The Mindset Mentor - Skills for a Healthy Relationship

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. And if you also want to dominate your 2025 goals and New Year's resolutions, go to goals2025.com right now. You can download my free ebook, which is 17 pages with a workbook that helps you design and plan out your 2025 goals. So once again, that website to get it for free is goals 2025.com. Today, we're going to be talking about how to understand your loved ones better so that you can build healthier relationships with them. And today we're going to be talking about the five love languages. And I want you to understand, maybe you've heard of the five love languages before. Maybe you haven't. Maybe you've visited this in the past with somebody else you were once

Starting point is 00:00:53 in a relationship with. This will be a really good refresher for you if you've heard of it before. For those of you that have never heard it before, this is going to be game-changing for you in your lives. The key to love languages is to basically understand that you want to be able to show love to the person that you love in the way that they feel love. And so kind of the way you want to think about it, the reason why it's called five love languages is because it's almost like speaking completely different languages. So if you show love in a certain way, like let's say you feel love through words of affirmation, but your partner's primary love language is acts of service, you can talk them

Starting point is 00:01:32 up. You can tell them how beautiful they are, how amazing they are. You can give them all of the verbal lip service and love and appreciation that you possibly can, but your partner won't feel it the same as if you did something for them in their love language. And so the key here is to know your partner's love language so that they feel loved from you. And this is going to be really good for romantic relationships. But as you get deeper and deeper into this, you realize that every single relationship, the more that you know about someone's love language, the more you can help them and interact with them. So this could be your friends, this could be your family, this could be your children, this could be your co-workers, this could be your employees. The better that you know

Starting point is 00:02:12 someone's love language, the better that you can make them feel loved and appreciated. So let's dive into the five love languages. The first one is words of affirmation. It's very simple, but it's compliments. It's encouraging words. It's genuine affirmations and verbal appreciation for another person. These things go really, really, they definitely go a long way with making somebody feel loved if words of affirmation is their thing. For some people, words of affirmation isn't their thing. So if you tell them how beautiful they are, how amazing they are, how much you love them and appreciate them, they'll appreciate it, but it won't feel as loving as what their actual love language is. And so to people who love words

Starting point is 00:02:54 of affirmation, words are expressions of how you feel and what you appreciate about them. And so the way that you want to basically use this is to express your appreciation to this person, to make a habit of telling your partner what you appreciate about them. A lot of times I hear people say like, oh, you know, I always think it, but I never say it to them. Or I always think about never say it to her. It could be as simple as, I love how you always know how to make me smile. Or I'm so proud of everything that you've accomplished. Or thank you for taking care of the children and loving them so well. The key is you can't just think it. They need to hear it from you. And you could do this by speaking to them directly. Some people also really love to get sticky notes on the mirror or a text message during the day so that you can reinforce your love for your partner.

Starting point is 00:03:46 Like show that you notice them, their unique qualities. So instead of saying like, you look really nice tonight, it'd be like, hey, I really love your new haircut. That would be better. Both of them are good. Neither one is wrong. But it's like, how can you know how to speak directly to your person better? And so for someone who values words of affirmations, when you have small, frequent, sincere words of encouragement, it can really create a sense of love, stability, and connection for them. And it makes them feel like they're loved, which is the most important part. So that's the first one. The second one is called acts of service. So people who love acts of service, and they have that as their

Starting point is 00:04:25 primary love language, feel the most love when their partner goes out of their way to do things that make their life easier or to show they care. Like for me, I've didn't know this until Lauren and I went through it a couple of years into our relationship. Her number one primary love language is acts of service. And so I didn't know that. And so actions speak louder than words to these people. And so it's genuine gestures that help them out or make them feel like they're truly valued. And so it's not about like being their chef or being their maid. It's about recognizing them and noticing their needs and stepping in to show support. And these are often overlooked opportunities. And so you want to make sure that you sit there and think like,

Starting point is 00:05:10 well, what can I do to make their life easier? What's something that I can do for them to help them out, to show them how much I care? And so what you want to do is you want to look for everyday opportunities to help them. So you could ask yourself, like, what could I do to make my partner's day a little bit better or a little bit easier? And these small actions like doing the dishes or organizing their workspace or making them their favorite meal before they leave can show the thoughtfulness that really makes them feel loved. And also, if they request help from you, like if your partner asks and requests help with a task, try to make sure that you make an effort to follow through and don't forget about it. So, you know, doing something that they've specifically requested shows that you're listening and you're willing to support.

Starting point is 00:05:54 And so once again, this one is, it's not like you're their maid. It's not like they're the chef or any of that type of stuff. It's like, Hey, for some reason, these types of people feel love, like acts of service is not mine. So for me, it was like really hard for me to wrap my head around for a little while with Lauren and I. But it's like, for some reason, that's just how she feels love. And if I want to show her love, well, then I want to make sure I'm speaking to her in her language. And so, you know, for example, if your partner has like a big project coming up, well, then making them some food or bringing them

Starting point is 00:06:25 coffee while they're working on it will make them feel loved, which is what's important. So for those people who really want acts of service, these gestures will really signal to them, the partner, that, you know, I'm attentive to you. I love you. I'm thinking about you. I'm willing to put effort into making your life a little bit better. And so that's the second one. The third one is quality time. So for individuals who have quality time as their primary love language, feeling loved means having undivided attention from their partner or doing something that they enjoy together. And so they feel value with intentional time together, free from distractions, free from cell phones, free from emails, TV, all that stuff.

Starting point is 00:07:09 Like sitting down and watching a TV show is not, you know, it's, it's, you might think that it is, but it's not really quality time. You're just, you know, occupying the same space. You're in the same proximity, but, it's like a space where both people are fully engaged. And so they feel deeply connected when you're spending time with them and talking to them and doing activities together. So if you're always on your phone, they're not going to feel connection with you. If you're super busy, even for a quick few minutes, it really shows a lot to these people. So like,

Starting point is 00:07:45 if you're really busy, you got a lot going on, but you both work from home, like a 15 minute coffee break where you both just put your phones away, you talk, and you have a good morning together can make a world of difference to these types of people. And so to them, this undivided attention shows that you really care and that they are a priority for you. Why? Because you're paying attention to them and nothing else. Not your phone, not your emails, any of that. It shows them that they're a priority for you. And so what you want to do is you want to go and spend more time with them. Spend time listening to your partner, being with your partner, focus on what they're saying,

Starting point is 00:08:20 how they're feeling without any distractions. Another really good thing for people who want quality time, if your partner has quality time, is to schedule date nights. And it doesn't have to be fancy. It could be that you go out and you go get some dinner at a place. It could be that you have date nights and you go to a place that you love or watch the sunset or go on a walk together. It could be that you cook dinner together. Or it could just be, or watch the sunset or go on a walk together. It could be that you cook dinner together, or it could just be, you know, even like the side moments of just like, hey, I'm going to sit down and have coffee within the morning. It's just, it's very simple. Can you give them your undivided attention for an amount of time that makes them feel like they're a priority for

Starting point is 00:08:58 you in their lives? You know, another good thing that would really help you is to find hobbies or shows that you guys want to go see, activities that you both enjoy, because this shared experience makes them feel connected to you and shows your partner that you value spending time together. And so quality time is about showing your partner that they're a priority, not just an afterthought. And so it's about your presence, not just like your proximity to them, which is like your undivided attention versus like, hey, I'm sitting next to you on the couch. I thought that was quality time. You know, we're watching Yellowstone. I thought that was quality time.

Starting point is 00:09:33 That's our quality time. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. So that's number three is quality time. Number four is physical touch. Physical touch is a love language that's not just like intimacy or affection or any of that. For those who physical touch is their love language, it's just simple touching. It could be simple gestures like holding their hands, a hug after a tough day, a kiss on the forehead. All of those things really, really help. And so

Starting point is 00:10:01 physical touch basically communicates to these people warmth, closeness, grounding, reassurance in the relationship. And so sometimes if you feel like physically distant to them and they feel like they're physically distant to you, to them, it feels like emotional distance as well. And so make it part of your routine, like a quick hug before you leave for work, when you come back for work, holding hands whenever you're walking together, making your partner feel valued, making them feel connected to you. And so sometimes if they're going through a tough time, these types of people, this comforting touch can really mean a lot to them, especially if they're upset, if they're

Starting point is 00:10:44 stressed, if they've got a lot going on. And so really it's like, how can I make sure knowing that, hey, they feel love whenever there's physical touch? Once again, it doesn't have to be like full on making out in public. It can be putting your arm around them. It could be pulling them closer. It could be holding their hand, any of those things. Make them feel loved. And that's just their love language. That's the way that they feel loved, which is you want to give love the way that they feel loved. And number five is receiving gifts. These people receiving gifts, it's not about, and this is interesting because I've never been in a relationship with someone who receiving gifts is theirs. But one of my friends, the couple, the woman is receiving

Starting point is 00:11:24 gifts is like hers. And I never really understood until I talked to him about it. And so they talked about it. And what's interesting is that she buys him stuff all the time because that's her love language. So she buys him stuff all the time, but he doesn't care about receiving things at all. Like that's not his. Physical touch is his.

Starting point is 00:11:39 And so it's really funny when it's like these two have completely different. Hers is receiving gifts. His is physical touch. So it's like she wants to buy different. Hers is receiving gifts. His is physical touch. So it's like she wants to buy him gifts. He doesn't give a damn about the gifts. What he wants is he just wants physical touch, right? And then so for him, he also has to remind himself, oh, but the way she feels love is through physical, like receiving gifts. And so he has to remind her to give her little gifts. And it's not about materialism as you would think. It's not about going out and buying jewelry and a car and a house for this person. People who want to receive gifts, they

Starting point is 00:12:08 feel love because of the thoughtfulness and the care behind the gesture. And so it's not about the size of the gift. It's not about the value of the gift. It's the meaning behind it that really carries it. It shows basically that you were thinking about them even when they weren't around. And so it's not about the big things. It could be, you know, a favorite snack for them. It could be a book that you know that she's interested in. It could be a postcard from a recent trip that you were on showing that, you know, we weren't together, but even though we weren't together, I was still thinking about you while we were apart. So for someone with the love language of receiving gifts, it's just basically a physical

Starting point is 00:12:47 representation of your relationship and your commitment that makes them feel the love and the appreciation this way. And so what I really, really recommend is now that you know about the five love languages, I recommend that if you're in a relationship with somebody, that you both go buy the book, just buy two copies. I don't get paid if you buy the book because it's not my book, but I recommend that you go and you buy it. You both have two copies. You go through it together and you identify your top two primary love languages. So this will help both of you understand each other at a much deeper level. Like I promise you that if you really want to work on your relationship, it's really important to know your primary love language and your secondary love language for yourself, but also for your

Starting point is 00:13:29 partner as well. And when you find their love language, ask them what that means. So, okay, so words of affirmation is yours. How do you feel the most love? Like, what do you, what does that make you, like, what can I do? What makes you feel the most loved? What's something that I've done before in the past that made you feel really loved around words of affirmation? Okay, here's this quality time. What would quality time look like for you? What could I do to make you feel as loved as I possibly can through that quality time? And to actually get really clear that I'm speaking your language, you're speaking my language, we understand each other, we love, we appreciate each other, and I want to make sure I show it to you. And then what you do is you check in

Starting point is 00:14:08 regularly with them to make sure that you're doing a good job. Just ask them, Hey, you know, how have you been feeling? I know that words of affirmation is your love language. Have I been doing a good job? Have I been doing a bad job? Is there ways that I can improve so that you can constantly keep getting better? And so, you know, it know, it's not about these big, huge things. It can be simple daily acts that you do as well. So like, can you build your day and go, okay, I know this person is words of affirmation. So I'm going to send him a text telling him about how amazing he is. And I was just thinking about it. Or I know hers is acts of service. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make her coffee in the morning while she's in the shower. Or I know that his is quality time. So I'm going to schedule a weekly

Starting point is 00:14:49 date to make sure that we go on a date every single week and we get that quality time. And while we're doing that, I'm going to put my phone away. It's not going to even be with me. Or I know hers is physical touch. So I'm going to make sure that I remember to hug her every single time that I leave. And, you know, instead of just like a quick hug, remember to hug her every single time that I leave. And, you know, instead of just like a quick hug, it's like a 15 seconds taking a deep breath and just physically being with that person. Or it's like, hey, receiving gifts is something that she loves. I know I'm going on this trip. I'm going to make sure I send her a postcard home. So it's these little tiny things that we can do every single day. And it can really make a huge difference between your partner feeling seen

Starting point is 00:15:24 and loved or feeling overlooked. And the more that you start to understand this, and the more you start to get really good at using this with your partner, you can take it to your relationships that are outside of your romantic relationship. So it's like your romantic relationship is kind of like the practice ground, but then you'll start to notice your friends and their love languages. You'll start to notice your family and their love languages. You'll start to notice your family and their love languages, your children, your coworkers, your employees. And then you can make sure that you start

Starting point is 00:15:51 to make everybody around you feel loved and appreciated in their language specifically. You know, in the end, love languages is about building understanding and real intentional connection in the relationship that you're in with this person. And when we actively try to quote unquote speak our partner's language, we're sending a message to them like, hey, I see you. I care about you. I'm invested in you.

Starting point is 00:16:16 And I really want to nurture our relationship and make you feel loved and make you feel happy. And that's really a foundation for lasting and meaningful, deep, fulfilling relationships. So that's all I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, if you learn something from it, if you want other people to know about as well, do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So I deeply, deeply appreciate it when you do share it. Sharing this podcast is my love language. So if you would do that, I would feel the love.

Starting point is 00:16:47 And also, as I said, if you want to get your free ebook on how to dominate your goals for 2025, go to goals2025.com. Once again, goals with an S, 2025.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you.

Starting point is 00:17:04 And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Skills for a Healthy Relationship

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