The Mindset Mentor - The 6 Biggest Decisions You’ll Make In Your Life

Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you. last month. It is called Level Up, How to Get Focused, Stop Procrastinating, and Upgrade Your Life. It is the step-by-step process to understand your mind and the psychology of taking action to create the life that you want. And it's available everywhere where books are sold. It's also available in an audio book. We've actually sold more audio books than physical copy books, which is crazy, but I think it's because you guys out there in podcast land obviously love that. And it's my voice and I'm the one who reads through it. So if you want it, once again, it's called Level Up. You can buy it anywhere where books are sold. Today, we're going to be talking about the six biggest decisions that you will make throughout your entire life. So one thing that I want you to realize is that there's a lot of

Starting point is 00:00:59 little teeny tiny decisions that are super important throughout our life, but there's a few decisions, six that I've identified, and there's probably a couple more that are outside of my awareness or I forgot about. But there's six really big decisions that I think you want to try to master and you really want to focus on. And that's what we're going to go through today. The first one is who you're going to surround yourself with. You become who you surround yourself with. And, you know, there's a quote that I love that's Sidney Poitier, Poitier, I think is how you say it. It says, when you go for a walk with something, when you go for a walk with someone, something interesting happens unconsciously. Either they adjust to your pace or you adjust to their pace. And what's really

Starting point is 00:01:40 interesting about that is that when you go for a walk with someone, not only does your pace and your walk adjust with each other, but also your nervous system interacts with their nervous system. So your heart rate will usually start to sync up and be very similar to theirs and your breath rate will really start to sync up to theirs as well. You adjust and you become who you surround yourself with. A few episodes ago, I showed you guys a study that was done. There was a study that was done and said that, you know, if you are in your, your friend group is overweight and you join that friend group, you have about a 35% chance of becoming overweight within the next six months because you literally become who you surround yourself with. And so if you're somebody who like for me, I'll give you a

Starting point is 00:02:25 great example. I give this example in my book. When I first moved to Austin, which was in 2012, I was 26 years old in 2012. And I came here and I had one friend who lived here and he became my roommate and he had already been here for a couple of years. So he had this friends group and they just partied all of the time. And because I became friends with all of them, I ended up partying all the time. And so I was like, there was never a night when I was in Austin, when I first moved here, where there was not somebody partying at some point in time. So I could have gone out every single night if I wanted to. And then what happened was a couple of years down the road, I ended up moving out of that house and I ended up moving and buying my own house

Starting point is 00:03:03 and I started my own business. And so what I did was I started going to conferences and meeting other people just naturally who had their own business. And I started becoming really close with them. And what happened was I actually spent less time with my friends who are partying. And I spent more time with my friends who are growing businesses, who are concentrating on growing their business and who are concentrating on, on trying to get better at marketing and get better at sales and get better at building their brands. And what's really interesting is one of my friends who I really started hanging out a lot with, he was kind of like a mentor of mine. He already had a business that was doing a few million dollars a year and he was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. So

Starting point is 00:03:42 he did no drinking at all. And naturally, because I started hanging out with him more, I just stopped drinking. And I didn't do it. I didn't even do it consciously. I just did it naturally because I was syncing up with the people who I was spending the most time with. And so it was real interesting because I went from a lot of my friends that were all employed and partied all the time.

Starting point is 00:04:02 And I was employed at the time and partying too. I had a group of friends that I developed over time that didn't party and ran their own businesses. And then so I naturally ended up just stop partying and started running my business and started growing my business. And so one of the most important decisions you'll ever make is who you surround yourself with. And it's so often that I hear people like, I have toxic relationships and I can't get out of them. I'm like, well, that's your fault. You got to get out of them or you got to switch the relationship or you got to change the dynamic of the relationship. You can't blame other people for the lack of the life that you have or the lack of success that you have or whatever it is that you want. You will rise to the standards or you will lower your standards to those that are around

Starting point is 00:04:41 you. And so if you're at a point in your life where you're trying to grow, how can you get yourself around people who will make you raise your standards of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable? First, very, very important decision. I would rather have a couple people in my life that are making me better than 20 friends that are just keeping me in the same place. And so that's the first thing is who you surround yourself with. The second thing that's really important is where you're going to live. Location, location, location. Some people want to be by their family. That's fine. Some people want to grow themselves in their business. Sometimes those two things do not line up. A lot of times they don't line up. So you've got to make a decision. Are you going to be by your

Starting point is 00:05:26 family or are you going to grow your business? Can you, can you grow a business being near your family? Of course you can. Yeah, absolutely. But it's my personal belief. Just, just so you know, it's my personal belief that everyone should move away from the city that they grew up in, at least for a couple of years, because when you get away from who you were, you can start to build yourself into who you want to be. You can become a brand new person in a new city. And so like for me, I come from a place called in Florida called Bradenton, Sarasota area. And I lived in Bradenton when I was a kid. I also lived in Sarasota when I was a kid. And I did once again, a whole lot of party in there as well. And the thing about that is when I started looking at the people who stayed after high school and after college, I started realizing that those were the people who, even though they were great friends of mine in the past, they weren't really on the same life path as me.

Starting point is 00:06:24 works really similar to that as well, which is if you look at the city that you live in, is it conducive to help you grow into the person that you want to be? Does it help you grow into the person that you want to be? Are there people around you that would help you grow and raise your standards? If there is, then you can stay there. That's fine. If it's not, maybe you should consider trying to go somewhere else for a couple of years. Even if you grew up like an hour outside of a big city and you're in a small little town, what would it look like if you moved an hour into that big city and just see what happens? See if you can get yourself around other people, around other experiences. Stop being who you were and start being somebody new and figure out what that looks like. So you can grow yourself.

Starting point is 00:06:58 So you can discover yourself. Like when I moved to Austin, I feel like there's a couple different moves I had. When I first moved out of, when I was 18 years old, I went to school in Boca Raton. Then I went back and I ended up moving to Tampa. And then I ended up moving to South Florida in Fort Lauderdale. And then I moved to Austin. So I've moved a few different times completely away from my family. And I love my family. But every time I moved, it was a new level of discovering myself and it was a new level

Starting point is 00:07:26 of growth that was required for me. So try it out. Maybe move somewhere else. But the second thing that you're going to really want to focus on is where you live and really start to think about that. Third most important decision that you're going to make, and these are not ranked. These are just, you know, there's no specific order. But the third most important decision is who you're going to marry or if you're going to marry. Either is fine, but you do what you want. Are you going to marry someone just because you've been with them for years and it's the right age?

Starting point is 00:07:55 A lot of people do that. You know, there's 50% of people who get married, get divorced. So are you going to marry someone just because you're like, oh, well, you know, we've been together for three years and I'm 27. So now it kind of makes sense. Or are you going to marry someone who because you're like, oh, well, you know, we've been together for three years and I'm 27. So now it kind of makes sense. Or are you going to marry someone who you're going to grow with? You know, for me, I only want to marry someone who makes me better. I want to marry someone who, who knows how important my growth is and supports that. So, you know, the, the thing for me is obviously I'm not going to marry anybody else. I am married

Starting point is 00:08:21 right now. But one of the things that was really important for me with Lauren and myself was that I realized that she made me a better person. It wasn't like she tried to keep me in the same place or tried to stop my growth. She knew what I loved. She knew what I was passionate about. We had a conversation years ago and I was very upfront. I said, hey, listen, with my life path, I'm going to be kind of in the public light. Sometimes I'm going to have to travel and be away from Austin. I'm gonna have to go different places. Is that okay? Because this is a path that I know I'm on. And she's like, yeah, absolutely.

Starting point is 00:08:54 I know how important this is to you. I know how important your mission is. And so we were, it wasn't like that just came out of nowhere. It was a conversation that we had. And so I know with us two being together and I'm'm going to have her on the podcast so you guys can all meet her and all of that stuff. We can talk about it. But for us, I know that both of us make each other better. And I think that's a really important thing. I also think that a really important thing of being married to somebody, this is my opinion, you can take it if you want to, but my opinion as well is knowing that we all have trauma from our past we all have fears and limiting beliefs and traumas from from being children i think when you're married to somebody my opinion once again is when you marry somebody you're saying you know what i think that i feel comfortable going through

Starting point is 00:09:40 all of my of my childhood trauma my fears and my limiting beliefs, I feel comfortable going through them with you. Because a lot of people have fears and limiting beliefs and they never talk about that stuff with their spouse. And so for me, it was always like, I want a safe place where I can grow and get past all of my stuff. And I want to create a safe space for her where she can grow and get past her stuff as well. And so the third thing that's really, really important, a decision that you need to make is who you're going to marry. The fourth thing is what you're going to do for money. Money is very important for some people and for others it's not. And so some people want their passion to be their paycheck. That happens to be me. That's great. Some people want to make their money and then live their

Starting point is 00:10:22 passion outside of their paycheck. Neither one is right. Neither one is wrong. It's all about what you want. And you have to realize that many divorces happen because of money. And so when you have a marriage and what you do for money, are you guys lined up with that? Are you guys on the same page with all of that? And so what you do for money is really important because you're going to spend the majority of your waking hours working. So wouldn't you want to do something that you love? It drives me crazy how many people absolutely feel like they're working a job that's completely soul-sucking for them, and they're spending the majority of their waking hours doing it, and it's pulling the life from them. I know that for me, the last few jobs that I had, I was like, there's no way I

Starting point is 00:11:06 could do this rest of my life. When I was looking at my managers and I was looking at my bosses and I was like, I could be there in five years or I could be there in 10 years. I was like, I do not want their life. I don't want to make the money that they're making. I don't want to be doing what they're doing. And if that's my path, no way. I've got to do something else. And so whether you have your own business or whether you work for someone else, completely fine. But are you doing something that you love to do that actually that you actually at least enjoy so that you're not just sitting there and wasting your life away, just making a paycheck. And so the fourth most important decision, the number four, is what you're going to do for money, because we're all going to have to do something for money.

Starting point is 00:11:44 The fifth thing is who you want to be and what your values are going to be. Like, who do you, nobody actually really thinks this. I feel like when I asked this question, people like, who do you want to be in your lifetime? And when I say, who do you want to be? I don't just mean like, what do you want to achieve? But like, who are you? Right. Because when you achieve something, that is a doing thing. I'm not just talking about doing, I'm talking about who you want to be. You are a human being, not a human doing. And so one of the biggest eyeopening things for me was, was my very first girlfriend's father died way after we broke up. But, um, I happened to be in town when the funeral was happening.

Starting point is 00:12:31 And he was, you know, he wasn't, he was just a normal guy, right? Normal life, normal job, nice guy, stayed in the town he grew up in, all of this stuff. And it was really surprising me when I pulled up to the chapel where it was happening and his funeral was happening and it was packed. I mean, the most people I've ever seen at a funeral. And I thought to myself, like the standing room only for a lot of people. And there was people outside and they had to open up the windows for the people to listen from the outside. It was, it was cool. Cause I realized like life is not about how much is in your bank account. When you die, life is more about how many people show up to your funeral. Because if you have a lot of people show up to your funeral, it must mean that you're a pretty good person, right? And when you have that funeral, how do you want people to talk about you at your funeral? What do you want them to say

Starting point is 00:13:11 about you? What do you want your character traits to be? What do you want your values to be? Do you want to be humble? Do you want to be giving? Do you want to be loving? Do you want to be reliable? Do you want to be trustworthy? Do you want to be a great friend? Do you want to be a great father, son? What do you want people to say about you? That's really something that you should write down with a pen and paper is what do I want my character traits to be? How do I want to be known? What's important to me? And one of the things I think is super important too is I was thinking about this yesterday when I was taking Bear for a walk. And I was thinking about the fact that obviously I think about death all the time because it just, it brings meaning to life. And I was thinking

Starting point is 00:13:49 about the fact that we all have to die. And I was really thinking about like what we want our values to be. And I was thinking about people who I know that have died. And I was thinking about when somebody dies, it gives you a really good reset on, it kind of like clears all of the bullshit out of your life for a second. And it makes you kind of see life really clearly. And I think that one of the most important times to ask yourself who you want to be, which you don't have to wait for someone to die that you love, but that's one of the most important places where you can ask yourself who you want to be. Because when you see someone that dies, like for instance, my grandfather, when he passed away, he was one of the people I looked up

Starting point is 00:14:24 to more than anybody else in the world. And I made a list of all of the things that I loved about my grandfather. Everything that I loved. He was the kindest, sweetest, most amazing human I've ever met. And there was all of these traits. And I thought to myself, I could miss him and I could love him for all these things. And all that's great. But the best way to honor him is to look at all the things that I

Starting point is 00:14:45 loved about him and to make those my character traits and to try to have him live on through me by being more humble, by being more loving, by being more giving, by being more open. And I looked at all of his character traits and I said, these are the things that I want to be. And I'm going to have him live on through me by me being this way. And so think about that. Like, how do you want to be known when you die? And how can you make those, those values and those character traits be something that you actually start to live? And then the sixth one is what you're going to dedicate your life to.

Starting point is 00:15:16 What's your life going to be dedicated to? If you don't dedicate your life to something, then what's the point? What are you willing to die for? And it could be your children. That's fine. It could be your business. That's fine. It could be helping homeless people or needy people. It could be pushing animal rights. It could be social justice. It could be, you know, growing a coaching company. It could be creating a technology that helps the world. But what is it?

Starting point is 00:15:41 And so if you're just waking up and you're just living your life and just kind of going through it passively and not being an active, engaged person in your own life, what's the point? Like, what do you want to dedicate your life to is something I think is really important for every single person I think about. And so what's the point of you being here? Why are you here? What the hell do you want to do with this thing? You know, if you're 45 years old, you might be like, oh my God, I'm so old. But if you live to 90, you're only halfway through your life. Maybe the first 45 years of your life were very unconsciously lived. Well, can you consciously live and say, this is what I want to dedicate my life to. This is who I want to be.

Starting point is 00:16:17 This is how I want to act. This is what I want the back half of my life to be dedicated to. If you're not dedicating your life to something, what's the point? Have something that you're working towards, something that you're trying to do, something that you're, how other ways you're trying to help the world or other people that are not you. And so those are the six things that you really should be focused on and start to, to make those decisions in your life is number one, who you want to surround yourself with. Number two, where you're going to live. Number three, who you're going to marry. Number four, what you're going to do for money. Number five, who you want to be and what your values are. And number six, what you want to

Starting point is 00:16:48 dedicate your life to. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. If you didn't know, I've been going live on Instagram. I'm literally live on Instagram at this moment. We have 200 people that are live with me on Instagram and watching me record this. So if you want to see these when they come out a little bit early, go ahead and follow me on Instagram. It's RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

Starting point is 00:17:11 And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - The 6 Biggest Decisions You’ll Make In Your Life

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