The Mindset Mentor - The Benefit of Suffering

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

We all try to avoid suffering, but what if suffering could actually be used for your own growth? In this episode, we are going to talk about how to use applied suffering to grow yourself. Follow me on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to talk about how to grow through suffering, how to grow through trauma, how to grow through some of the hardest things that have ever happened to you in your life, and how behind all of those things is some hidden benefit. Whether you found the benefit or not, there's always some hidden benefit that we need to search for that will allow us to grow, to get better, to share our story, and to help others grow from it as well. And I'm going to talk about suffering and what suffering actually is. I'm going to talk about how to use it to get through life. And I'm going to talk about suffering and what suffering actually is. I'm going to talk about how to use it to get through life.

And I'm going to be going through a concept that's called applied suffering, which is basically applying suffering to force growth if you want to. So when you hear the word suffering, suffering can have a really bad connotation, right? Nobody wants to suffer. I don't necessarily want to suffer. But there's a difference between pain versus suffering that we need to clear up before we dive any deeper. So pain is inevitable. You're going to have pain throughout your life. It's going to happen. I don't know of anybody who's gone through their life and not had some

form of pain. You can't go through this life without some scarring that happens, right? Suffering, on the other hand, is optional. So pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. So let's talk about how to use your suffering to grow. The beautiful thing about pain is that pain is the stimulus for your brain or your body to make a change. I'll give you a great example. Let's say that I'm walking outside. It's really hot in the summer right now. And I'm walking barefoot through a giant, super large, really brand new paved parking lot. And I'm barefoot. And I get about 50 feet in there, and I can feel my feet on fire. That pain is a stimulus to go to my brain to say, hey, Rob, get off of the hot

cement. And I've got to run off of it. That pain is a stimulus to move. If you've ever put your hand on a hot stove, it doesn't feel good. But that pain is a stimulus to change. Pain is always going to happen. And it's always a stimulus to say, hey, this is something that you should avoid. Hey, this is something you should do for, do differently. Pain is a teacher. That's the beautiful thing about it. And it is forcing you to move. It is forcing you to change. It's forcing you to take action. If you're feeling pain in your body, in your life, in your circumstances, that is the universe saying, hey, you, stop doing what you're doing. You're doing something wrong. Do something differently.

Do something that you love. Stop working this job that you hate. Stop eating that food. Work out more. Whatever it is that you're, whatever the pain that you're feeling is, it is the universe telling you that you need to do something differently. So think about this for a second. How does a muscle grow? If you want a muscle to grow, you can't just go in and lift the same weight. You can't not lift weights. You've got to have applied suffering throughout it. You've got to actually hurt the muscle in order for the muscle to grow.

We have a trainer that comes over to my house and she beat the crap out of me two days ago and literally my bicep hurt so bad a couple of nights ago. I woke up in the middle of the night because my bicep hurts so much. It was through that applied suffering. My muscle is going to grow. It does not feel good. It's not something that I would love to do. I'd rather sit on the couch and eat candy. That would be much nicer. But through the applied suffering, my body will grow. My body will change. How does a plant grow? A plant has to do the exact same thing.

It starts off as a seed. It has to break out of the seed. It break out of the shell that it has. And it's got to go through applied suffering. It's got to push itself through the soil. It's got to put its roots down. That's all not easy to do. And then it becomes easier.

How does a lobster grow? Well, I've done episodes on this in the past, but a lobster is a really soft animal that lives inside of a hard shell. That shell doesn't grow with the animal. That shell is the size it is, and it will stay that size. So it's called the exoskeleton. So when a lobster is starting to grow

and it's starting to get bigger, the inside, the soft animal that's on the inside of it actually starts to come up to the edge and it starts to get really uncomfortable. It starts to hurt. There starts to be pain. And that lobster literally has to break its own shell, its own exoskeleton. And it's got to go through applied suffering and some pain in order to break that shell in order for it to get it off of it so that it can go for and grow a new one. So if you look at the world, if you look at the universe, if you look at life, pain is something that pops up to show you that you need to change.

That's the universe saying, hey, this is something you need to change. You can use this through applied suffering. And some people don't usually listen to the pain that pops up. They just think, oh, I've got back pain. Oh, I've got, you know, stomach pain. Oh, I've got this pain. Oh, I don't feel very good. Oh, I kind of feel anxious thoughts. It's the universe speaking to you and saying, hey, you need to make some changes.

And I always say the universe speaks to you in a whisper. And if you don't listen, it's going to eventually speak to you in a slap. And I always say the universe speaks to you in a whisper. And if you don't listen, it's going to eventually speak to you in a slap. It's the feeling of the feather or after the feather, it is the brick. And then after the brick, it is the truck. The universe will come and it'll kind of whisper to you. You got to be quiet.

It'll kind of take a feather and tickle you with a feather. Hey, you need to stop doing this. You need to move. You need to do something different. You need to quit this job. You need to get out of this relationship with this person. And you don't listen long enough. Then instead of a feather, it's going to come up with a brick and it's going to hit you with a brick. Something's going to happen. Who knows what it is, but it's going to be some form of a brick. It's going to be much more, much more painful than the feather is.

And then if you don't listen for even longer, another year, two years, three years, five years, then the truck comes and it's like getting hit by a truck. And so it's knowing that these are all going to come up and all of these come up for your growth. But here's the problem with pain and discomfort. And it's not even a problem with pain and discomfort. It's a problem with the way that we view pain and discomfort is people fear discomfort. People try to avoid discomfort. They try to get away from it at all costs because there's a part of our brain, the amygdala, that makes us think that if we are in discomfort, that we're in danger. We should avoid it at all costs because there's something wrong.

The beautiful thing about discomfort is it's showing you where you need to grow. It's showing you where you're not capable yet. It's showing you the edge of your comfort zone. The word discomfort implies that in the opposite of the discomfort is your comfort zone. What's the opposite of discomfort? Well, being in your comfort zone. Discomfort, the opposite of it, comfort. And here's the thing that you have to realize. Look around you and look at your entire life. Look at everything that you have, all that you've gotten, everything that's around you, everything good, everything bad, everything that's indifferent. You have already gotten the maximum that you can inside of your comfort zone. So if you've been stuck in your comfort zone for a year,

two years, three years, five years, 10 years, and you look around you, you realize that you've probably had the same things, the same type of life for the same amount of time you should be stuck inside of your comfort zone. You have already accomplished the maximum that you can inside of your comfort zone. So what does that mean? Damn, I need to push myself outside of my comfort zone and be discomfort. I don't know what the right word would be right there. I've got to feel the discomfort and be okay with it. I've got to feel the fear. I've got to feel the pain. I've got to feel the applied suffering and that will make me grow. Hey, you spend one third of your life on a mattress and few things are worse than sleeping on a crappy mattress and then waking up and being

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So if you're looking for a new mattress, check out birchliving.com slash dial. Birch is giving $200 off all mattresses and two free EcoRest pillows at birchliving.com slash dial. That's $200 off all mattresses and two EcoRest pillows at birchliving.comI-R-C-H, living.com slash dial. And people stay in their comfort zones forever. I love it. I don't necessarily say I love it, but I love to see the example of when I go to an event and I speak with people and I say, hey, raise your hand if you've been stuck in your comfort zone for six months. Pretty much everybody's hand goes up. I say, okay, keep your hand up if you've been stuck

in your comfort zone for longer than a year. keep your hand up. If you've been stuck in your comfort zone for two years, three years, five years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years, and people's hands stay up. They stay inside of their comfort zone because they don't realize, they don't pay attention to their feelings and ask themselves, what are these feelings? They just listen to them and just immediately just go with what they are. So they feel the discomfort. They feel the pain. They feel the little bit of discomfort that they have, and then they back away versus

going, okay, let me look at everything that's going on in my life. Ask yourself this. When I'm feeling discomfort towards something, I'm going to ask myself this question. Is this going to kill me? Is this waking up and going for a two mile run? Is it going to kill me? No. Okay.

That's good to know. Next question. Could this help me grow? This could help me grow. If I were to do this two mile run, it could help me grow. And then here's an important question. Am I safe? One of the things I think that people don't notice the most is that they immediately don't do what they need to do because there's a part of their brain that makes them think that they're unsafe, but they've never actually consciously brought

the feeling up and said, hey, what am I feeling? All right, I'm kind of feeling unsafe right now. Am I safe? I am. Okay, let me turn that part of my brain off. Going for a two-mile run is not going to kill me. It's going to help me grow and I will be safe the entire time. Let's say that you're in a sales position. You need to make 75 phone calls a day and you're sitting there going, I don't know if I want to make these 75 phone calls. Ask yourself the question, is it going to kill me? No, it's not going to kill me if it makes 75 phone calls. Would it help me grow? Yes, because I'm pushing myself out of what I want to do. And it's also going to make my bank account grow if I make the 75 phone

calls. Okay. Last question. Am I safe? I am safe. Okay. So the only thing that's holding me back at this point is me. I can make a decision to not do it or to do it. But what I've done is I've taken the parts of my brain that hold me back, that try to keep me in my comfort zone, and I've turned them down just a little bit so I don't have to listen to them anymore. You've got to get out of your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die. Discomfort is your friend. Most people don't think about that. Your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die. Discomfort is your friend. You should seek discomfort. Because if you look at the life that you have, I'm guessing you're probably listening to this podcast episode because your life might be amazing. It might be great. But you have this

feeling that you have more potential inside of you, right? That's what you feel inside of you is that you have more potential. So if you've got this feeling of more potential, the only way to bring it out is to force yourself to grow to bring it out, which means that if I stay in my comfort zone, I'll never actualize or realize my true potential. But if I seek discomfort and I push myself outside of my comfort zone constantly, I will then eventually grow. So comfort is not my friend. Discomfort is my friend. In order to get your body to grow, what do you have to do? You've got to push it. You've got to put it through applied suffering you've got to do things that you

don't want to do sometimes if you if you want your body to grow if you want bigger muscles you've got to be uncomfortable what do you have to do you have to push yourself you have to sweat you have to hurt but what happens your body is an amazing piece of machinery it comes back and grows stronger that's the beautiful thing about it. Your brain and your mindset work exactly the same way that your muscles do. Neuroplasticity, which is the act of actually changing your brain and building new neurological pathways in your brain. Neuroplasticity and your brain changing doesn't happen from doing the same shit that you've been doing for the past seven years. It doesn't. Your

brain only changes when you do something different. Your brain only changes when you change. So if you wake up and do the same thing and go through the same routine, you wake up on the same side of the bed, you brush your teeth through your same hand that you always have your entire life, you build the same exact breakfast, you take the exact same way to work, you talk to the same people, you do the exact same phone calls, you have the same meetings. You drive the same way home back to work. You have the same microwavable food. You watch the same shows. Your life is not going to change at all. You can't just think that you do the exact same thing today that you did yesterday and magically life's going to be different. No. Neuroplasticity and changing your brain,

the act of changing your body comes from doing what you've never done before. You have to seek discomfort. The life that you want is on the other side of your discomfort. So when you think about that, is this going to kill me? No, it's not. Could this help me grow? Yes, absolutely it will. Am I safe? And if you go through those, you have to force yourself into doing what you need to do. If you want to do something that you have never done before, you've got to apply some form of suffering into it. You've got to know that there's going to be some form of suffering, but you got to push yourself to do it anyways. So I'm going to give you an assignment if you choose to accept it, everyone who's listening right now, I've given this assignment before. I've mentioned this before, and I love getting the stories back on Instagram and people

always tell me about it. I want you to do something today, right now, that makes you completely uncomfortable. I'll give you a couple of examples that I've given people. And I've gotten these from, I think it was Tim Ferriss. Someone said on Tim Ferriss' podcast, I think it was Noah Kagan that said it. Go into a coffee shop today. And while you're ordering coffee, you're about to order coffee, just lay down on the ground. Just do it. Do something that you've never done before. Do something that makes you feel completely uncomfortable. Why? Because then you start getting used to the feelings of uncomfort and realizing that the feeling of uncomfort doesn't mean potential death. Lay down in a coffee shop. Do it. I love it when I tell people to do this because then I get videos

and I get tagged on Instagram of people that are doing it. They're in their stories. I had a video one time of a girl that was in Walmart and she laid down in the middle of Walmart and people came up to her and they're like, honey, are you okay? And she's like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just hanging out. Right? Like, it's just funny to see. Why not do it? I got another assignment for you. Ask for a 20% discount the next time you buy something. No reason. Just ask for it. One time I gave this as an assignment to a group of people that I was coaching. One girl went out and asked for a 20% discount and she was buying an $800 bag and they gave her the 20% discount. She got $160 off. No reason.

They just gave it to her. It seems silly. But why not? Why not do the things that make you uncomfortable? If you feel uncomfortable, you should get used to that feeling. Do it anyways. Why are you afraid of doing it? Why are you afraid of asking for a discount?

Why are you afraid of laying on a floor? People are like, oh, because the floor is dirty. No, it's not because the floor is dirty. It's because it's something that's your programmed that you're not supposed to do. As a child, you would have no problem laying on the ground. You've either been programmed that laying on the floor is the wrong thing to do, or you've been programmed that the floor is so dirty

that somehow you're going to catch some weird thing off of the floor and you're going to die from it. You have to get used to pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. You have to get used to being uncomfortable. Become comfortable being uncomfortable. That is the act of applied

suffering. And that is how you grow your mind. That's how you grow your body. That's how you grow your life. And that's how you really find out what your true potential is. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. Please tag us on Instagram. Put me on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.