The Mindset Mentor - Stop Waiting for Something Bad to Happen

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

Why do humans always feel like something bad is going to happen? This is some thing I think about all the time. In this episode, I’m going to talk about how to stop focusing on the next bad thing an...d focus on creating what it is that you want in your life. Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you've ever gotten any value from anything that I've ever put out,
Starting point is 00:00:22 do me a favor real quick. Take 30 seconds, pull your phone out, go to Apple Podcasts and give us a rating and review. The more positive reviews that we get, the more that they tend to show us organically and say, hey, people like this. Maybe we should show it. So it tends to set off the algorithm to help us grow. So if you love this episode, if you love this podcast, it would be a massive favor to me if you would just take 30 seconds and give us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you. massive favorite to me if you would just take 30 seconds and give us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you. I love you. I appreciate it. And today we're going to talk about how to stop
Starting point is 00:00:49 worrying and stop thinking that something bad is going to happen to you. And this came from a conversation that I had in one of my coaching groups. And one of the people that was inside the coaching group said, you know, and everything's going well. Like, that's the crazy thing. And he's talking about how everything's going well. Like his business is going so well. This is the biggest year that they've ever had. He's like, my relationship with my wife is going so well. My kids freaking love me. We've been traveling. Everything's going amazing. And I just still get this deep feeling that something's about to fuck up. And we started having this conversation. And as we started having this conversation, there's other people who are in this coaching
Starting point is 00:01:28 group as well. We're like, oh my God, I feel the exact same way. I feel bad because this year was bad for a lot of people, but it was so good for me. When am I going to get mine? They're just waiting for the other shoot to drop. And the thing that you have to realize is who in the hell, for the other shoe to drop. And the thing that you have to realize is who in the hell, first off, said that things can't go well forever? It's this weird universal law that if things go well for a while, you're going to get punched in the face at some point in time. Who said that? Where did that come from? I think it comes from the deep internal fears of always looking for something to go wrong or something that is bad as a way of survival. And that's what our brain looks for. So it's like, oh my God, good, good, good, good, good. A tiger's got to attack me. If you're walking through the plains and it's
Starting point is 00:02:18 been a beautiful day and you're walking by a bush, you're like, oh my God, there might be a tiger in there. And we're constantly looking for the next tiger to come out and attack us no matter how well it's going or how bad it's going it seems like we're always waiting for the next thing to come kick us in the crotch right and so do you secretly worry that something bad is going to come up for you you know i hear a lot of people i'm not a parent yet i will be one day and i hope i don't do this but i hear a lot of people, I'm not a parent yet. I will be one day. And I hope I don't do this shit, but I hear a lot of parents that do this, where they'll be watching their children sleep and they're in like complete joy, complete bliss.
Starting point is 00:02:54 They have all of the love chemicals, the oxytocin, the serotonin, all of them just flowing through their body. And they're like, this thing, I love this thing, this child so much. What would I ever do if I lost them? And it's like this beautiful moment of just being in the state of just absolute love. But they think to themselves, I hope I don't ever lose them. I hope there's nothing tragic that happens. I hope they stay
Starting point is 00:03:22 healthy forever. I hope that they don't ever die before me. I'm going to ask you this question and I want you to be honest with yourself because this is a rhetorical question because I can't hear you because I'm talking to a microphone. But have you ever done that before? Where you've been in this moment? Maybe you don't have children, but maybe you've been watching a movie with someone that you're in a relationship with and you're laughing and you're joking, you're having the best time, and you're like, oh my God, I'm so freaking full of love. I hope I don't fuck this up. I hope she doesn't ever leave me. I hope she doesn't ever find out who I truly am, and then she won't love me. Have you ever been in that situation before where you're just like, please, don't let the next thing happen, and we're just waiting for the
Starting point is 00:04:01 shoe to drop? If you're doing that, the worst part about that is that if you're starting to think about a potential future that doesn't even truly exist, it's just something that you're making up in your head, you're literally pulling yourself from one of the most beautiful present moments that you could have in your life and you're destroying it. You're literally the most present you could be with that child when you're thinking about that love. You're literally the most present you could be with that child when you're thinking about that love. You're literally the most present you could be with this person when you're thinking about that love. And then your brain immediately goes to, I hope that this doesn't get taken from me. And that's one of the hardest parts about love is that
Starting point is 00:04:36 love, the person that we love, could go and leave us at some point in time. There could be something tragic that could happen to them at some point in time. And so we almost pull back the love that we have in fear that something could happen to them. Once again, it's waiting for the other shoot to drop is a phrase that people always talk about. Something bad is coming. Things have been going well for so long. And some people have had a shit year. When is my shit year going to come? And we hold ourselves back from our potential. And once again, it's like the law of the universe. It's got to happen sometimes. That's what people actually feel. Every time I hear someone talking about potential terrible future outcome, it's always like, it's got to happen. It's got to happen. It's almost like it's definitely a thing
Starting point is 00:05:23 that's happening in the future. So why do people feel this way? Why is it that we feel this way? Where does it come from? It has to be something that we've learned a little bit. It has to be something that also is part of our nature and inside of our brain. It's nature and nurture as well. But it comes from a scarcity mindset that there is not enough good to go around all of the time. Where did we learn that? When did you ever find out that there's not enough good to go around all of the time? Why does it have to go bad? Why can't it be great forever? It's like when people say, oh, you're taking three steps forward and one step back. Like life is just three steps forward, two steps back, or two steps forward, three steps back. And there's always like a forward and then
Starting point is 00:06:06 the back and then a forward and then the back and the forward and then the back. And the thing about that is that it's all perception in that situation. It is all perception. The back, the quote unquote back that you feel is all perception. What seems like a step back could just be a redirection in the correct way that you should be going. That's really what it is. It's a detour on the path that you're trying to go to. It is the universe in some sort of way saying, hey, dude, maybe it's time to pivot. This isn't the actual path. Let me move you just a slight bit so that you can make sure that you're going the right path. That's really what it should be. The way I like to think about it is I've been practicing a lot in my backyard with a bow
Starting point is 00:06:47 and arrow, right? I have a compound bow and I have a target that's in the back. Whenever I shoot that thing, there is no way, there's no way in physics that I can get that thing, that arrow to fly forward unless I pull that bow back. So if a redirection doesn't necessarily hit home with you and you're not like, oh yeah, maybe it's not a redirection. If that doesn't necessarily hit home with you, what if the pull back, the step back is actually a way to pull you back to then propel you forward? Because just like an arrow, the arrow is not going to go anywhere unless you
Starting point is 00:07:22 pull it back and then let go. Here's the interesting thing about it as well, though. The further that you pull it back, the more tension that there is on the string, the further it's going to fly. And so sometimes these momentary quote-unquote setbacks actually are something that we need to propel us further into the future. We can all agree, and we've talked about this, I don't know, countless times in the podcast, where if something happens to you that is quote unquote bad in your past
Starting point is 00:07:48 When you're going through it, it doesn't feel amazing but then when you look back on it five years down the road 10 years down the road 20 years down the road you're like I Hated that moment, but there is nothing that you could pay me to take away the lessons that I learned in that moment Those lessons are the things that are given to you by the universe to then propel you. And so maybe it's not a step back. Maybe it's just a new lesson for you. Maybe it's a lesson so that you can make a little bit of a shift in your life to start to actually change what's going on. What if it's just a pivot? Hey, they say you can't have it all, but that's not totally true. With Blinkist, you can have all of the most important ideas and takeaways from the world's top nonfiction
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Starting point is 00:09:44 but also have massive focus without the crash like coffee. And a used correctly as an adult, nicotine can help you relax, but also have massive focus without the crash like coffee. And a few months ago, I had an episode with neurobiologist Andrew Huberman, and we talked about the benefits of nicotine if it's used correctly. And I don't use it often, but when I do, it's for extreme focus when stuff needs to get done. And that's when Lucy comes in. Lucy's slim pouches include both coconut oil and gum base to provide a soft, fluffy texture that enhances the flavor, but doesn't dry out your mouth. They come in three strengths, four, eight, and 12 milligrams, and three exclusive and delicious flavors, spearmint, mango, and cool cider. So don't compromise when it comes to choosing your
Starting point is 00:10:17 nicotine products. Go with the newest tobacco-free options from Lucy. Mindset Mentor listeners, go to lucy.co and use the promo code dial to get 20% off of your order of Lucy Slim Pouches or any other Lucid products. Once again, that's lucy.co, L-U-C-Y.co, and use the promo code dial at checkout. Also, I have to give this disclaimer, warning this product contains non-tobacco nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Lucy.co, and be sure to use the promo code dial. But really what it comes down to is what you're focusing on the most. So what are you focusing on? When you go through your day, are you focusing on what you're afraid
Starting point is 00:10:55 of? Are you focusing on what you don't want to happen? I had an event a few months ago that was in Mexico. One of the women that was at the event came up to me after the first day and she's like, Rob, I had this massive breakthrough today. And I was like, cool. What was that breakthrough? She goes, I've realized that my entire life, I've almost never focused on what I want. I focus on what I don't want. And I go, how's that working for you? And she goes, I get a whole lot of what I don't want. I'm like, I know. And the reason why is because you're such a powerful being at your core. Every single one of us is such a powerful being at our core that we're like a magnet attracting what we focus on. And so if we're focusing on what we're afraid of, we're going to get more things to be afraid of. If we're focusing
Starting point is 00:11:39 on all of the bad that we don't want to have in our life, we're going to actually attract that bad into our life. And so if you're focusing on those things, you're going to get those things. I've used this example before too. But there was one time that it really hit home with me when I was, oddly enough, going go-karting from one of my friend's birthdays. And we have a track here in Austin.
Starting point is 00:12:01 There's a guy who used to be an F1 driver. He literally drove like in Le Mans. He drove all the kinds of crazy cool things that he did. And he was a French guy. And he was funny, and he was all laughing and making us laugh the whole time. He was talking to us about the carts that went like 50 miles an hour. They were crazy fast. This mile-long track that he had. He was making jokes, and then he got really freaking serious. And it was like the energy of the room shifted. And he goes, there will be a crash at some point in time. When there is a crash, do not look at the crash. Look past the crash to where you want to go. And then everyone kind of chuckled a bit. He's like, no, this is the most serious
Starting point is 00:12:37 thing I can tell you. Do not look at the person who crashes. Look past it. Because if you look at it, you will absolutely hit it. And that's exactly how life is. Whatever you're looking at, you're aiming at. If you go back to the bow and arrow example, if you're looking at something, that's the thing that you're going to hit. So are you looking at the bad? Are you looking at what you're afraid of? Are you looking at your deepest, darkest fears, your insecurities? Or are you looking at the bad? Are you looking at what you're afraid of? Are you looking at your deepest, darkest fears, your insecurities? Or are you looking at the place that you want to go, the vision that you want,
Starting point is 00:13:10 the life that you want to create for yourself? It's the same exact thing with motorcycles. I've never driven a motorcycle, but I do know this from friends who ride motorcycles when we've talked about it, is you're taught when you go through a turn to look at where you want to go. You don't look at the ground
Starting point is 00:13:24 of where your motorcycle currently is. You look at where you want to go. You don't look at the ground of where your motorcycle currently is. You look at where you want to go because when you look at where you want to go, you will lean in to where you want to go. Just makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, when you're shooting a basketball, you're not looking at the basketball. What are you looking at? Where you're trying to shoot the basketball. Like there's so many examples that I can give you of parts of your life, whether it's being on a go-kart, whether it's being on a motorcycle,
Starting point is 00:13:52 whether it's playing basketball, is that you're always trying to look the place that you want to go. But for some reason, our brain just automatically goes to what we don't want. And if you continue to look at what you don't want, you're going to get more of what you don't want. And so how can you wake up every single day and focus on the things that you do want to look at them as if you are an archer?
Starting point is 00:14:15 I went and shot my bow and arrow today. I was at the range, right? And there's a little, we're 25 yards away and there's a little teeny tiny, it's like an inch and a half white circle. There is nothing else that I'm looking at. Everything else kind of blurs away and I stare at the white circle because if I look at anything else, I'm not going to hit the white circle. The white circle is in the center of the target. All of the rest of the entire target is black.
Starting point is 00:14:40 And if I'm trying to hit it, shouldn't I look at the fucking thing? Like that would make sense. And so if you're trying to create the life that you want, shouldn't you look at your fucking goals as far as what is it you're trying to create? So what are you focusing on most? That's an important thing to ask yourself. Bad times, quote unquote, bad times that you see in your life are necessary sometimes for you to pivot, for you to change, for you to you see in your life are necessary sometimes for you to pivot,
Starting point is 00:15:05 for you to change, for you to make adjustments in your life. But what if you never worried about something going wrong? How weird would that feel? Like, be honest for a second. If you just never actually worried about anything going wrong, if you just believe that God or the universe or your own personal power is going to make it happen, it's going to get you to pay the bills. It's going to create the life that you want. It's going to create the business that you want, the relationship that you want, the children that you want, the finances that you want. It's just going to happen. What if you woke up every single day with that confidence of I'm going to get what I want? And the reason
Starting point is 00:15:44 why I'm going to get what I want is because every morning when I wake up, I write my goals down. I write them down, even if I wrote them down the day before, the day before, the day before, the day before. I write my goals down every single day. Because when you write your goals down every single day, you are focusing on that tiny little white dot in the target. How could I possibly hit that target if I'm not looking at it? How can I possibly hit that target if I'm not looking at it? How can I possibly hit my goals unless I'm waking up every single day and focusing on those goals as if I was trying to hit that target? I'm focusing on it because that is my target. I'm focusing on it because that's where I'm going. I'm focusing on it because I know that if I put
Starting point is 00:16:18 all of my energy into that thing, I'm going to get it. And it's exactly the same for you. You are a powerful being, more powerful than you could get it. And it's exactly the same for you. You are a powerful being, more powerful than you could possibly imagine. And so if you're looking at what you don't want, you're going to get what you don't want. You are a freaking massive magnet. And if you're going, oh man, I'm just always poor. I'm just always broke. We all have that friend that always talks about how broke they are all the time. They're focusing on it. And guess what? I have friends like that that have been friends since high school that have talked about how broke they are all the time. They're focusing on it. And guess what? I have friends like that that have been friends since high school that have talked about how broke they are. I graduated high school. What year are we in? I graduated high school, it's been forever,
Starting point is 00:16:52 15 years ago, coming up on 15 years. I have a friend who was a great friend in high school. He was a great friend in college. And he always talked about how broke he is. And every single time I see him, at some point in time, I know he's going to talk about how broke he is. And every single time I see him, at some point in time, I know he's going to talk about how broke he is. And guess what? He's still freaking struggling. Why? Because he's literally setting himself up for struggle every single day because that's what he's focusing on. And so if he were to want to make an adjustment, he would just go, I'm going to make money this year. I'm going to make money this year. I'm going to make money this year. And he would start to journal every single day. And guess what would happen? His ideas would come out. His ideas would come out. His energy would start focusing on going into the direction that
Starting point is 00:17:27 he wants versus what he doesn't want. And really what he would do is he would start to shift his mindset. This entire episode is about shifting your mindset to waiting for something good to happen at all points in time. There is always good that's waiting for you down the line. There's always good that's waiting for you down the line. It's always just sitting there waiting to give it to you. The question is, are you waiting to receive it or are you sitting there with your hands out waiting for something bad to happen to you? Whatever you focus on, you will get. There is no bad that's coming for you. There is only good that's coming for you, but you have to set your sights on that thing every single day the same way that you're only going to hit that target when you see
Starting point is 00:18:08 the target. The question is, what target are you focusing on? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on the Instagram stories and tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And once again, if you are out there on Instagram land and you want to follow me, we have over 350,000 people that follow me on Instagram. I'll fill your news feed up with inspiration and quotes and videos and all kinds of cool stuff that you can look at and stop getting out of the crazy news and people fighting on Instagram and start getting some motivation and inspiration. So once again, it's Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave it the same way
Starting point is 00:18:47 I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

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