The Mindset Mentor - Stop Doing These 4 Things If You Want to Be Happy

Episode Date: March 13, 2019

Episode 557 - Happiness is not really that hard to understand is it? Stop doing the things you hate doing and do more of the stuff you love doing, right? If it were that easy, everyone would be happy! It seems there is more to be said than just that, so in this episode I talk about the 4 things you should stop doing right now if you want to be happy. Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to the Mindset and Motivation Podcast, one of the top motivational podcasts in the world. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we come out with a short, to the point, no BS episode to help make massive changes in your mind and transform you from who you are now to who you want to be. My name is Rob Dial, and the podcast starts now. Welcome to today's episode. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And for those of you guys that are interested in one-on-one coaching,

obviously, as I said, I do personally not have any one-on-one coaching spots that are available, but I do have a certified coach who I have now known for 11 years, who has trained thousands of people and helped thousands of people one-on-one over the past 11 years. His name is Patrick. He's one of my really good friends, and he is actually certified under me through my strategies of exactly how to coach somebody one-on-one. So if you are interested in one-on-one coaching and taking your life to the next level, you need some extra level of accountability and you need someone to hold you accountable to your goals and do what you say you're going to do, but also have someone kind of be the person on the outside looking in that can tell you your blind spots and help you through everything and someone who's

actually really interested in helping you get better. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching with my good friend Patrick, who once again is certified under me and my strategies, go ahead and send him an email, patrick at robdial.com. So that's Patrick, P-A-T-R-I-C-K at robdial.com. He'll be able to send you the information. There's a quick little application process you have to go through to make sure that you are qualified and everything looks good on your side. And then if everything looks good, you guys can hop on a phone call and see if it's right for you. So go ahead and email him, patrick at robdial.com. All right, let's go ahead and dive into today's episode. Today, I'm going to be talking about the four

things that you need to stop doing if you want to be happier right now. So the first thing that you need to stop doing if you want to be happier is stop comparing yourself to other people. is stop comparing yourself to other people. Now, what do I mean by this? Well, in 2019, it's really hard to stop comparing ourselves to other people when we're constantly seeing other people's lives on social media. If you pull up Instagram, for instance,

it's really hard to look at somebody else's life and think to yourself, man, why am I not there yet? But you have to realize that they might have started on their journey earlier than you. You can't compare someone else's chapter 20 to your chapter one. You might just be earlier in the process than they are. You have to realize that. They also have had a different life than you have. You haven't had the same life. There's only one person that it's fair to compare yourself to and that's who you were yesterday so when you're comparing yourself to other people you also have to realize nobody puts their negative stuff on their Instagram right they

don't show the you know they don't show the time of them crying when their boyfriend broke up on them on Instagram right that would be awkward if people did that I'm sure there's probably some people out there that do that, but most people are not doing that. But you have to realize when you're going through really hard times, it's easy to think that you're the only one that's going through this hard time because you're seeing all of, you know yourself so intimately, but you don't know all of these other people's lives intimately. So you're thinking to yourself, man, if I look at her life, if I look at his life, they look like they're

having such a good life that things are going so well for them. And if you look at my life, my life is all kinds of screwed up. This is screwed up and this is screwed up. I wish that I had the life that they have, but you can't do that because what you're doing is you're thinking that your life is not the same as theirs. When in reality, they might be going through the same stuff or maybe even worse than you, but they're just not posting it on social media. It's okay. You can't compare your life to somebody else's. So if you want to be really unhappy, start comparing yourself to other people because comparison is the ultimate thief of joy. If

you don't ever want to be happy, compare yourself to everybody because it is impossible. You have to rise impossible for you to compare yourself to someone else's life because your life has not been the same as theirs. Their life has not been the same as yours. If you don't have as much money as them, if you're not traveling as much as if they don't have the life or the relationship that you want and they do, maybe they just started earlier than you did. You can't compare their chapter 20 to your chapter 1. So number 1 is stop comparing yourself to everybody else. Number 2, if you want to be happy, you need to stop trying to be perfect.

Why? Because perfect is false. false perfection does not exist if you look out in nature nothing is perfect in nature it's perfectly imperfect there's not a perfect tree there's no perfect animal without any scars or messed up colors there's no perfect plant nothing is perfect including you so there's no perfect plant. Nothing is perfect, including you. So there's no reason for you to try to be perfect. If you think that you're a perfectionist, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Everybody thinks that they're a perfectionist. Every single person believes that they're a perfectionist. Why? Because most people are afraid. Perfectionism is a mask for some sort of fear

that you have. And let me explain what I mean by this. You might not be a perfectionist. You might say, oh yeah, you know, I haven't put my art out yet because, you know, it's not perfect yet. I want to keep working on it. But in reality, maybe what's really going on is you're afraid of being judged, especially the one thing that you love most in the world, your art. Man, to get judged for your art could be really hard for you. So you're saying that you're a perfectionist because you're actually afraid of being judged. Maybe you haven't put your album out yet, or you haven't taken it to the record label like you want to because you're not a perfectionist Even that's what you're telling everybody but maybe because you're afraid of being rejected

So perfectionism is not real Perfectionism is a mask that you're wearing for some other fear So if you feel like you're a perfectionist the real question to ask yourself is what is my fear that I'm actually covering up? Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of success? Am I afraid of being rejected? Am I afraid of being judged? What is it? Because perfectionism does not exist. It's only a mask for some sort of fear. So you have to stop being perfect because if you're trying to be perfect, you're going to be let down for the rest of fear. So you have to stop being perfect because if you're trying to be perfect You're gonna be let down for the rest of your life because once again nothing in this world nothing in nature is perfect

It is imperfectly perfect. That's what you have to rise the third thing to stop doing if you really want to be happy is stop complaining I'm gonna ask you a question. I want you to think really hard about this. I'll give you a second. You ready? When was the last time that you went, man, I'm really glad that I complained because it really got me far in life. Oh yeah, that's right. Never. It's never happened. Complaining has never gotten you anywhere. If anything, complaining sets you back. And the reason why is because complaining consumes energy.

And energy is a finite resource that is non-renewable every single day. You have a certain amount of energy every single day. And if you use just a little bit of it to complain, that is energy that could have been used to do something else. Complaining has never gotten you anywhere. It's never gotten you further along. No person has ever been on stage accepting the award and they say, I wanna go ahead and give this award to my complaining

because it really got me further along in life. So if you wanna be happier, if you wanna get further along in life, stop complaining. Nobody's ever gotten happier from complaining because complaining only makes you more ticked off. in life stop complaining nobody's ever gotten happier from complaining because complaining only makes you more ticked off it makes you more mad than you already were so next time you feel like you're complaining pause for a second take a deep breath and go you know what I'm just gonna let this one go I'm gonna

sit this one out and if one breath isn't enough, there was a Japanese study that found out that it takes six deep conscious breaths to completely change your state. It lowers your heart rate. It gets rid of all of the fight or flight mechanisms that are firing off, that are trying to put adrenaline into your body. And it slows everything down. So next time you feel like you're about to take off and you're about to start complaining again, take a deep breath, chill for a second, and complaining has never gotten you anywhere.

Complaining has never gotten you anywhere. So realize that complaining is not going to get you anywhere, so you might as well take a few deep breaths, chill for a second, and then go about your way in a positive manner. And the fourth thing for you to stop doing, and this is a hard one for a lot of people, the fourth thing for you to stop doing if you want to be happy is stop hanging out with toxic people. Yes, I said it, toxic people. I don't care if that toxic person was your best friend growing up.

I don't care if it's your cousin. To be completely honest with you, I don't care if that toxic person that you need to get rid of in your life is your mother or your father. I don't care if one of the toxic people who brought you into this world was one of your parents. I know a lot of people that have stopped communicating with their parents because of how negative and how much their parents brought them down. So I want you to realize that if you want to be happier, you have to get rid of the toxic people in your life. They say that you're the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. So take a step back, look around

you at the five people you spend the most time with and ask yourself this question is this the future that I want because those five people are who you're going to become you know if you're hanging out with five millionaires you're probably going to become the fifth because you're gonna hold yourself to a higher standard you're gonna start challenging yourself more they're gonna hold you to a higher standard if you hang out five alcoholics you're probably going to become the sixth. I guarantee that if you look at your weight and you're overweight, you're probably hanging out with other people who are overweight that find that acceptable. If you just wanted to change your weight, just change the

people that you're hanging out with. People that are healthier, that take care of themselves more, that work out more often, that meditate. If you want to be more successful, hang out with five successful people. If you want to be happier, hang out with five happy people. But hanging out with negative people or toxic people will never make you happy. It will only bring you down. And in reality, you have to realize that a lot of times, I understand you might be one of those people out there that you just really love this person. that a lot of times I understand you might be one of those people out there that you just really love this person. You want the best for them and you know what they could be in their future. But at some point in time, you have to realize that you can't change anybody. If you want to know how hard it is to change somebody else, think about how hard it is to

change yourself, right? It is really hard to change yourself. So of course it's going to be hard to change somebody else. It's going to be even harder. In fact, it's impossible to change yourself. So of course it's going to be hard to change somebody else. It's going to be even harder. In fact, it's impossible to change somebody else. I was lucky enough that when I was younger, I started a sales company. And by the time I was 23, I trained over 2000 sales representatives. And there were so many, so much potential that came through that door. So many people I wanted to be successful. They had everything set up for them. They had the talent. They had the skill set. They were competitive, everything. But for some reason, it didn't work out. And it used to drive me crazy. And then one of my managers said to me, he said, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. And I really understood that because what I realized is, you know, if you walk a horse and

you take it to water, you can take it all the way to the water. But it is the horse's decision whether it's going to actually drink or not. You can try to help everybody out as much as you possibly can, but it's their decision of if they're going to change or not. And if you've been trying to change them and trying to change them and trying to change them, at one point, you just have to give up. You have to realize that you can't change other people you know it's the difference between the lighthouse versus the towboat you know the phrase be the change in the world what does that mean exactly be the change that you want to see in the world the exact example is this if you look at a lighthouse versus a towboat what is a

towboat and a lighthouse do they get ships inside of the harbor safely that's their job is to do. But they use two completely different means to do so. So what I mean by that is if you look at a towboat, right? A towboat, what does it do? It goes out and gets the ships and it pulls them in. It uses all of its force, all of its energy to try to get a ship from the sea into the harbor. That's how most people try to change the people around them. They try to pull them. You should read this. You should go to this conference. You should do this. And they pull them in all of their force and all their might, and it never really works that well. That's a towboat. What exactly does a lighthouse do? A lighthouse stays in the exact same spot. It knows its job. It knows what it's supposed to do.

And it shines its light as bright as it can. And it still gets the boats safely into the harbor. So why should you be like the lighthouse? What does the lighthouse have to do with be the change? You find out what you want to do. You find out who you are. You find out the path for you. And you stick to it.

And you start making changes in your life. And lo and behold, what happens? Your friends, everyone that's around you that knows you, start seeing massive improvements in your life. And this person that you've been trying to force to change will eventually one day come up to you and say, hey, man, you seem a lot happier. What have you been doing?

Hey, you seem a lot more successful. You seem really fit. What have you been doing? And they see the change in you, and they want that change. So now they want your advice. Hey, you seem a lot more successful. You seem really fit. What have you been doing? And they see the change in you and they want that change. So now they want your advice. It's the difference between giving somebody advice and having them ask for advice. If you want to change somebody, change yourself and then maybe you'll change people.

But you have to get rid of the toxic people and it's their decision of if they want to make change in their life or not so those are the four things you need to stop doing if you want to be happy number one is to stop comparing yourself to other people number two is to stop trying to be perfect because you never will be number three is to stop complaining and number four is to stop hanging out with negative and toxic people. Well, that's it for today's podcast. If you want the show notes for this episode, they can be found at mwfmotivation.com. Also, if you liked this episode, please spread the love and share it with a friend because

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