesting. You can't,
Starting point is 00:13:46 you have to have both sides. There's always going to be a yin to the yang. You can't know the color white if you don't know the color black. You can't, you know, good cannot exist without evil. Love cannot exist without fear. They are two sides of the exact same coin. So why am I saying that? It's because in order for us to find ourselves and find out who we are and find out who we want to be, we must also lose ourselves into situations that we don't want to be. We must mess up to realize who we, you know, to get us, we have to fall off track to get back on track. And we have to realize it over and over
Starting point is 00:14:25 and over again. And so for me, it really takes the pressure off when you go, okay, this is something that's going to happen probably over and over again. I'm going to work on it. I'm going to try to make this not as much of a trigger. I'm going to try to not be as triggered by this thing happening. I'm going to try to make my reaction time less. I'm going to try not to react. But when we work on something and then we get to a point where we're like, man, I feel like this is pretty good. A lot of times what happens is then you find another thing that you need to work on that's different than that one thing. And the way that I see it, I remember having a psychedelic journey and I was thinking about this probably about a year and a half, two years ago at this point. And I was like, man, being a human is literally like being a rose that
Starting point is 00:15:10 continues to bloom and never stops blooming. It's like something pops up in the middle and it's something that we need to work on in ourselves. And we work on it, we work on it, work on it. And eventually that petal after it's, you know, we work on it, work on it, work on it, we're done with it. It dies. And when a petal dies off of a rose, it falls off and it's gone. You know, it turns into dust and we never see it again. And so sometimes it's like that for us. But what's interesting is as another pedal falls off, another pedal grows. And so it's like, as we found one thing that we have done, you know, gotten ourself past, a lot of times another thing will pop up. So I want to just have you think about that for a second. Knowing that there is no destination, knowing that this
Starting point is 00:15:50 is all the journey, it's all the process, this is what life is about, you must lose yourself to find yourself and this is going to continue happening for the rest of your life. How does that feel now? Knowing that this is just the journey. It allows you, if you really step back, it allows you to take the pressure off yourself. It allows you to take the pressure off of having to get it right all of the time. It allows you to take the pressure off, I need to be done with this. It allows you to take the pressure off of like, why the hell can't I get past this issue? And what's cool about that, you realize it's just part of the ride. Some parts of the ride, you know, if you're driving your car are really smooth.
Starting point is 00:16:30 Some parts of the ride are quite bumpy. But when you realize that this is just the ride of the human experience, you enjoy it more. You will never be perfect. There's no reason to be perfect. In fact, there's no such thing as perfect. So to strive for being perfect is to strive for something that doesn't exist. You're going to mess up. You're going to fall. You're going to hit your face. You're going to break an ankle. You're going to do all the things. But along the journey, you're going to pick
Starting point is 00:16:59 yourself up. You're going to fix it. And you're going to go along. But the more that you work on yourself and the more that you work on your personal development, you realize that this is just the way that it goes. And so the problem that I said from the very beginning is that people feel like they should be somewhere. They feel like they should be done. They feel like they should be perfect. They feel like, when will I ever get quote unquote there? And I've caught myself there many times. But when you finally step back and tell yourself, you know what? There is no there. The journey is just the journey. When one pedal falls off, another one will grow. And my job as being a human is to work through all of the pedals as they come up the best that I possibly can and to use my actual personal development and me
Starting point is 00:17:43 working on myself as a means to become a better person, knowing that I will benefit from it, but not only myself will benefit from it, but everybody else will benefit around me as from it as well. And so when you take the pressure off yourself, it makes it so much easier. And here's the interesting thing about it. The more that you leave the pressure, the easier it becomes to start working through those things. Because when they pop back up again, you're like, here we are again. What did I do last time to get myself out of it? Okay. How can I make sure I get myself out of it quicker? And when you do this over and over and over again, it's just like working out. It becomes a muscle. You become really good at getting yourself out of these
Starting point is 00:18:17 situations and being able to improve much, much quicker. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you didn't know, the Mindset Mentor, this podcast has a brand new Instagram. So if you want to follow us, it's all clips from this podcast so you can get some value added to your Instagram. It is the Mindset Mentor podcast. So the Mindset Ment mindset mentor podcast on instagram go over there send some love give us a message over there i read through all the messages and i'm gonna leave you the same way i leave you every single episode make it your mission to make someone else's day better i appreciate you and i hope that you have an amazing day

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