The Mindset Mentor - The Beauty and Benefits of Death

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

I know, I know, this isn't the sexiest subject but in today's episode, I am going to talk about how death might actually be the best thing to motivate you to create the life you want. Listen in and see how! Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ If you live in the US/Canada and you want to receive motivational texts from me, text me now at 1-512-580-9305 or click here https://my.community.com/robdial Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, but you've never given us a rating and review on iTunes or Apple Podcasts,

please do me a favor, pop out your phone in the next 20, 30 seconds, just give us a rating and review on iTunes or Apple Podcasts, please do me a favor, pop out your phone. In the next 20, 30 seconds, just give us a rating and review on iTunes or Apple Podcasts. Reason why is because the more positive reviews that we get, the more that people are able to find us because iTunes and Apple Podcasts shows it more people, which means we grow organically. So if you could do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about everybody's favorite subject, death. Yeah, we're going to go into that one today. And we're're going to be talking about everybody's favorite subject, death. Yeah, we're going to go into that one today. And we're also going to talk about the benefits of death.

And we're going to dive into it. It's not going to be morbid in any sort of way. We're also going to talk about the grieving process and how to go through and actually be able to grieve someone who maybe you know that happened to have passed away or maybe they passed away a while ago. You just haven't fully grieved the whole thing. So here's the thing that's crazy about death is that so many people look away from it, but every single person is going to go through it, whether it's themselves, that'll definitely happen, or people that they know as well. And I get a lot of messages about death on Instagram. And I think

it's because of the fact that I talk so openly about death and my father's death and some things that I've been through in my life. And people tend to message me and have questions around it. And I'm open to it. And literally today, I had somebody message me about her mother's death and her father's death and somebody's suicide that she knew. And it's interesting because it's something that a lot of people try to turn a blind eye to and act like it's not going to happen or act like it's not going to happen to people that they love, but also themselves. And I think that the more that we turn away from it, realizing that is one of the most natural parts of life, the more that we try to turn a blind eye to it, the more that we turn away from it, realizing that it is one of the most natural parts of life, the more that we try to turn a blind eye to it, the more that we actually are

turning a blind eye to everything in our life. So maybe you have a loved one that has passed away, maybe grandparents, parents, suicides, maybe of people that you know. Some, it was an old age. Some people, it was an accident. But the reason why I want to talk about this is because I have a friend who's someone who's really, really close to me. And they had a very close friend of theirs pass away within the last month. And I've been helping with the process of allowing them to go through the whole process

of accepting and grieving and all of that. And their friend was only 33 years old and they had their life together. They were going in the right direction. And then it was only 33 years old and they had their life together. They were going in the right direction. And then it was just this big accident of something that happened. And my friend was kind of blindsided by it and then thought they were okay the first couple of days. And then they got blindsided by it again with emotion once they realized that they weren't accepting and fully feeling everything. And the good thing is my friend had an idea that if they

were trying to run away from the grieving process and run away from the feelings, then these are feelings and grief that's going to be bottled up inside of their body, which is just energy that you don't want to hold on to. And so, you know, one of the points in time we were talking about it and, you know, I was saying, I know you don't want to be going through this right now. And it's not the most fun thing in the world. But one thing that's pretty amazing about it is it shows you the wide range of the human experience. And I said, hey, if you think about it, I know you're not going to appreciate this phrase

right now. But what you're going through is one of the most beautiful things you can go through because it's showing you as a human, the wide range of emotion that you can have. Not that I know of any other animal has the wide range of emotions that we can have. And I said, if you try to block off the darkest feelings, the feelings that you're feeling right now, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And so if you're blocking off the lowest of low feelings and not allowing yourself to feel them, the amount that you block off the lowest feelings is also equivalent to the amount that you're going to block off the highest feelings. And so if you can imagine that you can't expand one direction and happiness and not expand

the other, like only feel the happy feelings and not feel the bad feelings. The more that you expand, you have to expand in both directions. And so what I said is that if you're allowing yourself to feel and not try to run away from the feelings, you're also opening up your capacity to feel at the highest, happiest, most joy, blissful feelings you could possibly feel as well. And so I'm not here to tell you that the feeling of someone that you know or love passing away is fun. It's not something to be stoked about when it's happening. It can be absolute hell, but it is life. It is what we all go through.

There's no outrunning it. And the more that you turn a blind eye to it, the more that you're turning a blind eye to everything in your life. So let's dive into it. Death is going to happen and not to be morbid in any sort of way, but it is a fact. And the first person that I knew that passed away when I was a kid was my father. My father was the very first person I knew that passed away. I was 15 years old, never before had anybody in my life passed away. And I remember being at his funeral and being like, holy shit, this is real. He's actually

not getting up. And for those of you guys that have been at funerals before, you're always like, this is a joke. There's going to be a point And for those of you guys that have been at funerals before, you're always like, this is a joke. There's going to be a point where they're going to jump up and be like, hey, I was fucking with you. Right? Like we, that's good. We all have that feeling. And it didn't happen. You know, it was the first dead body that I had seen.

I was in the room, you know, about six years ago, seven years ago when my grandfather passed away. I was, it was myself and my cousin, you know, I was in the room, heard him take his last breath, called the entire family, let them know. I was in the room, heard him take his last breath, called the entire family, let them know. I was in the room when my mom and her three sisters then told my grandmother that her husband that she had been with for 70 years had just passed away. I've had friends die from car accidents, from overdoses, from suicides. And so I feel like I've seen many different sides

of death. And it's important to understand the grieving process and what it is. The important thing to realize about the grieving process is this, that I don't think enough people actually say. Number one, feel it, feel everything and allow yourself to express. If you're having a shitty day, then have a shitty day. Like it's completely fine when you're going through the grieving process. But don't try to speed it up. have a shitty day. It's completely fine when you're going through the grieving process. But don't try to speed it up because the act of speeding it up is the resistance of it.

And so with my friend, there was three days in a row that were three days of literally getting nothing done. She has her own business. No business was done in those three days. But imagine if she had bottled it all up, went into work, did all the things that she did, how that would eventually be holding her back in some sort of way until she decided to let it go, if she ever let it go. And so the idea of like, hey, all right, I'm going to grieve and however long this take is going to take, I'm going to allow it to happen versus bottling it up, acting like it didn't happen, going back to work, doing whatever it is you need to do. And then holding, it's like having a knot in your back, having that knot in your back of grief that hasn't been let out. And you just have that knot in your back. And because of that, you walk a little bit different every single day for the rest of your

life because you have that knot. And so don't try to speed it up. Don't try to not feel it. Allow yourself to feel it and to go through those things. Now, this is important as well. If you're not in the middle of a grieving process, which most people probably are not right now, you've also got to ask yourself with grieving that you've gone through in the past, did you fully grieve someone that you were close to death? Did you fully grieve that breakup that you went through? Did you fully grieve the separation of your parents? Have you fully grieved everything? Start to think about this and ask yourself, is there a part of you that resisted in that moment that didn't fully express or didn't fully let go of energy that was inside of your body? And now that energy is pent up and it might come out whenever you get really, something happens and

you get triggered and you have a really short fuse because of it. And so it's important to realize that you have to be able to let go of those feelings whenever you have those feelings. So don't try to speed it up. Don't try to not feel it. And just allow yourself to feel and take how long it's going to take. Hey, if you can dream it, you can do it, right?

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Another thing that I always tell people whenever they have someone that's close to them that they love is the best thing to do is to get out a pen and paper and to ask yourself, what did you love about that person? What is it that was the best of them? I remember the first time I did this was with my grandfather. My grandfather was the most, literally, I've still to this day, 35 years in this planet, have never met someone more kind and giving and loving than that person right there. And so what happened was I remember the day that he died, I journaled all of the things that I loved about him and that I wish I was more of. All of these characteristics, the loving, the kindness, the humble that he was,

like the most humble person in the entire world. And he would give a shirt off his back. And I know a lot of people say that, but he literally would. And so I remember writing down all these things. And so when I wake up in the morning, what I do is part of my meditation is reminding myself of the aspects of him that I loved and try to embody those aspects throughout the day. So I remind myself of him during the meditation so I can and try to embody those aspects throughout the day. So I remind myself of him during the meditation so I can therefore try to embody that throughout the day. So if you really love somebody, the best way to carry their legacy on is through you. So why don't you figure out what it is that you love most about them and actually start to become that person. That's the

best way to carry on their legacy. And so you look at every single morning and ask yourself, how can you allow yourself to become that? So this is all part of the grieving process and how to make sure the person lives on through you. Now, one thing that's important to dive into is the aspect of pain versus suffering, right? So pain is the pain that you feel whenever something like this happens. Suffering is the resistance to someone's death sometimes. The thought that they were too young. Oh yeah, this shouldn't have happened. But there's two phrases that I think of whenever I think of that. And that is number one, Peter Krohn, he says, what happened happened and could not have happened any other way because it didn't. And then Ram Dass always says, a human does not leave this plane, this earth plane,

a second too early or a second too late. So exactly how it's supposed to happen is exactly how it happened. What am I supposed to get from it? I don't know. Maybe I'll figure that out. And so the pain is the pain of it happening. The suffering is the resistance to the fact that it happened. They were too young. It shouldn't have happened this way. Maybe there was something that I could have done. You're literally dragging yourself through glass, like on top of glass,

if you're literally just thinking about all of the things and resisting all the things around this person's death. There's nothing that you can do about it. Literally nothing that you can do about it at this point. And the only thing that you can really do is try to become that person in every single way that you can do about it at this point. And the only thing that you can really do is try to become that person in every single way that you possibly can. Now, the next thing after that that you can really do is just accept.

I think that one of the reasons why death can be so hard is because there's nothing you can do about it. And most people have control problems. I have been dealing with many control problems throughout my life, and many psychedelics have shown me that I have a control problem. You cannot change the way that the world is. And so a lot of times what happens is we are not accepting what's going on with ourselves. We're not accepting the way that the world is. We're not accepting that the person that we love didn't

love us back. We're not accepting that that person passed away. And like I said, you have to remind yourself, what happened happened and could not have happened any other way because it didn't. And they did not leave too early. They did not leave too late. They left exactly when they were supposed to. Now, here's the important thing as well,

is I think that a lot of people run around and they're afraid of their own death, which I can completely understand, but you can also use the idea of death to motivate you to get more out of life. And I've talked about this before in the podcast, but I remember hearing an interview with Larry King. He was interviewing Neil deGrasse Tyson. Neil deGrasse Tyson, I don't know which one comes first. And he was saying, hey, if you could live forever, would you? And Neil deGrasse Tyson was like, no, I wouldn't. And Larry King was like, I would. And Neil basically said, I wouldn't because I believe that death gives me motivation and purpose for life.

Because if I didn't have to die, there would be no reason to work hard because there would always be tomorrow. And so the idea of being terrified of it, you can go down that route or you could go down the route saying, hey, like, I know my days are limited. I know I don't have a lot. I know I'm not going to be, there's a possibility I might not be here tomorrow. And so what if I just live today as if there is nothing left? The beautiful part about death is that it gives urgency to your life because tomorrow is never guaranteed. And, you know, there's a stoic philosophy and the stoics always say there's a phrase and it's memento mori, which means remember that you're going to die.

And they talk about how you should remind yourself of how you're going to die every single day. In the morning, when you wake up, you should remind yourself that death is coming. The reason why is because it gives you reason to fully live today, knowing that you never know what's going to happen down the road. Instead of not texting that person that you love and not telling them that you love them, you go, hey, if today was my last day, how would I live my life? If today was my last day, how would I live my life? And no matter how terrified you are of it, it's still going to happen. And so it's about actually realizing, hey, I've got to remind myself that that's going to happen. And I want to

use this not to be afraid of it, but to actually give my life urgency. And I remember I was talking to my mom a couple of years ago and I was like, I asked her the question, I was like, hey, how often do you think of death? And she's like, I don't know, maybe once a week or something like that. I was like, oh, okay. She goes, how often do you think about death? I was like, I don't know, maybe once a week or something like that. I was like, oh, okay. She goes, how often do you think about death? I was like, I don't know, maybe three to five times a day. She's like, are you serious? And I was like, yeah, I just, I remind myself that it's going to happen. And it gives me motivation to work harder, to try to bring every aspect of my life and my everything that I could be capable of bringing out to the world. It gives me reason to start to work harder, to bring it out, knowing that I never know if it is going to be my last day.

And I remember about a year and a half ago, I was on a plane flight. And on the plane flight, I mentioned this in a podcast right after it happened, the left engine exploded and caught on fire. And it was right after takeoff and they had to do an emergency landing and everyone's freaking out and all this stuff. And I remember thinking to myself, all right, well, if this is the way that I go, I feel like I've done enough. At that point in time, I had like 900 podcast episodes or thousand episodes or whatever it was. And I was like, you know what? I feel like I've done enough for the world. I feel like I could do more. I would like to do more, but if this is it, this is it. And so really it's the idea of like, if today was your last day, would you feel like there was more

potential that you had to give the world? Or do you feel like you've done everything that you can? Do you feel like you've told every person that you love them? Do you feel like you've brought out your full potential, everything? And so it's the idea of when you start thinking about death, it's your own death, but then there's other people's death. And when you think about your own death, use it not to be terrified, but use it to be motivating. And when you think about other people's death, realize that don't speed along the grieving process. The grieving process is a beautiful thing. And the fact that a human can feel so deeply to be able to go through the grieving process for someone that they love is a pretty beautiful thing.

It's not fun when you're going through it, but when you can look back and you can see it, you're like, wow, yeah, I really felt, like I felt every bit of me. I felt every bit of that death. I felt every bit of that grieving process. And even though it's not fun, it gives you appreciation for the amount

that a human can feel and how much we can go through on a daily basis, a weekly basis. And it reminds us that instead of not to restrict our lowest of lows, because if we restrict our lowest of lows, we're also restricting our highest of highs. And so when you look at this and you realize your death, other people's death, and the feeling that you get, you start to realize, oh my God, death might actually be one of the best things that happen to humans. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. And if you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode,

make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.