The Mindset Mentor - The #1 Key to Love Yourself More

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

Self-love is something that so many people struggle with. In this episode, I am going to teach you the #1 key to self-love! Follow me on IG here: @RobDialJr https://instagram.com/robdialjr Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you love YouTube and you want to follow along with these podcast videos and with all the mini documentaries I'm starting to put out, go to YouTube, type my name in, Rob Dial, subscribe, and you can start watching those videos there. Today, we're going to talk about self-love and how to love yourself more. So many people struggle with self-love. So many people struggle and we can be so cruel to ourselves. And not struggling in the self-love category is holding us back from everything that we want to do because

we're mentally thinking that we're not good enough. We don't love ourselves enough. So therefore, maybe we don't deserve this life that we want. Maybe we can't create this life that we want. And we need to learn before doing anything else, how to love ourselves more. And so what might actually be a better phrase than self-love, because so many people talk about self-love and so many people struggle with it, is how can we accept ourselves more? Instead of self-love, how can we have self-acceptance? Right? Because it's not really about love. It's about acceptance. See, the barrier to self-love is self-acceptance. We have judgment that we place on top of everything. But if you were to just clear out all of the judgment, clear out all all the things you think about yourself and clear out all

the negative things that you say, below it is self-love. The actual natural state of a human is love. Have you ever been around a child before? A toddler is just love and happiness and joy. But what happens is as we grow up, we get judged. We have societal pressures, the way our parents raise us, all of these things that can happen, advertisements, going to school, getting bullied. And we end up placing all of these judgments on top of ourselves. And the opposite of judgment is acceptance. So instead of just self-love, let's talk about self-acceptance and why it's so hard for us to love ourselves, why it's so hard for us to love ourselves, why it's so hard for us to accept ourselves and where it actually came from. Because if we can get to the root of it, we can start to work

on it. Because behind all that self-judgment is the love that you're looking for. That acceptance is the doorway to the self-love. So let's talk about first off why it's so hard to accept ourselves. Well, there's a couple of things. One of the biggest things is the way that we're socialized. So, you know, we have to be socialized by our parents. Now, let me say this before I talk about parents at all. Everybody, your parents, whether they did an amazing job or they did a terrible job, they did the best with what they had. And children also don't completely understand the world around them, so they might perceive things incorrectly. And so people always ask me, how can I not screw my

children up? Like I hear that question all the time. I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know if there's a way to not screw your children up because you might be the best parent. And I've heard many times of these incredible parents, but the child's perception of the parents or the way the world works around them was actually skewed when they were younger and they built their own perception, which took them away from self-love, that took them away from self-acceptance. But most of the time, what happens is in order for us to quote unquote fit in, we have to be socialized as children, right? Parents are under pressure to socialize you, to make you fit in, right?

are under pressure to socialize you, to make you fit in, right? It's not okay to have a temper tantrum and to scream or to run around inside and have, you know, you can't just run around and have fun inside of a, you know, a nice restaurant. So you have to, that doesn't fit in with way society is. So a child that doesn't fit in has to learn our social constructs. And let me tell you why that ends up being such a big thing that really, I don't want to say messes people up, but that kind of messes people up, right? One of the things that people don't realize as parents is that the thing that your children worry about more than anything else and really have in the front of their mind consciously or subconsciously is, does my mom love me? Does my dad love me? Right? And one thing that a lot of people don't, a lot of parents don't realize is that they will either give love to their child

a lot of times, depending on what they do, if they do what they want, or they accidentally retract their love, which is the scariest thing for a child. They retract their love from their children, which make them feel like, what I'm doing right now, my mom doesn't love me. What I'm doing right now, my parents don't love me. And the children, because of the fact that us, we were all children at one point in time, we don't have any real reasoning process for this. The child doesn't fully understand everything. It realizes, okay, the way that I'm acting right now, which is my natural state, is not acceptable, right? And obviously the child, a two-year-old or a three-year-old is not saying this themselves,

but subconsciously it's just going on. I'm playing around. I'm having a whole lot of fun inside of this place, but my mom's yelling at me to shut up. My mom's yelling at me because what I'm doing right now is not acceptable. And they think my natural state, having fun, running around, being joyful, maybe being loud is not acceptable. And so we learn that what we did was not acceptable. So my natural state is not acceptable, which gets in the way because then we have no self-acceptance, which turns into no self-love, right? An interesting statistic to kind of give you guys an idea about this is that the average child is reprimanded eight times more than they're praised, right? I understand as a parent, that shit is hard, right? And you're trying to keep your child alive. I get it. It's

hard. So, But if an average child is reprimanded eight times more than they're praised, that means that the average child is thinking, I'm not good enough more than they're thinking I'm good enough. They're reprimanded eight times more than they're praised. So the child is thinking, and a lot of parents reprimand their children by whether they're conscious of it or not by retracting their love from them. So they're thinking eight times more than their praise. If I act this way, my mom doesn't love me. If I act this way, my dad doesn't love me. And so we think the way that I, as a child, they don't consciously think this, but this is kind of under the subconscious there,

right? The way that I am is not okay. So I have to change the way that I naturally am in order to be okay, in order to be loved by my parents. So the child has to change itself. It has to let go of certain aspects of itself based off of what the parents tell them. Does this make sense to everybody now? So as we grow up in order to be socialized, in order to fit in, we have certain aspects of ourselves that we have to change. And in turn, we subconsciously think, I'm not good enough. That's everyone's number one fear in the entire world. I'm not good enough.

Lives under the surface of every single fear that every single person has. The reason why I think we're not good enough is because as a child, we were reprimanded in order to be socialized because there's certain ways that we can act and there's certain ways that we can't act. And we think, does my mom love me? Well, when I do this, my mom doesn't love me. If she doesn't love me, should I love myself? These aren't consciously going through a child's head, but this is all subconsciously happening. So we have to, as adults, learn to love ourselves, learn to accept ourselves, even if we didn't get it as a child. right? And once again, maybe your parents were amazing. Maybe you viewed something differently because a child doesn't necessarily understand everything. So now it's our job to kind of pick

up the pieces and to rebuild the way that we want. These days, it can be hard to find the time to sit down and learn more. And it's not easy with the likes of social media that can be so freaking addicting and time consuming. So you may think to yourself that you don't have time to develop yourself, but there's an app that I highly recommend and it's called Blinkist. Blinkist is for anyone who cares about learning, but doesn't have a whole lot of time. And Blinkist takes the key ideas and insights from over 4,000 nonfiction bestsellers in more than 27 categories and helps gather them into 15 minute text and audio explainers that help you understand more about the core ideas. There's already 15 million people that are using Blinkist to broaden their knowledge on self-improvement, personal growth, management,

leadership, mindfulness, and happiness. And I like Blinkist because it's short, it's to the point, exactly like this podcast is. And right now, Blinkist has a special offer for our audience. If you go to Blinkist.com slash mindset, you can get a seven-day free trial and get 25% off of Blinkist premium membership. So that's Blinkist, spell B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T.com slash mindset to get 25% off in a seven-day free trial, Blinkist.com slash mindset. You know, we can think as a child, oh my gosh, I'm having fun. I'm running around in public and my mom yells at me. My dad yells at me. Therefore, this aspect of myself is wrong. This having fun, this running around, this aspect of myself is wrong. And I'm not accepted the way that I am. And if the way that I'm acting naturally is not right,

then I must be wrong. Make sense? It's deep. When you can fully understand this concept, number one, it's going to make you a better parent. Number two, it's going to be able to help you heal your past. Number three, it's going to help you start to accept yourself more. It's okay. Your parents did the best they could. But also besides parents, we have all of society. We have all the advertisements. We have bullies in school, all these things on top of it. So we learn from a very young age during the socialization process

that we're not good enough as we currently are. We realize that and we think that, and we don't really think that consciously. Once again, it's all subconscious. But we must act a certain way in order to fit in. We must act a certain way in order to get our parents' love. And even if that way isn't really me, I'll do it because it's what my mom wants. I'll do it because it's what my dad wants. And the result of it is unworthiness. The result is the way that I am naturally is not enough. And so what happens is our personality from a young age is now built upon repressing who we truly are. Does that make

sense? Get that for a second. Our personality from a very young age is about repressing who we actually truly are at our most natural state. And somehow I've realized that I'm bad and I need to look to my parents to see what is good. I need to look to my parents to see what is, to get their validation, to see if what I'm doing is okay. Because in my natural state, it's not okay. My running around is not okay. And I get it. If you're a parent, I get it. Believe me, they can be loud. They can put themselves in danger because they don't understand. But this is what's happening subconsciously in a child's head. And this is what happens subconsciously when you were younger as well. So as we get, then we end up

getting older. And what happens is because we learn that we have to learn from our parents, what is good and what is bad. And we have to seek their approval. Then what happens is as we get older, we have to seek other people's approval the same way. Same way that we're thinking, does my mom love me? Does my dad love me? Then we subconsciously think, does this person love me? Does this person love me?

Do you love me? You know, if I get good grades, will I be loved? If I get number one in the class, will I be loved? If I get number one on the baseball grades, will I be loved? If I get number one in the class, will I be loved? If I get number one on the baseball team, will I be loved? If I beat everybody else in the spelling bee, will I be loved? You know, if I look sexy enough for you as you get older, will I be loved? You know, if I do this, will I be loved? If I am the strongest person here, will I be loved? You know, if I get more Instagram likes, will I be loved? If I get more Facebook likes, will I be loved? And you start to realize, oh, if I make more money, will I be loved? If I get a nice car, if I have a nice house, if I have nice clothes, if I speak a certain way, if I come off

more confident, will I be loved? And we realize that a lot of the things that we're doing throughout our life, once we wake up to this, is to get other people's approval. We're trying to do or become anything that will make us feel accepted sometimes. That's why school can be so hard because we're trying to fit in so that we can just feel loved and accepted by other people. The issue is that we're seeking validation for everything outside of us. And if you're seeking for validation outside of you, you're never going to find true validation because true validation comes from yourself and loving yourself and fully accepting yourself.

Nobody outside of you. So it's kind of like the acceptance and the love that we're looking for from ourselves, we're actually trying to find in other people thinking that that's going to solve the problem that we actually have inside of ourselves. Your looks will not change how you feel about yourself. Your money will not change how you feel about yourself. Your cars will not change how you feel about yourself. Your job, your title, your body, your social media following, your social media likes, none of those things will actually change the way that you feel about yourself.

likes. None of those things will actually change the way that you feel about yourself. And you have to realize that. The only way to truly love yourself is to realize that as you currently are, nothing needs to change. What needs to change has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with your acceptance of yourself. You have to learn first off before you change anything and before you become the person that you want to become, you have to fully love yourself. You have to learn first off before you change anything and before you become the person that you want to become, you have to fully love yourself. I should take that back. Fully accept yourself as you are. If you're short, if you're fat, if you're skinny, if you're broke as hell, if you've ruined all of the relationships in your life, whatever it is, you have to learn to go, ruined all of the relationships in your life, whatever it is, you have to learn to go,

all right, can I love myself? Can I accept myself right now? All of my negative thoughts, can I accept myself? All of my short temper, can I accept myself? Acceptance first, no judging. This is who I am. This is where I'm working off of. This is my baseline. And I love you for who you are, Rob. Can you say that to yourself? You know, the thing that's interesting is that we can judge the hell out of ourselves and we can judge the hell out of other people, but we don't really judge anything else besides ourselves and other people. Like you don't walk into a forest and just start judging the trees. You know, you got a fat one, you got a short one, you got a skinny one, you got a broken one. You just look at them and you just accept them and appreciate them for what they are, right? But we judge ourselves and

we judge others. Oh, this person's better than me. This person's worse than me. I'm better than that person. And what we're trying to do is we're trying to do that out of our own insecurities for just being accepted, right? We live in a state of constant judging, whether that's judging ourselves or whether that's judging others. Am I good enough? Am I not good enough? Do I deserve love? Do I not deserve love? You have to allow yourself to just be a human being. You have to allow yourself to just be a human being, be who you truly are. Learn to accept yourself as you are, all of your flaws, all of your fuck ups you're not achieving, all of the things you lost, all of the things you do, the money that you don't have,

all of that stuff. You have to accept yourself for that. The person that's under all of the makeup, the person that's behind all of the edited social media posts. You have to rediscover who you are and think to yourself, before I lost this innocence, before I was socialized, who was I? What was my true heart as a child? What was my true soul as a child? How was I? If I think back to myself before life happened, before bullying happened, before seeing advertisements that made me feel like I'm not enough, who was I? I was just a sweet little quiet kid. I used to go get rocks and bring them to my mom and get flowers and pick flowers and give it to her. I was just a quiet kid. And then I learned what was right, quote unquote, right. What was wrong? All of that stuff. And once again,

it's nobody's fault. It's not your parents' fault. It's not your fault. Any of that stuff. But it's about rediscovering who are you? What do you love? Maybe part of the thing is you've gone down a path of doing things that you don't love because you've been seeking acceptance from other people, from your parents, because that's what you thought they wanted you to do, what they wanted you to go to school for, maybe because you wanted to make money to impress people or to have security. But it's a real rediscovering of who you are. And the question that goes to that is, what do you love? What do you love to do? What makes you excited?

What makes you feel alive? You know, children don't do anything that doesn't make them feel alive or that they don't think is fun unless they're forced to do it. Let's take all the forcing that you've been doing for the past 15, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years and go, damn it, what do I love? What makes me feel alive? And what I want you to do is make a list of it. Write all that down and do more of that. Wake up every morning and look at that piece of paper and say, how can I bring more of this into my life? The path of self-love and self-acceptance is to do

more of the things that you actually like. Don't give a damn about what anybody else thinks about you, what anybody else says about you, what you should and shouldn't do. Don't care about that. What do you want to do, man? What do you want to do, woman? What makes you feel alive? Do more of that stuff. You have to learn to fully accept yourself. There is nothing that you need to do. There's no one that you need to prove yourself to. There's no change that you need to make. There's no weight that you need to prove yourself to. There's no change that you need to make. There's no weight that you need to lose in order to be loved, in order to be accepted. The path to self-love is self-acceptance. And at some point in time, you learned that as you were, was not good enough.

Something happened. I don't know what it was. It's different for all of us. Maybe it was your parents. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was cool. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was society. Maybe. Something happened. I don't know what it was. It's different for all of us. Maybe it was your parents. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was school. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was society. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was Instagram. I don't know. There was some point in time where you broke off and said, as I currently am, is not good enough. You need to go back, think about that. Think about how you currently are and say, how can I accept myself more? that, think about how you currently are and say, how can I accept myself more? Because under all of the judgment is all of the self-love you're looking for. You don't have to work for self-love.

You just need to remove all of the things, all of the judgments that are getting in the way of self-acceptance. Because when you can fully accept yourself in all of your glory, that's when you find that you already love yourself. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, if it impacted you in any sort of way, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way that we grow is from you guys actually sharing this. So I greatly, greatly appreciate so many, hundreds of people share this every single podcast episode. So I, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate you for doing so because more people need to hear messages like this. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to

make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.