The Mindset Mentor - The 6 Toughest Decisions You’ll Ever Make

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there and you love this podcast and you want to get some inspirational text from me directly to your cell phone, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, we're going to be talking about the toughest decisions that you're ever going to make in your life. But if you make the correct decisions, if you plan this out right, you'll have a more fulfilling, more rewarding, and happier life. And so let's just dive in. The first one that is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make is who you're going to surround yourself with. You have to understand, and you've

Starting point is 00:00:48 maybe heard it before, that you are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. But you literally become the people that you spend the most time with. There's a great quote by Sidney Poirier, which is, when you go for a walk with someone, something really interesting happens unconsciously. Either you adjust to their pace or they adjust to your pace. And that's also how life is with who you surround yourself with. You adjust to the people that are around you, often without even realizing it. Either you raise your standards to the levels that they're at, or you lower and drop your standards to the level that they're at. And there's been a lot of research done around this. There's a research that was done in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2007

Starting point is 00:01:28 and found that if a close friend of yours becomes obese, you're more likely to become obese. And that raises by 57%. So you're 57% more likely to become obese when one of your close friends does as well. And what this is, it's something called, it's a psychological phenomenon called social contagion, where you will adjust your behaviors and attitudes and even your health conditions across your social networks and who you spend time with. And there's a couple of reasons why.

Starting point is 00:01:57 Number one, there's something called shared behaviors. You will often adapt to the same behaviors that your friends have, the eating habits, the lifestyle, the activity levels. If your friend stops, starts adopting a less healthy lifestyle, you may unconsciously start to follow suit as well. So there's shared behaviors. And the other thing is that just changing of your norms.

Starting point is 00:02:19 And so, for instance, if those around you gain weight, it tends to make you less concerned about maintaining your weight. So who you surround yourself with, it could be weight, it tends to make you less concerned about maintaining your weight. So who you surround yourself with, it could be weight, it could be how much money you make, it could be the way that you treat people, how happy you are, what you want your relationships to look like, all of those. Who you surround yourself with is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make because your social circle shapes your future. It shapes who you are going to become.

Starting point is 00:02:42 And that is usually very unconsciously you become the people that you spend the most time with. And so once again, you'll either rise to the standards of those around you, or you'll lower your standards to match them so that you fit in. So when you look at the people around you, who can you count on in your circle when you need support, when you need inspiration? Surround yourself with people who challenge you to be better, who uplift you, who want the best for you, who don't try to hold you back. And then you want people that challenge you to make you be better. And so that's the first one is to make sure of that. The next one is where you're going to live. And so this one's really important is where you're going to live is

Starting point is 00:03:22 location, location, location. We've all heard it before. Your environment has a really, really important impact on your mental, emotional, and professional development. And some people, they want to live near their family. And some people know that in order to grow their business or grow themselves, they need to move away from their family. And sometimes that means that they need to move to a different area so that they can be different, so that they can discover themselves. They need to move away from where they grew up. They need to meet some new people, be challenged by a different city. And so sometimes moving away from the city that you grew up in, even if it's just for a few years, can be huge for your growth,

Starting point is 00:03:59 for your self-discovery. And for me, I know that when I first moved away from where I grew up from, the first couple of weeks, I was terrified. I remember calling my mom being like, I think I need to come back. So I was just so out of my comfort zone. And then being around new people challenged me to discover who I am, who I'm not, how I want to be, how I don't want to be. And when you see yourself in new places and new environments, it challenges you to decide who you want to be in those environments. And so finding yourself often requires you to step out of your comfort zone. And a new location can really be a catalyst for finding yourself. You know, when I decided to move to Austin back in 2012, I had never moved out of the

Starting point is 00:04:36 state of Florida. I lived in Florida my entire life up until that point. And I moved halfway across the country and it forced me just to figure out who I wanted to be. I was like, hey, I'm in a new place. Why don't I just start everything back over again and just see who I want to be? And so I do think that for most people, it is important to leave the comfort of where you grew up to go and find out who you want to be and who you don't want to be. And so that is the super important one is where you're going to live and who you want to be around when you're there. The next one is who you're going to marry or

Starting point is 00:05:10 whether you're going to marry at all. Both of those choices are equally as valid. There is no right, there is no wrong. But the person you decide to spend your life with, if you decide to spend your life with somebody, is incredibly important. I know so many people that get onto the self-development journey and they want to start learning and growing themselves and the person that they're with completely resists it and they start making fun of self-development. They start making fun of reading books or going to conferences or trying to become better because they're afraid of that person changing and outgrowing them. I also know other people that are in a relationship with people. And when someone starts to decide to grow a business or they decide to start painting or get a hobby, that person they're in a relationship with wants them to be better

Starting point is 00:05:55 and they support it. And so are you with somebody or are you going to be with somebody who supports every single aspect of who you want to be? Who doesn't want to keep you confined and keep you to be the exact same person that you've always been. You know, are you going to marry someone because you've just been with them for years and it feels like, hey, this is the right age? I know a lot of people that did that when I was younger. And they're like, hey, well, we've been together for two years and I'm 27 and you're 28. So I think we're at the right age. We might as well get

Starting point is 00:06:23 married. You know, so are you just doing that? Have you just been in a relationship that's pretty good for a few years? And you're like, well, I guess that's the next step. Or are you looking for someone who's committed to growing over time with you, to doing this life thing with you? Or are you just like, screw it. I'm just going to go at it alone. Either one's completely fine. But if you do decide to be in a relationship with someone, if you do decide to marry, it should be about mutual growth, not just timing, not just keeping them the same. I know a lot of people are in relationships where when the spouse wants to grow, they think, well, you know, I don't want them to grow because I married this person. And for them to change it all means that this person's not going to be the person I married. You know, so

Starting point is 00:07:04 they say for better or worse, but sometimes they don't actually mean for better or worse. And so I personally believe in marrying someone that makes you better and challenges you to be better. And I personally believe that you also marry to try to help that person be better and to try to bring out the best in them and not to try to change them to be who you want them to be, but to basically create a relationship where you allow them to flourish. It's like the difference between some people that are in relationships where they want to have somebody become who they want them to be. Sometimes parents do this with their children. Lots of times parents do this with their children as well. But it's like the difference of like,

Starting point is 00:07:39 no, in the relationship, you want to be like a gardener. And we will be right back. you want to be like a gardener. And we will be right back. And now back to the show, right? And a gardener, if you go to a gardener and gardener plants a seed, what is a gardener's job to do if it's a flower seed is to give that flower everything that it needs so that it can grow into the best version of itself. Not to, you know, put a jar on top of it and try to contain it and say, no, this is what I want you to be, but say, okay, I'm going to give you everything that you need. I'm going to give you water. I'm going to give you sunlight. I'm going to put you in a place and make sure it's not too hot, not too cold, not too much sun, not too little sun. But it's like, I'm going to do everything that I can to be there for you so that you can grow into what you were made to grow into, not what I want you

Starting point is 00:08:20 to be. And that's a big difference in relationships, I think, than what people are taught. And so it's important for you to have a relationship, to be in a relationship with a partner who understands you, who supports you, who wants you to grow, and vice versa. And this mutual support, I really think, is a foundation of having a really, really healthy relationship with somebody. So that's a big relationship decision, obviously, is going to be a big piece of your life. The next biggest decision that relationship decision, obviously, is going to be a big piece of your life. The next biggest decision that you're going to make is what you're going to do for money. And money, it means different things for different people. Some people, it's like the central of their happiness and they have to make money or they're not happy. Other people don't really

Starting point is 00:09:00 care as much. Neither one of them is right. Neither one of them is wrong. But like, what do you want? You know, maybe you do want to go out and, you know, you want to make a bunch of money. Maybe you don't care to make a bunch of money. Either one's fine. Just how do you want to live your life and how does money play a part of it? Some people want to take their passion and their purpose and try to turn it into a paycheck. And they try to make their calling a job. And some people are just like, well, you know, I want to make some money and then I want to do my passion outside of it. And so other people prefer to have a stable job and just pursue their passions outside of work.

Starting point is 00:09:32 Once again, neither one is right. Neither one is wrong. The key is to decide what you want, not to do what your parents have told you to do, not to do what society has told you to do, but like, what is it that you want? And be honest with yourself about what it is that you want in your life, what you want to create in your life, and then start to figure out, okay, if this is what I want to create in my life, how does money play a part of that? Okay, here's my long-term goals. Well, if that's my long-term goals, what's my long-term financial needs in

Starting point is 00:09:59 order to figure out a way to get to my long-term financial goal or my long-term goals so that finances work in there. And so, you know, what role does money play in your life satisfaction and your life goals? If you want to make a bunch of money and buy cool shit and travel, cool, go for it. If you want a stable life and just be able to make some money and enjoy it and chill and hang out, cool, right? The important thing is for you to figure out what you want. All too often, I find people are doing what other people want them to do or what they think other people want them to do. They take a job because their parents wanted them to do it. They go to school and get a

Starting point is 00:10:35 degree because of what their parents told them that they should or shouldn't do. They want to go to school and make a bunch of money because that's what they think society wants them to do. What do you want? That's important for you to figure out. I have a friend and her little sister, I remember years ago, she was just going through a bunch of stuff. She was growing up. She was going to college. Her parents were trying to tell her what to do, all this stuff. And I remember every time I would see her and she would just vent, I'd be like, just do whatever the fuck you want to do. Stop thinking that you need permission from other people. What do you want? She's like, I don't know. I was like,, just do whatever the fuck you want to do. Like, stop thinking that you need permission from other people. Like, what do you want? She's like, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:11:06 I was like, well, do whatever the fuck you want, right? Like, that's how you start to look at life. If you're not hurting anybody and you're doing what feels right in your heart that you want to be doing, that's what you should be going for. Not for what other people are telling you. Okay. So that's a big one as well. Next one that's really big is to think about who you want to be as a human walking this earth,

Starting point is 00:11:25 what you want your values to be. You know, who do you want to be in this lifetime? Not what do you want to do? What do you want your accomplishments to be? All of that. Don't think about what you want to accomplish. Who do you want to be as a human that operates in this world? You know, yeah, you can go for achievements and achievements are great and having a title for the job that you have is great, but those are all fleeting. Your character and your traits as a human walking in this earth and how you treat other people and other, not even just people, other beings around, uh, are really, really important to think about. Your character is what truly matters. And I always, I always go back to one life-changing moment that I had was years ago, my very first girlfriend,

Starting point is 00:12:08 her dad passed away and it was like 10 years after we broke up. And I was back home in Florida. I was back home for Christmas and her father had just passed away. And I knew her father really well because we were together for years. And her and her husband invited me to go to the funeral. And I went to the funeral and I hadn't seen her dad in years. And it was crazy because I was just blown away by how many people were at this guy's funeral. There were so many people at this guy's funeral. They had to open, this is not even a joke,

Starting point is 00:12:32 they had to open the windows to the church so that people could stand outside to look in the windows to be there for the funeral. And I was like, fuck, this is what life is actually about. It's not about how much money you make, but it's about how many people show up to your funeral. Because if a lot of people show up to the funeral, it means that you were a good person. You showed up for people. And so when you think about that, what do you want people to say about you after you're gone? About the type of person that you are? What do you want the traits and the characteristics to start to embody? If you're about integrity, if you're about empathy, if you're about humility, kindness, gratitude, integrity, if you're about empathy, if you're about humility, kindness, gratitude, compassion,

Starting point is 00:13:11 patience, generosity. You know, these are what people remember the most. People really don't care about your accomplishments after you're gone. And so it's really important to sit down with a pen and paper and just say like, what are my core values? Who am I? And then start to look at yourself and be like, am I living a life that reflects those core values? If not, what changes can you make that align with those core values and those beliefs? And then wake up every morning and look at your core values and be like, this is who I'm going to be today. This is who I'm going to be. This is how I'm going to show up in this world. So the next one after that, and the last one is what you're going to dedicate your life to. You know, what cause, what purpose will your life revolve around? If you don't dedicate your life to something meaningful, what's really the point?

Starting point is 00:13:51 You know, consider what you're willing to sacrifice for. Consider what you're, you know, even willing to die for. You know, it could be raising the absolute best children that you possibly can. And your life's mission, your North Star, is that I'm going to be the best parent I possibly can. And I'm going to read books about it. I'm going to listen to podcasts, is that I'm going to be the best parent I possibly can. And I'm going to read books about it. I'm going to listen to podcasts about it. I'm going to work on myself as much as possible. I'm trying to get rid of, I'll try to get rid of my anger issues or whatever it is that you're trying to work through so that you can be the best possible

Starting point is 00:14:16 parent. That's great. But what are you going to dedicate your life to? It could be your career. I know people who don't want to have children because they just want to dedicate their life to their career. Fine. Cool. It could be a social cause. It could be a career. I know people who don't want to have children because they just want to dedicate their life to their career. Fine, cool. It could be a social cause. It could be a humanitarian effort. There's many amazing things that need your help and can feel really fulfilling dedicating your time and your life to.

Starting point is 00:14:36 And some people dedicate their lives to their business and trying to take their business to do some sort of good in the world. Other people focus on causes like helping the homeless or working on animal rights and working at animal shelters. All of those are great. Whatever it is, it's really important to just identify what you're going to dedicate your life to. So the reason why is because really what it does is it gives you clarity and direction. It allows you to start understanding what you should say yes to and what you should say no to. I always like to call it like a North Star, right? If you look at a North

Starting point is 00:15:07 Star, it's like, I don't know. If you look at a North Star at night, you don't know what is on the path to that North Star, but you do know that is the direction that you're heading all the time. And if you know the direction that you're heading, it makes it really easy to say yes to certain things if it aligns with where you're going and who you want to be. It also makes it really easy to say no to certain things because you're like, does this align with my life's past, with my value, with who I want to be, with what I want to dedicate my life to? And if the answer is no, well, then it's a really easy no. So you can start to see like, is this thing on my path of life? Is it not on my path of life? It's not? Okay, maybe the next life I'll do it, right? And so what you got to ask yourself is like, what truly matters to you?

Starting point is 00:15:49 And then how can you find some time to devote your time and energy to that thing? Your life will be more fulfilling if you take time and put it towards some sort of cause that feels fulfilling to you. It'll make you more excited to wake up in the morning, to wake up and do something for other people, for other beings, for the animals, for whatever it is that might be fulfilling to you. And so really what it's about is like, what do you want to dedicate your life to? And if you go through these and you start to make decisions on this, you'll start to have a really great life plan of who you want to be, who you want to surround yourself with,

Starting point is 00:16:18 how you want to be, how you want to act, and really what you're going to be in this life in the time that you're alive. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. If you love this episode, you love this podcast, and you want some more from us,

Starting point is 00:16:35 and you want to see what other type of stuff that we do, go to MindsetMentor.com. You can see what the next level of coaching would be like after just listening to the podcast. Once again, MindsetMentor.com. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - The 6 Toughest Decisions You’ll Ever Make

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