The Mindset Mentor - Stop Fighting For What You Don't Want

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive some extra mindset tips inside of your email, go ahead and go to mondayemail.com right now. Once again, mondayemail.com and every Monday I will send you an email with my tips and tricks on what I'm going to be using on myself and also what I help other people with going into every single week so that you can master your mindset every single week. Today, we're going to be talking about how to fight for what you want, not fighting for what you don't want. And let me tell you a

Starting point is 00:00:46 real quick story so you can kind of understand the context of this. I was on a call earlier this week and a team member and I and the rest of the team was there. We were talking about something in his life. And I noticed he's making these big switches in his life, these big transitions in his life. And as he was explaining his goals to me and to everyone else that was there, I noticed that he kept throwing in subconsciously little reasons why it was going to be hard. He kept giving little reasons of why it might not work out, some of the challenges that could possibly pop up as he was going down this road of trying to hit his goals, and then all of the reasons why he wasn't ready. And so it was about a five-minute conversation,

Starting point is 00:01:30 and we were talking and talking. But in there, there were these little teeny tiny things that he kept throwing in. And I was like, ah, this doesn't, the energy here of what he's working towards, it doesn't feel right. Why now is not the right time, Why he wasn't ready? The challenges that could possibly pop up and all of that. And I had to stop him. And I was like, hey, man, you're not going to hit your goal. He's like, what? And I was like, you are not going to hit your goal. I can already tell. And he's like, what do you mean? I'm supposed to be the one that's like, hey, you can do it. I was like, you're not going to hit your goal, man. He's like, why do you say that? I was like, from my viewpoint, if I were to project into the future and guess whether or not you're going to hit your goal, I would say you're

Starting point is 00:02:13 not going to hit your goal. Do you want to know why that is? And he's like, yeah, of course. I go, because every time you've given me some sort of strategy, some sort of plan, some sort of strategy, some sort of plan, you've given me a really good reason on why it's not going to work out versus giving me the reason why you're going to overcome anything that comes up. So, you know, will there be obstacles that come up? Sure. But instead of just giving me the obstacle that's going to come up on the way to your goal, because there always will be obstacles, go ahead and give me right now the reason why you're going to overcome that obstacle, what you're going to do to overcome that obstacle. Because what you're doing right now is you're finding all of the obstacles when you should be

Starting point is 00:02:53 looking for the opportunities. Think about that for a second. Do you ever do that? When you're setting yourself up for a goal, a weight loss goal, a financial goal, a relationship goal, a familial goal, whatever it is, a relationship goal, a familial goal, whatever it is, you're working towards something. Do you immediately start to think of all of the reasons why it's going to be hard? All of the reasons why it's not going to be possible? All the reasons why it's not going to happen? Are you finding all of the obstacles when you should be looking at the opportunities? Because if you think of it this way, if you've ever seen a car on the side of the road and it's broken down, and then somehow somebody hits that car that was not moving, that was not in their lane, but they somehow ended up clipping the car. You

Starting point is 00:03:37 guys have seen that before, right? Why is that? Because they're not looking at where they want to go. They're looking at the crash. I've said this many times before, but when you're taught how to drive, if you're driving a race car, if you're taught how to actually drive a motorcycle as well, they always tell you to look past the crash, look past where it is. If you're on a motorcycle, say, look through the turn, where you want to go, not where you currently are. And so when you think of that, are you in your life looking at the obstacles that are coming up or could possibly be coming up? Or are you looking at the opportunity? Now, will the obstacles still be there? Sure. But now if we know the obstacles are going to be there, what can we do to plan ahead? When I used to do one-on-one

Starting point is 00:04:21 calls and I used to have clients, one of the things I would always do every single time that we would set a goal is I would say, okay, Stacy, so your goal is to make $10,000. How do you think you could possibly get in your way or screw it up over the next 30 days? And they're like, what? I'm like, give me a plan of all of the ways that it could possibly go wrong so that we can make a plan. So when it does go wrong, or if it does go wrong, that you've already got a plan of exactly what to do. And so how do you figure out, knowing yourself, knowing your habitual tendencies to not work when things get tough or to give up or to talk trash to yourself, knowing that those obstacles are going to come up every single time you're on the road to a goal, how can we make sure that we start to work past that? Because the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. It's not just

Starting point is 00:05:08 that my team member is finding obstacles in this company and then not in the rest of his life. You know, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So he might be, you know, oh, this is where I want to go. These are the goals that I have. But then he starts thinking of all of the obstacles and those things start to hold him back. Well, he could get into a relationship and there's opportunity in that brand new relationship, but he could also see all of the obstacles in whoever he gets into a relationship with, right? And those things can pop up and they can hinder you from actually seeing the good in somebody because you're starting to find all of the faults in somebody. Too often, so many people find faults in every single thing

Starting point is 00:05:45 that they do or every single thing that they're working for. Because it's not just something in your life, like one place. It's happening all over in your life. It's happening in your relationship. It's happening in your bank account. It's happening in your company. It's happening in the company that you work for. It's happening in your mindset. It's happening in all other places. It is a systemic problem that you need to overcome. So what I said to him is I said, you've given me probably 10 to 15 small reasons why it might not work out, but you have not given me one good reason why it is going to work out. Not why it could work out, why it's going to work out. You've already tried to explain to me why you won't win the race

Starting point is 00:06:28 when you haven't even put your foot on the gas, put your foot on the line. You haven't even stepped inside your feet right on the line and gotten your feet down, your hands down, you're right on the line for the race. You haven't even gotten to the actual starting point of the race. And you're already telling me all of the obstacles that are going to come up along the way. How often do you do that? And he's like, yeah, man, I guess I do that a lot. I was like, do you do it all the time? He's like, yeah, I think it's something that I've just learned along the way is that I don't want to disappoint myself. So what I do is I try to figure out all the ways that it could go wrong so that if it does go wrong, I'm not disappointed. I go, yeah, you know, I kind of knew this was going to happen. I see that all the time with people. They put all of the obstacles in front of them. They see all

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Starting point is 00:08:40 great relationship, from the opportunity of a great mindset, from the opportunity of a great bank account, from the opportunity of a great career. And so I was like, do you do this often? He's like, yeah, you know, I guess I do. I said, how's that been working for you? If you look at your entire past of finding all of the obstacles that could possibly come in the way before you even start on a goal, how's that working for you? He's like, man, if I'm being honest, probably not really well. I said, okay, well, here's what you're going to do. The entire team's here. Tell us why it's going to work. Tell us why you're going to accomplish your goals. Tell us about all of the opportunities. Tell me about how it's such an amazing opportunity of this goal that you're

Starting point is 00:09:20 going for. Tell me about what you're going to feel like when you hit this goal. Tell me about what it's going to feel like when you see this obstacle come up and you overcome this obstacle anyways. Tell me what it's going to feel like when you finally follow through and you build the confidence that you want because you did something that you said you're going to do. And he started, you know, okay, it would probably work because of this. You know, it'll probably work because of this. I think it'll work because of this. I think it'll work because of this. And he started, and I said, okay, hold on, hold on. Stop, stop, stop. I said, hey, there's no passion behind what you're saying. It sounds like you're just giving me an answer because I

Starting point is 00:09:51 asked you for an answer. So stop and tell me again, as if you're trying to sell me on going to battle with you. Why is this going to work? Make me believe why this is going to work. Could you imagine if you were a commander of an army and you're like, hey guys, you know, we could succeed because of this and we might succeed because of this. And there might be some challenges, but we can do it, right? Fuck that. No one's going to go to battle with you if you're like that. And so what I said is, tell me, sell me as if I'm going to battle with you. Tell me with your words. Tell me with your passion. Tell me with your body language. Why is this going to work? Why are you going to hit your

Starting point is 00:10:33 goals? What's it going to feel like when you hit your goals? And he's like, oh, this is a great opportunity because of this and because of this. And I'm going to do it because of this. And this challenge is going to come up and I'm going to conquer this challenge and this and this. And his whole body language, his whole tonality changed. And I was like, hey, pause real quick. Okay. Everybody on the call, did you notice a shift in his language? Everyone's like 100%. Did you notice a shift in his tonality? Everyone's like, yeah, completely different. Did you notice the shift in his body language? He went from leaning back and talking about his goal and what he wanted to do to sitting up in his chair, his hands were moving more, his voice was more

Starting point is 00:11:10 passionate, and it sounded like something he actually wanted to do. And he's like, if I'm being honest, I literally feel different in my body now. I was like, yes, that's the difference between who you could act like for the rest of your life or the person you could step into. Because at every moment, we have an opportunity to figure out what we want to focus on. Do we want to focus on the obstacles and all the shit that could come up and the ways that we could fail and failure and failure and failure and failure? Or do we want to look in and say, hey, these are all of the opportunities in front of me. This is what it's going to feel like to hit that goal. This is how proud I'm going to be of myself. This is what I'm going to do with all the money that I make.

Starting point is 00:11:45 This is what I'm going to do with this and this and this. And actually getting passionate about it. Because all too often, listen carefully, all too often, I see people fighting for their reasons why not. I see people fighting for their insecurities. They literally will go to battle with somebody else as to why they should keep their insecurities and they have no idea they're doing this. There was another time this very similar thing happened. I was running an event for our mastermind. We were in person. It was here in

Starting point is 00:12:15 Austin. I was like, okay, why aren't you, you know, how much you make it per month? You know, someone says how much you make it per month. And I said, why aren't you making a million dollars a month? And they're like, what? I was like, why aren't you making a million dollars a month? I said, everybody in here, you should be making a million dollars a month. Why are you not making a million dollars a month? And I had him, had him kind of sit with her for a second. I said, honestly, now let me ask you guys a question. Who here feels triggered by me telling you that you should be making a million dollars a month? A couple of people raised their hand. I called one of them out. I was like, okay, go ahead and stand up. Tell us the reasons why you feel triggered. And it was so funny because my goal

Starting point is 00:12:54 was to try to trigger somebody inside of the crowd so that I could show how people fight for their insecurities. And she's like, I can't do this because of this. And I can't do it because of that. And I can't do it because of this. And I can't do it because of that. And I can't do it because of this. And I can't do it because of that. And, you know, it started getting real pissed. And she's like, and you know, you're my coach and you're not doing a million dollars a month every single month. So how am I supposed to be doing it? Why aren't you doing it? Why aren't you? And she was super triggered by it. And I was like, okay, cool. I said, go ahead and take a deep breath. She takes a deep breath. And I say, okay, do you feel that inside of your body? She's like, yeah, I'm kind of pissed. And I was like, perfect.

Starting point is 00:13:30 Why are you fighting for your insecurities more than you're fighting for your reasons why? Why are you fighting for your reasons why not? Why are you fighting for the reasons why it's not going to work out more than I'm going to succeed no matter what. No matter what happens, I'm going to get to where I want to go. Why are you triggered by you should be making a million dollars a month, but you're not triggered by, you know, you should be making $20,000 a month because you're already there. Because you're already there and by going, there's a part of you, there's an egoic part of you that goes $20,000 to a million. I can't do that. I can't do it. I would love to. It'd be great, but I can't. And what happens is this, is our ego, our conditioned self,

Starting point is 00:14:12 the self that wants us to stay in the comfort zone that we're in and the exact same spot that we're in wants us to stay where we are. So what does it want to do? It wants for search for all of the reasons why you can't do it so that you can justify how you're going to stay exactly where you are, so that you can justify living a mediocre life instead of stepping into your full potential. You're fighting for your insecurities. Do you see how you're fighting for your insecurities? And it was like, it was like I lifted the veil and she was like, she went from like real triggered to like, oh shit, I'm standing up in front of these people, passionately selling them

Starting point is 00:14:47 on why I'm not going to do it. Think about that for a second. She was selling us on why she wasn't going to. She was selling us on her insecurity. She was selling us on her fears. She was selling us on her limiting beliefs with passion. I said, why don't you vote? Why don't you go and sell me passionately on something that you can do? Sell me on why it is possible for you. And what happened, it was like, everyone was able to see this, this shift. And for everybody, it was like, oh my God, I, she's not the only one. I do this all the time too. I fight for my insecurities all of the time. I fight for my insecurities in many different places in my life. And so then I was like, all right, well, let's work through it. What do you need to do to get past these

Starting point is 00:15:28 insecurities? What do you need to do to believe in yourself more than you believe in your fears? What do you need to do to believe in yourself more than you believe in your insecurities? Because what happens is the brain will naturally go to negative. I have a belief, I've worked with thousands and thousands of people, that for the majority of people, like 99% of people, if you just leave somebody to go after something, they'll naturally go towards negative at some point in time. So we have to be intentional about finding the positive because your brain's automatically going to go to all the reasons why not. We need to be intentional and notice and be very self-aware. You need to start noticing this and being intentional to become very self-aware of, oh, I'm doing it again.

Starting point is 00:16:09 I'm selling myself on why I shouldn't be doing it. I need to sell myself on why I should be doing this. I need to sell myself on why it's possible, why this is going to work versus why it's not going to work. I need to start selling myself on all of the reasons why I'm going to succeed versus selling myself on all of my fears and insecurities

Starting point is 00:16:24 and going to battle for my reasons why not and start going to battle for my reasons why I'm going to make it happen. So naturally, if we know the brain's going to go negative, we have to be very diligent and very intentional to make sure that we take ourself out of it. Like one of the biggest misconceptions that I get from people is like, man, Rob must be positive all day long. He must just wake up and, you know, shit rainbows and hang out with unicorns. Like, it's just an amazing life. No, I've developed these strategies because I'm human. I noticed myself being very negative.

Starting point is 00:16:55 And I noticed myself, I was like the best excuse maker. I was very pessimistic for most of my life. And then I realized this isn't helping me get anywhere that I want to go. If I'm going to get to where I want to go, I'm going to have to work through this. I'm going to have to get past this insecure. I'm going to have to get past all of this BS. And so the thing that I want you to start focusing on is to start selling yourself on why it's going to work versus selling yourself on insecurities. Sell yourself on why it's important for you to work hard and create the life that you want to, the relationship that you want to, the business that you want to, the bank account that you want to, the body that

Starting point is 00:17:26 you want to, creating all of those things versus all of the reasons why you have your fears and insecurities and all of those are true. Because ultimately, we have the choice. We can either go down the positive route or we could go down the negative route. It's completely up to us. It's like the story of the Native American boy that goes up to his grandfather as a chief, and his chief tells him the story that there's two wolves that live inside of a human. And one of them is the bad wolf, which is fear and insecurities and jealousy and all of that. All of the fears, the jealousies, the insecurities, the limiting beliefs, that's the bad wolf. On the other side inside of us, we have the good wolf, which is joy, love, happiness,

Starting point is 00:18:08 believing in yourself. And the little boy says, well, which one wins the battle? And his grandfather says, whichever one you feed. So you've got to ask yourself on a daily basis, what wolf are you feeding? Are you feeding the good wolf? Are you feeding the bad wolf? Because ultimately, which one you feed, the one that you concentrate more on, is going to succeed in the long run and become who you are. So ultimately, the choice is, do you want to fight for your reasons why? Or do you want to fight for your reasons why not? Do you want to fight for the good wolf or do you want to fight for the bad wolf?

Starting point is 00:18:39 I can't make you do it. Nobody else can make you do it. You're the only one inside of your head. You have to decide that you're going to be very diligent, self-aware, and intentional about creating the mindset that you want so that you can create the life that you want. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you want some extra bonus podcast stuff, go ahead and go to The Mindset Mentor podcast on Instagram.

Starting point is 00:19:06 We're putting up a ton of bonus stuff, some clips from the podcast, but also some clips from speeches that I've given over the years, some stuff I've never put on the podcast before. So once again, on Instagram, it is the Mindset Mentor podcast. And I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Stop Fighting For What You Don't Want

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